Fruits Of Our Labours
by Richard Banker
Summary: This is the sequel to Unfinished Business. It finally sees what happens to Jim Fenner and sees the most unexpected and alarming consequences of Helen and Nikki's run of successes against the establishment. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters within, belong to either Shed Productions or the BBC. All feedback welcome. Scene One

Nikki Wade nervously picked up the slim document headed "An Investigation into HMP Larkhall - its implications for women's prisons," by Nikki Wade of the Howard League for Penal Reform, turning to her boss, Paul Williams for reassurance. She had written an internal report last September but since then, Paul had had second thoughts on how best to use it. It was apparent that his bright and hard working subordinate had uncovered material that cut deeper than he had first considered. It seemed symptomatic of the state of the deteriorating state of the prison service in general. Nikki had been both flattered and nervous when she was asked to expand on her original findings. Now she was going into print with a full-scale publication designed for wider consumption outside her organization.

"Is this really my work? It looks different when it's been committed to print."

"You underestimate yourself, Nikki. I've never wanted someone immersed in all the standard clichés to do this report. I wanted someone clear thinking, fair-minded and above all else someone who had been there. Even after all this time, you still have this lingering feeling that you need to apologies for your time spent at Larkhall Prison, don't you. You must remember that it is a unique grounding experience."

Paul Williams' clear penetrating eyes went right through Nikki. Of course he'd got it right. He was a guy in a million.

"You don't miss a thing. OK Paul, I promise to write that down as my mantra and repeat it to myself in moments of self doubt," she answered with that note of gentle irony. Paul knew that Nikki had listened very closely to him and was totally sincere in her thanks.

"This organization has so much to thank you for just being here. I see my role in giving you any helpful pointers and letting you fly by yourself. When this publication hits the streets, my job is to take the heat from the press and the political establishment. Just remember that I'm here to take the heat as I'm paid more than you and also, well, I like to think I'm a mate of yours."

"Thanks a million, Paul," Nikki replies, flushing with warm affection for the guy. "This feels strange and I'm still not too used to being treated this kindly."

"Don't mention it Nikki," was his casual reply, which neatly understated his feelings.

"I suppose the right wing press and the apparatchiks in the Home Office will be after our blood," mused Nikki aloud after a pause for reflection, neatly deploying her favourite John Deed phrase. Her sharp ear savoured the sharpness of the meaning so much that she had made the word hers.

"I've gone through it with a fine tooth comb and there aren't any cracks in it. We are truth seekers, unafraid of what we might find. We are armed with it. At least that's what I was brought up to believe. They've got much more reason to be shit scared as, deep down, they have that sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere is holding out on them. To be top of the shit heap in their institutions doesn't necessarily make them strong. In our organization, we look after everyone, including the filing clerk "

Nikki returned to examine the preface with which she had started the report. She recalled how Helen had been incredibly helpful and supportive and that Paul Williams had rigorously tested the report, that no conclusion remained unsupported by evidence. When she was done, it had been committed to print and, finally after months of slaving over the report, here it was.

"………There is a willful reluctance by the medical unit attached to the prison in abandoning the previous system of deploying freely available NHS medical records. It is difficult to understand why it ignores the obvious truth that prisoners have past lives in society. Instead, it operates by a biased and judgmental approach that categories and stigmatizes, especially where it cannot understand what is before it. Regrettably, this same mindset tends to permeate the wing I chose to select for study with the result that far too many prison officers are inducted into this culture when they are young and impressionable. Where the one part of the prison service could have enlightened and assisted the other, both sides end up confirming mutually shared prejudices. There are honourable exceptions, of course, but these officers are far too often marginalized and made to feel so. The lynchpin of this system is the Principal Officer who is a vital source of information and guidance - in both directions - between prison management and ordinary prison officers. Regrettably, this potential has been flagrantly abused in controlling and manipulating information for personal advantage, as I shall later demonstrate in more detail.

The management style is heavily focused on currently fashionable commercial ideas of profit, even after one attempt to privatize the prison most fortunately fell through. This was no coincidence . Publicity for a charitable presentation of a wheelchair for the disabled son of a prisoner was hijacked by Lynfords Security to boost their profile for the takeover only to be hijacked in turn by the spirited resistance of a group of prisoners whose only demand was that Lynfords should drop their bid.From this writer's background research on other privatized prisons, conditions for both prison officers and prisons have substantially deteriorated, as the humanizing side of the prison service is seen as a needless expense to be cut back on. Instead, it relies on the heavy use of surveillance cameras whose intrusiveness negates the attempt to create a secure environment. Even now, it pervades the management ethos- examples being the educational facilities which are not encouraged beyond the minimum, the disbandment of the 'lifer's unit' of which this writer has direct knowledge of. Most disturbing is the 'weekly spends' system, which should run on 'nil profit' basis is run on a profit basis for no clear reason. There is a critical period in the run up to release date when prisoners should be enabled to be prepared to find their way in the world outside prison and no resources are put into this area. This matches, in a disjointed fashion the cynical expectation amongst prison officers that discharged prisoners are expected to return there sooner or later. Consequently, both management style and the dominant prison officer culture are therefore at best irrelevant to the needs of a modern prison system.

Consequently, there are a multiple set of problems which each feed off each other in the prison organization – before this writer even starts to describe the plight of the prisoners."

She looked at it and thought, yeah, it's pretty fluent and smiled at the final sentence, which combined her analytical style with her sense of irony. She shrugged her shoulders and concluded that if Paul was so enthusiastic, it must be good. All the same, she had that

strange feeling that she'd assembled together a stash of dynamite and that the force of the explosion would surprise her more than anyone else.

********

"So here you are at last, sweetheart. Your first publication and I would bet, not your last," Helen said, in tones of glowing pride for her partner. She felt as positive about it as much as if she had written the report.

"I could never have done it without your encouragement. It feels a bit off in taking all the credit."

"Nonsense," pronounced Helen." I'm not greedy for the spotlight. Let's face it, I would have extreme difficulty in writing about the prison service, which dumped on me from day one. I wonder you can contemplate it and be so objective after what you've been through. I'm happy to cheer you on from the sidelines."

Instantly, the dark haired woman's thoughts slid into a parallel dimension. The time they had lived together had been such that life before that date seemed unreal and had slid into another dimension. True, Nikki thought, her life with Trisha had had its special flavour but it didn't interfere with the here and now, especially as they were such good friends. It wasn't even the case that the first period of living together was one of lustful sex that had gradually diminished over time. Instead, their love and friendship had become more intimate and had explored depths of shared experience while the feelings of sexual desire had become more knowing. She could never believe that Helen had had any reservations about her sexuality, which fitted over her like a glove. When Nikki had laboured long and hard over her work, she had felt Helen's presence always nearby and this spurred her on to elaborate or revise parts she'd been doubtful about. For a reason Helen couldn't put her finger on, she had refrained from directly intruding on her partner's efforts.

"A penny for your thoughts, babes," Helen said into her lover's faraway expression on her face.

"You can have them for free, darling. I was just thinking about how you're always there for me," pronounced Nikki, veering round to give the smaller woman a lingering kiss on her lips before carrying on in a more reflective tone of voice. "Thinking about it, I got to know much more about the prison system than the average prisoner. I'm not sure where my own observations stopped and where conversations with you began. Still, it's only the icing on the cake."

"So that is all my expertise is worth, Ms Wade? You have a lot of making up to do for that remark," Helen protested, her arms linked around Nikki's waist and grinning from ear to ear as she mischievously teased her partner.

"And won't I know it? I know just how long making up can take. My tongue gets tired and I get a crick in my neck, " groaned Nikki

"Ah, but there is a reward at the end of it. Come on, admit it, babes you love it."

"Is this a punishment or a proposition?" Nikki asked, carefully setting the slim document down out of harms way. They had eaten and had got cleared away and that feeling started to rise up in her that the evening was theirs for the asking.

"Whichever way you want to take me," came the sultry answer as the smaller woman fixed her lover with her green eyes.

Immediately her pulse started racing. Helen had that turn of tone and phrase that look in her eye that never failed to rouse her, especially when her lover was now delicately caressing her curves. Nikki reached forwards and twined her arms round the smaller woman's neck with a blissful smile on her face. They were in paradise. They were both feeling especially bonded by the good news of Nikki's publication so that making love tenderly flowed naturally out of their feelings.

Helen pulled the taller woman forwards and her soft lips pressed against Nikki's and her tongue eagerly sought out the other woman's. They tumbled sideways onto the large, comfortable reddish patterned sofa, Helen on top of her lover. The taller woman sighed blissfully as their mouths met and her fingers stroked the well-known contours of her face. It was as if she could so easily sculpt an image of Helen, so well did she physically know her. In the meantime, Helen's fingers expertly unbuttoned her shirt with smooth facility and those lips tasted the smooth silky skin that her senses desired. In the meantime, Nikki expertly unzipped her lover's casual top and felt her hands guided to her lover's gorgeous breasts. A rush of desire swept through Helen as she felt how physically and mentally attuned they were to each other. They could wait until they got to their bedroom, Helen considered, as she let Nikki unclip her black lacy bra but that would be just too much. In no time at all, their clothes were strewn on the floor in an untidy heap and Helen ran her lips and fingers all over Nikki's body. They whispered sweet endearments to each other, the sort of stray thoughts that had lingered in the backs of their memories and now naturally coming out of their mouths. Finally, Helen's fingers slid down Nikki's flat stomach and edged their way into where her desires were concentrated while Nikki's arms cradled her lover. The taller woman writhed her way finally to a climax and was dizzy with happiness.

They couldn't remind each other how good it felt to be free to express their love for each other in the most natural way possible as they finally slid off the sofa and Nikki landed on top of the brown haired woman. She owed it to their love to kiss and caress Helen as they lay there on the soft carpet.


	2. Chapter 2

Scene Two

Karen couldn't believe herself as she woke up to realize that she had such a personal purpose in her life. She wondered with astonishment just how she had slipped through that invisible barrier that had held her back from being herself. Some random event had taken her feet to that magical club and she had slipped into a fast moving river so that events had been taken out of her control. She might have felt angst that she was losing control of her life, but strangely enough she didn't. She felt that she had gladly surrendered that part of her destiny, of which she hadn't make sense and she couldn't now wait to see what the future held for her. She was more certain than of anything in her life that whatever fate had overtaken her was really what she wanted. Now she had a reason to wake up and rejoice in a brand new day rather than fear what a merciless fate might have in store. She reclined luxuriously in bed as the winter sunshine shimmered in through her bedroom window. It was strange that in all this time she had never noticed it but her heightened sensibilities felt alive within her.

Welling energy within her drove her to slip a pair of jeans and pullover on and make an early morning cup of coffee and light up a cigarette. Her vow to cut back on cigarettes and booze was easy enough for her as she could indulge herself in a more pleasurable alternative. In the past, she'd used it blot out the grim threatening walls of reality that had been closing in on her and, yes, to put some distance between herself and loneliness. It was in a quiet contemplative moment that the phone rang.

"Hiya, Karen. I thought I'd find out how you're keeping these days," came Nikki's friendly tones," you know, you're not too much at a loose end."

Karen saw through the other woman's oh so innocent concern for her welfare at once. Nikki was genuinely good hearted but even if she wasn't inquisitive, Karen knew for sure that Helen was dying to know the news.

"Do you mean to ask, am I still dating that gorgeous dark haired woman who I got off with at Chix? The answer to that one is a definite yes. If you want all the lurid details, the answer is that I had the most fantastic night of pure sex that I've ever had in my life that night. I don't think Beth was complaining either," came Karen's emphatic reply with a hint of self-satisfaction at the end.

"It's good to hear that you had a good time. During the run up to the trial, Helen and I were getting seriously worried about you," Nikki answered with an undertone of polite concern in her voice.

"Can I ask you one question? Did you and that matchmaking partner of yours set me up on a blind date? I can distinctly remember Helen saying,'Oh but you must come with us, Karen. Better this than back to your flat on your own.' I have to hand it to her, she really pulled out all the stops," Karen demanded, a forceful note in her voice which couldn't betray a lurking undertone of affection for these two minxes.

"Do you really believe that we could think that we could lure you, Karen Betts, with all your straight credentials, away from men? In any case, are you really complaining?" replied Nikki, smoothly bouncing back with India rubber rapidity. Helen's loud laughter was clearly audible in the background as she got the drift of the conversation.

"Well, er no," confessed Karen lamely," but it's the principle at stake."

"So when are you seeing Beth again?" persisted Nikki impishly.

"As it happens, I've got a date with her in a few hours time. I'm sure we'll pick up where we left off last time. You get the picture?" Karen said in her silkiest tone of voice.

"We're really pleased for you, Karen. From what we know of Beth you'll be good for each other. I don't mean in just the obvious sense."

"I must admit, my senses tell me that life is looking up even though the other part of me feels I'm taking a step into the unknown."

"I can relate to that from what Helen said when we first started out together…..Err, Karen, we didn't really set out to matchmake just to get the record straight. We just knew very well that if you'd gone home to your flat, everything would have felt like an anticlimax. We wanted you to have a good time in whatever form it happened to take."

"I know you did. You're both friends in a million,"Karen said, with real natural warmth in her voice before it edged into desire"…..and now, I admit to tingling all over at seeing that woman of mine very soon."

"See you around and…good luck," concluded Nikki.

Karen put the phone down, a broad smile spreading across her felt good to be validated in her choice of lover. It felt strange talking naturally and easily to Nikki. Whoever would have thought that she was once paid to lock her up for a living, certainly not Karen. She drifted off to shower and then pick out the best of her wardrobe. Beth liked to see her in above the knee dresses and, come to think of it, so did Karen.

Once she'd possessed an extensive collection of makeup but in the past few months, it had lasted better than she might have expected. Only when she's appeared in court or seen her friends had she even thought in such terms. Now, she busied herself in making herself look attractive and, ready for the world, she set off down the street.

Half an hour later, she strolled nonchalantly into the local 'Starbucks' and ran her eye expectantly over the people but there was no sign of Beth. Her spirits dropped sharply and left her feeling at a loss as to what to do next. Long dormant memories of dates in her adolescence prompted her to get a coffee and a table for herself and see what happened next. She lit a cigarette and became uncomfortably aware that casual public gaze would see her as a single attractive woman and all that it entailed. After all, she didn't have 'L' stamped on her forehead. A few minutes later, she realized that she had made a mistake. She was getting the sort of company she absolutely didn't want.

"I was going to see my mates at the pub but as soon as I saw you, I prefer feminine company."

"I wish I had a quid for every time I've heard that old line and the joke is, I'm no longer in the market for this sort of crap."

"What about, you've got nice legs as well?"

The man was young, clean cut, and his carefully applied smile and smoothly assertive manner coaxed her to just the sort of dangerous entanglement that had once enticed her. For a split second, she hovered on the edge before a sudden access of anger drove her to give this man the brush off. The fact that she was confronting a man not too dissimilar to Ritchie Atkins struck her as very symbolic right now. The chat up line was identical. This time, it would be different because her response was that critical bit different and, above all else, she had changed.

"What you don't know is that I prefer feminine company these days and she's got nice legs as well."

"You're joking, a good looking woman like you. Come off it, you don't know what you're missing."

"Why can't you take a direct 'no, I'm definitely not interested.'I don't want you in my space," Karen exploded with frustration. All her hopes and dreams were with Beth, and not this arrogant upstart.

Just at that moment, a familiar hand placed itself over hers. Karen's heart leapt inside her as deliverance came at last. She immediately stood up and turned towards her lover who looked totally ravishing. Karen swooned inside at her beauty. This was what she wanted.

"Darling, I'm so glad you've come. You've come not a moment too soon," she exclaimed.

She sank into the other woman's arms and planted little kisses on the other woman's cheek before pressing her lips firmly against her lover's as long for as long as she dared in a busy café. She moved slightly away but linked her hand with those slim fingers and leaned against the dark haired woman.

"You better go and join your drinking mates after all. As you can see, you're wasting your time trying to chat me up," she said scornfully.

The man finally got the message, turned red in the face and shot off before his public humiliation could get any worse than it already was.

"I'm terribly sorry for being late, sweetheart. I feel guilty at letting you in for being hit on like that," Beth said in an apologetic tone of voice. She had been shocked to turn the corner into the alcove and saw her lover being accosted in this way and had resolved to intervene only Karen had said everything that needed saying.

"Never mind, sweetheart, he's gone and you're here now," said Karen, her practical nature coming to the fore." Let's sit here for a while as I feel pretty shaken."

All at once, the lonely corner of the café became a place of shelter, where their surroundings faded into the distance as did the background murmuring conversations. The regular customers returned to their private business after the sudden commotion and studiously tried to avoid looking at the two women. Neither woman paid them any mind. Karen felt herself enfolded by the aura of love radiating from Beth who continued to caress her hand. Both knew that this was a token of the feelings between them both as they smiled warmly at each other. They felt as private as ever they needed to be in public.

In a dreamlike state, the second coffee appeared on their table and both mugs of coffee seemed to last a long time. They were busy drinking in each other's eyes.

"You always give the impression of being very strong, sweetheart."

"Yeah, well, I used to be a wing governor in a prison….I paid enough dues….God, that sounds a long time ago. I'm strong enough except that sometimes I need saving from myself," came the meditative, slightly disconsolate reply." That's been my big problem outside of being framed for hit and run murders."

"You were putting up enough of a fight giving that creep the brush off."

"Only because of you, darling," came the dreamy response as Karen propped her chin up with her free hand and turned her warm smile on to the dark haired woman who felt so deliciously good about herself. "What about you? You've not talked much about yourself. I need to know everything about you."

"I've had a comfortable enough life, done all the conventional things that are expected of a woman except who I fell in love with. I came to the big city to find myself and I've been trying to find myself since then."

"What do you do for a living if I might ask?"

"As a matter of fact, I'm a journalist," Beth confessed to Karen's idle question.

Karen's eyes opened wide with shock and horror as she sat up bolt upright with shock. Only paralysis left her hand clasped in Beth's.

"Hey, don't get the wrong idea. I'm a junior writer on the Independent and get onto page twelve, if I'm lucky. I'm not one of those monsters in the tabloids who butcher innocent people in print and laugh about it afterwards. I could tell you some stories about their kind."

"You're sure?" Karen asked with beseeching eyes, clearly wanting to believe.

"The reason I'm dating you is not what I can exploit you for but because I'm in love with you. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Come here honey," Beth urged soothingly, reaching out to take Karen in her arms.

The dark haired woman could feel the tension ease out of Karen's body and she kissed Beth softly on her neck and cheek. There was nothing to fear now, her perfumed aura was telling Karen as the winter sunlight streamed through the restaurant windows. It felt as if they were both in a waking dream as life flowed on all around them.

It was when Beth paid for the coffees and they finally left this sanctuary that she looked questioningly at Karen. For that split second, there was the question that they might both wake up out of the dream. They were about to walk down the public street so how would Karen react? With great determination, the blond haired woman slipped her arm round Beth's waist and felt the curve of her hip. With a sigh of relief, the dark haired draped her arm round Karen's shoulders. In her mind's eye, this dreamy atmosphere was reality.


	3. Chapter 3

**Scene Three**

Jo Mills' eyes opened wide as she returned to London and took in the feel of the metropolis with fresh eyes. She had worked away from London for the past six months to see pastures anew and to gain fresh experience. She had accustomed herself to the smaller scale of judicial life in what was still dismissively called the Provinces and realized some contemporaries felt narrow- mindedly that the North didn't start at Hatfield but how different and varied life was. The English Language was accented in widely different ways in contrast with what she, as an obvious Southerner, was accustomed to believe. She got to revel in the smaller scale bustle of human scale cities and the goings on of the Metropolis felt at one remove. She accustomed herself to the reduced scale of culture and that she couldn't automatically take in the latest arts gallery on the South Bank. She had had to think small and appreciate what was there.

Then came the time when the attractions of what she'd remembered to proved too much for her. After all, London was where she had been at home for so many years. Working up north was an interesting experiment, which had added to her stock of knowledge of the world but it wasn't going to become a permanent part of her lifestyle. She made all the arrangements to secure her place in chambers as before and said goodbye to those she had got to know. She made all the necessary transport arrangements and was speeding off down the motorway, her foot pressing the accelerator to the floor as her car ate up the miles. The numbers of miles to London gradually dwindled down until she came off the motorway and she headed back to her flat. When she saw her old home, she felt delirious with joy as her surroundings were just as she'd remembered it. She packed her belongings carefully away, just the way she wanted it. When she was finished, she hurried off to her old surroundings. As the Old Bailey came into sight, feelings of affection greeted her and when she entered the doors, ushers still recognized her and chattered to her. She flushed with pleasure as she set out on her tour of exploration and rediscovery of her roots.

It took her only a few days to meet old faces and catch up with what had happened while she'd been away. Most striking of all was the discovery that John had unaccountably broken with his tendency to hit some periodic emotional crisis and act disgracefully. Instead of the brethren wondering whether or not to excommunicate him, John had become a solid citizen, especially after leading the successful rebellion against the attempt by the Home Office to limit the powers of the judiciary. The stories of that rebellion were being affectionately recounted, gaining extra colour in their retelling.

It was on her fourth day back in London that the neat, shoulder length blond hair and familiar smart suit of an old antagonist came into view. It could only be George Channing. She called out to her and was delighted to see her turn round and wave at her. George even made her way over to her. It was surely an omen of how her return to London would shape up.

"Hi Jo. It's lovely to see you again. Where have you been hibernating all this time?" George asked in the friendliest tone of voice, giving her a quick hug and kiss. This was the first glimpse of how things had changed as the two women had had a long track record of bitter enmity. George's manner seemed subtly different that Jo couldn't put her finger on. For a start, she seemed totally sincere even if she was as mannered.

"I'd sublet my flat and been practicing up north. I've seen a lot of municipal County Court buildings and seen part of the other side of life."

"The usual social rounds of the legal profession can be pretty restricting. All the same faces you see in court day after day can be too much of a good thing when you want variety."

"The last time I saw you was right after you won the Crown versus Sally Anne Howe case. You put up a good performance. If I remember rightly, you were heading off to some lesbian club or other."

"Yes, and I remember your totally spurious pretext of having to prepare for your court case. It's either that or you have no staying power these days."

"My reason was totally genuine. I hate being half prepared and being made a fool of in court," Jo shot back a bit curtly. Instantly, she was psyched up for hostilities to be recommenced.

"Darling, forgive me my teasing. Whatever reasons you didn't go are entirely your own business. I really am glad to see you again."

Jo was completely nonplussed at George's reaction. For a start, George had never called her 'darling' in her life and for another, she hadn't flared back at Jo as she'd expected. She'd actually made a gracious apology. A fourth point crossed her mind. George had had free access to John for months and ought to have resented Jo's reentry into the London world but there wasn't a trace of this reaction.

"That's very kind of you, George. It's nice renewing past acquaintances," came the stiff-necked reply.

"I've learnt to value real relationships much more than I ever did," George responded without a trace of any masked attitude.

"Have you seen much of John recently?" Jo asked in a definitely over- casual manner.

"I come across him from time to time. We are good friends, certainly much more since I got rid of that fearful ex of mine who seriously wants to rule the world. Of course, that's why I drove Daddy, John and Morag to their outrageously headline-grabbing protest demonstration. They did frightfully well so I can't sneer at them."

"I was wondering if you see me as a threat, coming between you and John?" Jo said, finally plucking up the courage to ask the question that had been nagging at her. She wanted to be sure of the ground rules between them.

"Good heavens, no," laughed George." Whatever the barriers there were between the two of us, they are well and truly out of the way. Besides, my interests are in an entirely different direction."

"The last time we talked, you sounded far less money minded and materialistic than I've ever known you. In fact, I would go as far as to say that we're more or less in the same club."

"I wouldn't go as far as that, Jo. My new partner is certainly a vast improvement on Neil Haughton. I wouldn't even think of them being part of the same human race," George smirked in a way that puzzled Jo.

"That's fine as long as you've found a decent caring man and he has a completely different temperament than Neil Haughton, George," Jo advised her earnestly." There aren't enough of them around these days, believe you me."

A smile curved George's lips. She couldn't believe how touchingly innocent and misguided Jo Mills was. She had been dropping one hint after another to Jo and she'd totally failed to pick up on them..

"So what's this new man like, George? I'm intrigued."

"Well, my new partner is a social worker, tall, dark haired, sensitive, compassionate and has really got me to soften up and not be too domineering. I mean this is a real love match."

"Wow, I'm truly impressed. Where did you meet him?"

"At 'Chix', that lesbian club you saw me heading off to."

Jo's face was a picture of incomprehension. What was a man doing at a lesbian club, Jo's mind was thinking and hitting a brick wall? By George's standards, he was down market.

"I don't understand, George. You've totally lost me."

"I mean my partner is called Alice."

"You mean that……."

"I'm a lesbian. Great, isn't it?"

George realized that she'd put this card carrying liberal, defender of all minorities in an exquisitely awkward dilemma. Worse still, she'd suddenly dropped on Jo a situation, which was further away from her imaginings as it was possible to get. She knew that super straight Jo Mills hadn't the faintest idea how she should feel about the situation.

"A lesbian? You? After all these years? I don't understand."

"It's perfectly simple, Jo. I must have absorbed the way that Sally Anne and her partner Trisha were comfortable with each other while I handled her case. On a sheer whim, I joined the party at Chix and saw Alice from the other side of the dance floor and our eyes connected. It answered a lot of questions in my life I never knew existed. It's where I belong. I socialize regularly there these days."

"Are you sure you're a lesbian?" Jo Mills heard herself blurt out. She instantly felt totally foolish at the stupidity of her question. To her intense relief, George covered for her very kind-heartedly.

"If you're wondering how I was married to John, bore his child, had affairs with very well placed men and at my time in life fell in love with a woman, well you might well wonder. The simple truth was that it happened. You must remember Nikki Wade and her partner Helen. Well, the truth was that Helen had had a string of boyfriends until she met Nikki and found out what love was really about. The same happened to me only it happened further on down the line. Alice is such a darling and so good for me. I only hope that she gets as much from me in return."

"I hear what you're saying, George. God, I'm having trouble in getting my head round this," Jo frankly confessed.

"I don't wonder, Jo. Just sleep on it and give it time. You also have to remember that I'm not in competition with you anymore for John so you don't have to feel insecure about me."

"So how is John these days?" Jo asked quickly, eager to get onto neutral ground.

"You remember the protest demonstration over Neil Haughton's stupid decision to get judges to be ciphers of the Home Office? Well, John is well set up with the brethren. The good news is that he's handling his insecurities a lot better. Instead of going out and seducing the worst choice of woman imaginable, he goes over to see Nikki and Helen and talks to them. They help keep him on the straight and narrow and, in return, he has quite a following amongst the lesbian community. They know that he was such a stickler for justice in Nikki's reappeal and Sally's case."

"There's such a lot that's changed since I've been away," Jo found herself saying on automatic pilot in a dazed kind of way.

"Hasn't it just," grinned George mischievously." What matters most of all is that we can be friends these days. You must understand that I don't entertain a collection of frightful, callous, greedy minded men these days. My company these days are with very caring women who I actually want to be with. Alice and I are bound up with them. We really look after each other. It's not just the sex, please believe me."

Jo was much moved by the gentleness of George's manner but the core of her feeling was how she'd betrayed her best friend, Mel so many years ago. She could have been the bass player in her band but the only problem was that Mel had fallen in love with her. Her abstract sense of social justice supported George all the way and she could see the ultimate logic of George's position. The problem was that too much emotional baggage was dragging her down.

"Don't worry, George. I'll see you around. We can't possibly have the kind of rows inside and outside court we used to have."

George wasn't fooled by the friendly, joking tone of Jo's remarks. She sensed an undertone, which Jo wasn't revealing. As someone who had worn her own mask so successfully for years, she knew the signs a mile away.

******

"Jo. I'm delighted to see you. Why didn't you tell me you were coming back? Why don't you come up to my chambers for a chat." beamed John. Despite her long-standing reservations, she allowed her feet to take her up the familiar path to his chambers. Jo heaved a sigh of relief. At least everything here was exactly as she remembered and so did John. Coope turned her back briefly to her from the work she had been engrossed with and smiled slightly at her. Her alert eyes were scanning Jo with minute accuracy and cross-referencing it with her comprehensive knowledge of all the comings and goings in court life.

She allowed herself to accept a drink and started chatting about her experiences, as the sensation of traveling through so many miles was still fresh in her mind. All the time, she cast an acute eye on John. The question in her mind was how much had John changed since she'd been away, especially after what George had told her. She was not to be disappointed in his responses.

"I thought you'd ask about George sooner or later," John chuckled dryly as he sipped a glass of mineral water." She told you about her new partner, didn't she? I haven't actually met Alice but Joseph has. She is said to be very sweet and womanly and a good influence on George. You seem surprised? I can read you like a book."

Jo was startled at John's stark directness as John spoke in such a direct manner. This wasn't the John Deed she had known who was so skilled in covering up his feelings and moving obliquely in personal manners.

"I'm interested in how accepting you are of the situation, John."

"I wasn't always as cool, calm and collected about the matter as you see right now. It happened just when the barriers between George and I were coming down, political and personal. It disturbed me but I had the sense to handle it the right way."

"That's a new one for you, John," Jo said in amused tones. To her surprise, John wasn't provoked into meaningless verbal fencing but stuck to the point.

"Instead of behaving in a self destructive fashion, I went round to Nikki and Helen's flat and talked it over with them. They've got my number all right. They dealt with my feelings of rejection and suspicion that my card-carrying liberalism didn't stand up to close scrutiny. They let me sleep on the sofa which was a most fortunate move."

"What?" Jo said incredulously. John was rapidly putting her through changes in perspectives that were hurting my head. "You wouldn't normally be safe in a woman's flat."

"They're true friends of mine, Jo. There are limits in what I can talk to friends like Monty. Nikki and Helen are really good in matters of the heart. Because they're lesbians , they are untouchable and safe. Besides, it would be a gross betrayal of myself, of all my beliefs. Don't you see, I put myself in the hands of the two women with whom nothing could possibly happen untoward? It sounds strange but it works. I just hope that I can give back to them in the same coin. I know that they and their friends were in the crowd that witnessed my protest so I must have some kind of credibility with them."

A clear light was shining out of John's eyes to Jo. She began to realize that this was a different man to the one she had known. All the old rules were obsolete. She did wonder if her deep rooted feelings and memories could adjust to this.


	4. Chapter 4

Scene Four

"All right. Someone has to be bossy around here," George proclaimed in her most forceful tones." It'sbeen twoweeks and** as **no one's come up with some scintillating, poeticwords to do justice to the Tori Amos concert, I thought I'd bully you all into doing it here and now."

The other woman looked nervously as the power dressing, high-heeled George fixed each of them with her steely blue gaze in turn and they shuffled their feet. They were sitting down in the comfortable armchairs and sofas of George's when she dropped this bombshell on them. They had all thought that they had come to have a lazy Sunday morning get together.

"Jesus Helen, I thought you were a bossy git as Governing Governor but this beats everything," Nikki whispered out of the corner of her mouth to Helen who grinned back at her.

"Say, Alice, is she always like this?" whispered Trisha, like naughty schoolgirls at the back of the class.

"You know that we have got to do justice to the fabulous concert we all saw. You remember all the promises we made at the time. Well, now's the time to deliver on them," George said sternly, staring Nikki right in the eye. The taller woman winced at the words, not because of the force of personality but the way George had mercilessly connected with Nikki's most profoundly held convictions. The smirk on the blond haired woman's face told her that George was only too aware of what she was doing.

"All right, all right, George. I can't deny the point you're making. I've tried writing something but everything I've come up with has been utter crap, as if I'm some pathetic teenager cribbing from some celebrity magazine."

Helen couldn't help grinning at Nikki's whining tone of voice though she had to hand it to her for being the first to speak and take it on the chin for all of them. That was Nikki all over.

"Point taken, Nikki," George answered kindly," so that's why I've called us all together so we can brainstorm this one. We owe it to ourselves to come up with a suitable group letter."

"Which means you haven't come up with one?" came Karen's grinning question.

"Naturally," George said with total aplomb" I'm as clueless as the rest of you. I just thought that if we got together, we could come up with something."

"I'll make us the coffees," volunteered Alice." I find it easier thinking when I'm doing something else," she added to Beth's look of understanding of such methods.

"Do you want some help?" offered Sally Anne to the other woman.

"You're all right, Sally. I know where everything is."

"Which means she has to face the inquisition along with the rest of us," muttered Helen under her breath," What a sneaky move." Unfortunately, she had never mastered the knack of the whispered aside.

"I heard that, Helen. I'm not being domineering, just being practical."

"George, have you ever lost an argument in all your life?" Helen said challengingly, a wide grin spread across her face.

"No, never. It goes against my principles," came the instant pert retort leaving an uncertain pause in the conversation, which made George feel uncomfortable, feeling that she'd overstepped the mark.

"Helen, you know I'm only playacting. Living with Alice has really softened me up. She's such a darling and she's so diplomatic. I just feel strongly that we ought to make good on our promise so that's why I'm being bossy……….." continued George talking quietly to Helen before taking the stage again.

"Thinking off the top of my head, I'd say that my strongest memory is of us being taken into her magical world. That's the way the concert felt to me. This feels like a good starting point."

Sounds of approval covered up the awkward moment while the sounds of a boiling kettle announced the onset of coffee.

"Great line, George. I see a writing pad and paper. Do you mind if I scribble down anything we come up with? I'm used to writing at speed," exclaimed Sally-Anne while the other women's faces brightened as they felt this event start to take shape.

"That whole evening felt spiritual. It wasn't some sexy woman strutting her stuff thought I must admit she is certainly attractive, especially in that floaty turquoise outfit," Nikki interjected, her brain cells starting to tick over.

"Hang on a minute, oughtn't we do some sort of explanation why we're writing to her," asked Trisha, the eternal business manager.

"What about saying that we're composing this letter together as we're not up to expressing the depths of our feelings on our own. Let's face it, we're a bit beyond the age group of screaming over our favourite pop star," hazarded Nikki, formulating ideas off the hoof to nods of appreciation.

"Hmmn, we've all got our guilty secrets lurking in their backgrounds, you know, the tape or CD lurking around at home that we don't want to own up to," grinned Helen.

"You know, babes, that's a good line. We should use that," chimed in Nikki approvingly.

"What do you think, Karen? You used to be the organizing bossy one, well second to me," Helen asked.

"Oh, sorry, what did you say? My attention must have been slipping," Karen said in a distracted fashion and blushing slightly. She had been playing footsie with Beth under the dining room table and fondly holding hands with her girlfriend, exchanging loving glances.

"Young lovers," George said with mock condescension and barefaced cheek. Her own relationship with Alice was only months old but George, being George, successfully slipped this past the massed assembly of female observation.

"Hey, don't worry, Karen," Nikki said, grinning understandingly at the other woman and at George's humour. "Helen and I both know what it feels like."

"Not so much the 'young love', Nik," Trisha corrected firmly." The world isn't neatly divided between teenage lovers lusting over each other and ten years down the line, wearing slippers, taking their Senatogen every night and worrying about backache. You should know that."

"I agree, Trisha. You just get more experienced as time goes on," pronounced Helen with airy self assurance," even though I was a bit of a late starter. It's one of life's rare instances of justice. Karen will find that out sooner or later."

"What's that I'm supposed to be finding out?" interjected Karen with no obvious cue as to the background context of the conversation to date.

"We're talking about lesbian sex, Karen," retorted Helen loudly, to general laughter.

"Ladies, enough. Fascinated though we might all be with sexual acrobatics with our partners between the sheets, we have a serious purpose here. We're supposed to be composing this letter to Tori Amos," George interrupted with crushing finality.

"Yes, we could say we are all lesbians but don't let that bother her," joked Nikki nervously.

"She might be straight for all you know, Nik," Trisha retorted.

"Straight? She can't be," came Nikki's wide-eyed incredulity until George's formidably piercing eye reduced her to silence. Helen grinned to herself how the one-time 'hard case' con whose rapier verbal fencing which could strike back with lethal power was reduced to polite, apologetic silence. "All right miss, I promise to behave," she finally said.

"Here's what I've got so far," intervened Sally Anne, the peacemaker," Not sure what the rest of you think but it seems like a good start to me."

After contributions were chipped in at random, Alice finally entered the room with eight cups of coffees on two servers, an ornate silver milk jug and sugar bowl, complete with tongs. The smell of freshly ground coffee had wafted through for some time now.

"This smells great Alice," declared Helen enthusiastically, backing up Sally Anne before going into chief executive mode of functioning." Let's sit back and take a break and then we'll talk about Sally Anne's draft. Of course, I'm concerned if feel left out of the discussions."

"No problems, Helen. I've overheard the conversation and I'll catch up as best I can."

"Coffee first, talk afterwards," decided George for all of them.

Trisha's sharp eye sensed Karen and Beth's bashful smiles and their way of moving as if they were joined together at the hips. She had seen it all before and drew the obvious conclusions.

"You two lovebirds have the manner of having an announcement to make. Come on, I'm curious. Just put it down to my natural nosiness."

"As it happens, we wanted you all to be the first to know," Beth started to say, linking hands with Karen who shyly looked at her feet." It's the best news in both of our lives. **When we're both ready for it,** Karen's moving in with me."

Helen let out a great yell of triumph and the rest of the women cheered and clapped their hands. They came over to hug them each which gave Karen especially an incredible sense of being personally validated. Karen experienced the full flowering of sisterhood, which gave her an almost unbearable sense of pleasure and belonging. All the strenuous efforts made to keep her stable in the run up to the trial only foreshadowed this most perfect day.

"We're really pleased for you, Karen," George said quietly." We've noticed Beth around Chix for some time only she seemed very quiet. She is of course totally gorgeous."

"You look really radiant, Karen," Helen gushed "There's a glow about you. I can see why Beth is so taken with you. Just don't underestimate your own very obvious charms."

"She's certainly taken me in hand. I used to get up late, slob about unwashed, and count down the minutes to the next shot of whisky. I feel like a million dollars now. It's all down to the way you all never lost faith in me and that gorgeous woman of mine."

The blond haired woman's natural turn of phrase expressing her Sapphic love so naturally made Helen think back down the years and smile at the changes. She would never have believed it possible. Come to think of it, she'd been through a few changes herself.

"Karen, you've changed a lot since when I first met you at Larkhall."

"Don't we both know it," came the murmured reply as the tinkling sounds of conversation echoed softly round their ears.

"I'm trying to get Karen to tell me more about her past but she doesn't talk much. She does talk a lot about you and Nikki," put in Beth, slipping her slim arm affectionately through her lover's.

"That's more to do with our more recent past, Beth," laughed Helen." Thanks to someone who shall remain nameless, we didn't become the good friends that we should have been. Now that nameless person is out of the picture, we can be who we want to be. Anything Nikki and I can do for you both, don't hesitate to call…..Oh, I'd better grab my coffee as I sense we are being called to order," Helen added, shifting verbal gear to that sense of haste as she glanced sideways at George laying down her cup of coffee on the side and preparing to get them all back to business. .

"Let's see what Sally-Anne has come up with. She'd got down everyone's contributions down."

"This is what I written so far. I must admit it looks good."

_Sooner or later, we've all come to visit your magic world and be entranced by your music and words which somehow takes us all to a better, more spiritual place. It gives us that priceless joy in our lives of which there is far too little these days. _

_Seeing you in concert, was one of those unbelievable experiences of music that is so hard to put into words but we'll try. _

_We thought we'd get together and compose this letter for you as each of us have felt inadequate to express the depths of our feelings on our own. We're a bit beyond the age group in screaming over our favourite popstar- though everyone has their guilty secrets lurking in their backgrounds. We know that we are faceless, nameless fans you won't get to see or know but you have made a difference to our lives, perhaps more than you realise. _

_Even though our number include a barrister, two club owners, prison rights activist, social worker, journalist, nurse and mid level executive, we still felt far too shy to try to meet you backstage after the concert. We're writing to you now to make up for that mistake." _

"I got stuck on this point. We need something to finish this off," admitted Sally-Anne.

"We need to offer her sororial greetings," Karen offered tentatively, feeling as she spoke that her words were a bit off the mark. They sounded too official, like a prison officer official report. It was extraordinary how tenacious that form of phraseology was on her thinking.

"Why not make it sisterly encouragement instead?" Beth said softly and Karen's face brightened. She much preferred that way of putting it.

"We need to tell her how much her work matters to us out here and we offer distant love and emotional riches," Alice chimed in.

Instantly, the room fell quiet. Alice had hit the nail on the head in her level headed perceptive fashion. George felt incredibly proud of her lover- this was Alice all over. She had provided the final spark to the letter.

"That's brilliant, Alice. Let me write the final bit which has to come at the end and you look it over."

"I really like that. It tells me at any rate that I am not a teenage fan after all and that lets me off the hook," added Nikki to soft laughter. They knew what she meant. Typical Nik, thought Trisha affectionately.

Sally finally put her pen down, placed the letter on the dining room table and everyone clustered round, Alice being the tallest and standing at the back.

"_Above all else, we want you to know that what you're doing matters so much, perhaps more than you know and we offer you what we can and that is sisterly encouragement, distant love and wish you emotional riches in your own life."_

"I love this letter," breathed Helen." It treats her as real, not some fantasy projection and defines us pretty well."

"Let's face it," Trisha said in judicious tones," Whatever we can feel, she'll be that much further ahead of us. She's sure to get it right."

Nikki looked sharply at Trisha and patted her on her shoulder. Her friend always tended to play things cool and have a businesslike approach to matters. This was a blinding piece of emotional intuition.

"I like it too," George pronounced." This is a good morning's work. I knew we would manage it. It just needed a bit of directing," teased George impishly. In the meantime, Alice sat at the dining table and copied out the letter on George's best writing paper as her writing hand was the neatest. It all looked good when she had finished and they queued up to sign their names at the bottom.

"Hey, what about a bit of artwork to brighten it up and illustrate it?" suggested Nikki.

"You leave that one to Karen and I," Beth suggested to Helen and Nikki's amazement. This was an unknown quality of their old friend. Sure enough, they added decorative swirls to the letter, which made it worthy of their thoughts. It gained substance before their very eyes and gave all of them a worthy glow inside them of the thought of giving back to this very special artist. All their efforts felt worthwhile.

"Does anyone fancy anything more alcoholic than coffee?" George suddenly asked out of nowhere.

"I thought you'd never ask," sighed Trisha to much gentle amusement to the woman whose unique brand of sororiality had brought the women together.


	5. Chapter 5

Scene Five

In these days of enchantment , Karen's world was shiny new and sparkling and Beth's flat took on a magical aura of its own. The blond-haired woman was falling in love with all her lover's surroundings in a way that she might have once cynically dismissed as teenage romanticism. Listening to music, she found that even the most trite lovesongs on the radio had qualities she's somehow overlooked all these years. Both of them knew their waltz-like courtship dance meant that they took things slowly and when the time was right and, once Beth had time off work, they would finally share their world full-time. Each came to trust the others sensibilities as they had, after all, betrothed themselves in front of all their friends.

********

One evening, Beth came round for Karen who was whisked her off in her silver grey Audi. Karen lay back blissfully in the inclined passenger seat as she was swooshed down the street. She looked sideways at her lover who was wearing a bright purple minidress and high heels. She couldn't help admiring Beth's shapely legs and the sideways smirk showed that she was very much aware how good she looked and how permissible it was for her to be ogled in this way. Soon they arrived at the quiet restaurant of her choice with the dim, sparkling overhead lights and high ceiling. They were welcomed by the waiter and shown to a discreet alcove. They were in a mysterious wonderland where the flickering glow of a candlelit table showed each others' looks off to best advantage, with only the space of the table between them.. With great calm and aplomb, they chose from the wine list and, as the meal was carefully served, very lightweight and tasty, they were sealed inside a comfortable bubble of their own. Nothing and noone could touch or distract them while the delicate background music only tinted their mood with that sense of perfection of the world around them. Both women felt that they could look but not touch and this heightened the desirability of the other. As their conversation sinuously wound each other, Karen got to realize that it was up to each of them to charm the other in their best flirtatious manner. She knew that her high cheekbones and full lips were shown to her best advantage. Karen couldn't resist it as she slipped off her own shoe and gently stroked the other woman's slim ankles.

"Is this a new experience for you, darling, playing footsie under the table with another woman?" Beth asked as a lazy smile spread across her face and she slid off her shoe and felt for her lover's ankles.

"I've had such a lot of new experiences recently, babes, and all of them feel incredible," Karen replied in her huskiest voice that caused feelings of desire start to radiate round the dark haired woman's nervous system and to play flirtatiously with a lock of her hair. She placed a morsel of food slowly and carefully and could see the look of smouldering desire in the blue eyes of that fair haired woman who had so captured her heart. When she had finally finished her meal, she found that she had both hands free, which was fatal to her precarious self control. Suddenly, Karen felt slim fingers gently caressing her knee and she had to stop herself shouting out in ecstacy.

"I think I'm perfectly full, babes. Shall we order the bill?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Beth murmured as she feverishly gestured to the waiter.

It seemed moments later that they were back in Beth's car and heading for her flat. This time, it seemed to be ages until they finally arrived at their destiny. Barely had they clattered up the stairs and got through the front door when they started kissing and caressing each other passionately. The fevered thought that ran through Karen's dazzled mind was that, as she pulled down the zip of that gorgeous purple dress, she didn't want to jam the zip. The dark haired woman reached for the clip of that lacy black bra as she feverishly kissed her lover's neck and they stumbled in the direction of the bed, leaving a trail of clothes behind them to strip off all their superfluous clothes on the way to their first frenzied orgasm.

********

An hour or so later, when they were lying coiled up round each other both of them were beginning to feel that this was the delicious appetizer and the main meal was to come, sexually speaking, Karen noticed a thoughtful expression on her lover's eyes. It was as if she was thinking of something but wasn't sure whether or not to come out with the idea. The blond haired woman smoothed a lock of Beth's dark hair into that characteristic neat bob before she spoke.

"You've something on your mind, darling? I can tell."

"I'm not sure how you'll react to this, especially when you see it."

"Try me, Beth. So far, I have surprised you with just how adventurous I can be," drawled Karen, stroking the smooth sides of her lover, her fingertips running up to the nipple.

"You mean versatile?"

Karen looked thoughtful, digesting the thoughts and nodded her head decisively.

"Yeah, that sounds like me. I'm not butch, as they call it but I'm pretty strong and I don't expect to lie back and let you do all the hard work," she said, finishing with a soft laugh.

"That's the way I see it as well. There are so many possibilities if you let yourself be open to them……," came the reply which trailed off into silence. It made Karen look quizzically at the dark-haired woman as she turned over vague thoughts in her mind.

"Is there anything more you want to show me, darling? You've got me really curious."

Beth hesitated, being unsure what to do. With the air of suddenly making a decision, she finally leaned sideways and over Karen and opened the little bedside cupboard on which perched the table lamp. From that, she brought forward an object that caused Karen's eyes to open wide with surprise.

"Is this what they call a dildo?" the blond haired woman asked slowly, as if talking about a foreign language. She carefully adjusted her tone of voice as she spoke, not wanting to sound discouraging as at least part of her didn't want Beth to back off in embarrassment.

The dark haired woman's mind worked like lightning. It was obvious that her lover was caught in two minds about her obvious suggestion. She decided to take the risk putting her thoughts into words.

"It depends on how you want to think of it, babes. Some call it a strap-on. I think of it as something lovers share, that it's the other woman's orgasm that really matters. Words don't really matter if they don't interfere with what it really means."

"In that case, I'm very curious, darling and it's…"

"Enticing?"

"It looks complicated but you never know."

"Not to the woman whose gift it is. You go with the flow."

Beth didn't disturb her silence. Karen felt grateful for her respect in not trying to pressurize her in her own very obvious eagerness. Karen's blue eyes were thoughtful till finally a half smile started to spread across her face. Her reservations began to fade away and she finally dared to speak.

"I'm intrigued but I'm not brave enough to take the initiative. I'd sooner you showed me the way."

The dark haired woman smiled warmly, wound her arms round her lover's neck and kissed her deeply and eagerly. Karen could feel the grateful pressure of her hug and her feelings of relief at her response. It made Karen feel all the more certain that she would be looked after in every way, whatever happened between them.

"You lie back, darling and I'll be ready for you in a minute."

Beth clicked on the dim sidelight and was ready in no time. Somehow, her femininity was transformed in Karen's eyes whose curiosity was heightened and her feeling of certain was enhanced. This was her lover sidling up to their bed, Karen thought, her breath coming in shallow gasps. With a wide smile, Beth slid on top of her and started slowly kissing Karen's nipples, one after the other and licking them with her tongue. Immediately the blond haired woman felt lustful and stroked Beth's face, hair and back. This thrilling feeling pulsed through her body that the unfamiliar would be more right than she knew.

"Are you feeling better now, babes?" Beth asked in a gentle, caring tone of voice.

"Never better darling," came the reply in that husky tone, which sent shivers of pleasure through the dark haired woman. Beth gradually moved along that desired body and her lips started licking her shoulders and neck while Karen eagerly caressed her back and shoulders in return.

Suddenly Karen was aware that her center was being softly pressed ever so gently where she was most sensitive. She knew what it must be but it felt good to her. Gradually her hips started to move slowly in rhythm and her juices started to flow. She sighed deeply with a feeling of deep satisfaction as Beth whispered sweet endearments into her ear. Karen's thighs spread themselves wide and she twined one ankle around her lover's slim legs. This was ecstacy and a deep groan escaped her mouth. Very considerately, Beth started to ease herself very slowly inside her lover, while her own hips started to move of their own accord. This was new territory and like nothing she had ever experienced before in her life. She felt the dark haired woman's breasts pressed up against her own, both of their nipples hard with desire for each other. Finally, their hips met and their rhythms pushed and pulled back perfectly in tune with each other. Karen's mouth opened wide as Beth's tongue searched deep inside and mingled with her own. Karen caressed the silky skin of her lover's back in gratitude that she was being made love to with such exquisite care and growing desire for her even while Beth's own juices were already flowing.

"You feel so good inside me, darling. Keep doing it to me," her hoarse, increasingly out of breath voice spoke in Beth's ear. The feel of her lover inside of her was so real to Karen and feelings of intense emotion swept through the dark haired woman who vowed to finally drive her lover to the peak of her orgasm. Finally, Karen's spirits soared inside her, her hips frantically moving as her juices poured from her.

It took ages for both of them to come down from that high of ecstacy as they lay back in a delicious haze, catching their breath. Beth was touched how Karen was unwilling to let go this precious part of her lover for such a long time. Time passed very dreamily as both women had the feeling that something else was going to happen but they weren't quite sure what. This was one more intriguing possibility in the game of life as Karen stroked her lover's delicately sculptured back as something precious to her.


	6. Chapter 6

Scene Six

"I think I know what I'm doing now, sweetheart. Just you wait and see what I can do for you, babes," murmured Karen at last in a sultry tone of voice whose sexiness roused Beth's passions immediately. A thrill ran through her as the moment of decision was made. Her desires were mixed with the wonderful certainly that she could trust her very psyche to Karen's good word. It was a priceless quality that she adored so much about Karen. She planted soft kisses on her blond-haired lover lips many times with delighted affection before she finally slid sideways off her.

She lay back, draped over the bed with a 'come hither' smile on her face while Karen took possession and strapped on the tangible expression of her sexual confidence. It made the blond haired woman feel surprisingly good about herself as it shifted her character around in subtle ways. Visibly confident, she moved on top of Beth, her eyes never leaving the other woman who started to run her fingers through Karen's long hair. It felt so natural to kiss and caress her lover with no need to rush as they had all the time in the world. She could tell that the expression of her controlled desires only made Beth more aroused as Karen had felt what her lover was now feeling. She felt on top of the world, that she could lustfully dominate her lover and yet be lovingly caring of her sexual needs. She felt her own juices start to flow while they stroked and caressed each other and murmured sweet endearments to each other. A feeling of overwhelming joy ran through her as she started to ever so gently press against Beth and felt the answer from her body. Everything between them was smooth and moist as their growing rhythms were together and finally Karen started to thrust down on her lover. At last, their skins meshed together and both women gloried in their increasingly frantic lovemaking. Nothing else in the world existed outside their bed.

A few tears of gratitude ran down Beth's cheeks as she marvelled at the utter confidence with which she was being made love to- she had never expected that Karen's nervousness could turn round so utterly to so pleasurably dominate her. Throw her a challenge, she thought, as her lover touched her inside so perfectly, and she would catch it and run with it. That above else was why she loved Karen so much, she thought to herself as her lover's tongue penetrated deep into her mouth and tears of joy pricked her eyes. It felt so good that another part of Karen thrust deep inside her. Her hips pumped back rapidly at Karen as she wound her legs round her. She had to search for her breath as that glorious face hovered about her. Finally, with a loud high-pitched exclamation of total abandonment, Beth let herself go and juices poured from her in abundance.

"You're unbelievable darling. I never expected to be laid so lovingly," gasped Beth as they lay together, legs tangled round each other

"I'm a fast learner, babes," came that incredibly sexual response.

"I must admit to being nervous. I didn't want you thinking that I was into kinky sex or something."

"Darling," Karen's soothing voice answered, laying a slim forefinger on the other woman's lower lip," I know you well enough to trust that you aren't into anything unfeeling or brutal sex and you always mean well for both of us. To begin with, I wasn't sure what I was letting myself in for but very soon, well, I feel very normal and natural living like this."

"You really don't want to let go of that strap on,' laughed Beth into Karen's shoulder.

"It makes me feel very sexy and free," came the cool and assured reply, accompanied by a gentle move of her hips and that sliding pressure inside Beth that felt so good." I'm not that possessive about it, as I love what you can do for me also. Like we both said earlier on, we're both versatile. The only thing I ask is that if you're hiding any other sexual secrets up your sleeve, for God's sake tell me about it."

Beth laughed softly as her hands reached down her lover's back and reached out for those soft curves she loved so much. The blond haired woman felt an incredible tenderness for her lover's ability to touch her just right and they kissed slowly and lovingly. The experiences of that evening had drawn the two women closer together. They both intensely realized that Karen was making up fast for all the lost time in her life and she had at last found a lover she could be open with.

"You don't still have any lingering suspicion that sometime I'd go back to men?" Karen suddenly said out of nowhere in this atmosphere of emotional nakedness.

Beth's downcast eyes betrayed the truth and she eventually forced out her reply in deliberately flat tones.

"It's nothing to do with you, babes, but it's happened before….let's face it, you've lived more than twenty odd years as a straight woman," the dark-haired woman answered in a flat ,emotionless tone of voice

"Darling, you don't mind asking you, do you feel insecure about sleeping with a woman whose only experience has been of men?"

"Only in my more stupid negative moments…and I don't like myself when I occasionally feel this way."

"Sweetheart, let's put it this way, I'd be lying if I said that I'd been always been unsatisfied in my past but in bed, it's a hit or miss from the woman's point of view and nine times out of ten, he'll turn over and go to sleep with a few token endearments. It's mainly about his orgasm. Because I had a lousy choice in men, I'd choose the smooth talking bastards for reasons which are still a mystery to me," answered Karen, conjuring up all the warmth in her nature to comfort her lover before continuing in a more discursive tone of voice about her experience of men that wouldn't hurt Beth.

"When I'm with you," and here Karen's voice took on a melting, tender note," and you're making love to me, it's about my orgasm and my feelings and I realized straight off that I had to do the same for you. I've finally broken the mould of my self-destructive nature and actually fallen in love with a mature, loving human being. This is a whole new world for me and that's why I'm so thrilled and excited to be with you. You have to believe me."

Karen stroked her lover's hair and cheek with her free hand and fixed her lover's gaze with her blue eyes. She received a gentle hug in return.

"OK, babes, I'll write down twenty times that I'm a fantastic lover…..,"Beth answered with a shaky laugh and tears in her eyes." I ought to add that I got messed around by a woman who used me for some sick game she played on her supposedly ex-boyfriend and dumped me when she went back to him. That hurt."

"God, that's horrible. I'll never ever do anything like that to you," answered Karen in shocked tones before giving voice to her passions more nakedly than she had ever done before in her life." I love you, Beth," Don't I know what risks you felt you were taking earlier on in talking me into this strap-on? You must know that it's been so fantastic for the both of us, darling. You're the answer to all the crap that's gone on in my life. It's not just the stress of the run up to the trial and drinking more booze than is good for me. If I had been cleared of that murder and hadn't happened on the lesbian scene, I might have wandered into the next destructive relationship. You must forgive me my sometimes flip manner as it's an old habit that's hard to break. You're gorgeous. You've shown me what freedom is really worth. I'm yours forever and ever. I love the sound of your voice, the way you move, the perfume that you wear, everything about you."

Beth felt tears in her eyes and she clasped her arms around her lover so that Karen could feel the trembling of her body. She was incredibly moved by Karen's declaration of passionate love. She knew that Karen didn't normally find such words easy to come by. All this time Beth had wondered at the back of her mind just how committed a lesbian Karen was and the blond-haired woman had known it all along. These words blew away these lingering doubts. She leaned her forehead against Karen's, looked into her deep blue eyes and softly kissed her.

"Sweetheart, you're the sexiest woman I've ever met. You're witty, good company, mature and caring. What more could a woman want? I want you to stay in my life more passionately than I could ever say. I want you far more than any woman I've ever come across in my life," answered the dark haired woman in a mixture of alluring tones and emotional passion. Everything she'd said came straight from the heart yet this was a fraction of what she felt for this woman of hers.

Beth could feel the heat in her body starting to rise up in her and she knew that Karen felt the same. By unspoken consent, Karen eased herself out of inside her lover and gladly let Beth take her place. Karen lay down on their bed and looked up at her lover who moved over to her, looking so beautiful in the faint light from outside.

"Darling, I'm so, so ready for you," her husky voice called softly out to Beth as Karen's fingers reached up and started to tenderly touch the other woman's breasts. If there was one part of this dark haired woman that Karen couldn't keep her hands off, it was these.

She felt weak all over and leaned her head backwards as Karen gently caressed her body. She couldn't believe how unbelievably lucky she was. As Beth looked down at her lover, she lay down on her ample breasts and slid her arms around her lover. In turn, Karen pressed her lover's head against her and spasms ran through her as Beth's lips and tongue caressed her nipples. This was how love should be, she breathed into the air, confessing openly her joy. Finally, Beth's desires flowed over as she moved on top of her lover, knowing that the blond haired woman couldn't wait for the delights that were certainly in store. They eased comfortably into their lovemaking, which was of a more intensely emotional level than their physical expression of it earlier on. Beth was overjoyed how smoothly she slipped inside her lover and soon their hips started moving together. To Karen, the feel of Beth thrusting inside her was something that felt so good. The two women were of one mind as much as their bodies were as one, Karen's slim legs and arms wrapped around her lover. Viewed from one side, the two women looked like a rhythmically moving sculpture, where Beth's neat black bob and fine profile was moulded to Karen's high cheekbones and her long fair hair, spread out on the pillow.

It was many hours later when the two women had finally used up so much fierce energy and that part of both Karen and Beth was finally shut away in the drawer. Beth lay on her side and rested her arm across Karen's breasts who lay partly on her back and part facing her lover. Karen linked her shapely hand through her lover's slim fingers. They both felt sleepy and gentle with each other as they carried on talking in spurts of conversation. There were tears of joy in Karen's eyes, as she knew that Beth's words of love for her were for real and that it was safe to express feelings, which she'd long, hidden under wraps. At last after all these years, she'd found the lover who was worthy of these feelings. The touch of Beth's fingers told her how deeply her lover was attuned to these thoughts. It was later on when the two women drifted off to sleep, wrapped up in each other's arms.


	7. Chapter 7

Scene Seven

It wasn't lost on Helen that Nikki was wearing her smartest dark suit and insisted on driving them to work that day. She felt Nikki's tension immediately as they wended their way through the traffic to Hackney and put two and two together. She maintained a tactful silence when her partner tore impatiently past the red double decker London bus and into the narrow gap left by the oncoming car on the wrong side of the road. Nikki knew that she'd saved them from being delayed but felt rather than saw Helen's raised eyebrows enquiring the purpose of her fanatical devotion to timekeeping. Nikki's gear changing was rougher on the car than was normal yet Helen sat through the experience imperturbably enough. Finally the dark haired woman swung the car to a halt just beyond her place of work and Helen gave voice to her thoughts.

"Nikki, I know exactly why you're feeling particularly stressed today. You've got this press launch today on your publication and you're worrying just how it will go."

"How on earth do you know about this? I've never said a word," Nikki exclaimed, taken aback by her lover's very effective crystal ball.

"That's the point. You weren't talking. As for the rest, can you really imagine that all the time I've lived with you that I couldn't work out what's been on your mind?"

Nikki felt instantly remorseful and decided that no matter what her insides felt like, she had to talk.

"I'm really sorry for my crap driving and being guilty of physical cruelty to our car. I know you'll always be supportive of me but it got to me that you wouldn't be physically there when the press starts hounding me. That was really messed up, insecure thinking. That's the downside of being a crusading researcher," Nikki said, visibly expelling all the tension that had built up inside her and finishing on a shakily ironic touch of humour.

Helen leaned over, took the taller woman's face between her hands and kissed her lover deeply. This wasn't a passionate, lustful kiss as they had exchanged at night but a caring gift just before her dearest friend was about to go through an ordeal on her own. After a moment when Nikki froze unresponsively, she relaxed into her lover's kiss.

"Boy, I needed that. Thanks, darling for being here….as always," she whispered into her lover's shoulder. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Paul Williams looking in her direction. Her first instinct was to pull back from her embrace with Helen but, as he drew nearer, she could feel his smiling approval of them. This wasn't some guy, this was Paul.

By the time he had come to the car, Nikki had got out of the car, followed by Helen, and politely greeted him.

"Hi Paul. Were you waiting for me by any chance?"

"I was going to do my inadequate best to offer you comfort, but Helen has done far better than I could ever do in psyching you up to deal with this press event."

Nikki smiled gratefully at this man's sensitivity while Helen turned her full attention to the man.

"Hiya, Paul. I remember you very well from that conference and trying unsuccessfully to drink me under the table. What I'm asking of you is please look after Nikki for me." "You can take that as read, Helen."

"I gotta go, Nikki. Phone me up when you've done as I want to know how you've got on," Helen said, giving her lover a quick hug and a kiss." Nice to meet you again. I've heard such good stories from Nikki about you."

With that, Helen slid into the driving seat, clipped on her seat belt and moved off purposefully into the works traffic. Nikki gazed at the car as it shrank in size and was finally absorbed into the traffic flow. Paul held back and waited for Nikki to be ready.

"It's very kind of you to look out for me, Paul," Nikki said in gentle tones.

"I wouldn't think of letting you do this without any backup. Come with me and I'll show you the press room and, when you've got the feel of the place, we'll talk tactics in the canteen."

Nikki instinctively went along with Paul's quiet direction as it chimed in with her ideas of preparation. Above all else, the way he demonstrated the physical setup enabled her to get a feel for the situation in the same way that, in the canteen, he explained how they would handle the press conference two-handed.

"You know, Paul, you really are an intuitive guy. I feel as comfortable you being around as if Helen were here," Nikki said, a touch of emotion in her voice which drew an appreciative smile from him.

"Just remember, Nikki, I've seen you doing a great job on TV handling the press over your own appeals. Matters coming close to home are hardest of all to handle. I remember you telling me about giving evidence in court. This won't be any tougher, believe me. It's like an actor going through stage fright before going out on stage. Once you're into the situation, I guarantee you'll be fine."

Nikki nodded her head at these calming words in his best soothing tones but was only half convinced. They carried on idly chatting until it was time to go.

******

"OK, my name is Paul Williams and I'm here to explain any questions on the background perspective of the Howard League for Penal Reform while my friend and colleague, Nikki Wade will deal with specifics on her report. However we can deal with questions outside these boundaries if it seems right. Above all else, I want you all to understand that this is a cooperative effort and everything in the report is one hundred per cent endorsed by this organization. You'll have had a chance to read this report which presents a pretty damning picture but, in these days of public relations and spin doctoring, it tells the truth, however unpalatable it might seem."

Paul's confident cultured voice had that knack of spreading a comforting emotional blanket over Nikki. Her nerves gave place to a state of keyed up rapidity of hearing, thinking and speaking.

"Don't you think that this report can be taken out of context and provide a misleading impression of the prison service? Even if what you say is true, one rotten apple doesn't mean that the barrel is basically tainted."

"I'll handle this one. I'll leave on one side the comparison with the apple and the barrel. This report sets out to target one particular prison which we have long had concerns about, even before Nikki joined the organization. This report goes for the detail, rather than adopt a scattergun approach which tries to see everything and fails. This organization has limited resources or otherwise we would go round every prison in turn."

"Nikki, aren't you bound to be biased in your report as a one time prisoner? Surely, it might be argued that you are unconsciously working a sense of revenge against prison officers who may or may not have treated you unfairly?"

"When I did my initial investigation, I admit I was horrified at what I saw and wrote an initial report in the heat of the moment. This organization in which I am proud to serve considered that the wider community deserved to hear about a part of life for which the taxpayer pays his or her whack. The condition for this report going public was that it was scrutinized from start to finish. Every phrase was checked for accuracy by Paul to see if it stood up to scrutiny as being fair-minded. My university degree taught me the value of scholastic research as much as this organization is an ideal vehicle for my caring instincts. I ought to make clear that this report is designed to encourage those fair-minded prison officers to stand up and be counted. It isn't designed to smack everyone in the teeth."

"How do you deal with the fact that public opinion is not sympathetic to well-meaning liberal ideas about being kind to prisoners? There are poor run down council estates which are blighted by street corner crime and out of control teenagers and won't thank you for what they see as 'do gooding' behaviour at the expense of the victims of crime."

"I've never said that all prisoners are saints. Any reasonable person ought to see that I've got unusual advantages of three years being locked up in a woman's prison. I don't deny that inner city problems deserve investigation with real depth and clout. My point is that don't you think that the proper use of educational resources will achieve more than shutting up prisoners twenty four seven and dumping them back on those very same streets again?"

"Nikki Wade, you are obviously an educated, highly motivated woman and untypical of the average prisoner. Don't you think that your well meaning ideas are likely to fall flat on their face?"

"I was part of a 'lifer's project' to improve the lot of prisoners so I can speak with some authority of prison education. One particular complaint of mine is that it was closed down after I left for no good reason. Don't you think that improving prisoner's education pays off down the line? It improves self esteem no end so surely ex-prisoners won't kick off in society just as they did inside prison."

"Mr. Williams, I have studied the work of the founder of your organization, John Howard, one of the first prison reformers. Elizabeth Fry was a noted campaigner whose credentials are beyond dispute. Surely, Nikki Wade's report is deliberately confrontational and is at odds with the history of your organisation?"

Nikki had been cool as cucumber, her replies batted out firmly against the falsely familiar woman whose psychological thrust had been so neatly turned aside, the obvious sympathiser with the Sun leader writer whom she'd bitten off her reply in naming and shaming and finally, the cleverly placed attack which she'd just managed to deflect. She had barely noticed the constant flash of photographers as she concentrated on essentials. Her anger rose at the calculated attempt to split her off from the organisation of which she was so proud. Her rage was in danger of blinding her but Paul Williams saw that this was the point where he intervened. He had been highly impressed at seeing Nikki being let off the leash but this question was what a boss was paid to deal with. He pressed Nikki's hand firmly and charged into the fray in measured terms.

"I'm speaking on this one. The central plank of the Howard League for Penal Reform is in its faith in the power of human reason. The publication of Nikki's study is firmly in that tradition. To think that previous reforms were carried out in a genteel fashion and Nikki's study is at odds with this is a patently false historical analysis. Nothing could be further from the truth. What might be seen as controversial is truthful criticism of an unpleasant situation. What you make of it is something else. I charge your organisations with the responsibility of reporting this fairly and accurately."

There was a dead silence as the two of them had run the questioners out of arguments. Paul let this continue before stepping in to wind up the event.

"Well, this has been a frank and interesting discussion. I am grateful at the intense interest you have shown in the report. I hope you have thought about what we have said. At this point, I'll wind up the meeting if that is OK by you."

Sullenly, the questioners made their exits with as much good grace as they could and suddenly Paul and Nikki were aware of the dead silence around them as they realized that their throats were dry. Nikki was so psyched up that she could have carried on the argument for hours. In her mind, she could hear the Julies and Yvonne murmuring their appreciation and cheering her on. That mattered more than these self-important representatives of the press whose importance was vastly overrated. The trouble was the damage they could do in influencing the gullible and the prejudiced.

"I enjoyed that," Nikki said at last with a deep heartfelt sigh.

"I could tell," said Paul, which made Nikki laugh out loud.

"How do you think we did?"

"Well, the reactionaries will rubbish us but their articles have been written in advance. We made some difference amongst some of them. The Home Office will hate us but that's a compliment. We did far better than I thought possible and a lot of that was down to you, Nikki."

"I've always been gobby and opinionated," Nikki said in self-deprecating tones.

"Thank God for that. In case you don't know, you did brilliantly. We definitely need more of your sort. "

Nikki shook Paul firmly by the hand and briefly put her arm round his shoulder. Her feelings for him were deeply comradely. She felt as if she were coming down off the clouds, off some incredible high. She wondered now what on earth she had ever been worrying about. That feeling of deep self-satisfaction kept her floating up on high.

"You deserve a rest, Nikki. You take yourself to a phone and tell Helen all about it. She's bound to have been worrying about you."

"Thank you, Paul," Nikki said, her eyes and emotions brimming over. He was dead right in thinking that she had to tell Helen all about it. She strode ahead back to her office, feeling ten feet tall and reached for her phone.

"Helen Stewart here," the familiar Scottish accented voice sounded down the phone in normal business tones.

"Hi Helen," began Nikki, in a confident assured tone which Helen's sharp ears picked up on the tone in her voice. It spelt good news.

"How did it go, babes? Tell me all about it as I've been on tenterhooks all morning. Don't leave anything out, now."

Tears came to Nikki's eyes. Her good fortune was Helen's good fortune as well. Nikki settled back in her chair and spilled the good news as a warm glow radiated through her system.


	8. Chapter 8

**Scene Eight**

A/N Credits - Ernest Dowson Cynara

Sir Ian stonily unfolded his copy of the 'Independent' and cursed aloud as he got to page eight. So far from trying to tidy over the situation, some impudent upstart called Elizabeth Pritchard had slashed the good name of the prison service to pieces. The opening paragraph set the tone of the article to come. Sir Ian set his face grimly. He hadn't a clue who she was but he wouldn't forget her name in a hurry.

"_There are a multiple set of problems which feed off each other in the prison organization – before this writer even starts to describe the plight of the prisoners,"Ms Wade from the Howard League of Penal Reform said in her scathingly critical review of Larkhall Prison. _

"_As a former inmate of the same prison, Ms Wade has deployed her unique knowledge with sufficient academic know-how and treats her subject material even-handedly. It takes the reader to the other side of the prison bars with insightful observation. It paints an unhappy picture of a system out of sync, like a car whose engine changes gear smoothly according to the blueprint but is not engaged with the drive shaft which points in an entirely unrelated direction- rather like some of the less well-run government departments. _

_She makes her case strongly that covert favouritism operates in an oppressive negative _

_culture where the effective job description is that of jailor. Buzzword driven management at a higher level is hopelessly divorced from the realities of lives, prison officer or prisoner. It makes clear that a bird's eye view of the situation cannot be more accurate than the worm's eye view unless there is clear and definite evidence that is so._

_This is a must for urgent reading by the Home Office to take clear, coherent reforms, unafraid of what the mythical 'public opinion' might think. For too long, the Home Office has operated according to 'management by eye catching headline' at the expense of any kind of thought out strategy. _

With evident distaste, Sir Ian picked up a copy of The Sun and read the screaming headlines even if it put the boot into that wretched woman. The trouble was that they her free publicity. They could have ignored the damn report and featured some narcissistic 'here today, gone tomorrow' celebrity. Surely, the Home Office could have phoned that Neanderthal of an editor and told him to keep quiet. Carry on this way and she'll end up on a prime time chat show which is the last thing that is needed right now. With friends like these, who needs enemies, he reasoned gloomily.

"_Ex con tells the Home Office how to run its prisons. What a cheek._

_Nikki Wade, notorious lesbian cop killer, has sneaked her way into a 'Do Gooding' profession to tell the Prison Service how to run its own affairs. Her ivory tower outlook might be acceptable if there weren't a sinister agenda of getting revenge on the hard-working prison officers. Her hard-core political beliefs are there behind every so-called reasonable word whose whole purpose is to make prisons ungovernable. _

_Public opinion doesn't take kindly to street corner crime and out of control teenagers and 'do gooding' behaviour at the expense of the victims of crime._

_Surely, prisons aren't there to be a Butlin's Holiday Camp but to make criminals pay for their crimes and deter them from ever setting foot in prison. Get real, Nikki Wade." _

He searched his extensive memory and when he thought about it, realized that he and Lawrence James had sat through trials involving Nikki Wade in some shape or form or other. He remembered that tall, very composed woman who had misused her education and background to become a dangerous troublemaker. He conjured up the image of a small, very distinctive woman with bold features and neat straight hair, sitting in the gallery. All at once, his memory slotted neatly into place that prison governor at Larkhall who had been charged for the hit and run accident. He recalled that both women had given evidence in favour of the defendant. They had declared their relationship as bold as brass and offended his delicacies as his upbringing had taught him that there were certain matters, if they happened at all, that should be kept under wraps. He remembered regretting that a disciplinary investigation was an obvious non-starter as she had upped and gone by then. As he sat back in thought, he had that sneaking feeling that the report was accurate at all levels. Ms Wade could quite easily have talked to her cronies amongst the prisoners who would have dished the dirt but what intrigued him as how on earth she could speak so confidently about prison management. At first, he couldn't understand it. An ex con who'd landed up in these professional troublemakers could have read a few reports but that wouldn't have given her that convincing grasp of the system. He looked more closely at the report in detail and the obvious answer came to him. Her partner must have given her inside information.

He sat back and an unpleasant smile spread across his face. Time after time, his department had taken a bruising from every Larkhall Prison related trial. Apparently safe trials had taken an unpleasantly perverse direction and had turned round to bite him. Either Deed got his hands on the trial or supposedly dependable judges had been infected by an insidious plague of radical thinking. Worst of all, Neil Haughton had got the bit between his teeth and had come up with this idiotic plan to clamp down on the judges so they had finally banded together and inflicted total humiliation. His own department had taken the fallout by association and Sir Alan Peasemarsh, the Attorney General was starting to take a frosty attitude to him. He knew very well that the upper reaches of the administration had no use for successive mistakes or for failure in general. Now he could see a way to retrieve his reputation. Over the years, the Official Secrets Act had been a good friend to government officials….….

*****

Nikki's report exploded like a bombshell within the hallowed walls of the Home Office Neil Houghton's secretary peeked in briefly at the red-faced man, verbally exploding in all directions and kicking the furniture.

"What the hell's going on around here? Criminals are locked up to be punished or am I missing something? I'll have someone's head on a platter if it's the last thing I do. This country is getting seriously out of control and needs bringing into line. If I'm not the man for the job, I don't know who is? There are those whose purpose is to bring this government down, like Deed and his liberal cronies, always plotting, always conspiring.

I suppose next thing is that striking militants are waiting in the wings, just itching to bring the country to a halt, three-day week and all that. I thought that after years of education in free market philosophy, people would get to know what's expected of them at all levels……."

Neil Haughton's secretary knew better than to ask him if he was thinking of the previous government, which was now supposedly the opposition but she knew better than that. The man was beyond control. The best thing was to let himself wear himself out but the trouble was that her experience of politicians was their capacity for incessant talking was way in excess of the ordinary person. It was their one faculty that would carry on more or less indefinitely, given the chance.

Fortunately, her tenuous situation was saved by the entry of Sir Ian who, from her perspective, strode bravely through the door to be greeted by a continuation of the same rant as before.

"It's all Deed's doing. I am absolutely convinced that he has put this Ms Wade up to the whole thing. He's in the background pulling the strings while she does the dirty work. It's all a conspiracy, I tell you."

"With respect, Neil, I can't see how Deed and this Ms Wade have anything in common except their politics. She's a lesbian and that means that Deed's normal way of influencing women has to be discounted."

"Hmm, I take your point but there's more than this than meets the eye, Ian. These two trouble makers are connected in some way, you mark my words."

Sir Ian gave up being the voice of reason. The trouble with politicians was that they projected the conspiratorial way they operated onto the demons inside their heads of what they most feared.

"Have it your way, Neil. The point I was going to mention is that this gives us a good opportunity of getting back at them."

"How do you mean?" Neil Haughton asked, looking at Sir Ian with dawning hope. It was the one and only way of stopping him ranting on forever.

"You may or may not know that Ms Wade's partner is a certain Ms Stewart, one time wing governor at Larkhall Prison. It's obvious from the report that there has been a certain amount of indiscreet pillow talk. She couldn't obviously have found out all she did either as an ordinary prisoner or from she's picked up in her present job."

"Can we prove it? I mean. I know how you must abide by the tiresomely high level of proof you need. There's also the choice of judge."

"Of course, we need to make certain of our position before we make our move but my guess is that they'll run for cover. They'll all act the hero so long as it doesn't come too close to home. They've let themselves get far too close to them so that they'll duck away. We won't see their heels for dust. It will be a fitting punishment for the pair of them," Sir Ian spoke with cold disdain.

Neil Haughton's face split in two with an evil grin and a nasty hacking laugh resounded through the air. There wasn't a trace of humanity, only that cruel desire for revenge on someone who had thwarted his wishes. He never even knew the woman but then again, he would ensure that his hands were kept clean of any dirty deeds. This was the man unmasked in private, stripped of all his long-winded statesmanlike utterances for public consumption.

******

Quite ignorant of the first hint of danger to his close friends, John's mood was sombre and introspective. He had returned to the digs early in the morning after being in a strange bed the previous night. Physically, he had to admit that the night was everything he could want and Lady Rochester was a superbly skilled lover. He had got a kick out of the secret assignation to a discreet hotel under Sir Ian's very nose. What brought him down was waking up the next day. He knew very well that she felt no kinship with him and he felt the same about her. The way that both of them sneaked out of the hotel and exchanged a perfunctory kiss brought it home that there was something missing from his life. As he turned the matter over in his mind, he realized how Nikki and Helen's relationship was filled with vibrant colour in contrast. He could tell that as a relative outside without being in the slightest way jealous of them. His thoughts slipped elegantly in Jo Mills' direction and how his spirits had soared when he met her. For that one moment, he felt as wise and insightful in his personal life as he was in his public life. He knew that Jo Mills felt deep ties with him that went a long way back but there was too much history of discord between them. He knew very well that the blame lay fairly and squarely with him and it didn't do his self of self-esteem any good.

_I have forgot much, Cynara! Gone with the wind_

_Flung roses, roses, riotously with the throng_

_Dancing, to put thy pale, lost lilies out of mind;_

_But I was desolate and sick of an old passion,_

_Yea, all the time, because the dance was long-_

_I have been faithful to thee, Cynara, in my fashion_.

These words from his youth came back to him and he gloomily agreed with them. The problem was that it posed the problem but it gave him no answers. Listlessly, he read the morning papers with a similar sense of lack of engagement. Looking idly through the Independent, his sharp eye caught the trenchant criticisms of the prison service and that gave his spirits a lift. Mentally, he took his hat off to Nikki Wade and the sympathetic journalist who had sensitively got the feel of the matter. He smiled warmly, a faint stirring of good feeling spreading within him as he passively accepted the terms of the article. He only wished that he felt in better spirits to acknowledge this splendid coup, which would help keep their political opponents on the run.


	9. Chapter 9

Scene Nine

"You don't mind giving up your freedom, darling?" Beth asked as they went over to Karen's flat where the last of her belongings were finally packed away.

The blond-haired woman shrugged her shoulders as she brushed the hair back from her face with her fingers. She had made many mistakes in past relationships, each of which she had entered with progressively guarded enthusiasm. Now she felt as if she had combined the difficult trick of combining the passion of youth and the wisdom of experience.

"There's little to give up. I'll be saying goodbye to too many memories of blotting out my thought with booze. The only good associations I have of this dump is of Helen and Nikki shining a light into my darkness so I could be good and ready when you came on the scene. Besides, I was wondering if you were worried about what you'll be taking on with me," she replied with a wry grin.

"Don't underrate yourself love. This time, I know I'm doing it right," she said softly.

When Karen moved her belongings into Beth's flat, she ended a chapter in her life, the terraced flat inside which she had retreated with her whisky bottle and cigarettes from the horrors that were closing in on her. She slipped the front door keys through the letter box of the door on which hateful neighbours had scrawled 'murderer', and smiled maliciously at those who would now have to eat their words. As the last of her belongings were packed away to move to Beth's flat, she said hello to their brightly lit future. Hours later, Beth looked on with fond satisfaction as Karen slotted the last of her clothes neatly into her side of what was now their wardrobe. She turned round to smile excitedly at her lover whose arms stretched out to greet her. In the days that followed, Karen knew that Beth would be coming home to her and they had all the time in the world to work out where their future lay. It was an understood thing that Karen needed a little time and space to recover from the stresses and strains of the last months. As Karen contemplated past, present and future in the light, airy surroundings of their flat, she came to realist that her life had been hard slog for a very long time. She knew now that she needn't be a pack mule, a heavy load forever on her back, not as her future was unfolding in such a delightful way. Always, there were nights of passion with the very energetic and insatiable Beth and she was up for anything that dark-haired wonder cared to show her.

She had fallen deeply in love for the first time in her life and she had allowed herself the luxury of few weeks to mentally realign herself and to date this gorgeous woman who had suddenly entered her life. For someone who had become cynical and wary of commitments, she had done a complete U turn. She was certain in her mind of where her relationship with Beth was heading with no reservations now that recent events had blown out of her system all that paralysis of action that had held her back for months. She wouldn't normally have let the grass grow under her feet in getting back into a work routine but she had needed a little time to take stock of her life.

Now that Karen's court case was out of the way, her perspectives had altered dramatically in more ways than one. She wasn't planning to be an out of work woman for any length of time as it had been Monday August 22nd 2001 when she had been arrested at Larkhall prison and that was two months ago. It felt like a long time since she'd worked and she didn't care to count the number of bottles of spirits she had gone through. She'd been stuck down a big black hole in that period of time, only lightened her dear friends who had helped her so much. Her lover now made her invigoratingly complete. Although she'd invested so much of her energies on her prison service career, her sensibilities revolted at going through the obsequious interview routine to return to it. She didn't think that she would be welcome anyway. In a flash of a thought, that left nursing. She dismissed that promise she had once sworn never to return to that profession after all those she'd nursed that had died on her. That was then and this is now, she reasoned as she took control of her life once again.

She resolved on a two-prong strategy, to enrol as an agency nurse (a 'bank' nurse). She reasoned that they would snap up any ex nurse of fifteen years experience whose nursing qualifications had providentially been kept up to date who had had a bit of 'hands on' experience in delivering Crystal's baby with no backup facilities except the Julies. It would mean returning to the bottom of the pile but so would stacking shelves at Tesco's, so she coolly reasoned. The other prong was a permanent post at Larkhall Hospital but their recruitment procedures would take time, hence the fill in work.

She'd sorted everything out and given their flat a spring clean while Beth was at work. As she wiped her brow, she thought that a hot mug of coffee would go down well. Just at that moment, Karen's mobile suddenly bleeped out a warning and Helen's name appeared in the frame. With a warm smile, she clicked on the connection.

"Hiya, Karen. How's everything going?" asked that lively, friendly voice loudly in her ear.

"Pretty good right now. It's great to hear your friendly voice."

"You wouldn't mind if I pop over in my lunch break? I'm mobile and in your area."

"Sure, Helen. I'm got free time today but starting from tomorrow, I probably won't."

"You mean you've got a job?" exclaimed Helen excitedly sensing Karen's satisfaction.

"As from tomorrow, I'll be Nurse Betts, back in uniform. I've just finished getting sorted out so I'd love to spend some time with you."

"As a matter of fact, I've just recently moved into Beth's flat," Karen replied coyly as if abashed at this miraculous accomplishment. Helen's unashamed pleasure in this good news felt so good to her.

Sure enough, there came the clattering sounds of shoes on the staircase and a knock on the door. Karen welcomed Helen with opened arms, then a hug and a kiss on her cheek. Though the blond haired woman was dressed in jeans and a jumper, her appearance and manner was glowing. She looked so thoroughly alive in contrast to before the trial and the flat looked sparklingly modern. She gestured Helen into a sofa and disappeared briefly in the kitchen to emerge with two mugs full of coffee and rattled away at quick speed.

"So how's life treating you these days, Karen or need I ask?"

"You mean my love life?" counter questioned Karen as bold as brass.

"Only if you don't mind telling me," Helen said with a poor attempt at innocent reticence.

"Liar, Helen," the blond haired woman pronounced, sticking her tongue out and flicking a lock of hair out of her eyes." Well, just to satisfy your curiosity, I never realized how lesbian sex could be so ….so overwhelming, physically and emotionally. There's a feeling of total freedom that nothing stands between us. I've never had that before in my life. Is that how you feel with Nikki?"

"Yeah, that's just how it is," Helen said dreamily." It gets better as time goes on."

"That's great for you both," Karen replied generously."Well, once I start my new job, I'll feel that I'll put in my fair share into the relationship. We both wanted us to get settled in and Beth knows I don't want to feel like a 'kept woman.' I start work tomorrow. Want to see me in my nurse's uniform?"

Helen sat back sipping her coffee as Karen whished into the front room and did a quick change. She almost choked on her coffee as she saw a woman appear wearing the identical mid blue nurses uniform and loose fitting top that she had last seen landing on her doorstep at the dead of night only Karen's face replacing Nikki's. She had tucked her hair back away from her cheeks and up on top instead of loosely falling on either side of her face.

"Something wrong, Helen?" Karen asked, sensing something wrong behind Helen's lopsided smile.

"No, you look fine and very professional. It's the last time I saw a woman in a nurse's uniform, it was Nikki knocking on my front door begging for admission to make up for the quarrel we'd had."

"But I'm not Nikki," Karen responded, not wanting to pry into Helen's personal affairs as the words poured out in no discernable order.

"You've made the right decision, Karen. I'm absolutely sure that it won't take you long to run the bloody ward."

Karen smiled warmly at Helen's unselfish declaration of confidence in her. it brought out good feelings within her.

"This is just like the old days. The days that should have been."

"Let's drink a toast to the days of friendship that are to come. There's so much more time for all of us," answered Helen cheerfully, raising her coffee mug and clinking it against Karen's.

That feeling of warm support remained in Karen when she started work at St Mary's Hospital Trust at Larkhall. There was a curious feel about it as she walked into the spacious foyer. The nurse's uniform she wore was starting to feel part of her skin rather than a costume that she had displayed for Helen. Of course, she had been there not so long ago when she had been to visit Snowball Merriman after she had deliberately made herself ill to be where Ritchie Atkins was….and she'd accompanied Yvonne Atkins when Ritchie Atkins had lain in his hospital bed after being accidentally shot and crippled for life by the same Ritchie Atkins. Then, she was a prison governor giving a nod to her past in seeing consultants. Now, she was catching up with her more distant past, which had become her present. It was all that training that started to come alive in her mind. _I am now a working functionary in this hospital and I have to prove myself two hundred per cent, as this is my advertisement for a permanent post,_ she told herself. All her instincts of awareness of her surroundings that had lain dormant for months now kicked in and she meekly absorbed what the ward sister told her in her very abbreviated introduction. Her eyes and ears took in the multiplicity of details and somehow, her memories of who she used to be centred her. She did a score of fairly menial duties competently enough until suddenly she came to the end of her shift.

"You'll be back tomorrow, Karen?" the ward sister asked her, paying more attention to her this time.

"Nothing's going to keep me away," Karen said in a tired but satisfied tone of voice.

"You've been in nursing long?"

"Fifteen years," Karen said with pride." I've had a six-year break. It's all coming back to me….I think."

"I can tell you're old school. We don't normally get agency nurses with that much sense of commitment. Be seeing you."

Karen was definitely getting the feel of this sense of understatement. That means that she would bat for her to be taken on permanently as she'd skivvied away at every job that had been put her way. She'd not glamorously assisted at some life or death operation but her recalled experience was that it was the thorough routine tasks that mattered.

"We've had good feedback of you from St Mary's," the hard boiled agency boss told Karen after the fifth day and the nurse she'd covered for had come back to work after being off sick.

"So what more work have you got for me?" Karen asked her. The other woman rapidly flicked through her computer records and her manner had softened slightly since Karen first registered with them.

"I've got a vacancy for another five days but it is unusual. It's not everyone's choice," came the laconic reply. Karen thought that it must be an old people's home or mental hospital. Well, she thought, she had vowed to stick with it.

"It's Larkhall Prison," came the voice from behind the computer. Karen's face turned pale at the thought but said nothing.

"Hey, it's not that bad. If you were a male nurse let loose around sex-starved convicts, you'd need to worry. You'll be working on the medical wing. It's the same as any place, just a lot more bolts and bars, that's all."

Karen stared at the woman who knew nothing of the world of tabloid exposures and trials. All she knew was about placing a stream of nurses in one vacant slot after another. It now crossed Karen's mind that this was a positive advantage and, furthermore, she was employed by the agency. If Grayling saw her round Larkhall and kicked up a fuss, he could stuff it. A slow smile started to spread across her face.

"You give me the details and leave me to do the rest."

The agency boss had to hand it to this nurse. She got over her obvious reservations fast. The problem was that she wouldn't stay with the agency long. One hospital or another was bound to snap her up.

With a grim smile on her face, Karen parked her green MG sports car at some distance from the main gates and strode purposefully towards the gates, her papers folded under her arm. She was looking forward to this. Ken's face dropped a mile as soon as he caught sight of her. No matter what her reduced status, nothing and no one could detract from her strength of personality.

"Always knew you were innocent, Miss," he stammered, a foolish smile on his face." Some of us always believed in you."

"Aren't you going to take me through the procedures and check over my papers. I could be a foreign terrorist for all you know," came the frosty reply.

"I'll do as you say and tell Dr Nicholson that the agency nurse has arrived," Ken stammered apologetically. Inwardly, Karen was grinning. She had forgotten how formidable she could be.

As she was taken briefly through the wing, Julie Saunders spotted her and her face lit up. She waved enthusiastically and Karen grinned back and managed a regal wave. She knew that word would run round the wing like wildfire. Sure enough, she came to the medical wing and Dr Nicholson's face immediately darkened with anger the second he saw her.

"You can go straight back to where you came from, Ms Betts. I don't want your sort here."

"Fine," snapped Karen, her blue eyes flashing fire and her hands on her hips." You try picking up the phone and tell that to the agency. I'll be billed for the four days I'm contracted to be here and for another, you piss the agency round like this and you can forget about them bailing you out next time you're short of a nurse. You're SMO and it will be your head on the block."

The man's face froze and Karen knew that his cowardice would hold him back. She could hear his mind trying to devise some face saving formula. Just then, the phone rang and his cold, scornful voice enabled Karen to piece the story together.

"You mean that our favourite resident slasher has been at work? It's a shame she doesn't do a proper job of it. She's picked the worst possible moment to do this. You want me to go over?"

"Pass the phone over, Dr Nicholson," Karen said coldly, a sense of powerful resolve and dual professional instincts kicking in." I'll deal with it."

"You take the first aid kit and report to me when you've done. Try not to take up valuable hospital space. Self inflicted injury doesn't deserve my valuable time to be wasted." Karen kept a straight face. The man was as useless and as ineffective as she had remembered.

In a second, she threaded herself along the familiar corridors, and clattered up the stairs to the 2s where a grave faced Selena Geeson was waiting for her.

"You're the agency nurse? Come this way as we certainly need your help."

"That's what I'm here for."

Karen strode inside the cell where a horrified looking Julie Saunders greeted her, accompanied by a mute Julie Johnson, too overcome to find words to speak.

"Thank Gawd you're here, Miss Betts. It's dead serious as far as I can see."

Karen caught her breath as an ugly series of deep parallel gashes marked the woman's upper and lower left arm and blood stained the bedclothes of the unconscious woman. Karen caught her breath in horror and immediately set to work to try and clean up the worst of the wounds. She checked the woman's pulse on a patch of skin that was left unharmed. Not good.

"I'd called for Dr Nicholson as well but he didn't think it was that important," added Selena doubtfully.

"He's got to be joking. Look here, you call up for a stretcher and tell the medical team to stand by for a blood transfusion."

"I'll do it but it needs Dr Nicholson's say so," Selena said doubtfully.

"If he causes any trouble, pass your mobile to me and I'll deal with him," Karen snapped sternly, visibly slipping into wing governor's mode of thinking. Selena Geeson looked wide eyed at the way this fill-in nurse exerted such strength of personality and wondered how the hell the Julies were on such familiar terms with this total stranger to Larkhall.

"She'll sort him out if you're having trouble, Miss Geeson. She's the expert," added Julie Johnson helpfully as the fair-haired prison officer got through on the phone and spoke more forcefully to the man who she hated as much as she had hated Fenner.

"Can someone tell me what the hell's going on here," called out a harsh voice from behind them. The tall slim woman with long, dark hair pulled back from her forehead was the new successor of Di Barker as wing governor. Karen guessed as much in seconds.

"I'm Nurse Betts from the agency and this is an emergency. This is serious and if we don't work fast, you'll have a corpse on your hands. Julies, I may need you to help me out till the stretcher comes."

"Just like old times, eh miss?" the two women answered in chorus to Frances Myers' considerable amazement. Still, she couldn't help respecting the presence of mind of this nurse who clearly knew what she was doing. She wasn't that touchy about her authority if those around her got their fingers out and did the right thing.

"When the nurse and the stretcher crew have done their business, I want words with Sylvia Hollamby at once. That bone idle battleaxe has a lot to account for."

Karen knew at once that her old enemy was this unfortunate woman's personal officer. She exchanged knowing glances at the Julies and smiled wryly to herself. While she was near the bottom of the official pecking order, it did permit her to openly express her feelings. After all, this dump wasn't her responsibility any more.


	10. Chapter 10

**Scene Ten**It hadn't taken Trisha and Sally-Anne long to adjust to each other in running Chix but by then they had got past a lot of their problems in establishing a loving relationship for the long run.Trisha and Nikki had built up the club together and their differing talents had made the division of duties perfectly natural. Trisha had the natural business head while Nikki had organized the practical duties, including hiring and firing staff. Since Nikki had been taken out of the picture, Trisha had found out the painful way, how limited were her girlfriends' sense of commitment as they came across Trisha's devotion to running Chix. It was a third element in their relationship and, to put it politely, these had not coexisted very smoothly. It hadn't taken long before the token efforts of participation had tailed off and Trisha had come to learn how it had infallibly helped cause their relationships to fall apart acrimoniously. She had come to feel from bitter experience that love and business could never be as conjoined as when she had been with Nikki. She had tried to resolve that sense of confusion by employing Gill when she had come on their scene. It had been almost gratifying to know that her apparent willingness to help wasn't permeated with any kind of sexual undertone. Trisha had thought that she could be objective with her until, with Helen's help, she found how badly she had been financially ripped off. She'd finally sacked Gill and had been forced to borrow several thousand pounds from her bank to plug the financial hole. Trisha remembered feeling especially bitter when monthly payments had been made out of her hard won enterprise and this had only ceased when Sally Anne had generously paid off the debt out of her compensation money.Now that Sally Anne had stepped into the breach, Trisha hadn't realized how she may have been driven to become a control freak for the best of reasons. All her instincts had been to resist handing over any control after this succession of disasters. She had to make a conscious effort to let Sally Anne get involved bit by bit and step backwards from total control. She kept reminding herself that this wasn't Sally Anne taking over her empire but her own insecurities at work. She knew that physical intimacy came easily to her but getting over Gill violating something precious to her wasn't easy. Trisha blessed her good fortune that Sally's natural imperturbability and understanding soothed these fears and how remarkably Sally had turned her life around after all the trauma she'd been through. Sally didn't comment, she just knew and made a determined effort to reassure Trisha in what she did rather than give her flowery bullshit. All this gentle effort made Trisha feel very emotional and glad to be feeling right about herself. "After all, an honest ex-copper who has fallen in love for the first time in her life with another woman will do right by me," she silently mouthed against Sally Anne's bare skin while the dark-haired woman slept peacefully in her arms one Sunday morning.

Saturday evening and Sunday morning were incredibly important to them both. After witnessing women coming together and finding themselves in ach other, it was their turn.

Both women had that sense of freedom that when they got back home, they could express their ardent love for each other and that their arms and limbs could be gloriously intertwined with each other. They made love with a passion that never seemed to die down as each roused in the other molten desires that could not be denied to themselves or to each other.

It was early in the morning when Trisha opened one bleary eye and felt her arm lie across her lover's breasts. Trisha looked fondly down on her lover who had a blissful, contented smile across her face. On this day, she could alternate between semi-wakefulness and dreamless contentment.

Finally, Trisha followed a whim of hers, slipped out of bed and took herself to the bedroom dressing table and sat in front of the large mirror, slowly brushing her long fair hair. Sally Anne lay lazily sideways in bed looking at her lover. She admired the slender lines of her lover's back and, reflected in the mirror, she could see that half smile on Trisha's face. It was absolute paradise to feel with calm serenity that she was immersed in the love of this blond haired woman. Sally Anne could watch her all day and life seemed timeless in its perfection as a dreamy feeling of warmth spread through her. As her thoughts took shape, she realized that she presented an equally delightful spectacle as she made no attempt at maidenly modesty in draping their white duvet round her, exposing her breasts to Trisha's gaze at her through the mirror. Trisha laid her hairbrush on the side as Sally Anne silently slipped out of bed and planted several soft kisses on the other woman's back.

"Mmmm," murmured Trisha with a sense of deep self satisfaction." I thought you'd never come over."

"Well, I'm here now, babes," Sally Anne replied with a husky tone to her voice, revealing her own growing desires." Ready and waiting for you,"

She planted another soft kiss on her lover's back and slid her arms round her lover, her fingers gently caressing Trisha's breasts. She had that delicious sense in having no need to hurry as she leaned up against her lover and kissed the side of her neck. Trisha reached upwards and backwards to touch Sally as she looked into the mirror and feasted her eyes on the dark haired woman. Finally, a sigh of satisfaction breathed out from them both as Sally's fingertips gently stroked her lover's nipples. They knew that this was the payoff from all the hard slog over the last week, validated by this preliminary to their slow lovemaking just as they had passionately made love the night before. Trisha felt a surge of desire rise up inside her as those exquisitely slim fingers of Sally's right hand started to slide against the inside of Trisha's thigh. A wave of emotion spread through her as she thought about everything of Sally's presence.

"How good it is, darling to wake up next to you. I wouldn't like to think where I'd be without you."

"Sweetheart, you've done so much for you," Sally whispered as she kissed the other woman's ear.

A wave of emotion swept through Sally Anne as Trisha's feelings were felt by her. This was so far away from the cool, calm and collected Trisha that it had to be totally real. Trisha turned away from the mirrored reflection of her lover towards the real woman who settled on her lap. Trisha flung her arms around the dark haired woman and both knew what they wanted. After kissing deeply and passionately, they moved interlocked onto their rumpled bed, Sally Anne on top and they joyously celebrated the dawning of a new day.

*****

Several hours later, they were curled up together on their settee, Trisha's black trousered leg draped over Sally, a hot steaming mug of coffee on a side table and her lover's left hand clasped in hers. While grey skies swirled low over London's rooftops, their cosy living room shut out the winter's gloom outside. They fell to talking companionably and reflecting on the present. They loved the feel of lying next to each other while music played softly around them.

Both women had noticed how the club was becoming more and more successful and they were attracting a younger crowd besides the thirty something women who had grown up with Trisha. It meant that they needed another barmaid and no longer could one of them be there on their own as in the old days

"The whole scene is changing," Trisha said as her right hand outlined the direction of her thoughts." It's becoming much more overground. We're getting regular adverts in Diva naturally but even some of the average glossies feature us."  
"That's really good news for us. It means that more women can feel free to be as they are," murmured Sally against the other woman's cheek.

"It's not that simple, babes. Years ago, any lesbian bar that started up drew in women who were grateful for their very existence. It was all spread by word of mouth on the underground grapevine."

"We're bound to get more commercialized. After all, we're operating a business. It's bound to work for our benefit."

"I'm beginning to think like Nikki," Trisha smiled wryly and gently disagreeing. Sally was saying what she had used to tell Nikki. "She was always the idealist and I was the money head."

"How do you mean, babes?" Sally Anne asked with absolutely no hint of insecurity. She simply wanted to know what her lover meant by the remark as she respected Nikki's opinions.

"The trouble is that a lot of the younger women are taking for granted what took us years to build up. I'm not asking for abject gratitude and for women to kiss our feet but just a little respect. Some of them are getting too pushy and rowdy for my liking. They're just coming to get obliterated. I've recently had to calm one or two of them down a bit and they've got argumentative. I get the feeling that they treat us like any other club owners."

"You're looking to me to provide expertise, babes? The problem is that I've not been into straight clubs for years. You know, the time long ago when I thought I was straight. They were like meat markets. I remember having to watch out for the drunks, the men I mean," Sally Anne pursued with her mouth slightly open. She hadn't noticed anything untoward but maybe Trisha had noticed intangibles going on under her eyes that she hadn't.

"So how far different are these clubs? You're the only woman I know with any inside information." Trisha had pondered this problem for some time but only accident of fate had prompted her to ask for Sally Anne's input.

"Well, for a start, we don't have tanked up testosterone men on the loose, my ex colleagues in the police force being prime examples. They were the worst culprits when let off the leash after supposedly upholding law and order on duty," shuddered Sally Anne Howe at the memory.

"Some of these young kids are verging that way, I mean without the testosterone obviously," observed Trisha dryly." I mean what do we do? I mean do we hire proper bouncers or go membership only? All this is bound to eat into our profits," Trisha said doubtfully, casting around for ideas.

"Do we really want some butch lesbian bouncer lurking around, looking menacing? It might put off some of our regulars who want to chill out," added Sally Anne, equally uncertain." I wouldn't dismiss anything out of hand but I can't think of an alternative that grabs my inspiration."

Both women were certain of their love as they pressed each other's hands and leaned into each other. They were equally uncertain of how to resolve this conundrum or just let this go. Anyway, the rest of the Sunday was their treat for the taking.

*****

"I'm only too delighted to write you a reference," exclaimed Helen." I've known you for a few years now I come to think about it. Let me loose with the form and I'll get composing."

"I was wondering who else to use," Karen asked in puzzled tones." I wouldn't touch anyone now within the prison service with a bargepole and I'm sure their feelings are likewise. That leaves me with the women from Chix who know me best in reality but it doesn't go back a long way. Nikki's a possibility but let's face it that goes back to when she was behind bars. Let's face it, to the average outside world, that doesn't look good."

"Of course I understand Karen," Helen said warmly, picking up on Karen's hesitant tone of voice." She told me that last night."

"So that leaves George,"

"I don't see that as a problem. They're bound to know about the trial case. If they don't, they're bound to ask you what you've been doing with yourself since you last worked at Larkhall. You might as well get in first and George's credentials get turned around in your favour. Sure, you were her client but you've gone on to become friends. She'll have seen you at a time when your character 'shone forth' as they say. That goes back before you met the rest of the gang so who better else to pick?"

Karen was left open mouthed and speechless at the striking way Helen had cut through her confusion of thought. It reminded her just why she had once been her boss and made her wonder just how she pulled these answers out of nowhere.


	11. Chapter 11

**Scene Eleven **

The harsh lights shone down on the polished mahohany veneer of the large wide desk, the black laptop at the right hand side. To the right was an 'in tray' into which a large open folder lay,the pages splaying out in sequence. The protective wrapper marked 'restricted- staff in confidence' had been stripped and lay underneath it. The middle aged man with hair greying at the sides and hair combed neatly across his scalp whistled softly at the contents of the file that was unwrapped. This wasn't the normal file dealing with the run of the mill criminal investigations that he was used to and had come down from the very top, duly signed and sealed. The covering minute made plain how the investigation should proceed and just how the backup would provided a detailed briefing instruction as to the relevant law and a clear explanation of the practicalities. The police superindendent didn't need to think which of his DIs to allocate his case to. The man had that degree of tenacity and organisation to get stuck into the case and wotuld work out the logistics. He picked up the phone to call the man into his office.

**********

To Nikki, Helen and Karen, the prospect of Fenner's trial had a peculiar dreamlike quality about it. What was solidly etched in black capital lretters into their mindswas the trial date, Friday December 16th 2001. Objectively speaking the outcome of the trial was inevitable but both women had that lurking suspicion that they dare not count their chickens before they hatched. All of them had seen before how he had wriggled out of tight corners, only to turn round and ensnare his pursuer. Hopefully, the systematic application of the law would finally settle accounts, or so they hoped. Helen found a parking place near the Old Bailey and dropped the Red Peugeot into the slot, promptly followed by Karen's trim Green MG sports car.

"You ready to see the show?" Karen asked gaily, a broad smile on her face, her blond hair glossy and brushed as she swung out of her car. She looked in the peak of condition, her skin clear and subtly made up. Nikki could tell that Beth's kind of tender loving was continuing to do her friend the world of good.

"So long as that bastard goes down for a good long stretch," came Nikki's succinct reply, which made Helen laugh.

"Come on then," Karen replied, leading the way across the road.

Once again, they trod the well-worn steps of the Old Bailey as relative veterans to the very particular world of the criminal court. Somehow, they instinctively made their way to the same places they occupied in watching Nikki's reappeal, Sally Anne case against the Metropolitan Police for compensation and finally Karen's trial for the very same offence.

"Jesus, we've seen such a lot of this court," Helen said as they climbed up the succession of steps of the curving staircase to the visitor's gallery. It felt like an old friend to them.

"It's our choice, babes," Nikki said slyly, knowing very well what the answer would be." After all, it isn't as if we have to be here."

"You've got to be kidding, Nikki," exploded Helen. "You don't seriously think that I'm not going to watch him go by and taken down to the cells and make faces at the bastard?"

As they entered the gallery, they half expected to see the threatening black statue presence of Sir Ian on the back row with or without his faithful henchman Lawrence James. This time, they took their seats and felt free of the lurking presence of the establishment behind them. There was an underlying sense of bubbling cheerfulness between the three women even at such a solemn formal event.

"Beth sends everyone her love," explained Karen cheerfully while the court was ready to assemble," but her editor's breathing down her neck to contribute her piece. She knows it's not of earth shattering consequences but it pays her wages."

"Trisha phoned me last night just before she was due to head off to Chix," added Nikki." She knew very well that she and Sally-Anne were going to feel half dead this morning. I know what it's like way back when. She insists I phone up when the results are in, hopefully with the good news.'

"Good news?" questioned Helen, her high spirits bubbling over with infectious glee. "This one must be a dead certainty – as far as any move to nail the bastard ever is."

There was a definite sense of achieving final closure on a long and painful part of all their lives. The man had haunted their steps, ever since Nikki had run up against his very first misogynist jeer and his blatant favouritism of Shell Dockley. Helen, too, remembered his apparently smooth guileless face pretending agreement with her naïve enthusiasms while undermining her authority. Karen, too, wondered just why when she attended that long ago conference, she ever went to bed with that man. She let the thought go as she knew that, back then, she was a completely different woman. The only thing that connected them was the common flesh and blood that they inhabited, nothing else.

Right in the centre of their vision stood that man in the dock, a presence that alternately glowered at them and put on his best innocent expression to his defence barrister. He was dressed in his smartest suit and looked cleaned and polished to perfection. The only stain he couldn't erase was his thoroughly murky past going back over so many years and so many lives he had ruined. His eyes betrayed his nature as they darted round the courtroom suspiciously but somehow not looking in the direction of the visitor's gallery.

From the moment Fenner spotted George in her accustomed place, he glared at her with such intensity that the woman could grasp intuitively how much dangerous power there was unleashed to a woman without the protection, which she enjoyed. She could feel that she was hated, as she was a dangerous intelligent woman who wasn't taken in by his blandishments. The man was a borderline psychopath in his paranoia and his lack of guilt. George mentally shrugged her shoulders, as after all Neil Haughton was in the same category except that he took care to keep his hands clean. She felt fairly calm and relaxed as her recall of the details of Karen's trial set a pretty secure template for her thinking.

Soon, one of the judges they didn't recognized started the proceedings. He was fairly colourless and the three women noted immediately that he was no John Deed.

She set out her case with systematic determination with no need to employ any theatrics as her thorough grasp of the case enabled her to stick to the facts. She started to forensically stack up the evidence against Fenner as Shirley Cheetham rapidly and confidently ran through her evidence with total precision, including the very damning CCTV evidence. Gleefully, the gallery watched Fenner glare stonily in front of him as they could see him tied down to the truth with no chance to blur the facts. Helen marvelled at the way that, for once in his life, the man was left no opportunity to squirm his way out of the trap he'd fallen into. He had no accomplice he could either fool or browbeat. She looked sideways at Karen and knew that both of them shared the same feelings. They weren't going to be totally certain of the outcome until the trial finally came to a conclusion. They'd both had their fingers very badly burnt before. They could have sworn they saw him mumble 'bitches' under his breath as Shirley Cheetham made particularly telling points

It took time for a déjà vu feel start to build up as, this time around, Karen's innocence was the starting point. Finally, George confronted Fenner directly for the first time during the trial.

"Mr. Fenner, you testified at the trial of Karen Betts for the very same offence that you were charged with that, on the night Gerald Baker's life was taken that, and I quote, 'I felt really ill from the row so I headed off home and crashed out. When I came to, I wanted some fresh air so I had a wander round on my own to clear my head. Couldn't say where I went to. After a bit, I went home and got some sleep.' Are you still prepared to stick to that account of your actions that night?"

"I've got no reason to say different," Fenner said sulkily.

"Do you deny that saying to Karen Betts 'what are you up to, you conniving bitch- secret meetings-you're at it big time', telling her not to 'prick you about.' And that you'd 'bloody well kill her.' The evidence given in the trial seems pretty conclusive."

"I've had arguments with plenty of people. As a long serving prison officer, you get used to all sorts of aggravation. You get it and you give it back. It doesn't mean I'm going to murder them," Fenner said in a low tone of voice. Helen shook her head that the man was still trying his old tricks.

"Do you really deny the evidence that you had an almighty row with Karen Betts, the same day that Gerald Baker's life was taken?"

"You are taking things right out of context. You're not telling the court the things she said to me."

"Then there's the evidence given by Tony Foster who saw you in Karen Betts car putting on a blond wig and driving off at a time just before Gerald Baker was murdered."

"Me put a blond wig on. That's laughable. The next thing you'll say is that I put lipstick on. I'm totally one hundred per cent straight."

George was struck by the strangeness of this man's reply. His words and manner were identical to when he had appeared as a witness and Karen Betts was in the dock. This only put her off her stride for a split second. She pressed home Tony Foster's account in more detail and finally rounded into her concluding masterstroke.

"I put it to you, James Fenner, that you cold bloodedly ran over one Gerald Baker in order to incriminate Karen Betts. This would have the very convenient effect of negating the file she had submitted to the Prison Service of your sexual abuse of a vulnerable prisoner."

This had an extraordinary effect on Fenner. They seemed to light a match inside him, as he turned red in the face and his eyes glittered manically. Unknown to George, those words had been hurled at him by a livid Karen Betts when Di Barker had tipped him off about the file that Karen Betts had been preparing. This mental explosion sparked off a secondary combustion inside him as the man recalled Nikki Wade's glare and angry words fixed in his direction, naming and shaming him at the aftermath of the appeal hearing that set her free. All his long pent up feelings surged out in a long stream of words, delivered at a volume level, which filled the courtroom.

"Sexual abuse? That's a good one. I've slaved for years in Her Majesty's Prison and the Army before that. I've done every menial job there is and worked my way up because I know what I'm doing. Everything started going wrong for me when that Stewart got parachuted in over my head. I was the one asking her to not swamp us with a load of needless paperwork, to go easy on the drugs testing. She was the one who went on the wing and caused a near riot to break out when I told her that the softly, softly approach would work…..now take that bitch Wade, always cheeking us and trying to undermine the system only that Stewart went moist on her and took her side every time…..now you take Betts. She'd done her footslogging days …the only trouble was when she got authority, it went to her head and she took Atkins' side….now there was another dangerous con, wife of that Eastend gangland villain Charlie Atkins…… All I was doing was trying to do my job…all the time I served at Larkhall, I never once stepped over the line not once……."

By contrast, the court was in total hush as the non-stop rant continued without check. The three women in the gallery realized to their horror that Fenner wasn't really speaking to them, but about them in long monologue to himself. George reflected on one of life's ironies that the establishment had deliberately excluded John Deed from trying the case. If he had been there, John would have had the force of personality to stop Fenner in his tracks and this anonymous judge hadn't that capacity. The defence barrister opposite number, Neumann Mason-Alan was opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish. She could read his thought as if they were written on the space that separated them. This man was digging himself deeper into a hole and the judge should stop him. He wouldn't or couldn't as proprieties held him back from intervening. From George's position, she was happy enough to let the man carry on with his self-deluding lies. They served to convict him as surely as did her prosecution of the case.

"……You have to be strong to work in the prison service. Strong." Fenner continued, beating his chest with his fist in pride." There's lying bitches who'll try and drag you down and tempt you into going off the straight and narrow. It's not just in the cons. There are prison officers who'll let the side down. As for this accusation of running down this man, can't you see that this is raving madness. I wouldn't step over the line, I tell you."

To the horrified spectators, Fenner suddenly extended his arms wide, either side of him. It seemed that he was adopting a 'crucifixion' pose. It felt grotesquely inappropriate but the three women in the gallery knew beyond doubt that he really believed in himself. This was ultimate lunacy.

"I'm innocent. Can't you see that I'm innocent? I'm innocent, I tell you," Fenner shouted at the top of his longs.

There was a total hush in the court as the reverberations slowly settled down.

"Thank you, Mr. Fenner. I think you have made everything crystal clear for the jury," George said softly.

Neumann Mason-Alan waved his hand in indication to the judge that he didn't want to reexamine Fenner. All he wanted was to get out of this court as soon as possible and collect his fee.


	12. Chapter 12

**Scene Twelve **

The closing addresses of the two barristers were almost an anti-climax after the drama of fenner cracking up which had exploded out of nowhere. The judge gave brief directions to the jury in formal tones. The three women in the gallery were ahead of him, divining that the charge of murder applied if Fenner was considered to have deliberately ran down Gerald Baker and the alternative of manslaughter if the jury considered that Fenner merely drove recklessly and lost control of the car, He sent the jury off to deliberate and adjourned the hearing for a late lunch.

The three women's fixed attention on the theatre of the court faded away. They turned round and suddenly became aware of Bodybag sitting silently behind them. The expression on her face was a peculiar mixture of anger and embarrassment, which tilted towards anger at the sight of them. It didn't put them off their stroke.

"I suppose you've all come to gloat at Jim's misfortune," she said with a tight expression in her voice. It was clearly intended to make them guilty.

"As a matter of fact, yes we ahave," Karen said bluntly, taking fire at this woman's hypocrisy. She was in no mood to have a guilt trip laid on her. "Just where the hell was anyone from Larkhall, especially you, Sylvia, when I was going through sheer bloody hell? Out of sight, out of mind, that's what I was. Yvonne Atkins and I saved Larkhall from being privatized and you from being out of a job. I really don't know why I bothered. Only Nikki and Helen stood by me and that's why they' re my friends. Just get out of my way."

"Should we cry our eyes out if Fenner gets sent down?" snapped Helen who, like Nikki glared at this woman. She fumbled for her handbag, gathered it up and scuttled up the steps and out of harm's way.

"Just why does that woman still defend that bastard, even after hearing everything that went on? She did hear all the trial, didn't she?" wondered Karen aloud to the others.

"You bet she heard everything, Karen. Come on, let's get a drink at the bar across the road. I'm thirsty," replied Nikki.

The three women clattered down the staircase and greeted George at the bottom who had a wide smile on her face.

"We're going to the pub across the road, George. Care to join us?" Helen called out.

The longing look on George's face told the three women that the barrister was seriously tempted until duty reined her in.

"I'd love to but I had better keep Claire company and have a clear head for the result. You never know what might happen, especially as this judge is a stranger. I'll phone you when we're called back and hopefully join you afterwards."

Helen graciously thanked George's consideration and the three women strode confidently out to the bar.

*******

They had got in a round of drinks in a mood of excited cheerfulness. Helen's choice of vodka and the other two women's choice of soft drinks was an obvious guide as to who was driving.

"And I did want to have a few drinks to celebrate," murmured Nikki disconsolately.

"Never mind, babes. Just imagine, you've got a shot of vodka in your orange," laughed Helen gaily.

"You try it if you're so certain, Ms Stewart. You're just rubbing salt into my wounds," retorted Nikki with mock anger.

"Aaah, but I don't have to," came Helen's gleeful reply to the accompaniment of Karen's hearty laughter. She enjoyed the cheerful banter between the two women and could listen to them all day.

Just then, two slim hands slipped round Karen's waist as Beth's perfume and her soft kiss on Karen's cheek greeted her. The blond haired woman sighed blissfully as her lover glided round to face her.

"I figured out which pub you'd all be in and thought I'd surprise you, darling."

"Surprises like these, I could lap up all day, babes," murmured Karen with a satisfied smile on her face.

"So come on. How's everything gone?" Beth asked excitedly.

"You never can tell for sure but George did a fine job with her case and made mincemeat of Fenner. He ended up losing it bigtime," Nikki replied laconically.

"Anger or tears or both?"

"Just anger. I blush to admit it, Beth, but I lived with Fenner once. I was even engaged to be married- for all of five minutes. You know, I'm probably the only one who's seen him in tears when I called round after his wife and kids left him. That's probably the one and only sincere emotion when compared with a lifetime of lies, deceit and trickery not to say violence and rape."

The way Karen's tone of voice shifted from the shamefaced, through contemplative and finally to sudden anger would have jarred on the others if they hadn't understood her.

"So what caused you to break it off with him, Karen? Come on, I'm nosy. You can talk about it now and achieve final and total closure on him." Nikki noted approvingly how Helen's answer shifted from the light hearted to the gently compassionate.

"When you left Larkhall, you left a report for me to find about how he sexually assaulted you. Right?"

.

"I did that as my last desperate attempt to get you to see through him."

"It did the trick…..eventually though not without a few wobbles. It takes time to really get clear of a control freak like him."

"So you finally chucked him and finally ended up with Beth instead," Nikki gently intervened.

"And I finally got through that stupid weakness for smooth talking bastards and found what I really wanted out of life."

"You know, I'd bet Adolph Hitler was very affectionate towards his pet Alsatian. Says it all, really," observed Nikki dryly.

Karen laughed loudly and freely at Nikki's priceless remark. She slid her arm affectionately around Beth's waist and leaned against her, not giving a damn who else was in the pub. She came close to weeping tears of joy at the spirit of humanity around her.

"Bless you, Nikki for that one. You and Helen are the best friends I've ever had …as well as George and Alice. I'm really lucky…so screw you, Fenner. Rot in hell."

This time, her rant against Fenner was inspired by a joyous affirmation of life and not tainted by any half resolved contrary feelings.

"Hey Beth darling," Karen said in an unusually wheedling tone of voice." Did you drive here? I mean……"

"Babes, I came here by taxi. I would be delighted to drive your car if it means you want to drink something more exciting than fresh orange. I will be careful with your pride and joy, I promise."

"Bless you," Karen said expansively, kissing her lover full on her lips." In which case, I'm safe to have a double vodka after all."

"So it means that I've only you to keep company in the boring teetotal stakes," Nikki said mournfully to general laughter.

***************

The courtroom assembled into place and the tension emanating from Fenner was visible. He had always possessed the faith that, somehow, he could wriggle clear out of any tight corner. His faith in his own invincibility had sustained him throughout his life. In this most severe of tests he felt it slipping through his hands. It couldn't happen to him, surely.

The non-verbal system of signals indicated that the jury was ready to deliver it verdict. The tension ratcheted itself up to fever pitch even if the judge was being fairly passive and detached.

"Have you reached a verdict on which you are all agreed?" the court usher requested of the foreman, a middle aged man of not particular distinguishing characteristics.

"Yes we have, my lord."

"On the charge of manslaughter, how do you find the defendant, guilty or not guilty?"

"Guilty."

"On the alternate charge of murder, how do you find the defendant, guilty or not guilty?"

"Guilty."

There was an audible gasp from the gallery for wildly differing reasons, which died into the echoing spaces of the court. George exhaled her breath with feelings of relief. Neumann Mason-Alan looked blank faced.

"James Fenner, you have been found guilty of an offence that cuts deeper than any other hit and run accident. I have passed judgment on those whose main crime were recklessness and ended up in a situation where they lost control of the car, with catastrophic consequences. Your crime is far more sinister and far-reaching. I am perfectly satisfied that you carefully chose one intended victim, Karen Betts and to a lesser extent Gerald Baker. You deliberately broke into Miss Betts' flat to remove evidence that could be used against you in connection with your career. You stole her car and took a bottle of alcohol with the deliberate intention of using both to incriminate Miss Betts her in a deliberately staged hit and run accident. Your manner of driving was deliberately designed to cause maximum attention and not as a spontaneous expression of reckless abandon. You attended Miss Betts' trial as a prosecution witness, knowing full well that you were guilty and she was innocent and only by the greatest good fortune was the court steered onto the right track and acquitted Miss Betts of the very same charge that you have been found guilty of. So far from expressing any contrition, you have indulged in a warped exhibition, which was designed to exculpate you and has only served to deepen your guilt. In handing down a custodial sentence, you will have full opportunity to contemplate your situation. The sentence is of life imprisonment. Dock officers, take him down."

"Oh no, Jim," Bodybag groaned with a sense of total desolation while Fenner's eyes seemed to stand out on stalks, his face pouring with sweat. Somehow, despite his smart suit, he looked dishevelled. He looked round in a paranoid fashion at the usher either side of him. He sensed immediately that they were going to lay hands on him and take them away……just like he had done so many times to cons that he'd been in charge of. He realized that he'd left his job behind the moment he came off the shift yesterday. He had jobs to finish up at Larkhall, Hedges to mentor and Atkins to keep in line. It was then that he sensed Nikki's fierce stare, locking contact with his. Karen and Helen, either side of him, looked down on him with no pity for his plight.

"You'll regret this, all of you," he suddenly shouted." I'll get my revenge on you, you bitches, just see if I don't. I don't belong behind bars. I'm innocent I tell you."

"_This isn't real," _the three women thought to themselves with a meeting of the eye, _"This is the first time he's acknowledged our presence."_

The two ushers laid a hand of him and gently propelled him out of the dock, round the corner and down the gaping hole of the staircase, which seemed to swallow him whole. His shouting reverberated round the court after he had gone and faded away into nothingness.

"Whew," exclaimed Karen dispassionately." So justice has finally been done. We can get on with living our lives."

The enormity of the event that had taken place before their very eyes hadn't hit home to the three women. It was as if some enormous edifice had come crashing down around them and even though the explosion was librating, it didn't feel real. _After all this time, _they simultaneously thought. All they felt was that it was time to file out of court for what they were sure was going to be the once and final last time in their lives.


	13. Chapter 13

**Scene Thirteen**

The winter sunlight shone wearily through the windows of Trisha's and Sally Anne's flat and it palely illuminated the tousled white double quilt, revealing the odd protruding naked leg or arm, a lock of hair and strewn all around, and a scattering of party clothes. The sunlight was clearly more ready for the day than the two women were. There was no movement from the room for a long time. In vain the gentle winter breezes blew on the closed window, urging those who needed their spirits lifting to enjoy the bright sunshine.

It took a long time before an arm and leg to stretch out, for the two women to arch their backs and stretch the exertions of last night out of their systems. Finally, one brown eye blearily opened and, with assistance from the other, finally focussed on the tousled blond hair, pair of deep blue eyes and the soft smile looking down on her from some vague space.

"Are you as badly able to face the morning as I feel, babes?" Trisha's voice croaked.

"God, do I feel tired and wrecked. We must have danced out feet off and had way more to drink than normal. We did lock up properly last night, darling?" Sally answered in a husky tone of voice rising to an anxious note at the end.

"Relax babes. After all these years, I can do it with my eyes closed- even if they were half closed and my legs wobbly from the champagne we drank……..That was some party, something we've not held for ages."

"The place was certainly rocking, with Helen and Nikki cavorting about, George letting her hair down with Alice and Karen and Beth celebrating like there was no tomorrow. Everyone had a good time…..and we were part of it," Sally Anne said dreamily, running her hair through her lover's hair. Strong images of the celebration party were flickering through her mind as the other women there who hadn't really followed the case were pulled into the energy emanating off the women who had. For once, the club assistants had kindly insisted that they could hold the fort while Sally Anne and Trisha joined the celebrations and after an inward struggle let go their normal constraints. They didn't rightly remember the sequence of drinks except that it went to their heads in a whirligig of pulsing music, loving embraces with their dear friends and energetic dancing. Both women knew that they had enough energy to gently caress each other but anything more felt out of the question – at least for now.

Trisha moved her body slightly to face her lover and they each gently cradled the other in her arms.

"I really don't feel like getting out of bed. I don't think I can move. I'm sorry, darling. The spirit's willing but the flesh is definitely weak."

While waves of tiredness flowed through their systems, they lay together, looking into each other's eyes and feeling that sense of physical closeness between them. As for later, who knows?

This was the similar reaction between Karen and Beth, Nikki and Helen and George and Alice. It was a peaceful Sunday morning after Fenner's trial and everyone had that dreamy, 'wiped out' feel about them. The day passed in a haze but the celebrations and its aftermath had drawn them closer together with their partners.

******

It was George who put the word about that next Sunday should be an informal party at her flat. It would be a decorous event with buffet food and drinks, which she would personally provide. Everyone cheered up immensely at the thought as George had started to gain a reputation for being immensely hospitable and it enabled all of the women to break clear of that feeling of laziness after that party at Chix. Sally Anne and Trisha were talking about this move away from their normal habits and it sparked a thought in Sally Anne's mind.

"Trisha," Sally asked one day in the week before setting out to Chix. "Haven't you had the feeling that we ought to get away once in a while?"

Trisha stopped dead in her tracks. It was a perfectly reasonable suggestion but she had got so into ploughing her energies into Chix, into her lover and into their friends in no definable sense of priority. It crossed her mind that they were certainly piling a lot of money into their bank account from the club with little time to enjoy it in. She and Sally Anne were glad to provide backup for wider causes like standing outside the Home Office to support the judges' picket line, but it briefly held their attention in passing. Trisha was further away from Nikki and Helen's intense political interest but she wasn't averse to it. She smiled to herself at the irony of Nikki's obvious platonic friendship with John Deed but she accepted it for what it was. After all, she had come across this guy, this Harley Street doctor who had got her to give up smoking and had treated Sally Anne for the aftermath of her traumatic experience of being raped. She had noticed John Deed as someone who was a definite cut above the average guy and who was an obvious charmer of straight women but that was all.

"You're a million miles away, babes," Sally Anne said tenderly.

"It doesn't matter. I was just thinking for no particular reason about your therapist and this judge friend of Nikki and Helen," Trisha said softly. She had nearly brushed aside Sally's question as to what was on her mind but realized that she had to be honest, even in little ways. Living with Nikki had taught her that much." You're right. We deserve a treat. Leave this one with me to think over………."

********

The buffet food was artfully arranged on George's best china and the finest wines were nicely chilled. The blond haired woman looked on with great satisfaction and deeply thankful for letting Alice help out in her unobtrusive fashion. On this occasion, she had simply let the words out of her mouth to ask for Alice's help and felt a curious sense of relief when she accepted the offer.

"Thank you so much, darling. You are uniquely privileged in being the only person who I've ever felt comfortable in sharing a kitchen with. That has to say something about us, doesn't it?"

Alice smiled warmly at such a compliment. She had unobtrusively spread and cut up pate sandwiches and tastefully arranged miniature sausages and fitted in so well while George busied herself. In turn, the blond haired women never had the sense of her hackles rising as she did when Neil Haughton drifted in and out so as to ensure the servants were in order. During her marriage to John, he had had the sense to stay out of the way and to only enter her holy of holies for specified purposes.

The first knock at her door announced Helen and Nikki's entrance, Helen in her salmon pink floaty crinkled chiffon dress and silver Prada open toed sling backs with 3 inch heels which emphasized her petite beauty. Nikki by contrast, wore open sandals and her favourite stunning white suit, which contrasted with her dark hair. George greeted them enthusiastically, complimenting them profusely on their outfits with not a shred of that competitiveness that she once had felt. At this party, everyone was allowed to shine in their glory.

"Hmmm, I love the look of your buffet, George," Nikki grinned mischievously.

"Can't take her anywhere," laughed Helen as her partner's healthy appetite manifested itself so publicly.

"Alice did so well in helping me out. Give credit's where it's due."

Nikki nodded her approval of the other woman's sentiment, which nicely balanced the archly theatrical and the straight down the line in George. There was a natural sense of understanding between the two women.

"You must have a drink," Alice offered in her most hospitable fashion.

"I might have known that you'd be here first for the drinks, Helen," called a laughing voice from behind them as Trisha made her presence known, holding Sally Anne's hand.

Trisha wore her favourite light blue relaxed looking jacket and skirt while Sally Anne wore a loose floaty dress.

"I have a reputation to maintain," countered Helen, grinning all over her face, reveling in the public attention while Nikki smiled at her partner's India rubber character.

"You haven't come by car today, babes?" Trisha asked on a more serious note." We haven't."

"Us neither. It means that neither of us has to stay on the wagon or risk being breathalysed. I like socializing with Ros and Jenny off duty one but somehow the police as a whole aren't exactly my flavour," Helen grinned in reply.

"Are they coming as matter of interest?" Nikki enquired." We owe them one for helping us out when Karen was going through her troubles." This was typical Nikki, George thought affectionately, to consider Karen's troubles as all theirs.

"I got a phone call from Ros and her exact words were 'some bastard put them on the second weekend shift running. Have a few on them but for God's sake don't drive when we're around.'"

All the four women laughed out loud, Karen and Beth included as they caught the last snatch of conversation. George looked on delightedly as a myriad voices started to build up into the ebb and flow of good conversation. Her mind was such that she could chatter away along with the best of them and look in from outside and know that everyone was enjoying themselves. In that way, she had always been the perfect party host but now she was amongst friends she could warm to rather than keep up appearances.

"Does life every get to the point of 'and all ended happily after?'" mused Helen thoughtfully as she stood holding a glass of wine in one hand.

"My experience is that just when life settles down comfortably, things happen out of the blue," Nikki said an unexpected dark tone of voice that was as much a surprise to herself as anyone in the room. "Being expelled from my boarding school for 'lesbian activities' and being disowned by my parents taught me at a pretty early age how life can suddenly turn on you, not to mention driving up to Chix to pick up Trisha as normal and DC Gossard pops up like the evil character in pantomime."

"There was nothing pantomime about that guy, Nikki," Trisha shuddered." You weren't that close to him."

"I know, I know, babes," Nikki said gently, laying her hand on the other woman's hand sympathetically." You know my habit of occasionally shooting my mouth off and saying something I've deeply regretted as Helen knows to her cost."

"And don't I know it," smiled Helen before continuing in an exaggerated stage whisper. "You should have seen her when I first knew her. Such a hard case."

"I had a reputation to maintain as well. I'm basically averagely posh – not by any means in George's class," Nikki retorted with perfect timing and smiling as she caught George's amused glance," but if you're in prison, that can be a bloody liability. If you stay as you naturally are, you'll be pulled apart in no time at all. I sort of toughened up my manner and came over as more butch and tough than I naturally am. Being sent down for doing something as deranged as killing a policeman with a broken bottle also boosts street credibility. It saved my neck though I started out being such a pain in the arse to Helen. What it does mean is that it works wonders in talking to prisoners these days. There is an upside to the experience- once I'm out of it."

This was the first time Nikki had talked about her experiences at some length and it provided a sobering experience. Those women for whom prison was just a word of a newspaper headline thought seriously on Nikki's words.

Finally, Sally refilled her glass and grabbed everyone's attention in proposing a toast. She had grabbed everyone's attention as she sought for the right words when suddenly they formulated themselves.

"Let's toast the future. May Fenner and all his kind rot in hell and the best wishes to all our futures."

A murmur of words echoed her toast and the winter sunshine smiled in on the women who were united by bonds of affection. It was one of those moments that none of them would forget.


	14. Chapter 14

**Scene Fourteen **

The hazy, sentimental mood of recent days framed Helen's response to the knock on the door on the morning of December 18th 2001. It was a date like any other date except that bit nearer Christmas. This knock sounded the same as any other knock, especially as the local postman would make a good panel beater by contrast with this perfectly average rat tat tat..

"I'll get it, Nikki," Helen sang out as she clattered her way to the front door, her thoughts focussed on last minute Christmas presents for her dear friends from Chix. Life had got to the point that they were as precious to her as her family should have been. Smiling slightly with that sense of inner contentment, she threw open the front door, supposing that one of her friends had popped by on the off chance. To her surprise, she saw a youngish man with a thick mop of brown hair. She raised her eyebrows in curiosity. These days, her circle of friends was almost exclusively female. Ironically, it was Nikki who had more platonic male friends than herself. It was in this relaxed frame of mind that she greeted this stranger.

"Hi, what can I do for you?"

"Are you Helen Stewart?" came the reply in the sort of formal tones that instantly put her on her guard. He had a harsh Scottish accent, quite unlike her own.

"What if I am? I'm sure I don't know you so can you tell me who you are?"

"I'm DI Sullivan. I've come to ask you a few questions. Mind if I come in?"

Something with Helen rang loud alarm bells. She had heard of this man's reputation from Karen. Even though Nikki was happily clattering away in the kitchen, she was overwhelmed by this horrible feeling that everything near and dear to her had suddenly become remote from her. In this world, only she and this horrible intruder existed. She put her hand to her mouth in shock.

"You'd better come in," Helen muttered tonelessly as an attempt to feel in control of the situation." Do you want a cup of tea?" she offered in suddenly conciliatory tones, an involuntary reaction which she immediately hated about herself. She had no need to conciliate this, or any man especially as she remembered that this was the policeman who had interviewed, or rather interrogated Karen.

"Thank you, no."

Feeling sick to the pit of her stomach, Helen led the way to the front room, complete with their Christmas tree, decorated with white lights and tinsel to the side of which lay last minute Christmas presents in their plastic and paper carrier bags, fresh from the shops. Wrapping them was where all her today's plans had been concentrated, now that she and Nikki were ready to wind down for Christmas after such an intensely hard year.

"Are you the Helen Stewart who was once wing governor of G Wing at Larkhall Prison, Home Office employee and finally acting Governing Governor of the aforesaid prison?"

"Yes, that was me though it all feels a long long time ago."

"First of all, I must caution you that you are not obliged to say anything but anything you say can be taken down and used in evidence against you," DI Sullivan said in loud hectoring tones.

"Yes," Helen said faintly as if she were a million miles away from herself.

"Are you aware of the provisions of the Official Secrets Act 1989?"

"Yeah, I suppose I do remember it, " murmured Helen tonelessly.

"I'm investigating very serious concerns that have arisen over a publication by the Howard League of Penal Reform. It has made very damaging allegations about the workings of Larkhall prison that would shake public confidence in the prison system. It's author, Nikki Wade immediately leads the trail to you, Helen Stewart as the provider of background information. Such background information amassed in the course of your official duties puts you in peril of breaching the Official Secrets Act 1989 if disclosed without prior authority. I have to inform you that, to my knowledge, there is no such application for disclosure. I'm sure you'll know that this is a potentially criminal matter which could potentially lead to a conviction under Section 10 on indictment, to imprisonment for a term not exceeding two years or a fine or both.," DI Sullivan intoned with increasing sense of menace in his voice.

"Nikki," Helen screamed out loudly, in a state of state of absolute panic, suddenly breaking away from this nightmare into which she had been strong-armed against her will.

Nikki had been clattering away in the kitchen doing a quick tidy up while Helen had disappeared into the front room somewhere. She had just finished and was intent on preparing for their evening meal until that cry for help cut through the air. Primeval instinct drove her to drop everything and run through to the front room. There before her sat a terrified Helen and a man who was clearly threatening saw red straightaway.

"You'd better get the hell out of our house before I throw you out. I mean it. I'm not having a bastard like you around here," Nikki shouted, the furies bursting through that calm reasonable 's immediate plight was very scary but equally so was the way that Nikki was very dangerously was only by an immense effort of will, that she finally found a temporary way out of the horrors that had closed in on them..

"DI Sullivan, you had really better watch your step. I have a very protective girlfriend who really hates me being threatened. Come to think of it, I don't like it either."

"You can't threaten me," DI Sullivan blustered. Helen rolled her eyes skywards in despair of the man.

"Do you have the faintest idea what Nikki was once imprisoned for?" Helen said very forcefully, with controlled anger mingled with fear coursing through her veins. Even though part of her was starting to attain a measure of self-control over her reasoning processes, she was trembling all over as a nervous reaction and also out of fear of what Nikki might do if she was pushed that tiny step over the edge. She had to regain control of the situation that was threatening to spiral out of control.

Fortunately, even DI Sullivan sensed that he had gone too far. Memories of what had happened to DC Gossard came vividly to mind. He sought to soften the situation.

"I'm not coming of my own bat. I've been sent here to make enquiries. I'm only doing my job."

"Historically, that's a very poor excuse. Ask the questions you need to ask and be done," Nikki said scornfully. At that moment, she was infinitely glad that this bastard had aroused her feelings of cold contempt. Likewise, she was incredibly relived that she'd left her carving knife in the kitchen. Her shift in feelings made her feel a lot safer. Helen laughed out loud briefly at Nikki's sharp retort.

"I'm the one in charge here," the man blustered and in doing so, threw away his psychological advantage of officialdom.

"I'm sitting in on this interview, DI Sullivan. I'm giving you no choice in the matter. I'll keep quiet so long as you don't push your luck," Nikki insisted in firm tones.

"I want to know if at any time you, Helen Stewart divulged any official secrets in the course, not only at the time of your official duties at Larkhall prison but afterwards when you are still bound by the same act I've mentioned," DI Sullivan said with exaggeratedly official intonations.

"What's an 'official secret' when it's at home?" laughed Nikki in the man's face. This arrogant idiot was being totally absurd except that he was trying to marginalize her. That didn't matter as her scorn and contempt for the man made her feel much safer in herself.

"In view of Helen Stewart's past positions of responsibility in the prison service, she should know," the man shot back, clearly getting on his high move, both women thought instantly.

"Just cool it, Nikki and let me handle the situation," intervened Helen." The answer to your question is that there is nothing I have ever said that would be ever detrimental to the running of the prison service, either when I worked for it or since I left it. To be quite frank, I have wanted to forget my time in the prison service when I left it. I have been never treated very kindly by it when I worked for it."

"So what about the contents of this report I'm holding in my hand? You know every word in it. I put it to you that it shows all the hallmarks of inside information," DI Sullivan retorted, staring directly at Helen and trying to cold-shoulder Nikki in his bumptious manner.

"Why don't you talk to my partner Nikki Wade? After all, she'll back up everything I'm saying. She's in the same room in case you didn't know," Helen snapped back with a sarcastic edge to her voice.

"That won't be necessary. You're the one that I've been ordered to interview, not her. Are you really going to say that there has never been any pillow talk?"

"What?" exclaimed Nikki incredulously."Are you really seriously asking us that two women will trade information about Larkhall Prison? That is the unsexiest idea I've ever heard of in my life. At moments like this, two women are far more likely to do what comes naturally."

DI Sullivan's cheeks flushed red as the full weight of Nikki's scorn and sexual allusion hit home. He had the uniqu experience of actually feeling like the plonker he really was as he was hard put to come up with a snappy comeback like all the archetypal tough cops do. His question sounded perfectly absurd when he heard it replayed in his mind. It was just as well his colleagues weren't around or they would have split their sides, laughing.

"Very well, possibly not then. Are you seriously telling me that as you have been in an intimate relationship with Ms Wade for some months, you haven't slipped her a few bits of inside information? Think of it, Ms Wade's position in doing a report on Larkhall Prison and here are you, Ms Stewart, very conveniently at hand to help out," insisted DI Sullivan with a slightly greater display of intelligence than normal.

"Let's make a deal, Sullivan like I told you earlier," Nikki ordered firmly." If you conduct yourself in a proper, professional manner, I'll try and keep quiet. It's a fair deal after all. All I'm asking is that you behave yourself in a way you should be behaving anyway. I'm not leaving the room because, quite frankly, I don't trust you."

Nikki's mixture of reason and firmness did the trick. She had calmed down from the rage that had exploded inside herself that, quite frankly, scared her. She had just about restrained herself from getting physical with the guy and she remembered only too well what had happened the last time when her girlfriend had been threatened. She felt far more comfortable in reasoning their way out of this situation and she was enormously relieved that Helen had recovered her nerve.

"OK, we don't have to like each other, just that we have an understanding. Can I now resume the questioning?"

"By all means," Helen said. She didn't care how this idiot was trying to save his face after Nikki had faced him down.

"The report makes very specific allegations about the internal conduct of the prison officer hierarchy, their conduct towards the prisoners and the operation of the medical centre. To my way of thinking, no ex prisoner could have had that detailed inside knowledge which leads me to believe that you assisted her. What have you to say to that, Ms Stewart?"

"What you don't know is just how much prisoners get to know about the internal workings of the prison. After all, they're there twenty-four seven, they talk to each other, words are let slip and the average intelligence of prisoners shouldn't be underrated. I have found that out from Nikki talking to me, if she is allowed to let me know what she knew. She's not breaking any secrets, is she?"

"No, indeed she is not. So you're sticking to your story, are you?" DI Sullivan said, the tone of his voice admitting temporary defeat.

************

By this point, Nikki and Helen were starting to relax a little as they could feel this odious policeman feeling under pressure as Helen had got into her stride and was giving at least as much back as she received in the exchanges, while Nikki's assertive presence had firmly set boundaries that he couldn't climb over. They were puzzled to hear him whip out his mobile and start speaking.

"OK, reserve team, I think we need your presence…….five minutes time? That's great," he said curtly. The smile on his face boded no good.

"Just what the hell is going on here?" exploded Nikki, sensing danger.

"All will be explained in good time when they come," came the pompous non reply. .

"Do you really think that more of your company is welcome?" flared Nikki, her cheeks flushing red and her eyes flashing fire. Helen knew very well that it was the fear of the unknown that was winding her partner up and that provoking the police was counter-productive.

"Cool it, Nikki. Let's get this over and done with and we'll get the house to ourselves again."

"I'm glad you're seeing reason,Ms Stewart," D I Sullivan said in what he hoped sounded reasonable tones. Just for once in his professional career, he opted for the softly softly routine.

A sullen silence hung heavy on the tension filled air. Neither woman felt obliged to make polite conversation, as they were not welcome guests. For one crazy moment, both women wondered if their good friends, Roz and Jenny would pull up in their vehicle as they had once run them home when they were too drunk to drive. Finally, there came a staccato knock on the front door.

"I'll get it," Nikki said with firm decisiveness, with a hard stare at DI Sullivan. This was their house not his, she was saying. Sure enough, two average looking men in shiny suits trooped in and joined DI Sullivan. One of them produced what looked like an official document from his inside jacket pocket and passed it to DI Sullivan.

"Miss Stewart, I have a signed warrant authorizing a search of your premises for documents relating to suspected offence under the Official Secrets Act. My colleagues intend to conduct the search. I would strongly advise you to cooperate," DI Sullivan declaimed in loud tones.

This time, it was Helen who turned red in the fact, a dangerous glitter in her eyes as she pushed forward. The phrase, an Englishwoman's house is her castle, immediately jumped into her mind. Curiously enough, it was Nikki who placed her hand on her partner's arm.

"Save it, babes. Let these little boys have their fun. After all what have we got to hide?" she said with curiously icy scorn. Immediately, she mentally jumped back in time. In reality, it was Fenner coming blundering round to give her a cell spin when she knew above all that they were innocent. Helen just wasn't so used to being on the wrong end of officialdom.

"Let me have a look at your warrant," demanded Helen in peremptory tones. That rediscovered crack of authority in her voice forced DI Sullivan to give way.

"I assure you, it's perfectly genuine," blustered the man, forever ready to get up on his high horse but passing the document over.

Helen took one look at the document and scanned it quickly. She focussed on the name of the judge who had signed it and Alan Peasemarsh was the name of the scrawled signature. For the life of her, she couldn't recall the name but she made a mental note to check with John. She reached for her mobile to be sure of its presence and the lump reassured her of lines of contact with the outside world.

"We stay and watch these bastards to make sure they don't pull any funny strokes," Nikki said quietly out of the corner of her mouth to Helen." Besides, we don't want our place pulled apart, do we? Trust me, babes, I've been here before."

"Right you lot," Helen said in her most determined tones." We're going to cooperate with your search but we are each going to stand over you to make sure that you do it strictly according to the book and don't abuse your powers. If you do decide to take any papers away with you, they'll have to be properly receipted and inspected by me. We don't you turning our house upside down or so help me God, I'll get onto George Channing, a High Court barrister who's such a scary woman that she makes me look like a pussycat by comparison."

The three men inwardly flinched at the threatening power of Helen's declamation and the way she stood with her hands on her hips. It did the trick.

The rest of the visit passed by in a state of outwardly bored contempt and inner tension. Neither woman dreamed of letting these intruders think they had got to them in any way. They methodically went through all the bureau and bookcases, looked under their bed and behaved in such an obvious methodical search mode that came out of the Police Academy. Finally, looking a bit hot and bothered, all they had to show for their search was Helen's old Larkhall phone book, address book and some standard Prison Service literature that Helen had clean forgotten to clear out.

"You've finished," Helen yawned. She wasn't trying to make a subtle dig but she and Nikki's concentration had been wound up tight in keeping an eye on the policemen that a reaction was beginning to set in. It seemed like ages ago since Nikki had unthinkingly opened the door. As time went on, Nikki's feelings started to change. The sensation that she was back in Larkhall Prison started to fade away. She began to realize that this was a self-protective device to insulate herself from the reality of what was happening to them. It crossed her mind that the run of court cases that they had either been through or helped out with had put them into the bigtime league and the possible consequences were worse than a couple of weeks down the block or loss of spends.

"For the moment," DI Sullivan said in tight tones. He did his best to hide his disappointment. He knew that all he could do was to make his report and the matter would be out of his hands.

He sought the refuge of official phrases and procedures to wrap up this investigation and intoned the timeworn formula," I must ask you to sign a statement as to the present state of play and I would remind you again that you are not obliged to make a statement but anything you say may be used in evidence against you."

Both women felt a moment of relief as the man scribbled away laboriously. When Helen looked at it she thought, sure, it looks right. She scrawled her signature and handed it back to the man.

"I'll report this investigation and, after this, it will be up to the CPS. You know what that means."

"I understand," Helen said grimly.

******

They let the man out of the house and both sank in each other's arms for a long, long time. They both needed the comforting feel of each other's bodies to heal themselves. The Christmas presents were very real and, as this man had gone, he must be unreal.

"This can't be Fennner dirty work surely?" Nikki asked guardedly, all sort of paranoid visions whirling round inside her head. They were clinging on to each other for dear life to stop themselves disappearing into this growing nightmare.

"I doubt it," Helen said grimly after a long pause as she wouldn't put it past that evil man exacting revenge even from his prison cell. She had to wrench her mind away from being pulled along by that deranged train of thought,"Anyway, I'm phoning George about this. I've a feeling that this won't be going away. This is more likely payback time by the establishment."

Helen's mind was starting to race away to the future. She wanted to get back at these bastards who were trying to spoil her life. Her mind was already flashing forward to triumphant ringing denunciations she would make in court and how the edifice of the establishment would crumble at her rage. She was so swept up in her feelings that she didn't notice Nikki's very differently constituted silence. Chilly feelings of guilt were starting to invade the taller woman's consciousness with that sometimes devastating honesty that she could equally turn on herself as much as on others. If she hadn't talked Paul Williams into making her study go public. If only she had been cool headed to realize that between the two of them, they had directly or indirectly been responsible for a series of public embarrassments for the establishment. If only she hadn't told Helen of her project and sought her support. Never mind that Paul and Helen could have come to the same conclusion, she took responsibility for her own actions. The buck stopped with neither woman dared do was to think back to when they were so recently in court and seeing Fenner go down.

She finally found voice in an understated version of her worries.

"Darling, I don't have to tell you that I'll be absolutely here for you, practically, emotionally, anything I can do," Nikki said, her voice melting with tenderness. She slipped her arms round the smaller woman from behind and interlocked her fingers together. It was symbolic of her feeling for her partner. "We'll round up the gang, George and John included. We have such a lot of talent to draw on. Tonight, we must take it easy and chill out over a bottle of wine. We need all the relaxation we can get. You know the score."

To Nikki's huge relief, she felt the tension in Helen's body start to relax and leant back against her. Nikki was right, she thought as she murmured her appreciation. They stood there for a long time before Helen spoke.

"You're right, sweetheart. Right about such a lot of things. We'll face this one out together. God, I'm tired out."

Nikki tenderly eased her partner down onto the settee. They suddenly both felt tired and drained and feeling that this was not quite real. The half-light threw marked shadows from Helen's strong features as they sensed darkening shadows all around them. This was just the beginning of this nightmare, she realized only too well from her own experiences. What was starting to horrify them was the brutal way that their fortunes had so abruptly changed as delayed shock started to set in. It was symptomatic of this paradoxical thinking that Helen was curiously grateful that she had just recently posted off Karen's reference when she felt confident and energetic and nothing stood in their way.

Meanwhile,Christmas presents remained in the front room, still waiting to be wrapped.


	15. Chapter 15

**Scene Fifteen **

Alice looked quizzically at her partner as she picked up the phone the following day. The change in George's manner was striking as she listened to the unknown other person. It abruptly transformed their cozy domestic scene and was a turning point in their existence.

Up till that point in time, George had been her usual glamorous, loving self as Alice relaxed on the settee having set the dining room table. On this occasion, the fair haired woman was energetically setting about one of her culinary creations on her own and Alice silently understood her partner's creative need to produce this on her own. It wasn't personal, just George's way of unwinding after a day in court. Alice knew beyond doubt that it would melt in her mouth and she had learnt to savour the many arts of her aristocratic lover. It was this way that they had learnt to mesh their lives together over the last few months. The warm hearted, imperturbable Alice played off well against the verbally extravagant and totally charming Georgia Channing. Alice had also learnt the art of catching George's attention at the right moment so that she intervened just when the meal was prepared and could be allowed to simmer.

"So you've noticed me at last, babes," Alice said in her sexiest tone of voice, her approving eyes transfixing George's.

"Darling, you should know by now that I multitask. While I'm trying to seduce the food into being as succulent as it should be, I am planning on reassuring my darling lover that she is not being neglected," George retorted in that teasing, arching tone that never failed to rouse Alice's libido.

"So sweetheart, do we sit down to eat first?" Alice responded in as similar coin as she could conjure up.

"Afterwards. I never make love on a full stomach," pronounced George, much to Alice's pleasant shock of surprise. Alice felt an incredible wave of affectionate run through her system. She knew that others might see her lover as willful and possibly dictatorial but she knew that George really was sensitive to Alice's feelings and to other peoples'. She might not necessarily display her loving feelings for all to see but they were there nevertheless.

The two women slid sideways onto the settee when George eagerly sought out the softness within Alice and soon the two women were floating on a flowing tide of desires.

"How did you ever work out how to be such a perfect lover?" Alice questioned.

"The less you try and work it out, the more you experience loving at its best," George pronounced without the usual mannerisms. Alice knew that this came straight from her heart.

They finally sat down at the dining room table just at the right time over a candlelit dinner and, sure enough, George's cuisine of making love and the perfect dinner made both of them feel at peace with the world.

It was then that the phone rang and their world changed dramatically. Alice felt their world suddenly turn cold and strange even as George listened to the unknown voice.

"God, I can't believe it. Even if my loathsome ex who I shall not name, wouldn't be that stupid," George shouted, her emotions finally flaming out all directions." I'll get thinking about this case right away. You go and tell Helen that I am so incredibly sorry for what's happened to her. Helen and Nikki have been such an inspiration to how to lead my life. I am absolutely incandescent with rage at those villains."

Intently, Alice watched George's rapidly shifting moods illuminate her features, as she remained silent while listening intently to the voice on the other end. Intermittently, she asked brief questions in as businesslike a fashion as she could summon up, Finally, she signed off and turned to face Alice with a grim expression on her face. Alice stood up automatically.

"What on earth has happened?" Alice exclaimed in as controlled a fashion as possible, knowing very well that the last thing George needed right then was her own histrionics.

"You might well ask, Alice. That was Claire Walker on the phone. You remember that Nikki wrote an utterly damning study of Larkhall Prison through her position in the Howard League for Penal Reform. Helen phoned up Claire in bits today as she's been questioned under the Official Secrets Act. They even had a search team round to rifle through her papers"

"What on earth's Helen got to do with that? I mean Nikki spent three years there and did a recent investigation. What's there that's secret from Nikki?"

"Good question, Alice. You know and I know what Nikki's like and you've heard some of her stories from those days. As I see it, the government still see Nikki as a 'glorified ex con' and cannot see how Nikki's got it right, not only about the prisoners but management. They somehow think that there's been 'pillow talk.' I know how disgusting this all sounds but I'm trying to see it through their eyes after all the time I spent socialising with that fearful creep Sir Ian Rochester and that pathetic ex of mine. It sounds just like them. I can't even begin to think how Nikki and Helen are taking it after everything they've been through for us all….."

Alice threw open her arms and George stumbled forward ready to be embraced by Alice's loving care. She couldn't believe her reactions. She had gone through her predictable emotions of shock, voluble anger and controlled forcefulness and suddenly went over the edge to burst into tears. For a long time, she couldn't trust herself to speak but she did let herself her sob quietly onto Alice's silk shirt and bury her head in her lover's breasts. She wrapped her arms round the taller woman and clung on for dear life. Deep down, George knew that part of her grief was the upsurge of all the unshed tears of the past and her shock that someone so morally upright should be landed within the grip of the criminal law. She needed Alice's comfort more than she could put into words and Alice, bless her, knew that this solid manifestation of utter dependability gently stroked her feelings.

Alice's large heart went out to her intensely warm-hearted lover and softly stroked her hair. Finally, Alice placed her hands on either side of the smaller woman's face and looked down on her. She ever so gently kissed George's forehead, each eye in turn and finally tenderly brushed her lips.

"I don't normally cry like this," George mumbled, shame facedly.

"It's perfectly allowed to have caring feelings, darling. I know how fond you are of Helen and Nikki and how badly you feel at this calamity that's overtaken them."

"That's just it," George replied shakily. What residual embarrassment at exposing her feelings so nakedly evaporated. She felt normal after all.

"Let's curl up on the settee, babes and talk this over."

"Is Nikki being questioned as well, George? Have I got it wrong but haven't newspapers been charged in the past?" Alice asked, after George had eagerly let herself be led and curled herself up round Alice.

"Another good question. I never thought of that. What the hell's wrong with me? Why didn't I work that out for myself?" George said in a dazed tone, shaking her head in disbelief. She wasn't too proud to begrudge Alice's sharp insight as she might have done once.

"Possibly you're in shock, darling, and you feel the moral responsibility and burden of getting Helen out of this mess," answered Alice in her soothing tones, receiving a grateful hug in return.

"I need to…work out what to do, to study the law, to check all the evidence," the smaller woman said in shaky tones but Alice cut her short.

"Darling, you shouldn't make instant decisions, not tonight and not in your present frame of mind. Leave it to the morning. You also ought to consider if you're the best barrister to represent Helen. The danger is that you're too close to Nikki and Helen."

"What on earth are you talking about?" flared George. For once in her life, she wanted to do the right thing, to care in her practical way and she was being discouraged

"What about Jo Mills taking the case or at least letting her lead on the case, if I've got the terminology right? You told me how you'd buried all your old arguments and she might be more detached about the case in the right sort of way."

There was a long pause while George turned the idea over in her mind.

"Hmmm, you've got something there, Alice. I'll sleep on this. You might have the answer," George said at last in a positive tone of mind. Her earlier slip of the mind had worried her that she might not have a proper grip on the case. For all her newfound sympathies, she knew deep down that there had to be a place for icy cold detachment in her approach or she wouldn't be doing her best for her client.

"In the meantime, let's enjoy the rest of today and chill out together," Alice said in her soothing manner. The way that George started caressing her lover told the dark haired woman that she was right on the mark. The low sidelights cast a warm glow on the room and both women cuddled up against each other in their comfort zone.

*******

"Jesus Christ. I can't believe it," Karen exclaimed down the phone in total horror when Claire phoned her up. It was a heavy blow to Karen as she could so easily picture Helen's feelings. When Alice had finished the call, Karen rattled out the details to Beth.

"Oh, hell, that's my doing," Beth exclaimed." I was the one who got Nikki's report splashed all over the Independent." She immediately felt guilty about her journalistic piece of which she had felt so proud.

"Hey, it's not you're doing. For a start, the report was out in the public domain. I'd sounded like a reasonably phrased report. If I'd put anything to paper, I'd have been more scathing. I guess the establishment is jumpy over Larkhall Prison. It isn't rational. In fact it's bloody unjust. We've just got to stand by Nikki and Helen. Let's face it, they were the main reason I didn't go over the edge," Karen answered, in determined tones.

Beth slipped into Karen's welcoming arms and let herself be held by her lover. Tears streamed down Beth's face as the full depth of her guilt for inadvertently stirring up trouble for Nikki and Helen. What made it worse was that she had meant so well in her campaigning zeal having found something to get her teeth into that she could relate to. Karen reacted the same way with no objective reason for guilt. What tore at her compassionate heart was the months when Helen and Nikki had propped up her fragile foundations and now she had also found happiness at last, her two dear friends were faced with the same mental torture that she had gone through. They couldn't imagine at this moment getting past these feelings, which made the word shock, seem inadequate and resolve to be strong for their friends and be strong for themselves as well. As Karen cried, she remembered that she'd never done that when she'd split up with her husband, Dennis Betts, and all the men she'd been entangled with. It had been against her principles. It was only now that she knew that it wasn't the wrong thing to do. The feel of Beth's comforting arms reminded her of that.

*************

As Claire looked back on the whole episode, she remembered vividly how she felt when Helen phoned her from out of the blue and told her this story in a deliberately controlled and precise tone of voice. After feelings of shock and horror first flooded through her system, Claire acted the same way and suggested that she pass the word round their friends. Claire knew very well that Helen couldn't stand to tell and retell the same horror story over and over again even knowing the intense sympathy she would undoubtedly receive. Claire had been used to surprises in her life but she had never dreamed that her law abiding old friend could conceivably be the victim of an official witch-hunt. She'd heard Helen's stories about the hard time she had been given from Stubberfield but this was another dimension altogether. Above all else, she knew her old friend's law abiding nature and this was her worst trouble was that even after she's told and retold the story many times over and become especially fluent and controlled, it still didn't feel totally real to the lawyer in her let alone the human being.


	16. Chapter 16

**Scene Sixteen **

The shocking news spilled out far and wide very quickly. While Claire phoned round their friends from Chix, George was deputized to pick up the phone to John.

"The government have done what?" exclaimed John very loudly, his mind starting to race a million miles a second. His insatiable appetite for the truth started stacking up an endless line of questions, which were replaced as quickly as they were answered as George elaborated on her story.

"It's true. Some flatfooted policeman put Helen through the third degree in Nikki's presence, which was really stupid of him. They even sent in a search team but only found some trivial papers. They are so incredibly protective of each other and Nikki only just about reined herself in."

"You're sure they were trivial? Was Nikki questioned? She has every reason to have a strong aversion to the police."

"You can relax, John. Helen was certain that they took away old phonebooks and address books and literature in the public domain. For reasons which escape me, they concentrated on Helen throughout the interview yet they referred only in passing to Nikki's scathingly critical report on Larkhall Prison which I assume you know about. Work that one out if you can."

"As a matter of fact, not only have I read the excellent account of it in the Independent but I got hold of a copy of the report and read it in detail." John answered, unable for the moment to answer George's acid toned question.

"So what do you make of Nikki's handiwork? I'd be interested in your objective opinion."

"Well, Nikki pulled no punches but she'd obviously done her homework and the whole piece was tightly reasoned. It comes over to me as being deadly accurate with an air of believability about it. Probably that's what has caused the establishment to lash out in a fit of paranoia as they are stuck as how to publicly rubbish it. The real question is if Nikki picked up off Helen's official knowledge, and if so how much bearing in mind that Nikki has got to know so much about the prison system from both sides."

"So did those cretins really think that Helen blabbed to Nikki? That might actually explain their actions?" George persisted. Her barrister training playing devil's advocate insinuated its presence amidst her mood of sustained anger.

"George, you must know that the Official Secrets Act is such a try on. It's equally a smokescreen for their attempt to silence dissent and suppress the truth. Let's face it, as up and coming subversives, I take my hat off to them." "

"I'm glad to hear you talk like this, John, as you aren't so close to Nikki and Helen as I am. You're likely to be more objective than me," George replied in warm glowing tones as the human being took over from the reasoning machine that she had to deploy. Typical John, she thought. Now that she is happily settled with Alice, she can see the better side of her ex-husband.

"Don't be too sure of it on either count. They've very kindly put me up for the night when I was going through an emotional crisis. They are both very kind hearted women and true friends ………"

"What?" exclaimed George in total disbelief. She had had bitter experience of John staying overnight at a woman's house, which infallibly meant that he had sex with that woman. The idea of John staying in the flat of two lesbians struck her as incongruous from this past experience of him. "Nikki and Helen never told me that."

"That doesn't matter. They just did it in a spirit of pure friendship- on two occasions. I got talking to them both in a pretty intimate setting when the normal polite social barriers are down. That tells me that Helen has such an innate sense of duty which I can only see her compromising it if there is a very pressing higher moral ideal at stake but under no other circumstances." John pronounced in ringing confident tones.

"In other words, she's rather like you John," laughed George in her best teasing, bantering style. Automatic habit took over once she started to relax.

"As a matter of fact, George, you're quite right," came the strangely prim reply from John. It put George in her place and she instantly regretted her flip response. "I don't believe that Helen's guilty. I can sense Haughton's grubby fingers all over this squalid affair."

"I'm sorry, John. I agree with every word you say……," George started to say, audibly remorseful, when John cut her short.

"Now's not the time to massage my feelings though the thought is appreciated. I need to go and rally the brethren. Helen must have all the emotional support and the finest legal assistance that's going. That means you and Claire for a start – and Jo Mills as she is back in town these days."

"I'll convey your warmest words to Helen when I see her next," George said in an affectionate tone of voice, which moved John. Perhaps she is better off being a lesbian, he thought inconsequentially as he signed off.

*******

A couple of days later, John Monty and Joseph gathered in John's chambers as a natural place

"I can't believe it," John pronounced passionately." I cannot believe that Helen would be so foolish as to place herself within the scope of the law. From what I've seen of her, she has such a sense of morals that I can't see herself placing herself the wrong side of the law."

"Are you seriously suggesting that what is moral is necessarily legal or what is moral has to be legal, John? You've spent half a lifetime trying to persuade me of this point of view. I've only recently come to see your point of view," Joseph counter-argued, squinting at John with a sharp expression on his face.

"Hmm, you've got a point of view, Joseph," John frankly admitted." All I can say is that I have faith in her."

"If Helen weren't a lesbian, I'd say that you have your eye on her. I have to conclude that you must be taking her side her for the best of reasons. The only thing you're forgetting is that the workings of the Official Secrets Act are slippery and treacherous. I don't doubt her good motives but she could have unknowingly have placed herself within its foul grip. The letter of the law will be what matters most of all," said Monty with slow deliberation.

The other two men remained silent, as they knew only too well how he spoke the truth. This analysis of the truth didn't set them free but only served to make them more uneasy than ever.

"Just how well do you know Helen? Tell us your darkest secrets John," Joseph said with a suggestion of a leer.

"There are no dark secrets," John laughed as if shamefaced although, in truth, there was nothing to be ashamed about." You may have noticed that I have avoided making those spectacular errors in my private life that have been the despair of the brethren?"

"We've noticed that you're becoming quite a reformed character these days," Monty dryly observed.

"I've not stopped going through periodic emotional crises which has been the curse of my life when I sleep with the wrong woman. What I've done is go over to Nikki's and Helen's flat on a couple of occasions and they've talked me through my problems. They've been incredibly compassionate and understanding with me. This is why I feel I know both women pretty well as they readily give of themselves, emotionally speaking. I've ended up sleeping on their sofa for the night and ended up doing the right thing."

"You are a dark horse John," exclaimed Joseph in total astonishment. He had come to know that he could never say that he knew every facet of John's personality. Still the man could pull some surprise on him despite their close friendship. His latest revelation took some absorbing but he latched onto the fact that John had female friends who had influence on him to the good. He certainly remembered Nikki's reappeal and the way she had stood up out and proud in the dock, courageously speaking her truth. He could easily confess a soft spot for the woman and his impression was that Helen was cut from the same cloth." I mean, far from us to criticize your choice of friends. If I had to choose between them and mutual acquaintances whom we are stuck with, the decision is easy."

The other two men knew exactly the members of the apparatchiks that Joseph referred to in such a disgusted tone of voice.

"It does mean, of course, that it would make it virtually impossible for you to try her. What if some jury perversely found her guilty?" Monty interjected.

"That is the thought that haunts me," John frankly confessed.

"I don't mind admitting that I don't feel much better than you, John. On the face of it, the case sounds thin unless there's something we don't know. That's what worries me. The government can't be that incompetent."

"I'd bet your bottle of best malt that Sir Ian is at least partly responsible for this scandal," Monty said slowly and with great emphasis." We tried the Nikki Wade reappeal together but I also tried the Sally Anne compensation case and the Karen Betts case. Sir Ian and his hanger on Lawrence James witnessed all these trials saw that Nikki and Helen were there as well."

"But that needn't mean anything, Monty. All they've done is to support their friends just as we might do," exploded John.

"I know that, you know that but just try and imagine how those closed minds might be thinking. I can't get away from the fact that, unknown to us, the establishment have come to regard them both as the centre of dangerous subversion in their particular circle. Let's face it, they've been a visible presence at a run of acutely embarrassing court cases. Their own appeal has directly humiliated the 'hang them and flog them' judges and exposed one rotten apple in the police force. They've been around when the Metropolitan Police force has been stung ninety thousand pounds because of this same rotten apple. They've also been around when the police force have looked totally foolish for being taken in by yet another rotten apple in the prison service who was finally sent down for the crime that was originally laid at the door of a perfectly innocent woman. You look at this list and you see how these two courageous, principled women have done severe and sustained damage the government's reputation."

The two other men sat open-mouthed at Joseph's exposition. He had very cleverly analysed the situation with great clarity. It made all the more sense as Joseph and Monty had once counted these very same closed minds as associates and had mouthed these kinds of establishment clichés.

"That's a pretty impressive record, John. You are in danger of being upstaged," Monty said mischievously. John immediately latched onto the serious undertone in this quip and drew conclusions.

"At least it takes a vote of both houses of parliament to remove any of us. These two courageous women may pay heavily for their principles if this isn't resisted. One of us must be there to hold the fort to ensure justice though I thoroughly accept what Monty has said about the dangers," John pronounced. There was a long hush in the air as they thought about the enormities of the situation At last Monty spoke. It was incumbent on him to say something.

"It seems that I've talked myself into the job or it will pass to Huntley or, God help us, Jackson if they bring him out of retirement."

The three men all shuddered at the awful prospect of the dark ages returning to reclaim them all. They wouldn't put it past Neil Haughton to pull such a stroke or, in fact, any stroke no matter how immoral.

"You've made the right choice, Monty," John said, his voice shaking slightly. "It goes without saying that you can call on either of us if you want any assistance or advice. There's only so much that we can do to shoulder the burden but we'll do what's within our power to help."

The die was cast as, once again, they were set to do battle with the powers of darkness.

*******

Helen was lying in bed that Wednesday night after they had spent an intense two days running through the facts of the matter and explaining the situation to Claire. They had got through a lot of business and both felt mentally exhausted. They had been starting to have trouble settling off to sleep and when each of them did so, each of them were alone and helpless in the grip of unpleasant nightmares. Each of them was aware of the other periodically tiptoing towards the kitchen to make a hot milky drink to aid the process of sleep. It was a miracle that both of them were in the frame of mind to talk about their shared troubles.

"I remember the day long ago when I'd lain in wait for Lorna Rose to smuggle in drugs into Larkhall. I'd been tipped off by that self righteous Crystal Gordon and the very treacherous Shell Dockley but nevertheless I thought I ought to do the right thing and check if Lorna Rose was bringing in drugs. I'd gone right ahead and intercepted the perfume just when it was being handed over. I called in the DST who found a wrap of drugs concealed in the cardboard packaging of the perfume. I was as humane as I could be in asking for her ID and escorting her off the premises to the police car that was waiting for her. Dominic was there, too."

"Listen, darling. I knew Lorna Rose, too. She was my personal officer, too. She was as thick as two short planks but she meant well. She just didn't relate to me as I was being the 'hard case' and putting up the shutters. It came as a complete surprise the next day to hear how she was sacked."

"I just feel so guilty, Nikki," and here Helen's face contorted in tears," It feels like I'm the one that's going to be led off in a police car."

"Oh darling," murmured Nikki as she took the other woman in her arms and gently rocked her. She let Helen cry all her tensions and feelings of guilt out of her system and, come top think of it, thre were occasions when she was just as teary eyed as Helen. They had done such a lot of talking over the last two days and only now did Helen let all her feelings spill out. She'd watched Helen closely as she told this story, which she'd never heard before. Perhaps this could be construed as an 'official secret' she thought to herself in which case, sod the lot of them. Finally, she placed Helen's face between her two hands when the smaller woman had subsided. She sensed that Helen was all cried out and the moment was ripe.

"OK, so we're going back to work as we said we would. Are you up for it, darling," Nikki asked Helen tenderly, placing the tip of her forefinger on Helen's chin.

"Yeah, I think I can handle that now. What about you? You've been going through all this shit as well."

"That won't be a problem. I spoke to Paul and he feels as guilty as hell. He said straight out that he ought to have thought of the government pulling a stunt like this. He said that he could now recall that something like this has happened before but it totally slipped his mind. If I know anything," and here Nikki laughed briefly," I'll be spending the first hour or so trying to reassure him that it wasn't his fault, just some bastard trying to get at us since they can't touch John and the rest of his gang."

"So we stand up to them. We won't let the buggers get us down from here on in," Helen said in determined tones, leaning her elbow on the pillow.

"Right you are, darling," Nikki said softly and incredible tenderness and compassion through the haze of tiredness.

******

By contrast, DI Sullivan finally wrapped up his investigation in his surliest manner. To his mind, he'd got nowhere fast. He'd put this Stewart woman through the third degree, who gave him a load of grief, aided and abetted by the female harpy she lived with. To his experience, they were typical of the occasional lesbian that it had been his misfortune to encounter.

"Why the hell don't we turn over Wade's computer? That would get to the bottom of it?" he had repeatedly asked his Super.

"You have your instructions as I have mine. All you need to know is that the Howard League of Penal Reform is off limits and anyone who works for them."

"They're only a load of lefty trouble makers. Why should we give them the time of day and bother what they think of us?"

"If you must know," the Superintendent exclaimed with an exasperated sigh against the fates that had delivered this Rottweiler of a policeman into his force "It has too many contacts in high places to touch- at least for the moment."

"So that's it - after all the hard slog I put in to coordinate this operation?" DI Sullivan said in his petulant whine.

"No, it's not it," snapped the Suprintendant, his patience starting to give way. "I've sent your file off to the CPS to look at. They'll give it their best shot."

"At which point, they'll chuck it out for lack of evidence like every halfway decent case I've ever seen. You can't tell me that it's not happened before," the Scot said in tones of deep cynical disillusionment.

"Don't you understand that this is different league stuff from your average GBH and car theft you spend a lot of your time over? You just get yourself prepared for giving evidence in the Old Bailey before some posh judge and some snooty barrister. You know the score, don't you."

"I'll believe it when I see it," answered DI Sullivan sceptically."The force hadn't been the same since Steve Gossard's time. He was a bloody good police officer and an example to us all."

"Quite," the other man said with unintended irony. He knew very well how young coppers looked up to an example of go-getting policing. That's the sort of team spirit that the Met was built up on, after all, he thought reflectively.

*****

For all the heartsearching and comforting words, none of the women dared talk about George's celebratory get together. The feel of the sunlit intimacy when Nikki and Helen both looked and felt at their most sparkling was far too painful to think about, let alone talk about. Was it only so recently that they had all toasted the future which was so bright and glittering? They didn't even want to go there so they grimly reconciled themselves to facing one day at a time. There was only so much introspection they could take on right now.


	17. Chapter 17

**Scene Seventeen **

On a quiet intimate Thursday night at Chix when,Trishatentatively mentioned to Helen her idea for a romantic weekend away with Sally Anne, she received much more of an enthusiastic reception than she had thought possible, knowing her friend's , they had the freedom to chat more easily than normal.

"Trisha, you are the answer to our dreams," Helen said in compelling tones, which carried over the lilting music."We know how both of you are flogging your guts out in running Chix. Nikki has told me a lot of what it was like. We also know that we can take a holiday with no thoughts to what's happening while we're away and you can't."

"That's very perceptive of you, babes," Trisha said with a slight smile on her face, noticing how Helen refused to even consider what might befall them." It's only fair to explain that the last weekend before Christmas is jam packed but it would be fabulous of you both if you could cover for us."

"You're wondering if you can impose on us with Helen's case hanging over our heads," intervened Nikki who had walked over to within earshot.."You'll be doing us both a favour of having a blast of loud music, partying and above all else something to keep our minds occupied with something different. I'm sure I can remember the ropes pretty well and Helen's a quick learner."

Trisha looked into the clear eyes and bright smile of the smaller woman who was offering to help her and Sally Anne. Suddenly a flood of emotions welled up from somewhere deep within her. It did her in when she thought that she was being offered help when this very strong kind- hearted woman and her very dear friend and ex-partner when they needed so much help for themselves.

"If I'm helping you out this way, who am Sally and I to disagree with you?" she said shakily with a faint attempt to play it cool before words and feelings poured out of her." I wouldn't trust our club to anyone else than you two, babes."

She flung her arms round Helen and kissed her cheek just when Sally Anne joined Nikki in coming over to join them. Glances all round revealed that everyone was happy.

The sleek express train was stationary inside the spacious concourse that was Paddington station and, there they were, Trisha and Sally Anne, sitting at the table for two, glass of wine in their hand and luggage packed. With a smooth gliding feeling, gradually increasing in speed, they were pulled away from the enfolding blanket that was London Rapidly receding into the distance was that concentrated existence of Chix, their flat, their circle of friends as they headed off into the unknown through the rolling fields of England up north to Manchester. After chattering nine to the dozen and drinking a few glasses of wine, both women were excited and keyed up, Sally Anne no less than Trisha as the hotel was something unreal out of a brochure, never out of real life.

The taxi took them round the solid city center, whisked them past the Piccadilly Gardens and finally to the solid imposing stone structure of the Rosetti Hotel that looked both Victorian and also curiously modern. Once through the doors, both Trisha and Sally Anne's jaws open at the beautifully tinted colour schemes, the ornamental statuettes and the tastefully displayed plants. This was another world.

"Hey Trisha, …where do we go from here?" Sally Anne asked her partner in a dazed fashion as their luggage trailed on wheels behind them.

"You should know babes, you booked this……as if I'd know the answer."

Trisha's gentle teasing earned her a nudge in return until Sally Anne finally spotted the reception. Their feet finally carried them towards the lavishly furnished source to all their queries..

"We've come for the double suite for the two of us in the name of Ms Howe," she pronounced crisply to the clean-cut man behind the desk. Behind her, Trisha smiled approvingly at her partner's upfront manner. She'd long since gone through the embarrassment factor in similar situations with previous lovers and Sally's level of confidence was striking. Whatever the man thought privately to himself, he wisely kept his thoughts although the hotel was advertised as gay friendly.

Soon, they were zooming up the lift to their room and when they got inside, they were dumbstruck by the luxury on offer, even Trisha who had been used to a comfortable standard of living for years. The first thing that struck her was the contemporary art painting hanging alongside the exposed original building features of the textile mill that the hotel building had once been. This was a million miles away from just another anonymous Trust House Forte hotel you could find in any city. They stepped lightly round the suite, casting admiring glances at everything they saw. Finally, Trisha reached for the hotel brochure and sat on a chair, studiously trying to thoroughly familiarise herself with everything the hotel had to offer.

"_ABode rooms are categorised as Comfortable, Desirable, Enviable and Fabulous and are beautifully and sumptuously furnished with comfort cooling, vi-sprung beds, LCD televisions and DVD players. All_ _rooms feature contemporary design with Moltini Italian furniture and parquet floors, and include direct-dial phones, satellite television, bathrobes, complimentary toiletries. Internet access is __also available throughout the hotel." _Read Trisha aloud from the hotel brochure.

"…..Abode rooms offer an especially fabulous experience for the discerning lesbian couple," grinned Sally-Anne mischievously pretending to look over Trisha's shoulder and continue the narration,"…….who wish to wallow in every kind of pleasurable experience, physical and sexual. The walls and ceilings are conveniently soundproofed so that no matter what the individual preference of energetic shagging, not only will the happy couple be comfortably uninhibited in their romantic rendezvous but the equally happy couple in the next suite will be similarly gratified."

"Yeah, the hotel are ever so thoughtful and considerate to their clients in providing a spacious shower," drawled Trisha, a wicked glint in her eye." They must know that showers aren't just there for washing with….".

In no time at all, the two women had carelessly discarded their clothes on the bed and warm water was trickling down their smooth naked skin as they deeply kissed each other and ran their hands eagerly through each other's fresh wet hair and all over their smooth curves. They felt free to laugh and love each other. Sally's lips tasted the smooth contours of her lover's neck, taking in gulps of air as her desires boiled over. Trisha ran her fingers up the flanks of that dark haired woman with that blissful feeling that nothing would be denied them. They moaned their feelings of desires for each other and how endearing they found each other's little ways.

Trisha sighed with a sense of blissful surrender to her lover as those slim fingers caressed her stomach before sliding inside her and expertly pushing against her. She let out gasps of ecstasy and clung on to Sally as she was roused up into her first orgasm of the day. It was only right that they should christen their love in this gloriously luxurious suite……..

********

The rest of the Friday afternoon and nighttime passed in a delirious feeling of pleasurable sensation. They lingered over choosing any of a number of delicious meals in the Café Paradiso bar and restaurant and finally made their choice. For once in their lives, they knew that they didn't have to hurry and that delicious sense of time passing slowly added to the dreamy ambiance.

After choosing their outfits and applying their makeup, they both headed off to the famous Canal Street area of Manchester. At the run up to Christmas, it had hotted up to a Mardi Gras type of extravagance where the two women felt perfectly at home. They drifted along the pavement which was thronged with men and women of all different appearances but whose friendliness towards a fellow soul contrasted with the cold, hard impersonal streets of London. They felt as if they were in heaven, having the lazy choice of any of a number of sights and places to go to.

They walked up the flight of steps and turned right to clatter across the metal bridge underneath which the cold, still waters of the canal lay placidly, accepting the new forms of community that had sprung up in place of the workaday environment of the past. Finally, the blinking lights of a bar the other side of the bridge took their eye.

"You've come up from London?" guessed the woman who served them.

"We're on a romantic weekend here," chattered Sally-Anne in return. The place was so relaxed that she could tell the whole world of her feelings. Sally carried the two drinks back to her lover who was waiting for her.

"It's not like bringing coal to Newcastle," Trisha said blissfully later on during that night. They were soaking up the ambiance while the lights twinkled all around them in one of many lesbian bars where everything was friendly. "I was secretly afraid of that when you suggested coming down here."

"Where else should we go? You don't have to go into a joint like this and start wondering how should this be run? "

"We haven't got to worry about drinking and driving either, not that I'm thinking of getting drunk, just happy and sociable," laughed Trisha softly, her fingers delicately holding the thin stem of the glass of vodka and orange.

Sitting either side of the small round table, Sally gently slipped her foot out of her slip on shoe and slid it along the back of the blond woman's ankle while their foreheads rested against each other. This was their night and whenever they felt like, they could stroll back under the brightly lit streets to their hotel and indulge themselves in a little lovemaking in the world of their own.

*****

As they woke up in their luxury bed on Saturday morning, a nagging thought started creeping into Trisha's mind. Part of her said to herself that she was being irrational and the other part of her blindly clamoured for attention. It was as if the club was Trisha's child who was having a 'sleepover' at another mother's house and, after the initial feeling of temporary liberation, some nagging instinct started worrying how the offspring was coping without that special care, however much the mother was trusted. Trisha lay there still, pitching that instinct against the attempt to deploy reason. It should have worked but didn't. Finally, she voiced her fears to Sally Anne who had similar niggling thoughts but was altogether more relaxed about the matter.

"I could tell you not to worry as Nikki and Helen are the most trustworthy and responsible souls you could ever hope to imagine but I know you, babes," the dark haired woman said patiently, finishing on a warning note." You won't let go. Supposing that they had done fine, they won't be up any earlier than us. One thing I tell you, Nikki will be very blunt about the matter. You take your chances, babes."

Trisha hesitated but that nagging urge was too strong to resist. She finally picked up the bedside direct dial phone and made the call. Sally lay on her side and against Trisha's back and listened hard.

"Hi Nik, it's Trisha. I wanted to phone you up to tell you that Sally and I are having a wonderful time, did the tour of Canal Street, got mildly drunk but not enough to put us off our stroke. Your idea was brilliant and I just wondered while I'm here how you and Helen got on last night….."

"Nik, I'm really pleased you did so well. I always had confidence in you. It must be like getting on a bike again after not touching it since childhood. I admit I never learnt to ride in the first place. I promise I'll take your advice and stop worrying. Sally can hear everything I'm saying and she'll keep me in line…….."

"Sally-Anne is looking a little restless and I must admit that I'm not one for going down the gym as I so much like getting exercise the natural way…….."

"We're going clothes shopping after breakfast and I promise I'll get that book for you. It's the least I can do………."

"Love you, Nik. You and Helen are real stars for bullying the pair of us to take a break. I never knew what it was like to have so much free time. Bye for now."

The wry smile on Trisha's face tried unsuccessfully to conceal from the sharp-witted Sally the very firm advice that came from the other end of the phone. A little while later, she genuinely brightened up to turn round in bed and see Sally just as the morning sun shone low through the blinds. She looked beautiful lying next to her. The dark haired woman said nothing as the most important thing was that Trisha had resolved her little problem. Both women were looking forward to a little retail therapy with a gloriously full Saturday to enjoy.

*******

Finally, Trisha and Sally Anne, fresh faced and jubilant, returned and affectionately greeted a rather tired out but temporarily happy Helen and Nikki, all ready for their Christmas break. Unknown to them, Neil Haughton chortled with malicious glee when he was told that the Department of Public Prosecutions had carefully weighed the evidence including DI Sullivan's report and had ordered the go ahead to prosecute one Helen Stewart for offences under the Official Secrets Act. The letter would go out in the Christmas post and the press would suitably bury the news in the media 'silly season' in the run up to Christmas. It was all done with such indecently speed and slickness, as if the entire apparatus of the state had nothing to do than to persecute a respectable woman in her thirties who was no bank robber or terrorist. None of the bland faces around the conference table made the slightest sound of protest as after all, they had their own position to protect in the pecking order of office politics. It was their mean minded version of a Christmas Present that only petty minded people like them could conjure up. Ordinary common decency would never lower itself into the gutter like this.


	18. Chapter 18

**Scene Eighteen **

Meanwhile, as Trisha and Sally Anne were zooming off for their romantic weekend away, Nikki had signed off from her regular job and was starting to figure out what she and Helen had to do as stand in club managers

"Right Helen, I think I know what I'm doing," Nikki had said with an unconvincing display of confidence. Work had stabilised them through the last critical week and both knew that the next few days would be the therapy that they needed. Both knew that they needed to obsess over this set of problems so that, for once in their lives, it would stop the light of awareness in their minds being switched on. It was better this than to get obliterated on alcohol each night and, so far, this precarious form of balence was working..

"You only think you know what you're doing? That's encouraging. What about me? Can't you see the L plates on my back?"

"Relax babes. It's like riding a bike. Once you've learned it as a kid, it all comes back to you once you get back on the saddle again. At least that's the theory," jested Nikki, getting into her role of light-hearted humour.

"And did you?"

"Well….no," admitted Nikki with that comic timing that so endeared her to Helen,"but I'm assured that it works that way….. Anyway, I've got the keys and Trisha's last minute notes and I must remember to take the takings to our flat and hide them under the bed. Trisha said she'll already given the staff their Christmas presents and, oh yes, we'd better just explain that we're standing in for Trisha and Sally Anne and……"

"So where do I fit in?" questioned Helen.

"To provide the party atmosphere, keep an eye on things in general, help out where you're needed and, oh yes, watch out for any drunks. I remember how some of the kids overdo things a bit. Your natural bossiness and your skills as head screw won't come amiss," grinned Nikki, who was clearly looking forward to the knew deep down that this hypweractivity would do them good and they'd catch up with themselves when they could afford to.

Helen gave Nikki a playful slap on her behind as she walked out the door. She suspected that her lover was deliberately hamming it up to keep her spirits high. She wasn't objecting to this therapy which seemed their only way out.

**********

A curious feeling overtook Nikki as she took the familiar number of strides from her car to the front door of Chix. The action of her arm as she felt inside her trouser pocket and jiggled the keys into position told her that she was travelling back in time. She went on to open the door smoothly and her eye swivelled to the burglar alarm.

"Right, Trish…I mean Helen, er, let's um, get the club ready to start," she said stumbling over her words. Helen's raised eyebrows asked the obvious question which she answered apologetically." I'm dreadfully sorry, sweetheart. I felt I was travelling back in time. Guess this part of my past isn't as easy to leave behind as I thought."

"It means that you'll be even more of an expert than I hoped. Let's get inside, sweetheart, and you show me the ropes."

Nikki automatically reached for the lightswitch and gestured with her outstretched arm to the foyer.

"Right, er, this is the cloakroom and a guy called Charles does security for us on the door……" Nikki started to explain to Helen who listened intently. It struck the smaller woman as they went into the main dancehall to click the lights on that Nikki was talking at length to refamiliarise herself with the club and her old identity, if temporarily, in the same way as the club itself was coming back to life."…….Trisha was explaining to me that, after Christmas, she's having what she calls the V I P lounge built, by a staircase to the second floor. The way things are going, we're, I mean Trisha and Sally, are finding a lot of clubbers want loud dance music and lipreading is already getting to be an acquired art. Right after Christmas, the builders will be coming in during the daytime."

"I've never heard either of us described as Very Important Persons," grinned Helen. "John is the nearest I can think of as a VIP except he's too much of a rebel to really count."

"It's our regular hangout apart from Claire and Peter's which reminds me we haven't looked them up for a long time. Trisha was bouncing a few ideas off me as she feared that both of them were too close to the situation and I wasn't," laughed Nikki in reply.

Helen realised Nikki's intimate understanding of the unspoken question mark hovering over this sudden enthusiasm for running the club. She saw that Helen had quite enough on her plate without beginner's nerves at being temporary club manager. Above all, Nikki deeply admired the way that Helen had never lightly taken on any responsibility in her life, herself included and the way they both focussed in on this problem was their way of keeping their worries from crowding in on them..

"So let's get this show on the road. Do we give the staff a bit of a pep talk in advance?"

"Why not? We need it for ourselves for a start," Nikki retorted with that spring-heeled wit that revealed her growing confidence to Helen.

******

"OK, listen up, you guys. Trisha and Sally-Anne have told you that we're covering for them for this night and next while they're on a well deserved romantic getaway, yeah?……." Nikki called out loudly to the gathered staff and receiving the murmured assent. "For those that don't know me, I'm Nikki Wade. I used to jointly own the club but for now, I'm a regular punter. I'll do my best to keep things ticking over with the very welcome help of my lovely partner, Helen Stewart."

"I haven't the experience that Nikki has but I'll muck in and I'll pick things up as I go along. Let's make sure everyone has a good time."

There was a curious smile on Helen's face as she recalled the sensations of addressing a public meeting in a large hall but with the intriguing difference of speaking second to Nikki and temporarily subordinating herself to her. She knew instinctively that this would be good personal therapy to remove herself from her present worries and also tackle something unfamiliar. She knew also that this was exactly what the taller woman had intuitively foreseen.

****************

In no time at all, the first of the clubbers started to filter in and the music started to pound rhythmically away. It gave Helen a curious sense of power as her invisible feelers went out to Charles on security, the barmaids behind and to her left and all the various functionaries at work. They eagerly greeted their friends, Karen and Beth and George and Alice who grinned at their newfound position. Helen was acutely aware that, while she chattered away to her friends as normal, she couldn't act as she pleased. Her eyes darted to every corner of the club and sensed how their regular DJ was laying down her choice of music that went onto the dance floor. As the evening gradually warmed up, she nodded to Nikki as she saw the line start to build up at the bar as the barmaids were starting to get swamped. She moved over to the bar and mouthed her offer of help to the young woman who smiled her appreciation briefly before opening the way. She dredged out of nowhere, her dim and distant skills as a barmaid from long ago, the mathematics of multiple drink orders, the sociability and the general savoir-faire. As her extra help was slotted in, the queue started to lessen and there wasn't quite such a need to serve at manic speed. Helen finally turned to the other woman.

"Thanks for your help. I can see you know your way round a bar," the slight woman with short hair said with that laconic respect which meant more than she said." I'm Ruth by the way."

"I'm Helen, your stand in boss. I'm glad to be able to help," Helen said cheerily. The girl's eyes widened with astonishment. Her attention had been distracted when the speechifying took place earlier. She knew now that she should have paid closer attention.

'Hey, I didn't realise. What's your daytime job if you don't mind me asking?"

"I'm paid to boss people around in a large office," joked Helen." This is a real change for me."

"Well, anytime you care to help out……"

This short exchange made Helen feel on top of the world. The rhythmic pulse and the manic sense of fast changing movement were positively addictive as well as the sense of being surrounded by her own kind. She now knew why Nikki had striven so hard to build up the business as she had done and how much of a commitment Nikki had made to her in giving it all up for her. Her heart melted at the thought of her lover and, in that strange way, her thoughts made a very admiring Nikki appear before her eyes. The taller women's very expressive brown eyes had that soft look of affection and the soft smile on her face was definitely for her.

"You're a quick learner babes," was her laconic observation.

"Why thank you darling," Helen replied with her expansive smile.

"I've been down on the door, keeping an eye on the customers. Trisha tipped me off to watch out for drugs being smuggled in here. There's more of it these days than when I last worked here and some of the young kids don't know that, even these days, this place could be closed down. That sort of prejudice hasn't died out with Gossard."

The smaller woman was fascinated at watching Nikki at work. She'd never seen her in action like this. Her heart burned with injustice how the likes of Fenner and Sylvia had treated her. No wonder Nikki had lashed out at being so badly treated as if she were insignificant.

"Come on, babes. All we need to do is to get the feel of this night. The night is still young. We might get the chance of a dance together. After all, the club has been lent to us to run."

Impulsively, Helen kissed the dark haired woman out of sheer affection. It was quite natural in a place that Nikki had herself once built up. The club had been wound up to that level of excitement that it ran on adrenaline and sexual attraction alone. Being at the middle of this was an energy charge and both women quite forgot the last five days of their regular jobs.

********

It was twelve- o- clock in the morning that the phone beeped next to Nikki's bedside table. She opened one eye blearily while Helen was crashed out asleep. Only when Nikki started talking in a fairly croaky fashion did she half hear one end of the conversation.

"Helen and I had such a good time last night, babes. The whole thing was such a blast. We've done everything you asked. All your instructions have been faithfully followed out…"

"What I want to know is why the hell you're worrying about how the club has gone on while you're away? You're there to pleasure Sally Anne in every exotic way possible, hit the shops and spend a fortune on clothes and totally pamper each other. We'll see you when we see you. ….Look, babes, much though I love talking to you, you should be pleasuring Sally Anne right now. After all, it's daylight…….."

"Don't I know your habits from way back, Make sure that you and Sally have a fantastic time of it. Don't worry, Trish, we'll hold the fort till you get back and I expect a blow by blow account of your holiday and I'd be so grateful if you get that book on lesbian poetry from Rossini Books………"

"I'd love to chat but my head is splitting from overdoing it last night. Love you, Trish."

Helen lay back in bed, still half conscious, still feeling wrecked from last night while Nikki carried on her conversation. She knew that one more night would finish her off in the most delightful way possible and that Christmas Eve might even be a day they could slob around with that wiped out feeling from too much party spirits. She relished that idea as a buffer before the new year started.


	19. Chapter 19

**Scene Nineteen **

Charlie had grown up with several fixed reference points in her none too conventional upbringing, which had given her a curious sense of stability and constancy. One was the hostility between her parents, which had been ground into her very DNA even before they separated. Another was her father's hopeless womanizing, her mother's coldness and their joint love for her in their different ways. The third was her uncomplicated mutually warm affection for her grandfather and also for Jo Mills when she was around and hadn't distanced herself from John. Christmastime was, above all, when all these conundrums collided against each other at a time when there was supposed to be rose tinted family good feeling.

By contrast with the women of Chix, John had a quiet sedate Christmas. He cooked the Christmas dinner as always and Charlie, as usual, was sprawled in front of the television, luxuriating in the temporary feeling of being back in her childhood home. While John juggled the relative cooking times of the turkey, the roast potatoes, sausages and various stuffings, he foresaw that this Christmas would be different from ones gone by. At one time, John was barely on speaking terms with both George and Joseph and he had therefore celebrated it alone with Charlie. She had dutifully if unwillingly seen George over the Christmas break and had more enthusiastically seen Joseph who has spoiled her outrageously when given the chance. He always came round on Boxing Day and this year, promised to be an uncomplicated affair as the two men were now on the friendliest possible terms. When it came to George, this was a trickier matter. Charlie sensed immediately how he gingerly trod carefully around the matter.

Charlie had been given notice that while she was away at university for months on end, her curiously disjointed family wouldn't carry on their ritual dances round each other as they had done in the past. For a start, she had barely come home for summer when her father had cajoled her into helping her make up picket signs for his absurdly and outrageously successful judge's strike. When she had gone back to university, her father's exploits had been the talk of the campus and she had the curious sensation that her father had 'outcooled' her. It gave her a peculiar feeling of being upstaged as she had supposed that her father had put that form of radicalism behind him. This was the first step in her disorientation . She then found out that her mother had broken up with Neil Haughton, whom she had never liked and she sensed that that her parents were becoming friendlier with each other. This gave her a totally weird feeling that she couldn't get to grips with. On top of that, her mother had totally and utterly surprised her by revealing that she had a new lover and who was female. The cumulative effect of all these changes had thrown her into a complete flat spin. She had started loudly objecting to her mother about things being not what she was accustomed to when this very tall sophisticated warm-hearted woman had appeared from out of nowhere and had disarmed her immediately. This woman called Alice had looked into and through her eyes, had sensed her fears straightaway and calmed her down. By now, she really couldn't get to grips with the way the world had become. Most of all, she couldn't get over how everyone was acting so weirdly reasonable and nicetowards each other.

"So you'll give up calling your mother 'Ice Maiden?" Alice pursued relentlessly. "For a start, your father really doesn't like it, especially as he is now friends with your mother. For another, you can see what a lovely woman your mother has now become, the person she has really always wanted to be."

_How can you argue with a social worker_? _I thought dad was tough enough opposition, but this woman is running rings round me. _Charlie thought ruefully, as Alice deftly and humanely removed her defences and talked the truth. She really couldn't be angry with her, as she had to admit that somehow she'd certainly turned her mother around.

"I don't know, Alice. She's always acted that way. It takes time to deal with changes in life."

"Meaning that the older generation is more flexible than yours, Charlie?" Alice asked impishly of this girl who had looked ready to take off in flight. To Alice's great relief, this young woman visibly calmed down as she took in deep breaths and finally looked Alice in the eye. She nodded agreement and fixed Alice with her gaze. That was her way of telling Alice that her presence really did matter

"All right, Alice. I'll try and make friends with mum….and thanks for your help," Charlie added graciously, earning warm smiles of recognition from Alice and Mum. She could get used to this when she thought about it…….it was really what she wanted all along, feelings of security. She was starting to realize that she was getting it without having to look for it.

******

"So what do you want out of life, dad?" she pursued while they dined at the Christmas table, the familiar warmth of Christmas dinner and a modicum of alcohol coursing through her veins." Mum and Alice are an obvious item."

"To tell you the truth, I really don't know. In the public arena, I'm happy to be in the position I've got after all these years. I'm involved in a battle without end with the apparatchiks and I'm in good company. Even George after all these years is rallying round……I've even gained the close friendship of two very courageous women, Nikki and Helen, who will need all their courage in coming up against a trial under the Official Secrets Act," John said softly to himself. He lay down his knife and fork and meditatively held a glass of wine by its narrow stem before taking a sip. His mood shifted between gentle self-satisfaction and anger that the lives of two dear friends could be so tragically and unwarrantably threatened. His copy of the 'Times' lay crumpled up on the side.

"You know what I'm talking about dad," Charlie persisted." I know very well about all the women you've slept with. The nearest you've ever become settled down is with Jo Mills. I do like her and I always thought you'd be good for each other."

"Easier said than done at my time in life," smiled John.

"So is it any easier at mine?" Charlie retorted." What sort of example are you setting me in building lasting relationships?"

"You've got me there," John admitted ruefully. This startled Charlie as she had expected her father to smoothly slide away from being pinned down. She'd always felt that his facility for words was far too good for his own welfare. "I know that I'm a good father but I haven't been a good husband. Let's say that I really don't think Jo would trust me. We have been close before and just when she felt safe with me, I'd stupidly betray her by sleeping with a woman who afterwards I never thought twice about….."

"Are you really up for committing yourself to a long term relationship or is it just an attractive fantasy?"

"I've thought a lot in recent months, Charlie. The attractions of conquests and the one night stand have lost their attraction when I see the very real bond between Nikki Wade and Helen Stewart."

"You know, dad, you're talking about them as if they're friends. That's totally bizarre, you seeing women that way," Charlie said, astonishment written all over her face and in her tone of voice.

"You may well wonder, Charlie," John laughed." But it has worked out that way. Maybe it might be the saving of me."

"Like the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future," joked Charlie to John who flinched in return. He could see the writing on the wall in his personal life. There was a pause before Charlie continued on another topic." Helen Stewart….that article in page 10 of the Times didn't say an awful lot, did it?"

"That says it all, Charlie. I know the whole thing's a totally scandalous stitch up by Neil Haughton and his cronies."

"You won't be allowed to try the case will you," observed Charlie in answer to her father's anger which she immediately realised was righteously chivalrous.

"More's the pity. Still, there are other judges who will give her a fair trial."

******

"John," Joseph asked in a very hesitant fashion down the phone." I've a rather unusual request to make of you. You know I'm coming over later on…."

"Naturally, Joseph," John answered cordially enough.

"I take it you'll have the usual cold buffet ready…."

"…..and your favourite malt whisky," John responded, starting to wonder where the catch was.

"I hope I'm not causing any problems but I was wondering if you would object to George and Alice coming over. They're here with me already."

There was a silence as John chewed this over. His talk with Nikki and Helen had shifted a lot of hang-ups in his mind but he wasn't sure if he was ready to face this one.

"John, say something, dammit," Insisted Joseph." At least she isn't bringing over that weasel, Neil Haughton. You must admit that Alice is very tactful and charming. It was you who pointed out how George has become more human and kinder than she used to be and it's clear that this has been down to Alice's influence."

John laughed with an attempt at heartiness. He knew that George's happiness with Alice would only highlight what was lacking in his life. That was a bad reason to deny their presence.

"Is Alice coming over? Cool," Charlie intervened over his shoulder. That tipped the balance.

"Joseph, you've won me round. Tell George and Alice that they would be only too welcome."

John and Charlie had laid the buffet out on the side when there was a loud knock on the door. It felt to John that a flow of people gushed through the door, Joseph leading the way, heartily shaking John by the hand, visibly relieved by John's diplomacy. George came in, visibly glowing, dressed in a simple decorous black dress, just off the knee. Her blue eyes were smiling gratefully at John as she kissed John on his cheek.

"I can't thank you enough for being agreeable enough to welcome us all over. I know that we have been asking a lot of you. If you hadn't guessed before, this is my partner, Alice."

"It's good to meet you at last, John," she said, extending her hand." I've heard so much about you from George, not to say from Nikki and Helen who are quite fans of yours."

John took in the warmth of this tall, statuesque woman with long dark hair. . He instantly took to this woman. She fitted in perfectly with George and immediately that made everything fine in his mind.

"I'm incredibly glad you all came over, especially Alice, whom I've been very remiss in not meeting before," John said, his eyes ablaze with disinterested delight." That will be remedied in future, I promise. My daughter Charlie who is engrossed in putting on her makeup has spoken well of you."

"I'll take you up on the offer," came Alice's gracious reply before John turned his attention to George. Joseph was beaming over his face, pleased beyond measure at how things had turned out. Even as they had made their way over, he still had secret misgivings.

"George, you have changed so much for the better. I remember it was only this time last year you told me and I quote,'_Neil is taking me to a fantastic party today of the great and the good. I shall wear my finest dress." _

"Don't remind me," George shuddered." If I heard any taped conversations of myself from the past, I swear to God that I would vomit. Daddy of course would defend everything I've ever done in my life, right or wrong. Alice," she added," John is only telling the truth about me."

"George, forgive me my tactlessness, What I was getting at is that you have so much future in front of you."

Charlie came out with a tray of drinks that she knew each of them would like. Her mother's social skills hadn't been passed down to her in vain. They turned round at this perfect timing and helped themselves to the glasses.

"I'm proposing a toast. To the future," John proclaimed."To all our futures and especially to absent friends, those two brave women out there who are under the cosh."

They all knew who John referred to, Alice with especially grateful surprise. She thought well of this man and she could see how George might have once been in love with him, despite his imperfections. All of them drank heartily to that prayerful wish which bonded them all. All it needed was for this to be turned into reality. That would await the New Year.

****************

Helen and Nikki thought by the time they had got to New Year's Day that they done a far better job in getting through the Christmas period than they had feared. They had got their way by the skin of their teeth through the psychic dangers of too much time on their hands could bring. All their friends came round during this period and were incredibly compassionate and caring, even minor acquaintances like Ros and Jenny who pulled up in their police car in between chasing up the usual drunk drivers. It was a new year, new resolutions and they had the crumb of comfort that they had started the ball rolling by getting Claire and George up to speed. It seemed strange that Helen had been the supportive one through Nikki's two appeals and now she should let herself be emotionally bolstered in turn by their circle of dear friends and get the finest legal muscle on board as well. At the end of the day they huigged each other to reassure each other that the other was stuill there. Nikki was incredibly thankful that they would come to the day when they would face whatever horrors lay ahead of them and that they were both together.

.


	20. Chapter 20

**Scene Twenty**

Suddenly, there came a turnaround in the situation, a few short days into the new year, something that took Nikki completely aback. Suddenly, everything jumped right out into the open and Nikki hadn't seen it coming and neither had Helen, for that matter. Just how or why this had been sparked off, neither woman could recollect afterwards.

For some unnaccountable reason, all Helen's emotions had finally spilled out after remaining dormant during the run up to Christmas and up to the New stark electric lights illuminated this clash of wills between two women who could see each other's point of view so very clearly. That was the tragedy of the situation as they had been together in their resolution only so recently.

"Helen darling, I can't let you throw yourself away like this," Nikki pleaded.

"You remember what we were like at Fenner's trial,"Helen insisted relentlessly with steely logic."We were glad the bastard was going to get sent down. Now we know how it feels."

The inflexible logic of it all beat down Nikki's power of reason. In a split second sense of desperation, Nikki fought against their destiny that Helen relentlessly mapped out. She knew that Helen was too bloody right but that wasn't the ultimate answer surely. In that blinding flash, Nikki knew that when driven to the ultimate point of desperation, she relied on her gut instinct whereas Helen relied on her reason. She was pulled back in time to when they argued desperately in the PO's office after the tumultuous events of Nikki's desperate breakout to her flat to make it up to Helen, and being smuggled back into Larkhall while Fenner lay in a prison cell, bleeding. Helen was quite right in saying that 'they had to let go' but underneath, Nikki sensed Helen 's overdeveloped sense of guilt of being just like Fenner, only the world's biggest logic said, life couldn't be like this, she protested violently inside herself. Life couldn't be so unjust, there had to be some other way. It was that powerful instinct that gave her the only ray of light in the darkness that suddenly threatened to swallow them both up.

"Helen, you're the most beautifully moral wonderful woman I've ever known. You're right in saying that we were crowing over Fenner being sent down and look what is happening to us and you're right- up to a point.. You're overlooking one basic fact. Fenner was as guilty as hell and tried to stitch up Karen for murder. He only got sent down for murder, not for coldly, calculatingly trying to do down Karen. Think of the grief she suffered over him."

"I can't deny what you're saying and I know you mean well but I can't stop feeling the way I feel," Helen said with a face like stone, her emotions all over the place.

"Helen darling, there's one thing that I know about you. Your trouble is that you've got an overdeveloped sense of guilt and that's down to your upbringing. Your father lives within you more than you like to think."

"And what if he does?"

"It doesn't have to stay that way,"pleaded Nikki desperately."OK, you can decide to throw yourself off the cliff but you can choose not to. Doesn't every religion under the sun, every belief system you care to name say you have choices? Just look into my eyes and know that every word I'm saying is the absolute truth."

Nikki's beautiful brown orbs held Helen's gaze and her impassioned words steered her away from the black doom that she was sightlessly looking into. She'd put every ounce of conviction into this last desperate feel of her lover's arms, the desperate love flowing out of her and the words she spoke finally got through to Helen. She slumped into her lover's eyes and cried out all her emotions. Above all else, she knew that Nikki was right. She knew also that no one else but Nikki could have got through to her like this and this was an extreme measure of their love. As they lay down together on their bed for the next few hours, oblivious of everything, both knew that what was to happen to them both would be stressful but not impossible to face

***********

George had deliberated long and hard over Alice's judgment on the matter when she had first heard the dreadful news about Helen. She had got to understood how Alice could easily be placed in a similar dilemma in her job as a social worker where her client could so easily be someone she knew in private life. She seriously wondered that she might not be the best person to handle Helen's case only because she cared too much about it. When she had received the news from Claire that the Department of Public Prosecutions were intending to proceed against Helen, she took it with grim fortitude but no great surprise. For God's sake, they'd even arranged the trial date for Thursday and Friday January 24h – 25th 2002. After all, she knew only too well the kind of minds that were capable of such actions and the vindictiveness with which their energy was concentrated on crushing opposition. While her mind was made up as to her next move, she was unsure how to phrase it.

Jo looked at George thoughtfully, having been taken aback by her unexpectedly hesitant approach for advice on a case that had come her way. She never doubted the other woman's sincerity and never questioned her instinct. She rather suspected who the client was, having heard the jungle drums beat its way loudly round the brethren. After George had told her story, Jo took in a sharp intake of breath as Helen's name was confirmed but otherwise, took it in her stride and realized that this was just her meat and potatoes. After Jo gave her verdict, she thought that George looked surprisingly relieved that Jo had taken the burden of responsibility off her shoulders but underneath, her manner was disconsolate, despite her attempts to hide it. Finally, Jo hit upon the ideal solution.

"George, I get the feeling that you both want the involvement but you're scared of the responsibility only because you feel too much for your clients."

The way George exhaled her breath told the other woman everything. A solution came straight off the top of Jo's head.

"George, I have thought of an idea which has literally come to me this very minute. I'm not sure how you'll take it, knowing how proud and independent you are……."

"That's your polite way of saying that I am a domineering prima donna. You're right, I used to be like that but believe me, I've been put through such a lot of changes. You put your proposal to me and I might just surprise you," retorted George with a playful glint in her eye.

"Very well," Jo laughed appreciatively at the other woman's appealing directness of manner," I'll get to the point. I'll take the lead in court but you could be there to advise and assist. For the preliminaries, we'll thrash out the issues together as equals. That gives you an input, the satisfaction of helping out and takes away your fear of letting down a close friend. I have the advantage of knowing both Nikki and Helen but not being as close as you evidently are to them. Do you want to go away and think about it overnight?"

"My mind's made up. You're on, Jo," exclaimed George immediately." I couldn't wish for anything better."

Jo shook George's hand warmly. This was far easier than she expected. It was a good omen for the future.

"Let's get this show on the road and fix up a meeting with Claire," Jo added.

"It goes without saying that Nikki sits in on the meetings. Her presence is worth her weight in gold. Your office or mine? I'm easy either way," chipped in George.

"Definitely yours, George. It's classier than my rabbit hutch, which is still in a state after my move back to this part of the world. Besides, I'm willing to be tempted by the nearby shops in Oxford Street……….," Jo said. Her broad grin gave way to a more contemplative, nostalgic mood as she remembered fighting Nikki's reappeal. "I'll enjoy seeing them both again."

****************

Claire was left to handle all the arrangements as a trusted helpmate of George and Jo and she advised Helen where to go. She didn't explain the precise arrangements for representation in advance.

"Hi Nikki," Jo greeted the taller woman who extended her hand." It's been a long time that I've had the pleasure of both your company and Helen's. I've been working away up North until recently. It seems that I've come back at the right time…… "

Instantly, Jo noticed the contrast between the alert precise woman of a year or so ago and this woman who was tense, pale faced and obviously making an effort to stay controlled. She figured that Helen had been outwardly strong and determined until today when she was forced to focus on the serious reality of her situation and found it scary.

"Obviously, I wish that I'd meet you in happier circumstances but they will be if we push hard enough for it. Let's take a seat and get down to business. "

The tactful words did the trick as Helen relaxed a little even while she threw questioning glances at George who stayed politely in the background.

"Obviously, we're delighted to meet you again, Jo, but……,"the smaller woman started to say hesitantly, with a too expansive smile on her face that flickered on and off. Jo gently intervened.

"George and I think we've come up with a solution to a problem that we've identified. Claire outlined the case to George who is worried that, because she has grown to be such a close personal friend of you both, she might not be as detached and objective as she should be," Jo explained calmly, exchanging sidelong glances with George and receiving visual approval in return." We both think that for this reason, I should lead the case in court but that she assists and in the run up to the case, both of us are equally involved. How does that grab you both?"

The two women drew a huge breath of relief, as they had feared that they would be asked to choose between two highly talented barristers. Now they knew that this wasn't going to be a problem. Jo turned her attention to Helen.

"Claire's found me a copy of Nikki's report. It certainly doesn't take any prisoners but George and I feel that, considering her experience, it's pretty fair and balanced. Obviously, I want to go through it in detail but I think it would be helpful if you could both take us through anything that you might have given to Nikki that could be used against you."

"Do you mean in writing or verbally?" Helen queried, licking her lips nervously. She knew that question was coming but it didn't make it any easier in answering, not when having to ransack her memories of endless conversations she'd had with Nikki over the years. It made her feel uncomfortable as the questions threatened to place her lover in the role of 'prisoner' or 'former prisoner,' something that both woman had so thankfully put behind them, or so they had both thought. Helen didn't have to look at Nikki to tell that her partner felt the same as she did.

"When Nikki's first appeal came up, I photocopied her prison file and let you have a copy of it, Claire. You remember me telling you that, Nikki?"

Claire coloured. She could remember it very well and was embarrassed that apparent professional lapse came out in front of two barristers that she highly respected.

"I didn't know it could be potentially dangerous, Jo……"

"Relax, Claire. From what I can see of looking through your old appeal papers, Nikki, it acted as a pointer to information that came out in open court from my memories of the case. Besides, you know it, we do it but do the government? It wasn't in the trial papers for a start."

"We're just glad to be advised of it. The last thing we need are any surprises sprung on us in court," added George helpfully.

"So what about verbal official secrets? Like what is a verbal secret in Larkhall?" Helen stammered even while Nikki held her hand protectively." That's a big question and so much happened at the time? I remember talking to Nikki about the report I did on Fenner being stabbed by Shell Dockley, telling her in advance that I couldn't find anything to pin on him. I talked to you about, oh yes, Monica Lindsay and how everyone in authority had failed to persuade her to carry on with her appeal after her son's death and could she help."

"Darling, let's start at the other end with Nikki's report and go through it in detail," cut in George." From what I can see, you were extraordinarily well informed about the management culture as if you had been a fly on the wall. For a start, you knew about the system that Dr Waugh set up which was when you were in Larkhall. How did you find out that it had been discontinued?"

"I'm sure Helen must have told me about it sometime since we left Larkhall," Nikki said in vague tones. "I think she only confirmed something I knew already, probably from Yvonne. I know I tackled Dr No No when I did my investigation and he brazenly admitted it. Perhaps, I ought to explain just how the 'prisoner's grapevine system works?" she tentatively added.

"What do you think, Helen?" Jo enquired of the smaller woman." We need to cross-check everything as far as possible."

Finally, the uncertain conversation got into gear as the five women chipped the conversation back and forth between them. Both Jo and George were thoroughly attentive and didn't hesitate to ask further questions as they started to mentally immerse themselves into the strange and alien world of Larkhall Prison. It naturally enabled her to get the feel for the background knowledge of Nikki's own investigation. Both women knew that official reports only went so far as it was confined to demonstrable facts and didn't include the intangible human dimension.

"There's only thing I don't understand, George,"Jo said slowly at last." On the face of it, the prosecution case boils down to the simple proposition that Nikki couldn't have been so well-informed about the prison service. ………"

"………or alternatively it is quote, 'a scandalous misrepresentation of it'," chipped in George."I am only using words my ex would say, not my words."

"That's a possible alternative," agreed Jo," and therefore that you could never have described it in the sort of detail you have used."

"Is it possible that they simply can't believe that I would get to know about the prison system as much as I do and they see me as just another 'ex con' and therefore I must have had assistance? Besides, hadn't that Sir Ian guy been watching my reappeal, Sally Anne's case and Karen's case? They can't help but think that Helen and I are joined at the hip……."

"….and so you absolutely are, darlings……" murmured George affectionately to Jo's raised eyebrow. She hadn't seen that side of George before.

"Yes, well, so we are," smiled Nikki briefly," but they must imagine that Helen tells me of the darkest secrets of Larkhall Prison every time we settle down to bed."

"Then there's the search of your house and they've not turned up nothing of substance," Jo pursued."There's just one final question that comes to mind. I assume you had the use of a computer when you worked for Larkhall. What happened to it when you resigned and did you keep any prsonal stuff on it?"

"I used it purely for work purposes and I handed it back when I resigned. My feelings when I left Larkhall was that I wanted shot of the place, well everything except Nikki," Helen said with prompt decisiveness.

"Then that's the end of the matter ," Jo concluded." Somehow I get wary when it seems like our case is too easy."

"We have to go on what we've got. Quite frankly, we've got courage and class on our side. You leave this to Jo and me but don't hesitate to contact us if you come up with anything new. I don't know about you but I for one am dying for a cup of tea. I'll arrange this for five? Yes," George finally summarized to a feeling of cautious satisfaction. The meeting reinforced the feelings that they were all by now veterans in the art of taking on the establishment. There was a definite sense of purpose and Helen smiled slightly for the first time that she entered the room.

******

It was after Helen, Nikki and Claire had gone their separate ways in good spirits when the phone rang. Jo sat back in a comfortable chair while a beaming smile spread across George's face.

"Alice darling! How thoughtful it is of you to phone up and ask how I went on. Jo Mills and I are just finishing off before she, no doubt, explores the shops. The meeting went really well and we are pretty sure of the facts…….yes, you're right, it doesn't guarantee pulling the rabbit out of the hat but at least we feel pretty secure and I know how I'll fit in with Jo. I'll be off fairly early tonight and I'll cook you something special…..I'm really sorry that you've not had a very good day. You can rely on me to make you feel more relaxed, trust me to know what to do for you….."

Jo heard George's frank and uninhibited intimate call with Alice and her very sexual laugh. She had operated on past experience, and hadn't really absorbed the fact that, yes George really must be a lesbian. There is a difference between hearing about something new and really internalizing it, or so she supposed.


	21. Chapter 21

**Scene Twenty -One **

While Beth was asleep, Karen quickly got dressed in jeans and white sweater and made a cup of coffee while keeping a sharp eye on the post. The local St Mary's Hospital had interviewed her the week before Christmas for a permanent nursing post and said that they would let her know the result of her job. She had been up with the lark for the past few working days and, this time, the letter plopped through her letterbox that she had expected. Padding out in bare feet, she opened it carefully and her heart leaped inside her with joy. Their reply was good news and that she would definitely be starting at the end of the month. She jumped around shouting to herself, clutching the piece of paper and rushed into the bedroom.

"Beth, I've got the job I've been angling for. I've got a permanent job at last."

"Hey, that's fantastic news," came the surprisingly coherent reply, straight up from total sleep." Come here, babes."

Karen slid on the bed next to her lover, her hair slightly rumpled but a big smile on her face. Beth's slim arms extended themselves and wrapped themselves round the fair-haired woman. The fullness of their lips met and their tongues caressed each other. Karen sighed to herself blissfully, thinking just what a magic morning it was when really it was quite normal after all.

"Darling, you've got too many clothes on for my liking," Beth drawled at last, her eyes looking up expectantly at the woman whose eyes were alight with the joys of life." We'll talk about your job….after."

Karen looked down at her lover, looking so alluring in her delicate lacy white nightie which suggested the curves that she knew so well. She felt on top of the world with energy coursing through her nervous system. She pulled her sweater over her head and threw it to one side. The sudden sight of her lover's full figure, tousled hair and laughing blue eyes was irresistible to Beth and also the way that her lover didn't beat about the bush in unzipping her jeans and sliding back into bed.

"Come on, Beth. I thought you were in a hurry," cajoled Karen in those husky tones that Beth had such a weakness for. She was already sliding her hands greedily up Beth's slim body and expertly touching her nipples.

"You give me a bit of space for a minute, babes and then I am all yours," retorted Beth, lingering over the words. After she had cast her nightie aside, Karen stared down with desire at her lover's already hardening nipples and the look of desire all over her face. She laid her body alongside Beth's and greedily started kissing and licking her lover's smooth neck, whose legs were already wrapping themselves round Karen. The blond haired woman felt unbelievably horny this morning and her desires flowed outwards. She edged her way down Beth's body while her lover gently caressed her skin and hair and, after she had slowly and lovingly licked one nipple after another, kissed her way down that flat stomach to where her desires wanted her to be. She was in seventh heaven as her tongue expertly coaxed her lover to excitement to the accompaniment of Beth's moans of pleasure and the taste of her on her tongue. The feel of their skin against each other was a delight that was so impossibly extreme, of touching and being touched. At moments like these, Karen felt so incredibly grateful to Beth for liberating her to the delights of lesbian lovemaking. What was music to her was the sounds of another woman's sighs of pleasure and words of endearments and ecstatic sounds building up to a climax of adoration. Above all else, she knew that Beth's feelings were utterly genuine and it was that that unlocked Karen's fierce emotions, so long denied inside.

Thoughts rushed through Karen in no particular order as she and Beth finally got dressed, ready for the day. They curled up around each other in the large and capacious armchair while they discussed their plans. It felt far more comfortable than being all stiff and formal round a table. Office organization was the death of the intimate expression of feelings, so Karen thought so strongly, after her long experience over the years. The feel of Beth's slim fingers against her white sweater along the line of her bra felt far more intimate and normal rather than disembodied office politics, divorced of real feelings. She knew now that Helen's trial would take place before she was due to start work for her new job. It meant that she could carry on working as an agency nurse and she could definitely set aside time to stand by Helen and Nikki at the her own and Beth's personal joy, she never let it deflect her from her own worries as to their friends' predicament.

"So about this job, babes, this is a really permanent job? I can't believe it, not that you haven't slaved for it."

"I've got to pass through a three months probation period but the beauty of all the temping that I've done is that I've picked up on a whole range of work experience, including some work at St Mary's already. I've made my name there already," came Karen's rush of enthusiastic words, which gladdened the heart of the dark haired woman. She wanted so much for her lover to have wings to fly with.

"It sounds like you've got it made, babes. Pretty soon, you'll be running the ward if I know you."

"Hardly that, darling," denied Karen modestly though secretly thinking that her solid managerial experience at Larkhall might stand her in good stead yet." I've checked out just how the NHS has changed since I last worked in it full-time. If I stick at it, I should be all right."

"I'm really happy for you, babes. I know how good things are between ourselves personally but I also want to see you where you belong."

"This does mean, of course, that I can properly pay my way and, when I get my first paycheck, I mean to treat you to a romantic meal out, for …..everything you've done for me," Karen finished in melting tones. All her feelings of love and gratitude came pouring out in that instant.

There came the time when both of them had to make a move. She knew that Beth would be preoccupied with a journalism assignment that morning.

"Darling, I'll pop over in the car to see Nikki and Helen," called out Karen to Beth. That was fine for both of them as both knew that they'd be back for each other.

"Give my love to them both," called Beth as their lips locked one more time.

********

Karen was out into the morning's air, driving round London in her little MG. She could never get bored of driving as, thank God, she was in a position to be driving her car rather than think of it rusting away in that police pound. It felt nippy and maneuverable as she steered it along that well remembered route to Nikki and Helen's flat. Confidently, she strode up the steps and a wave of good feeling took her into the hall, where she was affectionately received, duly kissed on her cheek and hugged by each grateful woman.

"I've sorted out my plans for the future. I've got a permanent job at St Mary's hospital. You will see Karen Betts in her blue nurse's uniform and stopwatch and a regular wage at the back of me."

"That's fantastic news, Karen. I'm so glad for you. I bet you a fiver you'll be ward sister in six months if not sooner or whatever they call them these days," Helen said with unaffected pleasure, putting her own troubles to one side.

"Do you know, Helen, you're the second person to say that today?" Karen said with certain levity while blinking tears out of her eyes at the smaller woman's generosity of spirit. It was curious but in these recent months, she found it easier to cry and it didn't cross her mind to feel foolish about that.

"Beth being the other of course," added Nikki dryly." Better face it, it's a toss up whether your best friend or your lover knows you best. It all depends on the quality of the relationships."

"I'll make coffees for us all," added Helen, with that air of wanting to jump up and do something practical.

Everything seemed amicable and friendly on this winter Saturday and Helen hospitably fetched three mugs of steaming hot coffee into the lounge and the conversation ambled along and started to touch on the oncoming trial. This gave Karen the opportunity to show that her good fortune would benefit her friends also. Karen's positivism of spirits felt irresistible to herself.

"I was wondering if you'll need my company when it gets nearer to the trial. I've figured out that I can carry on with temping for the agency till my regular job starts and fit my hours round the court hearing and before then as well if need be."

"Sure," Nikki answered in deliberate tones, not quite her spontaneous self." You know that you are welcome, any time you call. The only problem is that, with the best will in the world, we're going to get tense. We may well need your calming influence."

"That's really kind of you, Karen but are you sure you can take all this on? You know how wearing trials can get," warned Helen very compassionately.

The penny had finally dropped for Karen. Helen and Nikki were obviously thinking back to when Karen was downing way too much whisky than was good for her and on the edge of a nervous breakdown. They had got things wrong and this time, Karen could see that she could contribute that strength and clarity of vision. She was definitely needed around here.

"We'll really be grateful for your help, Karen. We just wanted to be straight with you," Nikki bit off her tongue from talking about Fenner having done them a favour as the guy was doing time and she knew how sensitive Helen really was about her forthcoming trial despite her best efforts.

"I know what you're really getting at, you two. This time around, I can be strong for you both. I know how I can carry the weight this time. I'm even better than I used to be now I've got Beth," Karen explained." You have to see that I can't possibly not help you. You've both stuck by me through thick and thin when I stood to get a ten-year stretch for a crime I didn't commit. But for you, Nikki and of course George, I would have got sent down and gone completely over the edge."

"We debated it amongst ourselves and we felt duty bound to help you," added Helen stiffly with obvious effort. Karen began to sense that just now and then, the smaller woman couldn't suppress the strain that leaked out of her and that her tension was also rubbing off onto Nikki.

"You even inadvertently found me the love of my life," pursued Karen with fierce urgency and conviction, not deterred from her mission." I've talked this over with Beth and she's all for the idea.I'm sure that Nikki will give you all the tender support before the day in court but if there's any role for me, just tell me. I know what it's like, believe me."

A few tears escaped Helen's large green eyes before she flicked them out of her eyes. It was down to them to lay their cards on the table.

"I'm really sorry, Karen. You might have got the idea that we were emotionally freezing you out. The truth is that we're really waking up to realize that this trial is for real, no matter how irrational and stupid it sounds. Up till now, we've been into emotional denial. We went to a meeting with George and Jo the other day with the intention of treating it as an academic exercise. What freaked us out that even Jo and George thought that the establishment is either being incredibly stupid or that they knew something we didn't. In all the court cases we've fought or backed, we've got cocky in thinking that nothing bad could possibly happen to us. You came round on a bad day for us but we don't want to think you weren't welcome. We would really love you to help us out."

Karen reached forward and put her arms round Helen who silently cried into the other woman's fair hair. She clung onto the fair-haired woman as a drowning woman onto a rock. A minute later, she felt a fresh pair of soft arms round her and knew it was Nikki. She made shushing sounds into their ears and stayed with them until they finally got through to the other side of their emotions and everything was all cried out.

"Thanks a million, Karen." Nikki said shakily, her emotions written all over her face. "The trouble is that neither of us wanted to admit to the other that we were feeling the pressure."

"I understand you entirely. It's a strange British quality to be bad at accepting help and, for that matter compliments," Karen said in a calm reassuring tone of voice." You've both got it even worse than I have if that's possible. Till recently, I didn't let anyone in on my own traumas, believe you me."

"That's true," Nikki laughed shakily, flicking tears out of her own eyes. "I don't know what we can do about it, that's our problem."

"Just accept help when it's kindly offered," came Karen's simple soothing reply.

*****

The harsh winter wind howled round the flat where Karen and Beth lived. Beth had gone out to work early leaving Karen a start at an old people's home where the agency had sent her for three days this week, the first day being a half-day. She remembered the very emotional conversation she'd had with her two dearest friends the previous day. She felt that she was returning some of the enormous help that she'd received from them during her own troubles.


	22. Chapter 22

**Scene Twenty Two**

_A/N Credits to Wikipedia and National Council for Civil Liberties 'Civil Rights for Civil servants."_

One winter night, Jo and George sat down in George's house, intently poring through the details of the case together. The trial papers were strewn on the carved mahogany dining room table. Alice remained in the background, hunched over the shared computer working on one of her own cases, being one of those silent presences who somehow radiate a calming atmosphere around her. Jo very much appreciated her tactful presence but the case was starting to get to her and she finally threw down her pen in despair.

"The trouble is that I really haven't got a grip on how the Official Secrets works in practice. I get the nasty feeling that it means whatever the establishment chooses it to mean. If that's the case, we're up against a 'rubber law' case, something which thank God, Franz Kafka never committed to paper in case the establishment turned it into an internal textbook of repression."

George shuddered inside even while she smiled faintly at Jo's words. Faint memories of Haughton made this flash of black humour only too likely.

"So where do we go to from here?"

"Why not Nikki's boss? In fact, what I don't understand is why they're just targeting Helen? Why aren't they going after the Howard League for Penal Reform?"

"Because it would draw in people with influence that the government doesn't want to offend. If they restrict their attack to Helen, the League will be absolutely certain that this is a covert attack on them but not enough for them to actually step in…….. I'm just guessing….. I don't really know," George finally confessed.

"So let's find out for sure and ask them."

"Sounds like a good idea," George added.

Alice silently glided up to the two women and placed two glasses of sherry on the table.

"Thanks darling," George said appreciatively, screwing her eyes up at her lover as she appeared on the edge of the circle of light that penned them in. She was dead tired. Jo sensed the silent intimacy between the two women and wished that she had that same sense of the meeting of minds.

"Thanks, Alice," Jo echoed gratefully." It's really good of you. How's your own work going?"

"To the point where we all need to chill out. I'm tired out and can't get any further. I suppose you feel the same," came the quiet response which said it all for them.

**********

"I'm dreadfully sorry to hear what's happened to Nikki," Paul exclaimed as George and Jo called in on his somewhat battered, paper strewn office," Take a seat while I make tea for us all."

"Please," Jo said simply.

"I expect you're wondering why my organization isn't storming the barricades as we should be doing," Paul said in his direct way, which endeared him to the two women. He had busied himself in the corner of the main room outside and returned, laying out three mugs of steaming hot liquid. It struck George that this man fitted Nikki's enthusiastic description exactly. He took his place in his armchair and wasted no words in getting to the point.

"In this organization, Nikki and I are lead the cutting edge, radical wing of the movement. All of us accept that there are times when we don't have to make waves all the time. Some of us are at the top of the organization, which was responsible for Nikki being taken on in the first place. Others saw Nikki as a risk but they were overruled and, thank God, Nikki has more than proved herself. The other side of the organization, well, they feel that if we can be nice to the powers that be and try and talk them round, they won't be so reactionary. It's for this reason that we get government ministers addressing our annual general meetings. To some extent, there's an element of truth in that point of view and I wouldn't care to ignore it. It has some claim on my own thinking. The real problem is that the government has stopped short of making a move on Nikki as they could have done. If they had, there would have been hell to pay and those bastards know it. Is this all clear enough?"

"Abundantly clear," George chipped in with a sinking feeling in her stomach." Neil Haughton used to be my partner and, much though I've learnt to mentally erase his vacuous outpourings, enough of it has fortunately stuck so I can work out what they're doing and why."

"Our real problem is that we need background on the Official Secrets Act," explained Jo." The law looks straightforward but it's a new area to both George and I and my gut root feeling is that there's more to this than meets the eye. I need proper research on the subject."

"I had the feeling from talking to Nikki that you'd turn up here sooner or later. As it happens, this case on my table goes back to 1983 and shows most graphically how the act has been abused. It makes dark reading. I begged and borrowed this material from the archives of the National Council for Civil Liberties, now known as Liberty, something I definitely think you should know about. Of course, the critical factor in this sorry state of affairs seems to be the judge who'll try the case."

George and Jo spread out the paperwork on a spare space on Paul Williams' desk. One preliminary glance grabbed their horrified interest.

'_Sarah Tisdall was a 23 year old clerical worker working in the Private Office of the Foreign Secretary. She anonymously sent the Guardian photocopied documents detailing when American cruise missile nuclear weapons would be arriving in the United Kingdom. The documents set out the political tactics Michael Hesteltine, then defence minister, would use to present the matter in the House of Commons. He intended that no announcement should be made until Prime Minister's Question Time had been completed, that he would then rise to announce that the missiles had arrived and, before MPs could put any questions to him, leave the House and that he would then go directly to Greenham Common to be photographed for the press welcoming the missiles to British soil. _

_There did not appear to be any threat to national security in the revelation but the Government nonetheless brought a legal action against The Guardian, seeking an order requiring the newspaper to reveal its source. Although The Guardian successfully argued that it was protected by section 10 of the Contempt of Court Act 1981 from providing the information, the judgement by Justice Scott was almost immediately overturned. The appeal by the Attorney General was on the grounds that – although the documents themselves were harmless – a civil servant capable of leaking them, might leak other documents which could pose a threat to national security._

_The Guardian complied with a court order to hand over the documents, which were identified as coming from an FCO photocopying machine. The machine led to Tisdall who, when confronted with the evidence, pleaded guilty to a charge under the UK Official Secrets Act 1911. She was sentenced to six months in jail but was released after four months. _

"_In these days," said the Mr Justice Cantley "it is necessary to make perfectly clearby example that any person who passes in confidence material which is classified as secret….should not be exempted from a custodial sentence."_

"Jesus Christ, what a reactionary," spat out Jo in disgust."He sounds as bad as Judge Jackson who sentenced Nikki to life for stabbing that rapist. I was at university at the time when all this was going on. It's just as well I never knew that someone like him was around or I'd have done something different like……."

"….plotting the downfall of the state," teased George.

"Thank you, George," Jo retorted with a touch of warmth.

"Jo, you know very well that I cannot possibly have laid any claim to being very earnestly dedicating my life to Free Speech in Eritrea or something like that. You should know that I was out every night, partying and secretly on the lookout for the most attractively disreputable man I could find. Of course, I eventually found John and thought, with the false wisdom of the young that I had finally settled down and found my niche in life. How wrong could I be…..but wait, there's more. Look at this Jo,"

'_The legality of the Order (compelling the Guardian to surrender the documents, and thus reveal their source) was upheld in a decision of the House of Lords (Secretary of State for Defence v. Guardian Newspapers Ltd. [1985] AC 339) by a majority of three against two.' _

"Does anyone know what happened to this poor woman?" Jo exclaimed in horrified tones.

"I don't know," Paul confessed." I would suspect that she's dropped back into ordinary life and with her career prospects permanently blighted. Hesteltine's done all right. He turns up, looking suitably avuncular as an 'Elder Statesman' on TV programmes," Paul Williams said, cynically.

"Don't tell Nikki or Helen about this," warned George in a deadly serious tone of voice that contrasted with their banter of early on." It's for us to worry about. Hopefully, the brethren have changed for the better since those days. How's Nikki doing at work, Paul?"

"Nikki's all right…..at least for now," replied Paul." She knows very well that the door's always open and from time to time, she talks to me off her own bat. She's doing a very good job in trying to keep her own spirits up and bolstering Helen's. If there's one thing I know about Nikki, it's that offering false comfort is worse than useless. She sees through falsehood in a flash however well meant. I've tried to be as generally supportive as I can be."

"That's Nikki for you," answered George with soft affection before musing bitterly about this hideous stain on the justice system." This woman, Sarah Tisdall sounds worryingly like Helen. She has the same idealism and principle. The only thing is that that Helen didn't actually provide is a major incriminating document that could be traced to her."

_Thank God, John and others came along when he did to save the country from the 'hang them and flog them' brigade. After all these years, now I finally get the picture, in full cinemascope," _George thought in affectionate approval of her friend. She'd learnt enough to see where individual injustices should have been fought and now she gained that width and depth of understanding. She felt ashamed that she'd never known of the case at the time, as she should have done.

"Paul, just as a matter of interest, just how well does Nikki know the prison service?" Jo said slowly, in contemplative tones.

"Like the back of her hand," Paul said in admiring tones." Quite frankly, I don't believe that there is any confidential document that Helen ever placed in Nikki's hands as in Sarah Tisdall's case. That leaves the government with verbal information. What the government doesn't understand is that Nikki is an extraordinary intuitive woman who has that rare ability to look at official reports sideways and sense the truth behind them. I'd reckon she's always had that quality about her and has always had a nose for the truth. From talking to her, she knew a number of very sharp-eyed fellow prisoners who she talks off very affectionately. She also has a first class analytical mind. I went through that report of hers with a fine tooth comb and my opinion, for what it's worth, I think that Nikki tunes into what's going on from several independent sources, one of whom may well be what Helen's told her. In other words, there are no 'official secrets' that Helen divulged, even working on the broadest interpretation."

"Thank you, Paul," George said, much moved. Both Jo's and George's retentive minds sponged up Paul's words. It had the makings of a defence presentation in court.

"Tell me, Paul, have the prosecution asked you the same questions? It seems such an obvious move," questioned George, imagining from past experience how she might proceed if she were handling the prosecution.

"You must be kidding. I mean I haven't been asked and if I had been, I wouldn't cooperate with those creeps," came Paul's dry response, following it up with the question that was now really starting to bother him. "Tell me, do you think the government are pretending to be stupid or are actually being stupid?"

"Good question, Paul. I think it's that they really don't know people who exist outside their narrow, confined world. I speak as one who used to live in their claustrophobic world. That's the only explanation I can come up with," observed George.

"Which means ninety per cent of the population. And they're governing us. Horrifying, isn't it."

"Or farcical. The dividing line between the two isn't as wide as you might think," Jo retorted.

There was a thoughtful silence that hung heavily on the air until Jo looked at her watch and realized how long they had detained this very kind-hearted man. They had to let him go on his business and move on.


	23. Chapter 23

**Scene Twenty-Three**

Neil Haughton breezed into Sir Ian's room looking pretty pleased with himself. Sir Ian was in the middle of conferring with Lawrence James and Sir Alan Peasemarsh, who was combing his white hair along the back of his scalp but that didn't matter. The minister operated on the expectation that seemed perfectly reasonable to himself that other people were there to wait for his pearls of wisdom. After all, the legal specialists had their proper role in government affairs but this enterprise needed firm political direction to keep the show on the road, didn't it, and he was the man to do it. Fortunately, no hint of dissent or reservation had reached his ears that would otherwise have created unnecessary obstacles.

"A glass of wine before we get down to business?" Sir Ian politely offered his inadvertent guests.

"An excellent idea especially as we have something to celebrate," Neil Haughton pronounced loudly and confidently as he raised his glass to where Sir Ian was hospitably offering round the bottle. Sir Alan Peasemarsh accepted his lot in being second in line while Lawrence James knew when his turn would be. He remained his impassive self, knowing that this was the price to pay in being an ambitious career civil servant.

"The first press release is out, unattributed of course thanks to our friends in the media. You can see that it should have the effect of nicely demoralising our 'lesbian friends'," Neil Haughton said with jeering emphasis. He took a copy of the Times and laid the paper out for all to see.

"_**One time Prison Governor charged under the Official Secrets Act"**_

" _A report by a well known prison reform pressure group has rubbished the running of one of Her Majesty's Prisons. While this controversial report has given the prison service something to think about, it has since emerged that the author of the report, lives with Helen Stewart, who was briefly Governing Governor of the prison concerned. From studying the report in detail, sources close to the Home Office have disclosed that only an 'insider' could have supplied confidential information so that detailed criticisms could have been made. The Home Office strongly considers that 'kiss and tell' allegations like this, albeit made public indirectly through a third party, are considered damaging to the good name of the Prison Service and that an example must be made." _

"It hits the right note admirably. It says enough to cause alarm and panic without revealing too much of our hand. Lawrence and I have spent far too much time sitting at the back of the visiting gallery taking perverse judgments on the chin without being able to do anything about it. I for one feel that we've been just a bit too nice with them," Sir Ian chimed in with a nasty edge in his voice." This will serve them right."

"The Cabinet heard the evidence compiled by Lawrence James that the succession of high profile court cases that have been derailed are down to this particular band of witches. They are prepared to move on this case. They've had a bit too much luck on their side and it's now our turn as our Ms Wade has stuck her neck out too far. Her precious partner will just have to take her medicine, that's all," gloated Neil Haughton.

"I don't think our bombshell will go down too well on their home front," presumed Sir Ian with that lordly disdain, born of one whose background was cloistered and certainly utterly unaware of the fearful struggles that those two tenacious women had gone through to get to where they did.

"I suppose they call women like these 'partners' these days," Neil Haughton said with an ugly sneer." You can't say it publicly these days but, personally speaking, the only partnerships I recognise these days are in law firms….anyway, we ought to discuss your perspective, Sir Alan."

"Well," the white haired man said, precisely adjusting his tie," as far as I can see, I cannot see that this Ms Wade can possibly account for the contents of her report on her own. Everything points to Ms Stewart at the back of it. The fact that the house search only turned up trivia is not a problem to me. I'm happy to take this case on for the government. It will be a welcome change to get back onto the factory floor, so to speak, after my time spent in Parliament."

"What about the opposing barrister, Ms Channing or Mrs Mills? Will they provide any problems?" Sir Ian asked in deliberately level tones as he didn't want to offend his colleagues sensibilities. The truth was that he had this uneasy feeling that the Attorney General had been out of the ring for too long and that times had changed.

"I've heard that their reputations are much overrated. There's no substitute for experience," came the cold, aristocratic reply. Silently, Sir Ian decided to silently cut his losses while his voice was occupied elsewhere as he continued." Let's hear Lawrence James's report for ourselves on the damage that they have done which will help focus our minds."

"Ms Wade not only got released from prison after Huntley had directed that the prisoner serve ten years before being even considered for release and this was your predecessor in the Home Office who gave way to the petition organised by, as we now know, by none other than our Ms Stewart… ,"Lawrence James intoned, reading from his notes..

"The man was always a closet liberal who it was thought would be influenced by his office to be tougher on law and order than he liked……. He got what was coming to him in the cabinet reshuffle for letting the side down," chimed in Neil Haughton, laughing with cold eyes and a hard tone in his voice as he had taken advantage of the opportunity to dump on his onetime colleague.

"………..but she got her prison sentence expunged on her reappeal…," interjected Lawrence James before he was cut short again.

"That was down to Deed and his malign influence," interrupted Neil Haughton through clenched teeth." I tried to put a bill through Parliament to limit the powers of the judges but after their infernal strike, I wasn't supported. You did your best to dissuade me, Ian as I recall……."

"The idea was sound but the concensus of the cabinet was that you went about it in a confrontational manner but let's not be diverted by fruitless wrangling and carry on with the list. Let Lawrence continue," Sir Alan Peasemarsh retorted coldly to which response Neil Haughton glared, turned red in the face and said nothing.

"Then some nameless ex policewoman sues the Metropolitan Police for negligence and extorts a hefty sum of compensation. That judgment went round the cabinet like wildfire. My colleagues were livid, I can tell you. I got endless calls from the PM demanding that I live up to my promise and reminding me that only results matter. It took a lot to live that down, I can tell you," cut in Neil Haughton yet again, stealing Lawrence James' script.

"……And finally, the fiasco over the hit and run driver. Someone in the police force and CPS seriously blundered in their investigation and let the way open for some rank amateur to turn the whole thing round and make the government look foolish," Sir Ian concluded. "After this last disaster, we took stock of the position and reached the inescapable conclusion that, on every occasion , the same women were at the back of each case, giving pretty blatant encouragement to each and every have to nip this threat to smooth government in the bud."

"So for these reasons these women have to be utterly crushed," Neil Haughton shouted, pounding his fist on the table.

Lawrence James sat silent with furrowed brow while all this aggression built up and he was being shut out. He had been thinking while all this war talk went on. Behind all these immaculate Saville Row suits and tightly knotted ties, this felt like a primitive war dance and it made him feel uncomfortable. He couldn't help feeling that these two women were dangerously intelligent. Unusually so, he let his reservations break surface into words.

"You don't suppose that Ms Wade found out by himself what was going on at this prison in this case?"

Immediately, they all turned cold frosty looks of disapproval on him. He realised that he's stuck his neck out way too far. If his swarthy complexion could have blushed, it would have done.

"We're sorry. We should have known better than to raise doubts."

"Quite," hissed Sir Ian with an icy glare at him" So are we agreed? We shut up these dangerous women once and for all. We can use this as a springboard to and start to isolate Deed and finally make our move on him."

The die was cast for double or bust.

************

Meanwhile, far away from the unfolding trial drama, a seething cauldron of jealousy and vengeance was bubbling away. It had been on Saturday July 8th 2001, nearly six months ago that Trisha had booted her out of her cushy job as assistant manager for Chix for siphoning money out of the business to line her pockets on top of her salary. In the busy, free floating world of London clubs, she wasn't going to find herself queuing up at the local Jobcentre for long, despite the dark stain on her employment record. London was looking out for those who had the ability to sell themselves, which Gill had in abundance besides being pushier than most. She was working in a bar , her power being stripped away from her. She was just an employee with an income to suit. Her slide downwards in her fortunes had embittered her.

It was no coincidence that she had turned up at the court case when Sally Anne had sued the Metropolitan Police for gross negligence and had done her best to derail the case. She had made her spiteful attempt at revenge and it had failed. Now, she happened to look through the Times and spotted this inconspicuous item on page 8. An evil grin spread across her face as she saw her opportunity. Her ice-cold temperament calculated very precisely that all those lesbians clung together and a blow against one of them would destabilize the rest. Their weakness was that they were all stupidly emotional and she knew best how to exploit that weakness just as she had exploited the way that the very important Ms Williams was so soppy about that dark- haired neurotic girlfriend of hers. She really hated the fact that she'd been 'outed' and made such a public fool of- now this was time for payback.

"And you're really telling me that this boss of yours sacked you because she resented the fact that you weren't attracted to you? I can't believe it."

Gill flicked her perfectly shaped sideways blond fringe out of her eye and fixed the man with her baby blue eyes. She had that cold knowledge of just what subtle effect to attain to control this man to think the way she wanted him to think and he'd think that the ideas were all his.

"You have to believe me that things happened that way. You don't know what places like them are like. It's a whole different world. If you don't trust me, I don't know where else to go."

"And you really have a copy of a contract of employment with this 'Chix' club? I have to be sure as that's critical to your case. If she breached the terms of your contact in terms of terminating your employment, then we have her cold."

"I won't let you down, Paul," she said, airbrushing her northern accent out of her voice as best as she could to sound sincere and convincing," I'll bring it in next time."

She knew she'd be all right. After all, she could fake up a standard contract and her memory could enable her to forge Trisha's distinctive swirling signature. With all the emotional stew those bitches were in, they wouldn't be up to resisting her. They'd settle for a nice lump sum to get her off their back.


	24. Chapter 24

**Scene Twenty-Four **

In the meantime, Chix was getting more and more popular as the London club culture was in full swing. It took time for Sally Anne and Trisha to realize that the 'Chix' clientele had gradually expanded and, in particular, started to include the 'new kids in town.' The changes had crept up by degrees until they could deny its presence no longer.

When Trisha was growing up, it was an achievement to find the odd bar to become known as attracting a lesbian clientele. It had made so much of a difference as Trisha had always been known to dress in a conventionally feminine fashion and she had learnt the fine art in pitching that level of directness at some man who had clearly got the wrong ideas. She had no inclination in having her hair cut short and to wear trousers all the time. She could have chosen the very successful compromise style Nikki had favoured which combined something like it with her own very feminine makeup and nature. Believing very much that 'opposites attract' she had realized why she had loved that look on Nikki but that she never wanted it for herself. It was something she was pretty obstinate about, a quality that Nikki immediately recognized and understood. Sally Anne, by contrast was roughly as feminine as she was, though she was cheerfully at home with any practical DIY work round the flat. All that effort over the years had finally paid off as their club was a practical manifestation of her long held desire that she should be however she cared to define herself and other lesbians should have that same right. Nothing much else existed outside this world that had been created. The trouble was that, however much the kids had gone through their own struggles, Trisha was beginning to feel that her own struggles- not forgetting Nikki's- were beginning to be taken for granted.

The drink had always flowed freely at Chix and had made up a fair chunk of their profits. Trisha had long been used to women becoming lovingly demonstrative of their affections and wobbling their way out of the club into waiting taxis whose drivers had earned a good rapport with the club. The thirtysomething women who headed off home were no trouble to them. They much preferred their custom to the aggressive drunks up the West End who demanded their services and, as likely as not, threw up on the back seat and left them to clear up the mess.

"Charles, is everything OK on the door?" Trisha called out on her earphones. She'd recently invested in this earphone system as the music had got louder over the years and this enable her to tune in to any part of the club she chose.

"More or less," came the careful reply, which only got her more worried. The place was getting more and more crowded, including the VIP lounge.

"Who are those kids?" Sally Anne wondered to Trisha as they saw a skinny, spiky haired kid laughing and wobbling around on the dance floor. Her mate had long, dark curly hair and an intense look about her. Nikki was talking to Helen over the rhythmic sound of the music and her sharp eye spotted them out of the corner of her vision. They reminded Nikki slightly of Denny and Shaz.

"I don't know for sure. I've seen them a few times before but not to speak to." Trisha had long since developed an encyclopedic memory for the regulars of their club and the occasional visitors but even her memory couldn't keep track of all of them. Their club wasn't the only one in town and some of the newer punters drifted from one club to another, something that Trisha vaguely resented.

"Don't you have the feeling that we're getting to be taken for granted Trisha? I mean, I'm comparatively new to the lesbian scene but from what I've heard from you and Nikki, the whole thing was a cross between a sororial bonding session and a social service. People came here who knew both of you to various extents and it was there for anyone going through emotional troubles."

"You've got it right there, Sally Anne. I ought to be grateful that it's becoming positively chic but still……what on earth are those two kids doing?"

Some distance away, Trisha could see the makings of an argument starting to develop. It made her vaguely uneasy even though it wasn't unknown for couples to have their arguments in public. Normally, it was tearful and emotional but this had a darker feel to it.

"Can't they take their argument elsewhere?" Helen was saying to Nikki." I can't be doing with all this."

"I know, babes," Nikki answered, tenderly draping both arms round Helen's shoulder. She knew that they had hardly spent any time at home as the constant feel of those whom she felt at most ease with kept her comfortably cuckooned in a world of pumping music, swirling colours and even casual friends offering her hugs and sympathy.

"You out on the town again, you two? I don't know how you keep up the pace," hailed a forceful voice of authority just behind Helen. Nikki had wrapped her up in her arms as her natural protectiveness and alcohol welled out of her. Helen loved the feel of the taller woman against her and the corner of her eye took in Ros wearing her usual almost military looking shirt and sharp cut trousers. .

"Hiya Ros," Helen answered dreamily." Guess we could do with a little loving in public."

"Er, I don't know if I'm saying the wrong thing but Jenny and I are with you. If ever I see one of their kind driving just that bit over the limit, we'll nick them. None of this crap like 'Do you know who I am? I happen to know the Police Commissioner?"

"Ros would say,' I don't care if you're the President of the United States. Better get used to using the tube and bus round London,'" cut in Jenny.

Helen laughed at the two women's kindly meant effort to distract her. They were good people, she thought in a sentimental haze.

"What the hell's going on?" shouted Nikki as dormant instincts enabled her to hear a crash of glass as the two kids started arguing at the table next to the dance floor. She figured out that a glass of wine had got smashed. "Jesus, Trisha, just watch it," she said in a tone of rising horror.

A livid Trisha stormed up to where the altercation was taking place and......in a split second, it happened. The next thing that their horrified eyes saw was Trisha holding her right arm up in horror, blood starting to stream from her forearm. Sally, who had followed her over, was dazed from the shock. To Nikki, she had a flashback of an incident in the riot at Larkhall when she talking the Purvis Gang out of getting the other women all tooled up with kitchen knives. This time around, she was too late to intervene but on the other hand, she wasn't on her own.

"Leave it to us," yelled Ros as she and Jenny shot over to where a crowd was standing round in horrified shock." OK guys, we're off duty policewomen. Jenny here will give first aid. Meantime you two are out of here."

As Jenny led the shocked Trisha to the backstage office, Nikki and Helen took themselves over to back up Ros's menacing voice. Sally got through to the DJ on the earphones and the music stopped dead. It added to that accusing atmosphere which fortunately shut up the two drunken and quarrelsome women.

"If I was on duty, I'd nick you for assault. As things stand, you take yourselves out of here and never come back. I reckon Trisha and Sally Anne would ban the pair of you for life."

"It was a private argument. Wasn't her business," the dark haired woman said sullenly, glaring all around. To Nikki's eyes, it reminded her of a psychotic version of Denny at her worst. It showed her how Al McKenzie had got thirty months for deliberately glassing another woman in a bar (on top of handling stolen goods). These two kids were bloody lucky, did they but know it.

"Well I'm making it mine. Do I have to get onto my mate and get a squad car down here ? I'll do it if you push your luck."

Those forcefully expressed words did the trick. The two women sensed the accustomed authority exerted by this tough butch woman and slunk out into the streets. They weren't to know how soft hearted and kindly she was underneath. Presently Sally Anne came out of the back room where she had followed Trisha.

"How's Trisha?" Nikki asked anxiously.

"Jenny's fixed her up for the time being but she has to go to hospital. I really have to go with her but I've got a problem….."

"That's all right, Sally," Helen quickly intervened to a murmur of approval." Nikki and I will stand in."

"And Jenny and I will stay to the end and watch out for any funny business. Sally, you get off and look after Trisha," commanded Ros." That's an order."

Gratefully, Sally handed over the keys as a pale and shaken Trisha emerged from the back room, shaking her head. There was a buzzing feeling in her arm and she felt dreadfully weak. It didn't occur to her to check out her outfit for bloodstains.

"All these years and not one incident…... except for a homophobic raping policeman of course but he doesn't count."

Nikki laughed out loud at the sheer incongruity of Trisha's words followed by Helen's louder sounds. The other women nearby joined in the laughter at this perfect piece of black comedy. Despite her loss of blood, Trisha actually blushed. It helped to lighten the atmosphere, as a lot of the women there knew what Trisha was getting at.

"It's all right, I didn't mean it……," she started to say when Helen cut her short.

"Darling Trisha," the smaller woman said in an infinitely affectionate tone of voice." We all know what you mean. You just get over to the hospital while we take care of things."

The blond haired woman kissed Helen on her cheek and hugged her briefly with her good arm and Nikki embraced her tenderly and gingerly.

The crowd was aware of the wailing sirens outside and two ambulance men clattered into the club. Jenny took the lead as resident nurse.

"I've scrounged a tourniquet and hopefully it's sorted temporarily. I'm an off duty policewoman as is my partner."

They took one look at the white faced woman and, after checking the handiwork, whipped her into the ambulance in record time, Sally Anne climbing into the back and held the hand of her partner who lay prone. Trisha couldn't help but feel a bit self-conscious as she lay back on a stretcher with a numb arm while the wailing of the sirens announced their rapid progress towards St Mary's hospital. What drew her attention center stage was the anxious, protective expression on Sally Anne's face, her long black hair hanging down and the feel of her fingers endlessly caressing her left hand.

"Just lie back, babes, and we'll look after you," her lover said soothingly and Trisha lay back, waiting to be nursed. As they sped along, time ceased to have any meaning until finally, they screeched to a halt by the Accident and Emergency pull in space. Trisha was finally eased out and went through the endless processing that is a necessary part of hospital functioning until finally, the two women arrived in the final resting place.

"The nurse is ready to see you," or so said the announcement.

Sally waited patiently in the bedside chair while Trisha lay in the hospital bed and glanced up at the familiar two-piece blue uniform of the nurse who approached her. Suddenly, Sally took a sharper look, as the nurse who approached was no stranger. The high cheekbones, the full lips, the blue eyes and blond fringe took on an immediate familiarity but not in this context. It was as if she'd driven down an unfamiliar country lane and come across a very familiar country bus. It was……..

"Nurse Betts to attend to you," said Karen, the twinkle in her eye contrasting with the personally concerned expression on her face. She carried a familiar clipboard detailing the injury to the right forearm." Can you tell me, Trisha Williams, what caused your injury?"

"She was glassed at Chix by an unruly drunken women……..Karen."

"Jesus Christ," exclaimed Karen with more than professional concern." You can bet your bottom dollar I'll look after you. I mean it."

"Nikki and Helen are holding the fort while we're here."

The broad smile on the nurse's face was one of pure humanity. She might have known that her friends would do that for her. It reminded her that, come hell or high water, a certain day would have only one claim on her time, for as long as it took.


	25. Chapter 25

**Scene Twenty-Five **

The horrible assault on Trisha on Friday night had a solitary positive side-effect as it temporarily focussed Nikki and Helen's minds on something different than their own troubles. The rest of the last weekend before the trial crawled along at an agonizingly funereal pace and, once again, they were struggling again. Monday at work was almost a relief to be doing something positive. However, it was one of those curious chances of fate that took Helen back to meet Claire in the run up to her trial. Claire wanted to run over the facts of the case to make quite sure for George that there wasn't any tiny but important detail that the opposing barrister could hang round her neck with. In any case, Claire liked Helen's company.

"The more times I tell the story of my life, the more I'm beginning to feel that I must have disclosed an official secret," Helen confessed as she ran over her story for what felt like the umpteenth time. Even after Nikki had desperately fended off Helen's compulsive desire for self immolation, the smaller woman was still liable to wobble off course.

"Helen, I've known you for a long time now. You're the most law-abiding human being that I've ever known. You would never dream of doing anything that is remotely immoral," answered Nikki tenderly, laying her hand on her lover's arm, her brown eyes brimming over.

"I've recently learnt that what is legal isn't necessarily moral and what is moral isn't necessarily legal," Helen retorted with a cynical laugh. That surface impression betrayed to Claire how deeply worried Helen was and how profound her idealism was.

"We must have faith in the rightness of our position and in those who are backing you," Claire insisted gently. It was what she truly believed.

"I know I'm in the big time now," Helen mused in reflective tones. "At one time, I lived my life without any thought outside my career, whoever I was with and wanting to do some good in the world. Somehow, I've got involved in big political battles. These are dangerous times, I never knew how dangerous. I never ever thought that I was some kind of Joan of Arc figure."

"As far as I remember, Joan of Arc was an ordinary peasant girl who had religious visions and did pretty well for herself as a military leader before being betrayed to her death," Claire said in sober tones to try and settle Helen." If we all stick together, we're in with a chance."

A desultory conversation followed until Helen broke off the conversation to go to the downstairs toilet and, as she turned the corner, she had one glance and that was enough. She instantly took in the look of the woman, same over-casual looking blond bob, same mask like look on her face. Only her eyes gave her away as Helen picked up that flash of annoyance. Gill promptly hurried forward and headed straight for Jim Patterson's room. Helen scented danger and a slow burning anger grew inside her.

"Claire, what the hell is that woman doing seeing your best buddy, Jim Patterson?"Helen demanded, her eyes glowing with anger." You heard me talk about that conniving schemer who worked for Trisha and fleeced her out of a lot of money before getting sacked. She can't be buying a house, surely."

Claire's mouth hung open. A nervous, worrying Helen had gone out of her office door and an angry fighter had come back in. While Claire was infinitely glad that Helen had regained her nerve, her lips set tight, scenting trouble. She trusted Helen's instinct and knew that hard questions needed to be asked.

*******

Claire got her chance sooner than she thought. A sudden practice meeting was announced for the next day. Claire met this interruption in her work with equanimity, as her preparatory work for Helen's trial was as ready as it ever would be. Right at the end as the exchange of cases was discussed, Claire took Jim Patterson aside as she deduced that the man was holding back on this one case. The others in the practice had filtered out of the room so it was just the two of them.

"By the way, Jim. A little bird told me that there's one fresh case that you're dealing with?"

"I thought you might ask," Jim said, grinning all over his face. "It's a nice juicy unfair dismissal case and it's all mine. This poor woman worked at some dyke club and the club owner came onto her and sacked her, as she didn't want to know. She's just brought in the contract of employment and it's a watertight case. There is a clear breach of the contract. I know you like poaching high profile cases, Claire Walker but this is one you can't have."

"I don't think I'd take it on even if I were offered it," Claire replied in sober, controlled tones, letting the man's gloating manner wash over her. Inwardly, she was raging at this woman's duplicity." The club concerned is called 'Chix', isn't it?"

"So what if it is?" Jim Patterson demanded aggressively, pushing his face into Claire's personal space. This smart, upstart bitch knew too much for his liking.

"Jim, My client and best friend is Helen Stewart. She goes to Chix regularly and knows the owners well. Apparently, this woman wormed her way into the confidence of the club owners and fleeced the club accounts. When she became suspicious, she showed Helen the accounts who went through them with a fine toothcomb. Helen found out that she'd been robbing the company blind over a period of months. There was a systematic trail of double billing and forged cheques. That explained why she was sacked. Trisha Williams has a partner called Sally Anne Howe whose relationship is as rock solid as Helen's is with Nikki. If I were you, I'd have that employment contract forensically tested. If she's forged Trisha's signature once, she could do it again. If you take on the case, Trisha is bound to counter sue. The case could hit the headlines- for all the wrong reasons."

Jim Patterson's face was a picture. His face turned many colours as he reflected on how he had been conned. It didn't make him feel any fonder of women as a species but his powerful instinct for self preservation was ready to overlook the most hardened prejudice.

"I'll drop it, then. Might as well tip off some of the other firms around. They might not been so lucky as us who have a hotline to the truth."

"You decided right…….look, here, Jim, I know and you know that there has been a long standing ego war between the two of us. You have suspicions that I'm using this firm as a springboard to set up on my own, right?"

"The thought had crossed my mind plus the fact that solo stars aren't liked round here," the man said through ground teeth. At last all his antagonisms were all coming out in one splurge.

"Don't you think that if I wanted to leave, I would have done before now?" Claire asked sharply.

For the first time in her life, Jim Patterson looked Claire directly in the eye. The threatening atmosphere that had been generated out of nowhere started to dissipate as the man started to look beyond his own ego.

"You do what you do, Claire. Just don't gloat about it, that's all. Just as well we're not taking the case , I've got work to do," muttered Jim Patterson in a strained tone of voice before stalking out, red-faced.

This throwaway exchange was Claire's first intimation that she had reached a tentative accommodation with this egotistical man and the suspicion that, deep down, her youthful intelligence had made the man insecure. Sighing patiently, she went on her way. She had a lot to do.

**********

On Wednesday morning, a letter plopped its way through the letter box of Gill's front door as she woke up from the previous night working in a nameless bar alongside a motley collection of barstaff. It was the place which foreign students worked at while they were passing through. The wages were poor and Gill had long since used up the last of the funds she'd siphoned off from that lesbian club. She had expensive tastes and knew that her credit card debts were steadily mounting. This was how she had conceived her plan to milk the club for more money. All the hard work that Trisha had put into getting the club off the ground with Nikki and then Sally Anne meant nothing to her. What it meant to have an identity that went against the grain of society or, indeed, any nobler disinterested motives, meant nothing to her. All that mattered was herself and whatever she could grab out of life to get her what she wanted.

She opened the letter and stared it with unseeing eyes. Finally, she swore loudly and threw it to the floor. She suspected straightaway that bloody Trisha's best mate had spiked her guns. She raved with impotent rage. She knew that bloody Helen Stewart was going to get tried under the Official Secrets Act but was impotent to have any influence. She was tempted to go to the court hearing but decided against it, as she knew very well that all the other lesbians would be bound to be there and they would know too much about her.

She was on her own as much as she had always been throughout her life. It was the life she had chosen for herself. Meanwhile, the draft letter that was to have been sent to Trisha Williams was deleted from the computer and the slim file suitably disposed of.

********

The tension swirling around Helen and Nikki on Wednesday night was palpable however much they tried to say the right thing as they settled down on their cozy sofa. The winter's gales howled round their flat and rain beat steadily against their window. It seemed a suitably Gothic setting that matched their emotions. For all their efforts and strong will to be positive, both women knew too much not to realize a guilty verdict would potentially land Helen with a jail sentence. For all the kindliness of the judge that would try the case, they knew enough to realize how circumscribed judges could be. This evening was no more special in the settled life of the two women or rather what would be settled if the court case weren't hanging over them. Their comments fell on the dead air and the lowering gloom swallowed them up. All their hopes, fears and mental concentration were focused on the next day, Thursday January 24h 2002 and nothing existed beyond it.

"We'll do our best, the same way we've always handled problems," Nikki said with forced positivism.

"The problem is that this time it might not be enough. Still, I've been in the witness stand before and I managed to put up enough of a fight against Brian Cantwell."

"Hey, that's more like it. It will be all right on the night."

"It has to be," was Helen's bleak rejoinder. Both women were acutely aware that fighting for your own freedom was different from fighting for someone else's. It was the story of their lives.

"We've been living together for over a year now, babes. So much has happened in so short a time."

"I wouldn't miss anything for the world," Helen answered, trying to be nice.

Just then, there was a sharp rap on the door and a flicker of annoyance showed up on Helen's face. They both wanted to be shut in to face their hopes and fears alone.

As soon as Helen answered the door, a wave of good cheer washed in through the space. Her blinking eyes took in those whom were nearest and dearest to them all. Her dazed senses couldn't take in what she was seeing.

"You surely don't think we'd let you face your night before the trial on your own?" Karen said with a broad grin on her face. She stood in front of the other women who flanked her on either side and her hair was still tucked up in her regulation nurse's style.

"It was all Karen's idea. She organized us all and swore us to secrecy," Alice explained

"We've shut up the club tonight. It would be unlikely that anyone would or should be celebrating," Trisha chipped in, the sleeve of her winter coat fitting tightly over the bandage over her arm.

"Which means that we are all yours if you want us," Sally added.

"I'll be there in spirit but I'm on call tomorrow," Beth contributed, her fingers entwined in Karen's.

"I've come over tonight while George is plugging away on last minute preparations, and I've got cover tomorrow," Alice finally concluded.

Helen's lips curved into a warm smile of gratitude as she realized how much she and Nikki both needed them. She wasn't afraid to admit it, nor was Nikki whose sharp ears had caught the drift and who let herself be embraced by Karen's warm generous nature. No woman was an island, Helen thought, as she hugged Alice and she should not even try to be. It went against her nature and Nikki's.

As a result of this comfort, Helen turned up at court on the dot while Nikki took her place in a waiting room to sweat it out till she took the stand. Her nerves were tightly controlled as she took her place in the dock and prepared herself for whatever was to happen. The familiar rustling sensation told her that battle was about to commence.


	26. Chapter 26

**Scene Twenty-Six**

An overwhelming sensation of unreality fogged Helen's senses as she found herself standing in the dock of the court that she knew so well. She had sat in the visitor's gallery a number of times before and had even given evidence as a witness but this time she felt different. She was different and she couldn't get her head round it. She was a law-abiding citizen and she felt strongly that she shouldn't be here. She looked upwards at the gallery and, so far away but still present she saw her dearest friends, Trisha, Sally Anne, Alice and Karen. She knew Nikki would not be there, being debarred as she was due to give evidence but when felt her powerful invisible presence around her, she started to break through her mental fog. Right at the back sat the glowering presence of Sir Ian and Lawrence James and her gaze passed on to George and Jo Mills and she willed herself to take heart from them. Only at that second did events finally slide into focus.

"Miss Stewart, you have been charged under Section 1(3) of the Official Secrets Act 1989 that on a number of occasions you, as a 'person who is or has been a crown servant are guilty of , without lawful authority, making damaging disclosures of information relating to the running of Larkhall Prison which has been in your possession by virtue of your former positions of authority in the said prison.' How do you plead?" the court usher asked her in formal tones.

"Not guilty," Helen pronounced loudly, a sense of outrage surging through her. She fought down her anger as she saw the hated presence of Mrs Warner, with whom she'd crossed swords when she had worked at Larkhall. The woman was clearly incapable of changing while Helen had most certainly changed since those far off days. For the first time, she took in the presence of the prosecuting barrister, Sir Alan Peasemarsh, Attorney General no glanced severely at her as he adjusted his Saville Row suit, her archetypal male authority figure of all times who was detailed to bring her down. The bastards were wheeling in the big guns, she thought, till she took to heart Nikki's favourite saying that the big guns weren't necessarily that big, it was all bluff and show. She hoped and prayed that that was so. Only John Deed, dressed in his dark suit and sitting solemnly in the wings really was a big gun who wasn't boastful yet he wasn't kidding anyone.

*****

"Mrs Warner, can you state your occupation and position in the Prison Service?" Sir Alan started after delivering his ponderous and wordy opening submission.

"I am employed by the Home Office and I work as an administrator within the London Area Office with direct responsibility for Larkhall Prison amongst others. I have also headed up investigation teams into any prison breakouts or internal disciplinary issues. It takes me around prisons on a regular basis which keeps my 'feet on the ground.'"

"Do you have a procedure in place for prison officers to sign a copy of the relevant pages of the Official Secrets Act when they join the Prison Service?"

"This invariably takes place on induction into the Prison Service and on ceasing to be employed for whatever reason."

"I refer you to exhibit HS1 and HS2. Can you state what they are and who they relate to?"

"This document dated November 3rd 1996 identifies Helen Stewart when she joined the Prison Service as a new Prison Officer 1. I have obtained a copy of the personnel records showing the same Helen Stewart……"

"For the benefit of the court, this is exhibited at item PS1 in the bundle of evidence……" Monty interjected quickly.

"…….It shows that she undertook a fast track graduate training scheme when she became Wing Governor (Grade 5) at G Wing Larkhall , then Lifers' Liaison Officer (Grade 4), and then finally acting Governing Governor (Grade 1). This document dated Thursday Nov 23rd 2000 when Ms Stewart resigned from the Prison Service clearly sets out an agreement by the defendant that she understood perfectly well the implications of the Official Secrets Act, that she is bound by it just as much as any serving civil servant."

"I refer the court to certain excerpts of the report in question marked as LP1, LP2, LP3 and LP4 as follows."

"_Far too many prison officers are inducted into this culture when they are young and impressionable. Where the one part of the prison service could have enlightened and assisted the other, both sides end up confirming mutually shared prejudices._

_The lynchpin of this system is the Principal Officer who is a vital source of information and guidance - in both directions - between prison management and ordinary prison officers. Regrettably, this potential has been flagrantly abused in controlling and manipulating information for personal advantage, as I shall later demonstrate in more detail. _

_There is a willful reluctance by the medical unit attached to the prison in abandoning the previous system of deploying freely available NHS medical records. It is difficult to understand why it ignores the obvious truth that prisoners have past lives in society_

_Even now, it pervades the management ethos- examples being the educational facilities which are not encouraged beyond the minimum, the disbandment of the 'lifer's unit' of which this writer has direct knowledge of."_

"Can I have your observations on these excerpts, Mrs Warner?"

The woman looked down her nose in a superior manner, which enraged Helen as she stood in the dock. _If I get my freedom and come across this woman in the street, she'll get a piece of my mind. _

"The first exhibit could be explained away as some ex prisoner with a grudge against the system and doesn't need any special expertise. The second exhibit is quite different. I cannot see from my wide experience of the prison system how this can be substantiated except from an officer of immediately senior rank than a principal officer. This is the wing governor. Since this purports to be a study of G Wing, then the only substantive wing governors that can be considered as the source of information is either Karen Betts or Helen Stewart. The third item is mere opinion but the fourth item about the Lifer's Unit can only relate to Helen Stewart as it was her own brainchild."

"So in your professional opinion, the evidence is damning and conclusive that the defendant definitely disclosed official secrets."

"That is most definitely the case."

"The other matter I want to question you is the amount of what damage this 'report' does to the prison system. Could you explain what sort of damage this does to the public reputation of the prison service?"

"Most definitely. This report has come at the worst possible time when the Home Office is most insistent that the Government is tough on the causes of crime. For this, the Government is most insistent that the Prison Service enjoys a level of credibility with the general public. This report attacks this credibility and spreads false and malicious impressions of how prisons work. This report has been acutely embarrassing to the Government and who knows how many people verging on the edge of a criminal lifestyle have been tipped over the edge in the wrong direction."

Jo Mills had sat alongside George feeling buoyed up by her presence, having made a prior agreement with George for her to intervene as she saw fit. Jo smiled at Mrs Warner, knowing very well that this would unsettle the woman. She wasted no time is launching into the attack.

"Mrs Warner, I would draw your attention to item LP5 in the bundle of evidence and it reads as follows. _'__The management style is heavily focused on currently fashionable commercial ideas of profit, even after one attempt to privatize the prison most fortunately fell through. This was no coincidence. Publicity for a charitable presentation of a wheelchair for the disabled son of a prisoner was hijacked by Lynfords Security to boost their profile for the takeover only to be hijacked in turn by the spirited resistance of a group of prisoners whose only demand was that Lynfords should drop their bid_.' Might I have your observations on this part of the report?"

"Yes, well, this is a thoroughly scurrilous attempt to blacken the Home Office in referring to a particularly scandalous event at G wing, deliberately engineered by the worst criminal elements among the prisoners . I can assure you, Area Office took a long time in living it down….." answered Mrs Warner in her usual bombastic fashion. Much to Helen's growing pleasure, she could see how her old enemy was starting to become definitely flustered.

"Not so fast, Mrs Warner. Let me get one thing clear. Is this is a true account of what happened, yes or no?" Jo shot back with perfect precision.

"It might be the case," Mrs Warner admitted sulkily.

"Furthermore, this event took place well after the defendant had resigned from the Prison Service. In other words, is it not the inevitable conclousion that Miss Stewart had no 'inside knowledge' of this event whatsoever? She was no better placed than any private citizen to know of this event. It is for you to account for how this incident came to light. Surely it must be obvious that this came to light by means other than from Miss Stewart, is it not?"

"I can't possible comment," Mrs Warner answered in her favourite 'Yes Minister' fashion. Immediately, Jo jumped for joy as this pompous woman had made a fatal mistake in failing to understand that she was in a court of law. To Helen's grim satisfaction, she was forcibly reminded of this.

"Mrs Warner, you have been given a direct question to which the answer is either 'yes' or 'no.' This is not some TV discussion programme when some slippery politician will be allowed to flannel his way out of the situation. To fail to answer a direct question could place you in contempt of court. I am sure your seniors would not want this consequence plus any consequent adverse press publicity," Monty grated out, his blood up as he instantly took a dislike to this woman. In the wings, John did his inadequate best to be unostentatious but smiled inwardly at the way Monty stamped his sense of justice on the court.

"Yes, it is possible."

"Mrs Warner, what experience have you had in working in a prison?"

"I well, I went through many different facets of the policy making side of the prison service which gave me a holistic view of operations without being limited to the nuts and bolts side of the job and having a 'worms eye' view. I have been on a variety of professional courses, which has built up on my professional knowledge, and, of course, my work in investigations has entirely validated my training. My position also involves me being on hand to talk to the Governing Governor about any problems that might arise and I have access to all the end of year reports of all the prison officers at Larkhall Prison," Mrs Warner said with an effort at trying to sound knowledgeable.

"Considering your 'professional qualifications,' how could you best describe Miss Stewart's style of management?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Let's make this easier for you. Is she someone who delegates, leaves all the 'nuts and bolts' work to her subordinates, the Principal Officer for instance, and concentrates on the paperwork or is she highly visible on the wing, to both prisoners and prison officers alike?" insisted Jo Mills with relentless precision, piling on the pressure.

"Er, I'm not altogether positive, one way or another. All I know was that Mr. Stubberfield described her as 'cold and aloof with colleagues and averse to constructive criticism,' stammered Mrs Warner, her face ashen.

Jo Mills smile threatened to split her face. This woman had dropped herself right into the trap that Jo had manoeuvred her into. Deliberately slowly, she leafed her way through her bundle of evidence till she arrived at what she knew would be there. Mrs Warner's heart sank, as she knew very well what was to follow.

"You are referring to item HS7 which is Mr. Stubberfield's annual report on Helen Stewart dated June 15th 1999 where he says and I quote 'a bright girl, dedicated to her career, determined to be innovative, a visible presence on the wing- full complement of staff or no." In other words, I put it to you that is it not possible that any intelligent prisoner could see for herself the relationship between a principal officer and such a visible wing governor and also that the existence of access to NHS records could have become known by such a prisoner? When such a prisoner is released and takes up a job with the Howard League of Penal Reform and makes an in depth investigation of the wing, then she is uniquely well placed to find out everything she wants to know. Of course, isn't she far better placed than some mere functionary in a remote office that knows about 'policy matter' " - and here Jo Mills spat out the words contemptuously – "but nothing about what really goes on. Is that not so, Mrs Warner?"

The veneer of confidence and hardness had been utterly stripped away by now. Mrs Warner felt as if she'd been fed into a mincer. She wished she were back in her comfortable office. She had never been led to believe by her superiors that she'd be asked such searching questions. She had been airily assured that her job was to explain prison service procedures for the benefit of the uninitiated and they would accept what she said.

"You must answer the question, Mrs Warner," insisted Monty Everard.

"I suppose it is possible," she sulkily replied. She wanted out of here and fast.

"Thank you, Mrs Warner,"Jo said with a real sense of satisfaction. "No more questions."

"Do you wish to reexamine your witness, Mr. Attorney?" Monty enquired, knowing very well what the answer would be. In his shoes, he would cut and run. Sir Alan Peasemarsh shook his head, his heart in his boots seeing his case start to come apart at the seams.

"I think we have time for the next witness before lunch," Monty pronounced as the court fell silent. Helen turned round, seeking visual reassurance from Jo and George and receiving cautious smiles in return. Not a bad start, they were both saying to her.


	27. Chapter 27

**Scene Twenty Seven **

Helen looked from her place in the dock at the smart suited man who made his way to the witness stand. He was just as she had remembered from the one manager's conference both of them had attended, a consummate politician. His body language betrayed a certain shamelessness and a willingness to take the stage. He did not even bother glancing at her, so self-absorbed her was in his own performance. In this, the man's consciousness of himself differed so radically from hers, Helen thought enraged and fearing what was to follow.

Sir Alan Peasemarsh started the questioning in a leisurely fashion, confident that there stood before him, an authoritative witness as to the state of play in prisons. After all, he was not only a believer in 'top down' knowledge and authority but its exemplar.

"Mr. Grayling, can you explain your present and past roles in the prison service for the benefit of the jury?"

"I have been Governing Governor at Larkhall Prison since December 2000. I believe I took over from the defendant who was only an acting governing governor for a short while until she resigned from the prison service. Before then I was governing governor of Newby Prison for four years. Before then I'd rapidly climbed the promotion ladder since I joined the prison service straight from school. I've also been an instructor for a few years at the main training institute for new prison officers. In short, I've seen the prison service from all levels of operation."

"Are prisoners allowed to know the internal deliberations of prison officers?"

"Definitely not. It is dinned into all prison officers from day one. I know this from my own experience and as an instructor."

"Can you tell me how does the 'personal officer' system work?"

"Each personal officer is put in place to deal with any issues raised by the prisoner, to counsel the prisoner on what she needs to do to improve her chances of early release and to change her offending behaviour. He is there, above all, to raise any concerns to his superior officer. The focus is always on the prisoner and not on the prison officer, who is strictly ordered to conduct himself in a proper, professional manner."

"Can you explain how does the medical wing operates and how effectively the present Senior Medical Officer, Dr Nicholson has operated?"

"The medical centre is fully staffed to deal with all immediate physical and mental ailments. If mental illnesses are of a pronounced kind, there is a dedicated, specialized wing to handle any long-term problems. There is scope to temporarily transfer inmates to the local hospital at St Mary's. I recruited Dr Nicholson myself after his predecessor left to return to civilian practice. I can say that Dr Nicholson is a hard working, conscientious man who is dedicated to the prison service."

"Finally, can you say just how familiar you are with Larkhall Prison and before it, Newby Prison? How would you describe your particular style as a governing governor?"

"I can say with great confidence that I am very familiar with what makes a modern prison tick. I am very 'hands on' in my approach and I am not afraid of introducing far reaching radical ideas and seeing them through to their conclusion."

Jo Mills had studied the witness intently all the while and when she started her questioning, threw her first question from an unexpected angle.

"Mr. Grayling, have you ever met Helen Stewart before?"

"Yes, once at a manager's meeting," he said with hardly a blink.

"Can you describe the interview Nikki Wade conducted with you on Wednesday August 24th 2001? What did she say to you and what did you say to her? Remember that you are under oath."

Neil Grayling swallowed hard and remembered how that formidable woman probed and prodded, and attached a false smile to his face

"I found her a most persistent woman, intent on her feminist agenda with a perspective of the prison system that was understandably somewhat jaundiced by her own experience of incarceration," he started to say when Jo Mills moved to cut him short.

"Excuse me, Mr. Grayling but, aside from your obvious attempt to diminish the author of the report in question, you're not answering the question," interjected George like lightning. She had mentally, 'played herself' into the rhythm of the proceedings and felt confident.

"I apologize, your honour. I was wondering how to frame a reply, not wishing to breach the terms of the Official Secrets Act myself," Grayling replied, smiling falsely."As far as I remember, I had arranged that one of my most experienced wing governor to show her around on a scheduled itinerary. She declined the offer and indicated that she would target G Wing for no clear reason. When we talked, she asked me a series of very intrusive questions. I remember her asking me about the successful privatization project of the canteen, hardly something I would have thought she should be concerned with. I got the feeling that she was looking for something she could discredit my prison with."

"Did you know that, on the recommendation of Helen Stewart and Karen Betts, Dr Nicholson had been sacked for gross inefficiency before you saw fit to reemploy him. I have records- see exhibit number PJ1 showing that a Pamela Jolley's mental state had been horribly misdiagnosed for years and a psychiatrist, Thomas Waugh, had confirmed her condition could easily have been treated with counselling and anti-psychotic drugs. More to the point, were you aware of Dr Nicholson's previous employment and why it finished?" lashed back George, her blood up, just beating Jo to the punch.

"He met all the criteria in the interviewing process," Grayling replied smoothly." Of course, I'm going on memory."

"Would it be true to say that you have absolutely no experience of Larkhall Prison at the time when Ms Wade was incarcerated?" Jo asked more calmly, smiling approval at George.

"I can't deny the facts," Grayling said, spreading his hands wide in a brilliant appearance of frankness.

"So it is possible that Larkhall Prison operated differently before you became governing governor than from during your tenure?"

"It is possible."

"Can I have your comments on Principal Officer James Fenner's personality in connection with his recent imprisonment for taking the life of one Gerald Baker in a hit and run accident?"

"What can I say? It was obviously a tragedy for the man's nearest and dearest. The news came as a complete bolt out of the blue since the case had been entrusted to the police force to investigate and, to all intents and purposes, it had seemed that Karen Betts, the former wing governor on G Wing was the perpetrator. I naturally drew what turned out to be the incorrect conclusions. May I say that I am glad that diligent action has got to the bottom of the tangled web of events?"

"So, speaking as someone who claims to know Larkhall so intimately, did you have the slightest foreknowledge that a principal officer working for you had such a dark and devious nature? Such personality traits must have manifested themselves in such a closed in world like a women's prison," George pressed, drawing a slight smile from Helen at the way George was speaking with such authority and utter conviction.

"Well, well, that's a difficult question. Everyone has their secrets, the side of their personalities they don't bring to work. All I knew of him was that he was an experienced and capable officer. I knew that he was divorced from his wife, Marilyn and had two children," Grayling said in evasive tones for the first time since he'd taken the stand. The mask was starting to slip.

"So, would it be true to say that where it comes to anything vital to the running of the wing, you really don't know your officers or what's going on? I haven't even begun to talk about the prisoners yet," Jo shot at the man, her voice heavy with the kind of sarcasm, which made George smile approvingly.

"I..er..I err.. these events are simply atypical. I know by my long years of experience that I know what's going on in my prison. You have my word for that."

"For what your word is worth," cut back George in tones of pure acid with that one two-piston stroke. "No further questions."

As Monty adjourned the hearing for lunch, he was starting to view the proceeding with utter incredulity and exchanged glances with John. He had expected Sir Alan to cut a better figure than this. He ought to have been amazed at how Jo and George were running rings round him, being sharper and more perceptive than he was but inwardly, he wasn't. Most of all, he had had the sneaking suspicion that there would be secrets pulled out of the woodwork despite the flimsy case but where were they?

**********

Helen couldn't wait to get out of the courtroom to see Nikki in the visitor's room and they hungrily embraced each other. Nikki knew that she was debarred from questioning Helen about the progress of the trial to date but she sensed in her partner's manner that, at the very least, they had a sporting chance.

"We'll go to the pub as usual with the rest of the gang, right?" Nikki asked and Helen nodded in reply, too overcome to speak. Sally-Anne, Trisha and Karen had clattered down the staircase and linked arms with them. As they passed through the foyer, they happened to see Grayling try to pass rapidly through the crowds but not quick enough to miss a stony glare from Helen. Soon, they burst into the fresh biting wind, crossed the road and into the pub. Karen insisted in getting in the drinks, soft drinks for Nikki and Helen who wanted to stay sharp-focussed.

"Mind if I join you, ladies?" came a familiar cultured voice from behind them. It was John Deed of course.

"You're welcome, John but isn't it against the rules for you to fraternize with witnesses at a trial?" Nikki murmured. She was delighted to see him but she wanted to clear this matter up first.

"Let's put it this way, if you don't tell the apparatchiks of the LCD, then I won't," murmured John, his innocent blue eyes twinkling.

Both she and Helen laughed out loud at this man's ready wit. They felt they had both been through this movie before. The other women had seen this man before but not in such an informal setting. They immediately tuned into this guy and knew at once that he was for real.

"In that case, may I buy you a drink?" Karen asked, grinning broadly at this man's attractive cheek.

"Most certainly, Karen. A whisky and soda if I might."

John immediately held forth with a series of witty anecdotes from his life, including his advocacy as a barrister in arguing that his client wasn't in possession of a dangerous dog, which promptly bit him on his finger in court. The women's spirits were immediately lifted and the time passed very agreeably. Trisha sat back and marvelled at what this nice guy was unobtrusively doing. He was doing a really fine job in steadying her friend's nerves ready for when they were due to go on the stand and, more to the point, not giving a toss about who might be overhearing them. She could understand so clearly now why Nikki admired the guy so much.


	28. Chapter 28

**Scene Twenty-Eight**

Nikki surprised herself with her own confidence as she finally came to take the bible in her hand and declaim the oath that was now becoming familiar to her. An almost unnatural calmness pervaded her system as she readied herself for the cross-examination and she wondered why this shouuld come to be. She stole a sideways glance at the appealing look on her lover's face as she stood in the dock and silently vowed to do her bit to defend her from coming to any harm. The particular form of her natural combativeness felt curiously right for her, cool and deadly to the opposition rather than hot blooded and emotional. Then she realised why her mood was right after stewing in the waiting room. It was all John's doing at the lunchtime break. At that moment she silently blessed the judge who was more of an older brother to her than her own wretched brother had ever been. She caught Jo's eye and was now ready and waiting.

"What is your name and occupation?"

'Nicola Wade, researcher for the Howard League of Penal Reform and formerly life prisoner at Larkhall Prison for three years," said Nikki smoothly.

"Ms Wade, it is to your period in Larkhall Prison I wish firstly to direct my questions. Do you understand this?"

"Perfectly."

"Can you explain for the benefit of the jury just how long were you incarcerated there?"

"Just over three years. I entered Larkhall Prison in May 1997 and was released on appeal on Friday Nov 24th 2000."

"What is your present occupation, Nikki?"

"I work as a researcher for the Howard League for Penal Reform, having had my record wiped clean on reappeal," Nikki said crisply, anticipating Jo's next question.

"For a start, were there any differences in the way Larkhall Prison was officially supposed to operate in comparison with the way it actually operated, Ms Wade?" Jo asked with a smile at Nikki's neat move.

"There were very considerable differences. For a start, as I understand it from my presently acquired knowledge, a prison officer was not supposed to surrender his or her keys on any occasion whatsoever to any unauthorised personnel and, if caught, this could result in severe disciplinary action. In reality, I know that on the event of Mrs Hollamby's thirtieth anniversary wedding celebration, the prison officer on watch let an agency nurse look after his keys so that he could get access to the bar."

"I object, your honour," lazily called the Sir Alan Peasemarsh."This is hearsay evidence. Ms Wade could not have possibly been in possession of such information that would only be privy to the nurse and prison officer concerned. I ask that it be stricken from the record."

"On the contrary, I was the prisoner concerned and I suggested this arrangement to Nurse Ford, an agency nurse. She used the prison officer's keys to allow me to escape from the prison for one night so that I could get to see Miss Stewart to explain away a stupid misunderstanding and repair the damage to our relationship. I walked through prison security as the prison officer on the gate added me on to the list of those nurses who had supposedly entered the prison at 12.30 that morning to make the record look right. How otherwise did I get through prison security? I tell you I was there."

The court gasped as Nikki reeled out her first hand evidence with such authoritative clarity that the jury instantly believed her. Sir Alan went red in the face as this smart woman slashed a great rent in the fabric of the case that he was trying to build up. Jo Mills deliberately allowed a few moments for Nikki's startlingly vivid evidence sink in and also to allow for her total admiration of the woman to cool down so that she could proceed.

"Just how easy was it for a prisoner like yourself to gain information as to how the prison actually operates in the way you have illustrated?"

"When a prisoner is first admitted to prison, she is very disorientated having been taken out of her normal environment. I speak both from personal experience and from recently talking to prisoners as part of my job. After a while, any prisoner will get to know the ropes and, in particular, find out how the prison operates. If the prisoner is lucky, she will get to know other prisoners on the wing who will 'clue them in' to what's going on. There is a high degree of female sisterhood in prison. You might hear stories of violence between prisoners and women who will scratch each other's eyes out given half a chance. I don't deny, both from personal experience and from my own studies that it happens on occasion. On the other hand, women will tend to help each other out to a far greater extent than you might think and not for any obvious sexual reason either……."

"My lord, I would like to know just where this line of questioning is proceeding," Sir Alan said with a deliberately exaggerated appearance of boredom.

"I think the witness will make everything abundantly clear given time," George replied in an amused tone of voice.

"Carry on, Ms Wade but try to stick to the point," Monty warned. He smiled inwardly as it occurred to him that it was normally for the barrister to be so advised. Ordinary witnesses just answered questions put to them but he knew very well that Nikki was definitely out of the ordinary and she could safely be allowed a certain amount of free rein.

"I understand. I was lucky in being friends with prisoners like Yvonne Atkins, Barbara Mills, Julie Johnson and Julie Saunders amongst others. The first was the very sharp wife of a gangland boss, the second a civil servant and the other two were kind -hearted prostitutes. all of them who hear and see everything. I was also on good terms with prison officers like Dominic Mc Allister, Gina Rossi besides, of course, Helen Stewart. The normal kind of 'old girl's network', or the 'old boy's network' for that matter, is normally limited to the nine to five Monday to Friday work routine. In a prison, we don't go out to home at the weekend- there isn't one. Because prison life involves a considerable amount of boredom and dead time, there's all the time in the world to find out from a number of sources what's going on. On top of that, each prisoner has a personal officer and sometimes they say more than they should do to a prisoner and that is fed round the prison gravevine. Finally, I must emphasize that Yvonne Atkins has the most unbelievably retentive mind imaginable and she has an absolutely rock solid sense of what is truth and what is lies. I am proud to say that I was a very good friend of hers……..The point I'm getting at is that official rulebooks of prisoner's supposedly lowly status count for nothing if you're in that kind of circle of friendship as I've described. The truth gets out bloody quickly, one way or another. I know I've gone on a lot but I hope I have explained the situation clearly, My Lord," Nikki finished, her voice trailing off, as she wanted to ensure that she had got her message over.

"Everything you say is crystal clear to me, both counsels and the jury, Ms Wade," Monty Everard said with great satisfaction. He admired the way this woman paced the content and delivery of her evidence just right.

"So on the specific charges in the indictment against Ms Stewart, what were your sources of information for your report?" Jo Mills asked while George sat back in fascinated interest.

"I have worked as a researcher for the Howard League for Penal Reform since June 18th 2001 and it includes work out in the field and, in particular, I visited Larkhall Prison on August 24th 2001 and investigated a sample wing, G Wing. To put it in a nutshell, I crosschecked over three years of my own experience against my academic studies of the penal system in general, kept my ears and eyes wide open when I visited the place and pulled all these lines of thinking together. I also questioned Neil Grayling and Dr Nicholson at length and got to hear what I wanted to know, more than they expected to divulge to me. To sum up, I had a fair idea where the bodies were buried, so to speak. As I knew what there is to look for, I was better placed than most to know how to find it if I do say that myself."

"Nikki, did anyone see your report and suggest any alterations and if so, what alterations did they suggest?"

"My partner Helen gave me a lot of emotional support while I was writing the report as she knew more than anything else, that it touched on emotional raw edges," Nikki said, selecting her words with care. "This has been my first major project with the Howard League so I was feeling nervous. She helped me to have the confidence to set down on paper what I already really knew. Finally, my boss Paul Williams also checked over the report to ensure there was nothing in it that I hadn't backed up with evidence and fitted in with his own broad and extensive knowledge of the prison system."

"Finally, can you give for the benefit of the jury your general impressions of Larkhall Prison, both from when you were an inmate and on your inspection in your official capacity," Jo asked in smooth terms. George grinned at the neat way Jo emphasized Nikki's present status.

"My Lord, that cannot possibly help as it is clearly detailed in the bundle of evidence, item NW1-50. To go down that line of questioning would merely duplicate what is on record," Sir Alan angrily contested. Everything around him was sliding into a sea of anarchy and disorder. Immediately, George jumped up to counter this ploy as Nikki's investigation cut to the heart of the case.

" I submit that the report was designed for an academic audience and wouldn't include how Ms Wade was treated by both prisoners and prison officers alike. The court needs to hear first hand evidence for themselves ," George cut back with a twinkle in her eye at Nikki. George knew very well how Nikki would behave, and trusted that her sense of judgment would know just how best to pitch her reply.

"The question is a legitimate one but try and be concise, Ms Wade."

"I'll keep it short and sharp. When I visited Larkhall Prison, I got the truth from the prisoners and nearly all the prison officers tried to sweep it under the carpet. Helen Stewart had battled for years to try and make prisons a just and civilizing place and had made some headway. Those restraining forces for good had been removed and only the law of the jungle remained, leaving a mixture of inefficiency, prejudice and injustice to run riot. Is that concise enough for everyone?"

Jo sat down quietly sedately as Nikki's ringing tones reverberated through the court. The dark haired woman became highly aware of this opposing barrister. His manner was conceited and priggish. She knew that she was in for a gruelling time of it but resolved to give as good as she got. Be armed with the truth, she murmured to herself and it will set you free. The first blast of the assault came rapidly.

"Let's get things right, Ms Wade, would it be true to say that you are currently living with the defendant?" Sir Alan Peasemarsh demanded in as a peremptory tone as he might have acted in the corridors of power.

"That's right, your honour."

"And when did this relationship commence, Ms Wade?"

"You mean when I fell in love with Helen or when Helen fell in love with me? Prison is hardly the ideal place to consummate a relationship," Nikki said calmly.

"When both of you knew of your feelings for each other, Ms Wade," came the stony reply. It was clear that Sir Alan had not thought of these peculiar logistics of courtships.

Nikki reflected awhile as she tried to place just when such an amorphous date took place, particularly as days at Larkhall flowed on with nothing to mark them, calendars made little sense and even the humble clock was nowhere to be seen.

"My answer is rather approximate. I'm trying to place it by working backwards in time. Let's see. I was released from prison on Friday Nov 24th 2000. Helen first kissed me on the day she resigned as wing governor so let's say that makes it August to September 1999. She didn't return to Larkhall on her Home Office project till some time in February 2000 and even then, she wasn't there all the time."

"Aaaah," Sir Alan said triumphantly," So there was plenty of time for pillow talk to develop, certainly in view of the fifteen months that you were in a lesbian relationship with the accused."

"Pillow talk? In a woman's prison? You've got to be kidding," Nikki replied incredulously to generalized laughter round the court. She deliberately waited for that moment to sink in before charging ahead on her own line of explanation.

"Look, let's get to the point. The substance of our relationship was a deep emotional intimacy. Helen had the foresight to see behind my 'hard case' exterior, that I gave Helen the love and support that she wasn't getting from elsewhere, certainly not from those under her who were sabotaging everything she was trying to achieve and certainly not from her fiancée. I saw in Helen the sheer courage and sincerity that I deeply respect."

"So what form did your 'intimate exchanges' take?" came the next question with heavy sarcasm.

"I remember clearly when Helen first took me into her confidence. She came to see me when a fellow prisoner Monica Lindsay was depressed over the sudden death of her Down's syndrome grown up son and refused to pursue her appeal. Helen had tried every official approach under the sun, including the personal officer, and laid out the problem to me as she knew that I was on good terms with Monica……."

As Nikki tailed off, she couldn't resist being cheeky and adding "I suppose you could say that was an official secret that she divulged to me. I can only say in my defence that my intervention did do the trick….."

The jury laughed openly at Nikki's jibe. In turn, she reflected on the fact that John Deed was definitely becoming a bad influence on her as she spotted his impish grin. Helen was totally dumbstruck watching how astutely her partner stood up so out and proud and she loved Nikki with all her heart all over again.

"So you insist that all you heard from the defendant was to enable the pair of you to 'do good works' around Larkhall Prison?" Sir Alan shot back with heavy sarcasm.

"Precisely so," came the calm answer." I mean, why not?"

"I put it to you that you couldn't possibly have made such detailed observations of internal management at one of Her Majesty's Prisons without some inside assistance," shot back Sir Alan nastily.

"You admit that what I'm saying is true?" Nikki retorted calmly, causing Sir Alan to turn red in the face and run his hand feverishly through his hair. He had stepped straight into the trap which Nikki had sprung snap on him. George and Jo grinned openly and helped make Sir Alan look as if he were ready to explode inside with frustration. He was so far away from maintaining his languid Old Etonian aristocratic manner ."I thought I listed very clearly the inside information earlier on but perhaps if I could explain it again. If the policeman had troubled himself to ask me all this when he was busy putting Helen through the third degree, I would have quite happily told him."

"Ms Wade, the whole tenor of your argument is that you simply did not need your partner to let you know what was going on in Larkhall. That's hardly flattering to her, that somehow you didn't need her," Sir Alan fired at her, this being the last shot in his locker.

"Mr. Peasemarsh,"Nikki cut back with strained patience which caused a ripple of amusement round the court and a visible grin on John's lips," I owe Helen Stewart my life as she worked her arse off, pardon my language, in petitioning the Home Office for my appeal to be heard. Even now, after all this time, whenever I wake up beside her in the morning, I remember everything she ever did for me.. I know now that Helen tried to battle with the unhealthy power imbalance of herself as prison governor and me as prisoner. This report was essentially all my own work. There were no 'official secrets' that were divulged. That is the truth."

"Have you any questions to ask your witness, Mrs Mills?" Monty drawled the customary words, trying to keep a straight face.

"No more questions, my Lord," Jo said immediately.

She and George had been watching with total fascination at the way Nikki's testimony was shredding the prosecution case to pieces. The tide was running in their favour but knew that everything now hung on how Helen would now shape up.


	29. Chapter 29

**Scene Twenty-Nine **

Nikki sat, open-mouthed at her woman down there, this being her first view of the trial from the spectator's gallery and she ached to defend her. Karen knew how Nikki felt and held her hand to comfort her. Alice, Sally Anne and Trisha all felt very emotional for both Nikki and Helen. Meanwhile, out in the witness stand, Helen nervously clasped the Bible in her hand. When the moment of truth finally came, her mouth was dry but her nerves were finally under control. Her icy sense of control had just about come out on top, similar to when Mrs Warner and her sidekick had grilled her over the prisoners escape all those years ago, or so it seemed. She fought down her lurking fear that her photocopying Nikki's prison file would come to light in open trial, as she had to trust to the lap of the gods. She'd been especially combative the last time she'd crossed swords with the opposing barrister but this time, she felt more vulnerable. She felt that she needed all the strength she could gather , she had taken heart from Nikki's splendidly combative testimony which had left her awestruck at her lover's audacity as she had steamrollered her way through the opposition..

"Miss Stewart, can you briefly provide the court with dates as to when you became wing governor at Larkhall Prison and the date when you resigned from the Prison Service?" Jo asked in calm soothing tones.

"I became wing governor in November or December 1998 I think and I definitely remember resigning from the prison Service on Thursday Nov 23rd 2000."

"What is your present occupation?"

"I'm the local office manager of G E International, a firm which specializes in computer products, as you see a far cry from the Prison service."

"Can you describe what your time in the prison service meant to you?"

"I did my damnedness, with some success, to get prison officers to treat prisoners with respect, to enable prisoners to improve their lot through education, prime example being the 'lifer's unit' which I introduced. I sought to stamp out favouritism and rule bending, like selecting drugs free prisoners for drugs tests to fiddle the figures. I had to fight all the while against cynical 'jailor type' mentality at all levels in the prison service. Most of the prisoners and some prison officers came to see the value of what I was doing. As I look back, I'm proud of my efforts and that I was honest," Helen said in loud ringing tones.

Karen blinked back a few tears at the strength of conviction in Helen's tones. She had been one of those who had been so influenced.

"For the benefit of the court, can you tell the court what access you had to official information, both paper and computer records?"

"I used a computer in my office and had access to all the prisoners files, budgets, Home Office memorandums, internal policy papers and so forth if I'm not being indiscreet," Helen said with a faint smile curving her lips. She felt through her skin that everyone in the court responded to her little quip with notable exceptions.

"Did you ever take work home with you in the course of your duties and in what form?"

"The Prison Service didn't then go in for laptops so I only took files home with me to work on to return in the morning.

"It might seem a trivial point,"Jo asked with a fresh smile on her face,"but can you explain why the following evidence LL1-LL3 in the bundle of evidence- was found in your flat by DI Sullivan and his colleagues? I am asking this question because, if I don't, my learned council may well do so. For the benefit of the jury, it comprises your old Larkhall phone book, address book and some standard Prison Service literature."

"It was my practice to work at home from time to time. I cannot be certain but I may have planned to work at home later that day. I had duplicates at work so I wasn't inconveniencing myself. My resignation from Larkhall happened very suddenly so these were left behind in the rush of events. I surrendered everything else over just before I left Larkhall for the last time,"Helen said in precise, definite tones. Sir Alan Peasemarsh concealed his irritation at the way these few trifling papers were so easily explained away and resolved not to come back on this point.

"Coming onto more recent matters, can you explain why you resigned from the prison service after finally becoming acting Governing Governor?" Jo asked gently, knowing that it was necessary to intrude into this delicate area first to best safeguard Helen's position. Helen licked her lips nervously as she feared to provide ammunition with which her integrity could be attacked. Finally, she concluded that Jo Mills was cleverly getting her to tell her version of the story without being pressured under hostile cross –examination. She finally found the words that rightly framed her feelings and memories.

"The matter is a little delicate. I'm sure the court will have heard evidence of the history of my present relationship with Nikki Wade and that it started when she was once a prisoner in my care. May I say, straight off, that our love for each other was the greatest source of emotional nurturing and yet caused unbelievable tensions as it conflicted with my sense of duty and Nikki's own sense of self esteem, that the situation made it hard for her to be equal which she deserves. When we hit a bad patch, Nikki felt compelled to escape for the night to talk to me to clear up misunderstandings to get us back on track. After we slept together, I smuggled her back inside Larkhall Prison. When I found out months later that Jim Fenner had been running a prisoner's brothels and taking a slice of her earnings, he found evidence of my night with Nikki which could have compromised both her appeal and did compromise my tenure of my job. In short, Jim Fenner blackmailed me into resigning from my career."

"I'm sure the court will appreciate your frankness," Jo said slowly marvelling at Helen's moral courage and casting a sidelong glance at Sir Alan Peasemarsh."What interest and involvement and involvement, if any, have you had with the prison service since then?"

"I felt I had gone to the wire in trying to make the prison service a more human place. I left the Prison Service right at the time when Nikki got out on appeal. When we started living together and making a new life for ourselves, we tried to distance ourselves from the prison service for a long, long while. Nikki got a basic office job and only after her second successful appeal did she think of bettering herself and hence got her present job when she changed her mind about turning her back on the past."

"Did you know about the report that Nikki Wade prepared and if so, did you have any involvement in its writing."

"I knew about the work Nikki was doing but my input was strictly confined to giving emotional support for her first piece of authorship. I knew how much it meant to her."

"Why didn't you become more actively involved, Helen?"

"I've been away from the prison service for over a year and have had no involvement as I've described. A year is a long time. I felt that my knowledge is so easily likely to be out of date and might hinder rather than help. Nikki Wade gained a pretty extensive knowledge of the prison service from the inside and has added considerably to it in her work for the Howard league of Penal Reform since May of last year."

"Can you detail any information, however irrelevant it might seem, where you might have given Nikki Wade confidential information that might be construed of as an official secret?"

"I told Nikki that I'd got nowhere in persuading Monica Lindsay a prisoner to continue with her appeal after the death of her son and Nikki persuaded her to change her mind. When all the prison officers on G wing went down with a simultaneous stress bug, I persuaded the Governing Governor to let the prisoners run the wing themselves on condition for good behaviour and explained this to Nikki in asking her to help keep the lid on the situation. It worked with considerable success, might I say. I asked Nikki to help Pam Jolley, a woman from a psychiatric wing to adjust to taking her place on G wing. What is important was that Nikki wasn't mine to command. I could only ask her to do something if I explained the reasoning, the background to the situation.I think that is all."

At that point, Helen swallowed, knowing that she was guilty of a sin of omission. Her throat was dry and she prayed that the opposing barrister couldn't see into her soul. Background religious sensibilities were roused from their unquiet grave and made her feel highly uncomfortable and vulnerable. However, for the first time in her life, she crushed that thought aside as what would self immolation achieve and leaving Nikki stranded on her own?

******

A silence descended on the court as George started to worry at just how her dear friend would stand up to Sir Alan Peasemarsh's interrogation, especially in exacting revenge for being so airily rebuffed by Nikki. John kept a straight face but he fervently prayed for that diminutive figure to have all the strength there was and he wasn't even formally religious.

"Miss Stewart, was your affair with Ms Wade, while a prisoner in your charge and, by your own omission, smuggling her back into prison after sleeping with her, professional or unprofessional?" Sir Alan said spitefully.

"It was my one unprofessional lapse in an otherwise exemplary record that saw me get promotion from basic Prison Officer, fast track promotion to Governor Grade 5 all the way up to acting Governing Governor 1," lashed back Helen.

That retort made Sir Alan Peasemarsh edge back and blink. He hadn't expected such a lightning counter strike. His next question was lower key.

"Ms Stewart, how long have you and Ms Wade lived together?"

"Since Nikki first got her freedom on Friday Nov 24th 2000. We have never been apart since," pronounced Helen with ringing pride, which warmed Nikki's system, through and through.

"While it might be accepted that prison constraints could have placed limitations on passing information, don't you think that the scope for information exchange is so much greater in the period you have lived together. Isan't it possible that you might have exchanged confidences when you started living together as any normal working married couple might?"

"I disagree. Why do you think that two women should want to talk about the prison service rather than engage with our present and future?" Helen replied politely as she deftly countered the deceptively reasonable question.

"Don't you think that your partner would have wanted your assistance, if only to confirm her suspicions?"

"I wanted her to feel that this was her own work. I gather that the report was vetted by her boss, Paul Williams for whom she has the utmost personal and professional respect?" Helen replied in equally reasonable tones. Nikki smiled warmly and nodded eagerly in appreciation of her partner's kindness. This confirmation wasn't lost on the court.

Sir Alan took the bundle of evidence and adjusted his glasses as he studied it. "I quote the relevant parts in the report, items LP1, LP2, LP3 and LP4 in the bundle of evidence.' _There is a willful reluctance by the medical unit attached to the prison in abandoning the previous system of deploying freely available NHS medical records. It is difficult to understand why it ignores the obvious truth that prisoners have past lives in society.' _"Might I ask you, how could Ms Wade know about the previous record system and also that it had been abandoned if not from you?"

"By Nikki talking to other prisoners over three years and confronting Dr Nicholson. That's what the report said."

"I quote another part of the report where it says. '_Even now, it pervades the management ethos- examples being the educational facilities which are not encouraged beyond the minimum, the disbandment of the 'lifer's unit' of which this writer has direct knowledge of.' _Might I ask you, what direct evidence could Ms Wade have direct evidence of except through yourself?"

"That's easy. She was part of the original lifer's group being once classified as a lifer. I am only guessing but mightn't Nikki have found out about its abandonment by simply asking Mr. Grayling on her investigation?"

John Deed sat in fascinated interest and admiration of Helen's steely self contrast, Sir Alan Peasemarsh's never extensive patience was starting to wear thin and in an unpleasant tone of voice, threw in his ultimate weapon, the expert administrative witnesses.

"Mrs Warner and Mr. Grayling, two very senior and experienced members of the Prison Service have given evidence that the report contains information that, and I quote '_no ex prison officer, however intelligent, could have obtained without inside information'_. I put it to you, Ms Stewart that the only logical conclusion is that you must have passed on top secret information, if only to lend authenticity to a report, to perfect it and to make it absolutely damning."

"Mr. Peasemarsh, isn't it curious that you have not called upon evidence given by those who might have closest contact to me in my official duties. One is Simon Stubberfield Governing Governor over me before who in October 2000, was sacked by the prison Service following the escape of no less than three prisoners during a TV documentary team filming at Larkhall Prison. This was a project upon which I had expressed the strongest possible reservations. Another is Karen Betts who is in the gallery right now. In August 1999, she succeeded me as wing governor access until being forced out of her job and the third is Jim Fenner Principal Officer. He was there throughout my service at Larkhall Prison right up until last October when he was arrested and subsequently sentenced to life imprisonment for a deliberate hit and run car accident. Can you tell me why these witnesses weren't brought forward?"

"My Lord, I must protest," spluttered Sir Alan, red in the face with anger at the relentless way this dangerous woman brazenly broke all the etiquette of court and cut back on his line of attack and that Monty Everard tamely let her continue." The defendant is not allowed to cross-examine the prosecuting barrister. This was never the way when I used to be a practicing barrister. I demand that this be stricken from the record."

"Mr Attorney, you are undoubtedly correct in your last point and I direct that the questions and related answers be stricken from the record," Monty replied in as dry and formal tones that he could summon up before his mask slipped a little with a slight mischievous smile. "However, it does not prevent me from asking you these very same questions. Sir Alan, why did you not call upon Simon Stubberfield, Karen Betts and Jim Fenner to give evidence?"

"I, er, I did not think that any more witnesses would be necessary to make the case," Sir Alan said, red with embarrassment.

"Since you cannot enlighten me, I shall ask Miss Stewart the very same questions as she has the demeanour of knowing the answers to her own questions. Miss Stewart, can you enlighten the court on the questions I have asked? You must remember, you can only detail first hand direct experience and facts which are in the public domain but not give opinions on events at second hand. You are clear on what I'm saying?"

Helen gathered her breath and let loose a slow deliberate, clearly articulated recitation of the facts in one slow unfolding wave and her eyes and voice was incandescent with heartfelt emotion and ice cold logic.

"Perfectly, my Lord," she answered with her best winning smile while all the women in the gallery and John were in a fever pitch of excitement at what Helen might unleash. "Jim Fenner, Principal Officer, my immediate subordinate was an unpleasant misogynist in his behaviour towards me. I investigated allegations that he sexually and physically abused prisoners in his care, and obtained his suspension from duty pending investigations. Worst of all, he once sexually assaulted me. He had a hot line to Simon Stubberfield, Governing Governor, my immediate boss to go behind my back and make complaints against me. Mr. Stubberfield's real role was to take personal credit when things ran right, and delegate blame onto me when things went wrong. If there was anything conceivably to my discredit, I heard about it immediately from him so therefore anything like a breach of the official secrets act would have long since been laid at my door........."

Helen paused briefly to gather her breath as she exhaled all the burning sense of injustice from over the years and, in so doing, amplified the very damning point. A glass of water was passed to her by a kindly usher who saw how overwrought she was. As she drank the water with deep gulps, her hand trembled with emotion and she drew a deep breath before speeding onwards through her testimony.

" Mr. Stubberfield was eventually sackedafter an internal enquiryby prison service investigators following the escape of no less than three prisoners during a TV documentary team filming at Larkhall Prison. Karen Betts was a loyal hard working prison officer who rightly became wing governor when I vacated the post and who Jim Fenner manipulated due to her weakness for smooth talking men to turn her against me when I returned to Larkhall . This she told me in recent years when we became friends again. After I left, she saw through him and was repaid by being framed by Jim Fenner for a deliberate hit and run murder of an innocent pedestrian to avoid Karen exposing him for his abuse of a vulnerable prisoner in his charge. I gave evidence in support of Karen Betts in this very courtroom who was finally acquitted of the charge and Jim Fenner being sent down in her place at a later date. In short, Karen Betts was not called on to give evidence against me as she is an honest woman who would never have given evidence against me because she knows me too well. If I had breached the Official Secrets Act when I was at Larkhall, both Simon Stubberfield and Jim Fenner would have grassed me up in short order, to put it bluntly. Most importantly of all, they are so hopelessly compromised that no half way capable barrister who knew the truth would touch them with a bargepole. I hope I have made everything clear, My Lord and have substantiated everything I've claimed."

Helen's hands were shaking as she grasped the rail of the witness stand as she exhaled the last of her pent up frustrations of those years. She had never known that they still existed in the depths of her unconscious until that moment. At last, she poured all the evidence out in the open that had long been denied to her. She felt weak and trembling all over but also glowing with the dawning realisation that she had triumphantly buried the last ghosts of her past. She sank down on her seat after Monty smiled down on her to do so as Jo indicated that re-examination could not possibly improve on perfection.

Those in the courtroom who had the slightest human emotions were simply overwhelmed by Helen's full flood of emotions. Sir Alan Peasemarsh was enraged that he had been trampled into the ground by this diminutive but powerful woman while Sir Ian and Lawrence James's fastidious natures were offended by the unseemly exhibitionism. Underneath it all, they could taste a bitter taste in their mouths, one of impending defeat.


	30. Chapter 30

**Scene Thirty **

It took a long time for Helen's passionate words to finally fade away on the air, and Jo deliberately let the full impact sink in. George whispered words in Jo's ear, who grinned in assent. Jo stood up with all the confidence in the world as the ground had so brilliantly been prepared for her while Sir Alan Peasemarsh gloomily knew beyond doubt that the game was up.

"My Lord, might you hear a legal argument in the absence of the jury?"

"I think I know what's coming," Monty answered with the faintest grin on his face."Clear the court. I think I can assure you, the jury, that you won't be away from here for very long."

It seemed forever for the jury to shuffle out to the jury room and when the room was quiet, Monty gestured to Jo to speak.

"My Lord, I submit that there is no case to answer. Ms Wade and Ms Stewart between them have given comprehensive and irrefutable evidence as to how Nikki acquired the knowledge in her report and more to the point, have demolished the case against Ms Stewart. The prosecution has offered no first hand evidence to refute it. The prosecution has clearly failed to comprehend just how much an intelligent prisoner can learn about the prison system and can deploy her knowledge in conjunction with her present occupation and their case has totally collapsed."

Sir Alan Peasemarsh shook his head briefly on seeing Monty's gaze fix on him. He had been made enough of a fool as it was and his only hope was that not too much details of this court case would get back to the corridors of power. Feelings of joy swelled up inside Monty Everard that he had both the power and the right to kick this case into the dustbin of history where it belonged. He caught John's eyes, which were visibly expressing his own powerful emotions, and, come to think of it, he felt the same. After all, hadn't these women supported them in their own hour of need? He was feeling at the top of his form with no reservations whatsoever. Sir Alan Peasemarsh sat back, red faced and impotent_. I bet a bottle of brandy this is the last time he appears in a court of law,_ he thought with some amusement.

"I accept the submission in its entirety. The prosecution case has totally collapsed in the light of the evidence given. Could the jury be called back in."

George's warm-hearted smile at Jo's short and sharp execution of the prosecution case warmed the taller woman who was still standing and feeling a tremor of emotion running through her. Both women had been sorely tempted to make such a move at the end of Nikki's hard-hitting testimony but had gambled that Helen would achieve the knockout blow despite the risks of the pressure they could feel that their friend was under. There was another interminable wait for the key to freedom to be finally turned in its lock, and Monty turned his friendly gaze to the twelve men and women of the jury when they had taken their places.

"I have heard the argument put before me that there is no case to answer, that the prosecution case has collapsed. I accept this argument I am therefore directing you, the jury to acquit the defendant of all charges. Members of the jury, there is no need for you to retire. Can the foreman please stand?"

Monty allowed the courtesy of the briefest of whispered deliberations amongst the jury. A smart suited man promptly stood up with no hesitation.

"Gentleman and ladies of the jury, do you find Miss Stewart guilty or not guilty of the charges concerned?"

"Not guilty, my lord."

Monty took a deep breath, glared defiantly at Sir Ian and Lawrence James, exchanged glances with John and promptly let rip with his own emotions.

"Miss Stewart, you are free to go and may I say I sincerely hope that you will recover from this quite unnecessary ordeal. If I might make a few observations, I have been bemused at the way the case has unfolded. On the face of it, this case appeared to me to be flimsy from the very start and I've been waiting for the substance to appear but there has been absolutely nothing. It has turned out to be all smoke and mirrors. I have always been a firm believer in supporting the police in the difficult work they undertake but in this case, I part company with my upbringing. The only way that they can possibly escape rightful public censure would be if they were the unwilling accomplices of the directing minds behind this whole sorry and shambolic episode."

He was conscious of the sensation of dropping a huge stone into a deep pool of water or a large stone through a neighbour's greenhouse as he had done when he was a mischievous little boy and while that suppressed side of him enjoyed it with gleeful enjoyment, the adult side of him exulted in righting an injustice. The look of incredible gratitude in Helen's eyes, the flash of approval on John's face and the beams of approval from all the women in the gallery told him that he had judged his words just right.

As a hush fell on the court, John's unveiled his traditionally buttoned down feelings while the trial was progressing and they overflowed in all directions. He felt overwhelmed with relief for Monty at the way the trial had turned out and giddy with exaltation as he felt was elevated amongst a heavenly constellation of stars, each with her own illuminating light shining on him. These consisted of the utterly charming women in the gallery with whom he had shared a delightful lunchtime drink with. Amongst them were the now very familiar Helen and Nikki. He did not overlook George, the woman he'd once been married to who was now a close friend and had been so unselfish in her support of Jo. Somehow, in the middle of all these benevolent spirits, there stood Jo Mills whose razor edged concentration could now relax after so brilliantly holding the case together. He focussed in on Jo and he felt the first fluttering of his heart now seeking to come to life. Jo's intense blue eyes and relaxed smile engaged with his own. As Nikki started to file out of the front bench, she caught the brief exchange of glances between Jo and John and smiled, being glad for him. He didn't know that the time was right, but she knew that to be so. She felt that there was a sense of slow movement waiting in the wings for him as she started to walk up the steps to the rear door to the visitor's gallery."

"Hiya, Nikki. You didn't think that I was going to cop out while you and Helen go through the flames of hell, even with your friends to back you. I dragged myself away just in time to see you put that pompous idiot through the shredder- and of course, Helen's virtuoso performance," called out a well known friendly male voice from in front of her.

"Hey Paul," Nikki called out delightedly, her eyes sparkling."It's great to see you." While she chattered away with the introductions, all the women warmed to the guy while John sensed a kindred spirit.

By contrast, Sir Ian and Lawrence James were aghast at how unceremoniously, the prosecution case was booted out. They knew that they had some explaining to do, especially as Sir Alan Peasemarsh was unlikely to take such a defeat graciously.

The jubilant crowd clattered downstairs, Nikki at the head. Her eyes frantically searched for the first sight of her beloved now she was released from the jaws of justice and finally caught sight of her as she was walking an uncertain line out of the back entrance of the court, her legs feeling like jelly. A brilliant smile swept across her face and, as they met at the bottom of the staircase, they passionately wrapped arms round each other now that they knew that nothing would part them.

"You were fantastic out there in the dock, Darling. I've never seen you so brave, so defiant. We're free….and all thanks to you," Nikki said passionately into Helen's ear. She was so overcome with emotion that thy were oblivious of everything outside each other, despite the criss-crossing throng of solicitors, ushers and smart suited witnesses. All their friends clustered round protectively in a circle round them.

"Do you know who was the prosecuting council that you just blew out of the water, Helen?" John's voice asked from behind them, his voice unusually trembling with free flowing emotions of all kinds.

"I think it was Sir Alan Peasemarsh. I know I kept getting his name wrong," Helen said vaguely, her face half hidden and muffled by Nikki's comforting arms.

"So did Nikki," answered John, grinning broadly. "You couldn't have found a better way of winding him up. After all, he's only the Attorney General, fresh from some Cabinet meeting."

"And he's supposed to be the expert on law? Jesus Christ," exclaimed Nikki in loud disgust." I've absolutely no time for stuffed shirts…….."

"……or stuffed blouses, like Mrs Warner," added Helen in carrying tones.

"I suppose you're very glad at what you've done Jo,"intruded a nasty voice, filled to the brim with spiteful but impotent, well-bred anger. It was Sir Alan Peasemarsh, of course. A silently angry Mrs Warner accompanied him. The last straw to the worst day of his life was these two women unashamedly displaying their sexual inclinations within the hallowed walls of the Old Bailey. Both had heard free-thinking opinions that their positions of power normally kept at bay."I suppose you'll have your two minutes of fame with your strange assortment of fans. Not my type or John's either but still, there's no accounting for taste."

There was a split second's indecision as to who would retaliate in kind to this superciliously vicious attack on them all. This was like a red rag to a bull for John and he immediately charged in with full force. The others automatically deferred to him as the leader of their gang.

"Doubtless you've overheard what we really think of you both. I was going to discreetly retire from the press party but, since you put it that way Alan, it would be churlish of me not to take my place in the back row with George and Jo. Might as well be hanged for a sheep as well as a lamb,"John retorted with sheer breathtaking nerve that made even Nikki think that he was pushing his luck.

"That may well happen sooner than you think. You've made a lot of enemies. I don't know what's been going on but I just know that you're at the bottom of this fiasco."

"To persecute an innocent woman? When no one, either the detective or the CPS thought fit to talk to Nikki Wade? I think not. You're going to end up with egg on your face when you face the PM and you know it. Just get out of our way," John concluded with icy contempt.

"I'm not staying a minute longer in this unseemly scene," came the feeble reply and he stalked off in the direction of a side exit.

"Jesus, when you get into an argument, John you don't mess around," gasped Nikki."I thought that I was the mouthy one around here."

"To tell you the truth, I've had run ins with him in the past and the words came straight off my unconscious," grinned John.

"Don't I know about it? You need minders to hold you back, doesn't he, George?"

"Absolutely," George chimed in with Jo. "Don't you think we ought to get ready to face the press? Before you go out, you need to be prepared for trick questions especially about your 'unprofessional' relationship with Nikki while you were at Larkhall? Are you ready to face them or do you want a bit more time? " George asked in gentle tones, laying a hand on Helen's shoulder.

"George is right," said John and Jo in unison.

Helen's thoughts whirled round in her head at a thousand miles a second. That verbal spat had given her a final dose of mental energy and kept at bay that creeping sense of wariness from going out clubbing with Nikki for the past number of nights. She wanted to get up and at them and not hang about.

"I think I can face it. I've always been acting as backup, from Monica Lindsay's appeal onwards," Helen said in clearer tones, waves of memories sweeping through her energised her most was the way that the ghosts of her past had been exorcised, once and for all." It's the first time I've spoken up for myself. It's my turn now."

"You're the boss, Helen," Karen chimed in." We're all on your side."

For a second, Helen was mentally back to when she had been G wing governor at Larkhall with the capable Karen Betts as her lieutenant. It was at that moment that she finally got her faculties to focus sharply. She looked round at her dear friends of all description all around her.

"You mean to be part of the gang , John?" Nikki asked in amazement.

"Just anyone try to hold me back," he said with firm purpose." I never make a promise that I break. I won't be interviewed but I'll be in the back row with Paul to give you moral support and perhaps forestall any homophobic attacks on you."

John's perceptive remarks drew nods of approval from all and sundry and his quiet determination finally galvanized Helen to action. She strode ahead purposefully and opened the doors to the outside world. All the others followed their lead. Only John was new to this kind of experience but all the women knew that he was a quick learner. Helen had trod those steps before now.

**********

As expected, the light outside blinded her and the sharp wind cut through their clothes and ruffled their hair. Helen had followed tradition in wearing a formal suit for the court and now she realized that it wasn't dissimilar from her two-piece wing governor suit. Once again, the battery of cameras, reporters, sound boom and video cameras were there to record everything. She was momentarily dazed to realize that all this paraphernalia was about her. It was then that her sense of duty kicked in, towards herself, her friends, her beliefs and anyone who might be sucked into the fearful, vengeful machinery of law for no reason. She was damned if she'd be grateful and humble. Nikki took her place on one side and Karen on the other. Behind them Alice, Trisha, Paul, John, Jo, George and Sally Anne formed a protective shield.


	31. Chapter 31

**Scene Thirty-One **

Helen's eyes took in the pack of journalists and assorted onlookers that were starting to crowd in and asked herself just what was their standards of humanity? She wondered how desperate they were for a scoop, what angle they would approach her and what she might say that would reach them and not compromise her values. To her inward delight, she spotted the shining star of Beth's presence amongst the pack of reporters. She hoped that her friend would be able to edge her way in and ask her the questions she wanted to answer.

"How do you feel about the result, Miss Stewart?" the first reporter said, lobbing over a straightforward question. Helen jumped in eagerly.

"It goes without saying that I'm delighted that the judge rightly threw the charges out of court and into the dustbin of history where they belong. He directed the jury to find me innocent as it was made patently clear that there was no shred of a case against me. I'm everlastingly grateful for my friends who have stuck by me, the legal team of Jo Mills, George Channing and Claire Walker who worked tirelessly on my behalf and most of all my partner, Nikki Wade my dearest friend and all the wonderful people around me now who have supported and believed in me. Without all this help I wouldn't be here now.

On the other hand, I'm angry with the investigating authorities who could have cleared up the matter by asking Nikki a few simple questions when I was first interviewed. At best they were extremely stupid and at worst, malicious and for that reason, I'm bloody furious. I won't forget lightly the stress and the pressure put on us over the last months. If they think that either of us will be meek and mild in any encounters with unjust authority in future, they've got another think coming."

"What is it like living with a lesbian cop killer?" the woman in the cheap suit shouted out. Instantly she regretted her jibe, which her editor had demanded that she ask. Petite as Helen was, she towered psychically over the woman and lashed her with her scorn.

"You don't get many chances to meet your soulmate but that's what Nikki represents for me. She's incredibly honest, compassionate and moral. Living with her was one of the best decisions of my life. Any woman, or for that matter any man, either gay or straight knows what true love means. Next question please."

"Isn't there the danger that this damaging report will make the lives of prison officers worse than they are?" asked the older man with more discreet line in reactionary cluster of women and men automatically tightened protectively around Helen but he didn't fare any better than the others.

"I've had a chance to read Nikki's report, I mean why can't I? It paints a picture of a prison system that, as a whole, is seriously dysfunctional and has lost its bearings. If the establishment had been mature about the matter and treated it with due respect, they would have engaged with the problems and tried to do something about them. Instead, they have direct responsibility for landing it on the front page without doing an iota to fix the problems. Any serving prison officer should lay the blame at the door of those responsible and that isn't me."

"I understand you confessed in court that you slept with your partner when she was a prisoner. How do you square that with your professed sense of morals?" asked the smarmy, slick suited man.

The bastard, Karen thought angrily to everyone's silent agreement. Nikki clasped her lover's hand

"The truth is, I can't square it. As my one professional lapse, it was not to my personal self-interest, but at the cost of a considerable amount of soul searching. I used it to try and do some good in a disinterested fashion. If that is a sin, who amongst you in the press is without sin?"

If the Reverend Stewart had switched on the television on at this moment, he might have been startled to hear how his sermons had taken strange life in his daughter's mind. To those protectively clustered around, the Biblical denunciation of the more morally squalid members of the press made some of the audience feel as fantastic as much as some of the press felt uncomfortable. Meanwhile, notebook in hand, Beth looked on delightedly. She had been forced to miss the trial sorely to her regret but this more than made up for it.

.

"Has this court case changed your views on what government secrets are really all about?" called out a familiar voice to Helen. It was Beth of course who had neatly slid her way to the front while Karen repressed a smile at her sharp witted lover. Helen was delighted with the blessed freedom of this open-ended question. Instead of having to fight back against a hostile context, she could map out her own reply while the cameras rolled on, recording everything for prime time television.

"That's a good question. You know, it seems to me that any organization only functions when it has moral authority- in the case of a prison, when it gains the respect and cooperation of the prisoners to run it. That may sound shocking to the 'law and order' brigade but I found that to be true from experience. I'm not naturally hostile to authority, being brought up in a religious background and a strong belief in the meaning of duty. I carried these principles into being a prison service governor to try and give prisoners the best possible chance on the outside, in setting up a 'lifer's group' to educate prisoners that they have choices and needn't be locked into a cycle of self destructive behaviour. What running a prison is about is moral authority and, for the matter, that goes for society as a whole. These past few weeks has seriously shaken my belief that government works for all the best possible purposes and reasons. Would it be a stretch too far of logic to guess that this isn't about official secrets but a blatent attempt to silence the organization to which Nikki belongs and that, if they couldn't get at her, they made a dead set at me? I leave it to the judgment of the audience out there to decide."

"So you think that this trial was about covering up for the government's own political embarrassment?" interjected Beth, grabbing the chance with both hands while John's spirits soared with jubilation. The legal wing of the solidarity movement grinned openly in agreement while Karen started to relax, having had to resist shouting out her own truth.

"Well, who am I to say? Some might say that the problem with grand conspiracies are that they are never minuted but, nevertheless are all too real for all that."

"So what do you plan to do with the rest of your life, Miss Stewart?" asked a more neutral questioner, anxious to head off this dangerous train of thought and steer towards the more safely personal.

Suddenly, Helen felt tired. She felt that she had been on some kind of public stand for ages. Everything was starting to catch up with her.

"For the immediate present, to go home with my partner, take it easy and get back to our jobs. After that, some kind of celebration and to reassess our futures from what we've learnt," Helen said in a tired voice while all those around her clustered protectively.

On the other side of one of a multitude of TV screens, a crowd of women in a smoky, dingy room, dimly lit by the overhear curved windows way overhead followed the news in utter silence until the news cut to some faceless politician banging on about something meaningless. They suddenly let rip their cheers of delight at Helen's impassioned attack on the prison system, taking in all forms of injustice and her fiercely loyal defence of Nikki. The extra treat of their old mate, Nikki and also Miss Betts was totally mind boggling. They danced around, uttering whoops of delight for a full ten minutes before the full impact of the court case sank in.

"Jesus Christ, that's really telling them. I never knew she had it in her," breathed Yvonne to herself, her mouth open as she heard the former very correct prison governor lay into all forms of unjust authority with the incendiary power of a flamethrower. She totally admired the way she took no shit from those press bastards. As usual, she was first off the mark while Bodybag, foolishly tried to maintain order in her heavy-handed way.

"So you thought Miss Stewart was guilty of breaking the official secrets act all this time?" Yvonne jeered, pushing into the flummoxed face of Bodybag, red faced with embarrassment, piling on the pressure by her pitying and especially aggravating tut tutting. "That judge threw it out of court. You never get it right do you Miss?"

"Yeah, you was telling us all the time how Miss Stewart was as guilty as sin, weren't you," chimed in Julie Saunders forcefully.

"Nikki and Miss Betts were standing up for her as well. It's great that they're all friends," Julie Johnson added in a sentimental vein.

"She's got some really good looking tasty women looking after her. Take that fair-haired woman wearing that classy suit. I like a bit of posh, myself," Selena coolly observed much to general laughter. She felt no especial reason to defend the indefensible. It spoke volumes for the lighthearted atmosphere that even the moody and jealous Kris burst out into loud laughter.

"Miss Stewart's dead brilliant. I always thought when she left this place she'd do all right," was Denny's contribution.

"Wonder how bastard Fenner's getting used to lousy weekly spends, no booze, being locked up every night and no Miss Betts to con," Kris added in cutting tones.

"No women at all, neither," laughed Julie Johnson.

"That's enough. You're all on report for slanderising a prison officer," exploded a furious Bodybag.

"A former prison officer," gently corrected Yvonne with that impish look on her face."He's as bad a crook as my Charlie ever was. Trouble was that his rackets never got found out till he tried to frame Miss Betts for murder."

"That's enough," Di Barker raged." I will not see the name of one of our long standing prison officers held up to ridicule."

The mocking laughter that greeted this feeble attempt to be assertive had to be seen to believed. It took a long time to die down. When it did, there was something very ominous in the sudden derisive silence with which the row of women suddenly viewed Di Barker between narrow slitted eyes. The thought sparked round all the women to contrast Miss Stewart's heroism and this one time acting wing governor of G wing.

"Better quit while you're losing Di. It's not as if you're ahead of the game," Colin Hedges observed laconically." I never knew her but from what I've heard she deserved a bit of respect. Let's show it. She was a senior prison officer as well, wasn't she?"

The women caught Yvonne's look of respect for this guy as he quietly nailed Di stone dead. The murmurs of assent marked this sudden shift in mood. Yvonne reflected how he had come up in the world from the pathetic junkie that he once was. In reality, he was wearing the pips round here along with Miss Geeson. The mood was cool now so they could chill out. They were going to treasure this moment for a long, long time.

With this last question, the intensity of the press interview gradually faded away. The more rapacious questioners realized that this woman was no pushover but gave out uncomfortably much more than she got. While a few flashguns still clicked away, the reporters started to fade away into the background, leaving the band of sisters and brothers alone but united on the windswept pavement. Beth gave a brief half-smile at her friends and made an unhurried exit along with the other reporters with whom she appeared to have something in common. Karen knew that she'd catch up with her girlfriend later on and get the full story. A feeling of finality descended on the group who were all starting to feel cold, something they had not noticed before.

"Where do we go to from here?" said George finally breaking the silence that had fallen on them.

"You're looking really tired, Helen," Trisha said, her voice laden with gentle concern. "Mind you, you and Nikki have been burning the candle at both ends in clubbing most nights after a hard day at work."

"Well, to make up for that, Nikki, you're having tomorrow off work. I won't hear of you turning up at work and, you, Helen, ought to keep her company," Paul gently intervened, drawing appreciative smiles from the others. In the meantime, George picked up on the positive glow of attraction that interplayed between John and Jo all this time but noted that they seemed curiously shy about it in company.

"I know it's becoming a tradition that we all head off to Chix once the establishment has had it's face well and truly ground into the mud but I feel that I'm ready to drop," Helen frankly admitted, much against her will to put the dampers on things.

" Give us a good rest for tonight and the following day, Trisha and I will be up for a celebration on Friday night."

"And in the meantime, John, you ought to take Jo out for a meal," Nikki gently intervened. Her quiet words caused silent consternation as John wasn't sure that Jo wasn't sure that John wasn't sure that it was or wasn't such a good idea. Helen was taken aback how the woman who had battled so valiantly for them was being emotionally exposed like this.

"I hadn't thought of that, John. I mean I didn't want to presume," Jo finally said very nervously.

"Jo, I've seen the way that you two have been looking at each other," George said softly and earnestly, without a trace of play-acting." You really deserve a future together that I've found with Alice if you both give yourself that chance. Now that you know that I'm out of the picture, that's more possible than it's ever been before."

"Helen and I have known for a long time how lonely you've been," followed up Nikki, seeing the uncertain looks pass between them. ""We agree with George but you don't have to rush things. Look at this as your first date no matter what's gone on before. We're not pushing you into each other's direction to phase out our friendship, quite the opposite."

"You don't get rid of us that easily, John, believe you me," laughed Helen."Anytime you want to crash the night, you're as welcome as you've ever been. The point is that you both need more out of life than what you've got. Just do it please, for us."

Both John and Jo were mesmerized by the fount of knowledge that Nikki and Helen were pouring over them. They admired the way they tuned into their insecurities and fears, and pointed them in the right direction.

"Nikki is such a romantic," added Helen.

"I've got to head off home soon, you guys," Paul said in his imperturbable way," so if Nikki and Helen go home to collapse at home and John and Jo have their date, then the rest of you can go to Chix if you want to. That way, everyone's happy."

"Paul, you are a genuine nice guy and you've hit on a great idea," Trisha said warmly, shaking the man's hand, grateful for his tactful way of blending his contribution to the mix." I'll phone up for taxis if anyone needs them, yeah?"

John and Jo looked into each other's eyes. Somehow, the possibilities of their future being edged together by these two very compassionate women made them nervous and ezxcited at the same other women created a warm encouraging atmosphere where there was no competition. They knew they had a lot of troubled history to live down but this wasn't an insurmountable obstacle as it once siren presence was silently and mysteriously telling them that they should put aside their fears and distrust and that it might be easier than they had long feared. All they needed was to figure out some unspoiled instinct between them to guide them. It wasn't as if Jo needed to be worried right now by John's eye being taken by some transient attractive women. These women were attractive but off limits and this made things feel curiously safe. They both wanted to believe that they didn't need to run through their usual gavotte of their turbulent relationship and perhaps, this time around, things might be was both complicated and attractive at the same time.

Jo shook hands with all the others, Helen and Nikki being most effusive in their farewells before turning to John.

"I know a quiet intimate place we can eat and talk. We've got a lot to catch up with. You won't know that Nikki and Helen have taken me considerably in hand since you've been away."

John smiled that splendid free and easy smile of his, free of all his cares, shook everyone's hand likewise. They linked their hands together and strolled off down the city streets while everyone else prepared to make the long tired journey back home.


	32. Chapter 32

**Scene Thirty-Two **

In retrospect, both Nikki and Helen's memories of just how they got back to their flat were blurred at the edges. Only when they were safely in their cosy bedroom did the succession of incoherent shifting images start to take shape. Nikki moved closer to Helen and affectionately slipped off Helen's jacket and laid it on the stool by their dressing table. Their bedroom had never looked so warm, so inviting and so homelike as right now.

"I never thought I'd be so glad to be with you at the end of this day," Nikki murmured, leaning her forehead against Helen's and looking deeply into her eyes. Their lips brushed lovingly against each other, time and time again, as if to be sure that what each saw and touched was for real.

"I can't believe that I can feel you next to me, sweetheart," whispered Helen passionately, as she started up unbutton Nikki's shirt. She had done this many a time since she had started living with Nikki but never had the pleasure seemed so vivid, so sharp since their first night as free women.

"You mean, you were really afraid that I'd be left on the outside," murmured the taller woman softly, starting to kiss the other woman's neck softly and tenderly.

Helen nodded mutely, tears in her eyes. That said enough for Nikki, who felt her lover's sudden outpourings of emotions without words. Nikki gathered the smaller woman in her arms, physically reassuring her of her presence, now and for always. Helen leant against her lover and clung on tightly to her. All their world around her told her that the nightmare had passed and any post-traumatic shock would slowly fade away in time.

"Better now, darling?" Nikki asked in her softest, most tender fashion and the smaller woman's face broke into the most heart-warming smile imaginable. Helen's manner silently told her lover that she relished every minute of unbuttoning the taller woman's shirt. She might not have had this opportunity if events had turned out differently. When she came to the last button, her eyes widened at the delightful sight of her lover's curves and her white bra, which she immediately set out to unclip. Nikki's fingers and lips hadn't been exactly idle in the meantime and in this sleepy but tender mood, both women slipped into bed to temporarily banish the outside world and to reconnect with their inner worlds. They had stepped off the public stage and now was the time for themselves.

They lay next to each other on soft white pillows, a clean white sheet and their duvet over them. Everything felt clean and fresh and the memory of the harsh, thin brown blankets and her solitary cell at Larkhall came back to Nikki. She shivered and Helen's luminous green eyes and the gentle touch of her fingers were immediately present.

"There's no need to worry now, darling. You and I aren't going anywhere. We've seen to that today."

"Thank God for that," Helen answered, sliding her arm round her lover's back and gently stroking her hair. She eagerly nuzzled the other woman's neck and drank in the texture of her touch, her perfume and her soft voice.

"Mind you, I can't deny that there were times when I was worried. I knew that such a lot was riding on what we and others did. I had faith, see,"Nikki continued in sprightly tones which didn't fool Helen any.

"Whenever I look at you right now, I know more than ever just how much you mean to me. I can't find words enough to say how much I love you. The whole situation seemed crazy. Only we and our friends felt like the sane ones."

"You don't think I haven't been frightened too. I dare not even put into words the worst that could have happened. You've got me, darling, for the long run, for ever and ever," confessed Nikki at last in her fiercely passionate reply. She edged Helen around in bed so that Helen's lips and tongue gently caressed Nikki's left nipple while her left arm traced lines down the length of smooth skin of the taller woman's back.

Both women felt in a lazy sleepy paradise as the last traces of the setting winter sunlight somehow cast a pallid light through the closed curtains.

"Darling, I really wish I weren't so tired right now. I know what I'd want to do if I was sure you had the energy either."

"Perhaps, we'll see how we feel, babes," Helen murmured in the intervals between when her lips and tongue were free. She could feel the faint stirrings in Nikki's body and seriously wondered just how tired out she really was.

"We don't have to rush things. We don't have to rush anything. We have all the time in the world," Nikki said huskily, her fingers gently stroking the contours of Helen's cheeks, her leg sliding over Helen's and up the length of it. The two women moved around so that they kissed each other more deeply while they embraced and caressed each other. Finally, Helen turned over and lay on her back, sensing that her lover's desires could be made physical reality more easily than her own. Nikki propped herself up and looked down of her lover's full-bodied figure, her lips slightly parted. She kissed her lover deeply and passionately, and Helen's legs wrapped themselves around her as they sighed and murmured sweet loving to each other. Nikki kissed her way down Helen's ripe body, her desires giving her enough strength as Helen's hips started thrusting eagerly back at her. Already, her desires were starting to flow as her sweet toned voice moaned her endearments. Nikki tantalisingly ran her tongue up the inside of Helen's thighs as her lover begged her eagerly to enter her. Finally, Nikki's tongue slipped inside her and coaxed her towards the orgasm that spoke of her freedom of desires and from all fears in her life. It seemed that the movement of her hips would never stop nor the rivers of desires that poured over her banks. This was life as it should be and Nikki knew beyond doubt that her lover would do better than she promised in life. This constancy in Helen was one of the many reasons why Nikki loved this woman of hers and felt so comfortably and triumphantly possessive of her. Loving Helen was what feelings were made for, after all, and as the aftershocks of Helen's first orgasm started to die away, Nikki was left with that delicious taste in her mouth. The taste of victory was indeed sweet, or so her heightened perceptions told her.

That night was dreamless for both women and they woke up the next day with a wonderful satisfied feeling inside them, both from the night before and everything they had striven for up till then. While they knew as a bald fact that they'd given the establishment a bloody nose, the full impact started to dawn on them as they felt fresher- and most of all, that the living nightmare that had dogged their footsteps had been abolished. Consequently, they lay in bed till late, before having a tray of toast and coffee to make them feel as if it were some kind of luxury hotel room service. The utter quiet in the road told them that everyone was at work except them and they deserved it. It was when they were still floating around in their nighties when the phone rang unexpectedly. Nikki's eyebrows were knitted in puzzlement. Just who the hell would know that they weren't at work, except their circles of friends and supporters who would clearly give them time to themselves?

"Hello, Nicola," sounded the very cheery male voice in her ear. It immediately gave her a positive and relieved glow inside her. Her Dad of course.

"I had to phone to tell you how delighted your mother and I are at the outcome of that scandalous trial. I watched Helen on TV and she was every bit as brilliant as I expected her to be. Apart from one or two honourable exceptions, the press were either fools or knaves and Helen made mincemeat of them."

"How in hell did you work out that we'd have the day off, dad?" Nikki asked in puzzled tones, This drew a hearty laugh on the other end of the phone.

"You've always sang the praises of your boss so I deduced that if he's as decent as you say he is, he'd let you have the Friday off to recuperate. Simple, isn't it. You deserve it as let's face it, last time you and Helen were over, I could tell that you were both feeling the strain despite keeping up appearances."

"Dad, you are fantastic. We're been taking it easy but we're going out to celebrate at Chix," Nikki replied in glowing tones while Helen grinned broadly in the background.

"I'm sure you'll both have a great time, and thoroughly deserve it," her father replied completely unselfconsciously.

"I don't suppose you've heard from John about the court case," Nikki asked nervously. She was sure that her brother was certain to swallow uncritically what the press said and would believe what he wanted to believe.

"Not as yet. When he does, you know that we'll say what we think is right and proper, don't you," came the crisp reply that warned her not to pursue the matter. It was obvious that her dear brother had slagged off Helen to her parents and he had given his brother short shrift.

"Yes dad. I understand," came her simple reply, handing over this problem for him to deal with.

"On a quite different topic, you don't mind if I speak to Helen in person?" Nikki's father asked politely.

"By all means. Helen would be only too glad to chat," Nikki said, gesturing for her to come over. The smaller woman came over, feeling totally relaxed and smiling as she picked up the phone.

"Helen, I just wanted to tell you how proud we are of you. You showed every inch the strength of character that we know that both you and my daughter have in abundance. Obviously, the news only shows a quick two minutes. I'm sure you both stood tall through the trial but I know it can't have been easy."

"That's really lovely of you to say this and considerate and kind to phone us."

"Between you and me, my wife and I feel a bit constricted by some in the community who are what you might call narrow minded. I've given a piece of my mind already to some idiots who've read the press and jumped to the wrong conclusions."

"I hope that hasn't made thinks too awkward for you," Helen said in a concerned tone of voice for him.

"That's the last thing you need to worry about, Helen, considering what the pair of you have gone through. I have to admit that life can be a bit too quiet round here and I have a bit of a combative streak in know where Nicola gets that from."

Helen laughed at the mischievous way in which the older man spoke. He sounded really young and still in the full vigour of his life.

"Before I forget, I wanted to say that if you want to come up our way if you need a break, we'd be only too happy to put you up. That's a promise."

"We'd love to. We're only starting to wake up into thinking of events beyond the trial but we'll definitely take you up on your kind offer."

Jo woke up, feeling on top of the world after recalling the intimate chat in a candlelit café she'd shared with John.

She'd been fully prepared for the John Deed that she'd always known to invite her for an intimate candlelit dinner and ply her with wine and his silver tongued charm as a prelude to coaxing her into bed. Not for one moment had she believed that he would take one iota of notice of Helen and Nikki's perceptive advice to go slow. She grinned at how those two women had got him taped. She had expected him pursue his own agenda tenaciously as much as he pursued justice passionately in court. By contrast, that spirit and humanity seemed to evaporate the morning after she'd been persuaded to sleep with him. While she was away working up north, she had been able to think of him with greater detachment and concluded that he was a sex addict. It was a very cruel and brutal term but no less than his habitual infidelities deserved and, worse still, his inability to express any shame when confronted about his misdeeds.

This time around, their conversation had taken a surprisingly aimless, unhurried stroll through life in general. After a little hesitation, she had let at least some of her reserve drop. Every so often, he would chat affectionately about Nikki and Helen and she felt intriguingly unthreatened and comfortable at moments like these.

"They obviously mean a lot to you, John," she had smiled at the man's frank and open expression, his blue eyes glinting in the candlelight.

"They've put me through quite a few changes. I have never had such true female friends before in my life, that pure disinterested meeting of minds, not even with you, Jo. I am wholly to blame for that. It could still finally happen if we put my past stupidities behind us. I know that is asking a lot."

That remark jolted Jo into sitting up and taking notice in view of John's unabashed honesty with himself and his humility and the lack of demands he placed on her.

She had woken on her own with the promise when they would meet again. They'd both instinctively decided to take things slowly and start to get to know each other all over again. She didn't want to underrate how much changes would be required of them both.


	33. Chapter 33

**Scene Thirty-Three **

A_/ N Credits - __Duncan Campbell The Guardian Friday August 15 2008 for the non italics part of the article. This part isn't fiction but is very real and up to date _

The spirit of sunshine at its peak prompted Helen to stroll round to the local newsagent to buy some milk and teabags while Nikki energetically sorted through the pile of washing in their linen basket. Somehow everything practical had been put on hold in their lives by the impending trial and later in the afternoon, she suddenly realized what had accumulated and now she was in the mood to tackle it.

When Helen walked on down the street, the wind ruffled her hair and the sun slanted smilingly on her good fortune. It was when she got to the local newsagent when she had picked up the items and put them in the basket when she looked at the papers. She gave up on the tabloids in despair but leafed through the Guardian and the Independent and, on page 3 of the second newspaper, she saw a medium sized photograph of her and her friends.

Helen's jaw hung open in amazement. For all her involvement in first Nikki reappeal, then Sally Anne's compensation case and Karen's trial, she found the sight of her face on the front page and the competently written account of her life by a certain Elizabeth Pritchard as a real eye-opener. She finally took in the enormity of the events that slashed the government's reputation to ribbons. In some strange way, what she had gone through wasn't totally real until she read about it in the press or saw it on TV. Intellectually, she knew how stupidly irrational it was but her emotions ran counter to that. She paid for her purchases, grabbed her paper, shot out the door, and thirty seconds later returned for the milk and teabags, all excited and flustered. She couldn't wait to show the papers to Nikki…..

"_The judiciary has demonstrated both their humanity and their grip of reality in throwing out of court the charges against Miss Stewart under the very tarnished Official Secrets Act whose existence has been long overdue for drastic surgery. The charges of disclosing __information gained during her tenure as wing governor and acting governing governor all stem from the blinkered belief that the hard hitting report by the Howard League for Penal Reform must have had some assistance from inside information. The defence never contested that Helen Stewart is living with the author of the report but successfully refuted the charge that she had contributed to the contents. What is more staggering is that the author was well placed to put right the misapprehensions of the Home Office in the first stages of the police investigation but wasn't allowed to. If it weren't for the sustained witch hunt of a hard working professional woman, then this would truly be considered a 'Whitehall Farce' worthy of the West End stage. _

_There is a wider historical dimension to this whole sorry episid__**e**_**. **'_Powers under the Official Secrets Act have been "_exercised to frustrate former employees of the crown from bringing into the public domain issues of genuine public interest, and can be exercised to prevent the media from publishing such matters_.' Over the past few years, this government has indulged in a positive orgy of legislation to serve the fickle interests of the tabloid press. There is a far more more pressing need for the government to drastically prune back the Official Secrets Act and publicly apologise to Miss Stewart for the damage done to her life." _

Helen and Nikki sprawled on the sofa that afternoon in a blissful haze as they rejoiced in the public celebration of their triumph, newspapers spread all around them. They felt that they had all the reason under the sun to savour the moment. It was this detachment of spirit that led them to be only aware very late in the day of a persistent rattattatting on their front door. For one second, they wondered if history was repeating itself and they would be suddenly propelled into a repeating time loop of another crisis. Nikki's caution was rewarded by a much more pleasant surprise.

"I've got a letter which I simply must show you," George exclaimed loudly, waving a piece of paper in her hand ."Read it, read it, read it. You simply must hear what it says."

Both women's attention were grabbed as it was so unusual for the the very sophisticated Georgia Channing to dance around like an excited schoolchild. They zeroed on her and did their best to focus on the letter. They saw that it was written in a flowing script complete with various artistic doodles in the margins. This person must be very special, they thought.

"Don't you see," George declaimed, dancing all around them on her very high heels,"This is from Tori Amos. She's actually replied to us. This is the best news ever in my life, I mean in our lives. It couldn't have come at a better time."

They suddenly felt that they were sucking in all the oxygen in the room and became dizzy and light-headed that their message floated in a bottle vould have had any response at all. They had the feeling that this response would be very special. With unbelieving eyes, they studied the carefully crafted script and began to feel the way George did. This wasn't a time to be cool and sophisticated.

_'You must all forgive me as I've been so late in replying to your enthralling letter. _

_I don't claim that an artistic ego can demand special privileges and be excused forgetfulness or oversight. My excuse is the special intensity of performing on a long tour of 'Scarlett's Walk' means I can share my music with as many kind hearts as possible. It means I can mess up on taking care of fundamentals. Now that I am off the road, I have the chance to reorientate myself to the simple things of life. _

_It might seem really wierd to you all but I also really wanted to take time to tune in to the richness of spirit in your letter. Obviously an artist worth her name will respond to any heartfelt message and I wouldn't want to show favouritism as egos are such delicate things, mine, yours and everyone._

_I want to know that you all reminded me that we are all fellow travellers through this journey in life and we should all follow our spirit's guidance._

_I hope you will bear with me patiently and that this letter appears in a right time in your lives. _

_Love to you all_

_Tori._

"Bless that woman," Helen said, her words dripping with affection. "If we'd received the letter a week earlier, would we have been in the best frame of mind to appreciate it? Some guiding spirit made Tori Amos send the letter late and we got it when we did."

Another pleasurable wave of spiritual emotion broke over them. They knew above all else that the rest of the gang had to hear about this. Nikki reached for the phone straightaway.

John Deed had arranged for a similar range of papers to be sent in to him and Monty at the digs. Both bellowed in free wheeling laughter at the scathing attack on the government in the Independent as they sat at the long dinner table.

"This is the best news I've read since…."

"…..the last Larkhall Prison based trial?" interjected John in amused tones which made Monty grin broadly. John was right, as usual as he continued in tones of admiration. "They spell the kiss of death for the establishment. I think after this, they'll leave them well alone. They did better than even I expected."

"I knew that the combination of Jo Mills and George would be more than a match for Sir Alan who's a legal mediocrity. I totally admired Ms Wade's and Ms Stewart's utterly lethal facility with the spoken word as they ran circles round him."

"If I hadn't dealt with the case, it would have fallen to you to deal with."

"Don't I know it," John replied laconically but with deep affection for Monty for taking the heat off him." Want to have a drink tonight and celebrate?"

Monty's mischievous grin was enough of a reply for John.

That evening, the music was pumping out its loudest and beams of coloured lights were careering their way around the dance hall at 'Chix.' It was a crowded night on Friday January 25th 2002 as women poured into the club in droves. Amongst them was Helen, a brilliant smile splitting her face in two, wearing one of her favourite low cut dresses that fitted her shapely curves to perfection. Nikki looked ravishing in a new chocolate fitted halter neck top and cream coloured loose fitting trousers. Both women felt clean and fresh and were out to defiantly and pleasurably enjoy themselves rather than filling in their lives with noise and activity to blot out their fears. This was their own treat, their reward for all their sheer doggedness and, above all else, it was a celebration of all their freedoms as Beth led the way to hug and kiss them softly as they appeared through the doors. The buzz of sheer electric excitement animated them all as two marvellous happenings had energised them.

"Hi Helen, glad to be in the land of the free at last," murmured Karen as she was next to last in kissing her affectionately on her cheek.

"You know what that feels like Karen," Helen said in softer reflective tones with that lightning quick reaction on her features that were her trademark "At least I haven't lost my job like you did. They've been good to me. They know what the deal was. If I keep the firm's name out of the press and I settle down to quiet domesticity, they'll stand by me."

"Quiet domesticity? You?" exclaimed a laughing George, coming up behind Helen and draping her hand on the dark-haired woman's shoulder." You and Nikki are too fond of a good crusading battle."

"Whatever I've ever started in my life, I have to see through to the end," smiled Nikki in reply as she watched Karen and Beth take to the dance floor. Her right hand was tightly linked in Helen's as the smaller woman started to chatter away to Alice.

"You sound like John," George said." I find it frightfully hard to choose between the two of you as to who is the more recklessly courageous. Of course, I've only seen the full inside story of what's happened to John since I've talked with Jo Mills recently."

"It's really strange that I've been a lesbian all my life, George. I never found men my flavour so when I started having teenage fantasies, it was always images of women's looks that did it for me before I discovered the real thing for myself. It's really ironical that at my time in life, I have quite a few friends who are straight men and they mean just as much as any female friend I've ever known. I felt comfortable with Dominic McAllister at Larkhall prison except when I thought he was moving in on Helen and caused a major friction. Tony Foster is a good mate while Paul Williams, my boss is such a sweetheart. As for John, I feel such a sense of kinship with the guy that, in some mysterious way, I feel we're cut from the same cloth…."

Nikki articulated her words slowly while the flashing colours washed over her senses. The dance music coming off the speakers also made her feel safely wrapped up in a snug atmosphere. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Trisha and Sally Anne let their eye go off the ball for a moment and were softly kissing each other, Trisha's slim fingers ruffling her lover's long black hair.

"You don't get to see the downside of living with John," put in George gently. "The trouble is that I've been married to him."

"I know what you mean," Nikki acknowledged, almost sadly and wistfully. It was then that she felt Helen's lips against her ear and seductively invite her onto the dance floor. Laughing, Nikki took the other woman's hand. Somehow, in this mysterious world of hers, moments of interesting personal conversations were bookended against feelings of desire for her partner and losing herself to the sensual rhythms of this club. She thought dreamily about how it still made a difference these days and hazily realized that, all those years ago, she set out with Trisha had set out to create that difference.

Meanwhile Sally Anne looked over Trisha's shoulder, feeling soft kisses dropping on her neck, while a woman with long fair hair was deeply kissing her lover with that smart immaculate bob haircut, low cut and nearly backless slinky red dress. The moment was charged with eroticism and she felt pleased that what she had with Trisha gave succour to others as well as themselves. It was only a little later that she saw a hand wave at her and that well known broad grin announced that it was Karen.

All the women read and reread Tori Amos's letter to them and were overcome by a wave of emotion that took them all on a natural high that was the ultimate celebration of their existence. Trisha decided straightaway that a certain CD deserved another airing instead of the regular dance music and she had a word with the DJ to fix that. The music that pumped out louder and clearer than normally and had special resonances for them all, or so Helen judged as she sipped at her glass of double vodka and lemonade as she looked at her lover, the other side of the table. She was feeling a little drunk and woozy and Nikki's face wavered in front of her. An outpouring of emotion welled up inside her as she contemplated her soul mate who was never far from her however much the hours of work might separate them. She reached across that space between them to embrace her lover. It was so easy to cross spaces these days and she knew how far both of them had come. No more of fear for what might have happened but the sheer joy of the open road that lay ahead for them, Nothing could stop them now.

"We've got such a long way to go, babes. Everything is possible," Nikki kept whispering fiercely in her ear. Helen clung on for dear life, as she knew that beyond doubt how true that was. She could feel it and taste it.

It was a little while later when Ros and Jenny came up to them, both with knowing looks on their face.

"Helen, you know we've been right behind you from day one. We're your mates, right."

Helen grinned easily. Everyone and everything inside this club was like friends to her right now. She indicated to Ros to continue.

"There's just one question I've always wanted to ask you. When we pulled you two over just what were you doing? I promise that this conversation goes no further, right?"

Just for one second, Helen wondered just what personal secret she would divulge and how far it would go and then everything became crystal clear. Right now, she didn't need Nikki to tell her that she could pull out the last card from under her sleeve. Secrets were only there to lock away that which should be proteced and there had to be a damn good reason for it. Otherwise, everything should be out there right in the open, just as Nikki always was. She took a deep breath and reeled off the story. Ros and Jenny drank everything in with satisfied expressions and nodded with satisfaction. It had cleared up a question that had always intrigued them.

"Thanks a million. I know it takes a lot for you to come out with all that stuff and you didn't have to tell us."

With that, first Ros and then Jenny embraced Helen with surprising gentleness and kissed her cheek. Helen was touched by their solicitude. She never thought that butch female policewomen were capable of such tender feelings. It gave her a wonderful feeling that everything was possible in this world. Standing a little back, she knew from the expressive look on Nikki's face that her feelings were shared.

"Hey, Helen, we were wondering if you wanted to say a few words from the mike. I know you've testified for your life in court, then out there for the press but some women here mightn't have followed your case. This is the most sympathetic audience you could get. You don't have to if you don't want to," Trisha asked her, hesitation written on her face.

Unknown to Trisha, she couldn't have timed it better. Trisha led Helen to wards the console booth where the DJ played the last track and fiddled with the mike. She tested it for feedback and volume and stepped aside.

"I'll keep this short and sharp. I don't want to come over like some angry politically obsessed woman who's not in tune with myself but yesterday, I was freed from someone's sick idea that I had betrayed ultra important government secrets from when I worked in the prison service. Today, I beat the rap together with dear and loyal friends who are with me tonight and, let it be said, with straight friends in the legal professions. The point is this. If we stick together, we're unbeatable. We can really do it if we have the heart and mind to do it. That's all I wanted to say."

As if by magic, the DJ picked up on Helen's meaning and slid in the triumphant tones of David Bowie's 'Heroes', that superconfident rhythm that overcame everything, rode over every obstacle, that high-pitched synthesizer line winding in and out of the melody. The audience down there on the dance floor burst into spontaneous applause and danced along with that perfectly etched feeling of triumph of them all.

"_We can beat them, just for one day _

_Cause we're lovers, that is a fact _

_Yes we're lovers and that is that _

_We could be heroes, just for one day _

_We could be heroes, just for one day_

_I, I can remember _

_Standing, by the wall _

_And the guns shot over our heads_

_And we kissed as though nothing could fall_

_And the shame was on the other side_

_Oh we can beat them, forever and ever…."_

Nikki cast a look of pure gratitude on the DJ who was only doing her job the way she saw it. She took Helen by the hand and both women up there in the console swayed along with the music. That song got everything right that her heart and mind felt right, summoning up the disparate feelings of love and struggle together, Everything fitted in their lives. The night could never end for all they were concerned.


	34. Chapter 34

**Scene Thirty-Four**

The Friday night celebrations were so perfect in the duasl celebtation of triumph, Helen's acquittal and the charming letter from Tori Amos. It totally blew away all the tensions that had built up over the last couple of months from when Helen was first interrogated by the police and put a line under everything bad that had had happened up till then. Now was the time for their future as the bitter winter days of struggle gave way to a calmer, more peaceful and reflective period of budding spring. This set the tone for a sense of calm certainty.

This period saw Karen claim her permanent status as a valued member of St Mary's nursing staff, freed from the shackles of the impermanence of probation. This made her relationship with Beth bloom all the more as, no matter what inconvenient shifts their work both took them, they finally came home to the bed that they shared.

The operation stitches that marked Trisha's arm gradually healed and faded away to a barely noticeable series of white dots on her skin. She and Sally Anne worked hard in their social Mecca for lesbians and their source of income to keep it centred and focused.

George had emerged from her assistance in the Regina versus Helen Stewart trial and the previous high profile cases with a reputation as a formidable criminal barrister along with her proven track record in civil cases. She found that appearing either opposite Jo Mills in court or before John Deed as judge posed no sense of strain and enabled her to calmly and incisively debate her case as did Jo. Alice was her usual imperturbable self and worked away in the more humble estates where dysfunctionality amongst husbands and wives, fathers and mothers and children were her daily experience. Going out on the dance floor at Chix with her lover and amongst her female friends was that vital other half of her existence.

In the meantime, John and Jo Mills continued to see each other and danced this formal courtship dance round each other and wove anew a web of mutual understanding and sympathy which his past indiscretions had rent asunder. No longer was Jo instinctively jealous and aggressive when George floated up to him and exchanged light-hearted banter.

In the meantime, Fenner was rudely confronted with the daily routine of lockups, being told when to get up in the morning, drinking blue plastic mugs of stewed tea, sewing mailbags amidst the thinly veiled contempt of young blank faced PO's in that familiar prison officer uniform who had heard that, yes, this guy was once a screw until he went off the rails. More fool him for messing up his pension and not sticking by the book like all the rest of them. Trying to stitch up a fellow screw for something that he did took the guy totally beyond the pale. They didn't know his past, they didn't recognize him as he once was. In the meantime, one grey day passed like another, amongst cons who knew him and gave him an equally hard time.

For once in their lives, Helen and Nikki started to feel that life wasn't all struggle as they had once felt . It was time to take stock of their lives after an intense run of legal cases that had all the vivid drama of a roller coaster and to see where they were going.

"All right," Helen said one Saturday evening in April when she and Nikki were curled up together on the sofa." Now that the trial is out of the way, thank god, we've finally agreed that we want to start a family and things are stable enough for us to do so. I remember so many months ago we were talking in the arts block in Larkhall when I first confessed my maternal instincts…."

"That's not all you confessed in your roundabout way," murmured Nikki light-heartedly at which point an amused smile rippled across Helen's features.

"So now I am relying on your expertise as I remember you said that there were ways of having children together."

"I might have said something like that. It was a long time ago," answered Nikki evasively.

"Don't try and wriggle out of this one, babes," exclaimed Helen, tapping her partner on the tip of her nose to emphasize her point." I have an excellent memory and those were your exact words. If you have been around as long as the gay scene as you say you have, then you must have come across women who have had children together."

"All right, I have a confession to make," Nikki confessed in a state of comic dismay." I've heard of turkey basters, women who have made use of convenient gay male friends and IVF. That doesn't mean I'm an expert. I was just bluffing it a bit…"

"And IVF means…?" persisted Helen relentlessly.

"Intra vitral fertilization," Nikki said slowly, visibly concentrating on each syllable "Though Christ knows what it means. All I know is that it's a smart way for lesbians to have babies without a guy really entering the picture. The trouble is that for a fair amount of time I was single and fancy free and when I lived with Trisha, we were either enjoying ourselves too much, were too busy getting 'Chix' off the ground and neither of us had any great overwhelming need of children."

"And now….."

"Darling, I've thought a lot about it, on and off and, yes, I'm ready for it or at least I think I am. The problem is that I really haven't an earthly clue what we're letting ourselves in for. I mean, I could never understand how mystical the Julies got over their kids. I've no practical experience. As for my brother and his family, all I saw it as a source of material to be smug, superior and self obsessed about. I've never seen them as a family, not even now my parents are on side. They're just an unreal abstraction to me."

"So you were never Auntie Nikki?" Helen asked in teasing tones. To her amusement, the taller woman contorted her face in total disgust and threw a cushion at this maddening tease.

"You must be joking, Helen. I wasn't allowed to be in the same world as them for years. You know that."

Helen saw at once that she'd hit a sensitive nerve though her remark was said in jest.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. That was tactless of me," she said softly, gently stroking Nikki's cheek and neck."

"There's no harm, babes. I just remember somehow hearing in a roundabout way of his 'happy event.' I remember turning over in bed and groaning that I was too young to be an aunt. When I was a kid, aunts and uncles were impossibly old and stuffy and set in their ways. They seemed like aliens to me and I was the only sane one."

"We don't have to replay our parent's mistakes but figure out for ourselves what is right and wrong. As you demonstrated to me, we have choices," Helen said softly." We can figure out between us what we want to pass down to our child so the same stupid mistakes don't happen again and again."

"Thanks, darling," Nikki said softly, wrapping herself round her lover," Thanks for reassuring me and reminding me of the most important thing."

"And what's that?"

"We're in it on this one together same as everything."

"So what it comes down is that I've been off the pill a good long while now with no problems. My periods are regular...we need a good doctor for a start," Helen said slowly, her mind starting to turn nebulous ideas over in her mind, hoping they would firm up." Didn't Sally-Anne go through counselling once from someone Trisha knew?"

"Darling, from what I remember Trisha telling us, the guy operates in the psychology field. After all, that's what Sally-Anne was treated for when she was going through the aftermath of the shit that was laid on her."

"It's a starting point. Don't you see, we have one friend in the medical profession? Others may open up for us once we have a foot in the door," Helen exclaimed excitedly. Nikki sensed fondly that if Helen had been standing, she would have danced excitedly round the room.

"Yeah, I see what you mean. That makes it all possible. I mean, how else have we got access to the finest minds in the legal profession," breathed Nikki, with wide-open eyes, seeing the possibilities.

'And, of course, finally unstitching you from the restraints of your spell in prison- and Sally Anne's problems," said the eagle eyed observer of facts.

"Well, that as well," conceded Nikki gracefully before optimism came shining through," but don't let that put us off. We have a foot in the door to find a doctor who'll work sympathetically for us. That's what we need."

A silence fell on the room, laden with all their formless desires for their future

"What about a sperm donor or am I missing something?" Helen asked out of nowhere.

"Oh yeah, I thought I was forgetting something," came Nikki's flat reply, her energy and enthusiasm drained out of her." Jesus, I feel awkward about this. I really want both of us to be involved in having a baby. Look here, if it was up to us, I would want to make you pregnant but the drag is that I can't. I know that but it doesn't make me feel any better."

"Nikki, that is exactly what I want," Helen said softly, looping her arm round Nikki's neck. "I'd be over the moon if, by some miracle, you made love to me and I'd find myself pregnant by you, that what was growing inside me was the fruits of our love."

"As it happens, we have choices in the matter. I have done some preliminary research on this one and this is what I've found. To talk in technical terms, it would be possible for ova, or eggs to be removed from your ovaries, clinically arranging fertilisation outside us and to be transferred to my uterus so that I can carry our baby. How does that sound to you, sweetheart?"

Nikki was totally speechless for several minutes. Her mouth was slightly open and her brown eyes shone with deep joy. Everything about her was glowing all over. When she was at last able to focus on her surroundings, her heart went out to Helen who had gone out there and found the answer to a problem fraught with difficult emotions which threatened to swallow everything up.

"You're fantastic, darling. You've found the answer and, yes, I do want this more than anything in the world only I never knew it till now."

"We've got stability in our lives now and we must go ahead with this. Sweetheart," Helen added, her large soulful freen eyes looking deeply into Nikki's brown orbs,"I can't tell you enough how much I love you for being so understanding about this."

"A child will give us even more to fight for our love than we have already. If other couples can manage it, then so can we."

They embraced and kissed each other deeply. As they disrobed and cast their clothes aside and tasted each other's bodies, it crossed the minds of both women to physically see each other in a new light even while their desires occupied centre stage . Nikki tenderly ran her tongue and lips along Helen's hard nipples causing her to moan with delight and run her fingers through the taller woman's hair. She treated Helen with a loving reverence as her tongue entered into her lover whose thighs were eagerly spread apart waiting to receive her. Helen murmured those endearments and declarations of her love which had a new significance of how enduring their love was. The taste of Helen was good as ever it had been . It was just that their combined sense of the future was heightened. In turn, Nikki felt that equal sense of heightened emotional feeling when Helen lovingly and gratefully made love to her. There was an increased sense of purpose in their lives. Finally, both woman lay together in a dreamy state of completion.

_Thank God, I summoned up the nerve to pin Nikki down to the idea of starting a family together. I should have trusted to her loving honesty_, Helen thought as her fingers trailed down the length of Nikki's slim flank.

_Thank Christ, I came clean about how nervous and ignorant about the whole thing of pregnancy and babies. I should have known that two of us would turn up answers when each of us are shit scared_, mused Nikki as she buried her head against Helen's shoulder.

"Just as a matter of interest, how do you think your parents will take to this idea if it pans out right?" Helen finally asked, as they lay on the carpet in a pile of discarded clothes.

.

"I think they'll both run with this one, Helen. They'll revel in the thought of being doting grandparents at a distance twice over as they did for my brother. They'll of course want us to pull our weight as parents and not to unload all our problems on us. My mother in particular thinks the world of you, Helen and my father will stand up for us. They'll be nervous of what their community think of them and won't make a big deal of us but I don't mind. They have learnt to handle the idea of us being a couple and they'll think that really, we have quite conventional aspirations of starting a family."

"And as for your brother?" asked Helen impishly, leaning her head against her elbow.

"That's another good reason for going for it. He's so much up his own arse in seeing himself as 'the provider for his family', in unselfishly working hard to provide for his children and milking the 'wife and kids' angle to Dad and Mum. He'll see it as moving in on his exclusive territory. He'll be terrifically jealous and be afraid that Dad and Mum will favour our child more than his. They won't of course as they'll play fair. The trouble is that he wants all the ego stroking for himself and can't share it with me, which he could if he had half a brain. What he'll do is to cover up all this selfishness by going on his moral high horse and mouth off about the needs of the quote father unquote being left out. He can't even conceive that two mothers can do as good a job as anyone."

"Wait till we see how it works out first, babes before we gloat," laughed Helen.

"Whatever we put our minds to, babes, we'll do. I'm that confident in both of us," came Nikki's incredibly tender answer. It was her form of profound declaration of love.


	35. Chapter 35

**Scene Thirty-Five **

One bright spring April Saturday morning, John and Monty were talking over the breakfast table with that sense of quiet idleness and of time stretching out before them. Joseph Channing, his copy of 'The Times' under his arm smiled amiably at them and made his way towards them just as Monty was holding forth on a topic

"By the way, I've been appointed to organize the next lawyer's bash. You might think this a radical suggestion but I was seriously wondering about asking Nikki and Helen as guests. We ought to sound out the brethren first though I know that certain reactionaries won't like it."

"No guessing who you're talking about," grinned John, noting with extreme interest Monty's choice of words. At one time, he had been one of them, himself.

"I feel least inclined to humour the bigots right now. I won't ever forget sleepless nights worrying in case Sir Ian and Sir Alan had a card up his sleeve we didn't know about. There's just one point. It might not be Nikki and Helen's cup of tea so I don't suppose you care to….."

"…sound them out first, Monty. An excellent idea," John said in mild tones, reading his friend's mind. Joseph chuckled loudly at the thought. He had heard from Monty how they had acquitted themselves at Helen's trial and knew very well that they would handle an event like this with equal flair.

"And of course, we haven't seen George around recently. She might be willing to bring her partner so long as this isn't going to cause you any embarrassment…."

"No, no, Monty. I may well be escorting Jo Mills in any case. This would kill several birds with one stone."

"I have no problem with it either," rumbled Joseph with surprising aplomb." I anticipate that they would all behave themselves very decorously and respectfully. I much confess that I surprise myself in not being 'appalled of Tunbridge Wells' but George and Alice have talked me round over the past six months. Tunbridge Wells is, in any case hopelessly suburban."

"What about Vera?" John asked, chuckling appreciatively over Joseph's witty but insightful observations. He was referring to Monty's wife, the incredibly stupid, very tactless narrow minded archetypal floral hatted Conservative woman with hideous dress sense to match." That could get a little bit tricky."

"As Joseph says, if they are forewarned for what they're letting themselves in for, I'm sure they'll manage. Vera will just have to take her chances," Monty said carelessly, which made the other two men laugh.

The very next day, Nikki had got dug into a library book on women's fertility and feeling as if she were taking a crash course in a foreign language. Helen was busy scribbling notes of whatever came into her head. Suddenly, there was an ever so polite knock on the door. Helen put her pen down and was surprised to see John Deed at the door, dressed in a smart suit and open necked shirt. His manner was friendly but just a little bit bashful, a quality of which Helen had thought John utterly incapable.

"Why John, what brings you to these parts?" she exclaimed, that broad smile instantly warming John's spirits." Come in and take a seat. I warn you, you take us as you find us."

"That is very kind of you, Helen," came the meek request.

John came into the homely living room where Nikki, dressed in jeans and a turquoise shirt, cleared her books away and shook John by the hand. They had not seen him for a while.

"Not more troubles on the home front?" Nikki enquired in her direct way." Want a coffee? I'm ready for one myself."

In no time at all, John had a steaming hot mug of coffee at his side and he immediately broached the topic of conversation.

"I've come partly for a social chat and partly as I have a rather unusual request to make of you, for once nothing to do with my private life," said John with a wry smile. "You might not know it but ever since your landmark appeals, you have both become something of a 'cause celebre' for the judiciary and your run of high profile cases has earned the admiration of progressive minded judges, not just myself. Your support for our strike has never been forgotten either. Your recent trial has sealed your reputation if it didn't need sealing anyway."

"So where is this leading us, John," Nikki asked softly, a twinkle in her eyes.

"The point is this. Monty's organizing a party for the legal profession in the near future and both of us and Joseph want you to do us the honour of coming as guests."

The two women's mouths fell open at the idea. They had retreated into their private existence of going to work and socializing with their friends, including picking up contact with Claire and Peter, which had fallen by the wayside a bit. They were conscious that they had made the news a bit from one trial to another but now they were content to watch the news. Somehow, they hadn't quite truly believed the mark that they'd made. Accepting this offer would put themselves back into that world but without the reality of someone close to them going up on trial. The thought of all those people in their social life was something that they were trying to get their minds round.

"Does this mean all the judges and barristers or anyone else?"Nikki asked guardedly as she started to put her thoughts together.

"You refer to the brethren. They have been sounded out and they favour the idea. Of course, Sir Ian may well come along as well as Sir Alan Peasemarsh. Normally the Home Office minister would come but you know as well as I do that he's 'persona non grata' right now. This will be a couples affair. More importantly, George is thinking of coming and she is trying to persuade Alice to come as well. She has a perfect right to come but in the past, Alice had preferred not to make any waves so she has ducked out."

Nikki looked at John's way of talking with intense interest. He was talking with complete candour and was very precise about Alice accompanying George. As normal, the guy was for real.

"We'll never get a better chance of taking a backstage glance of what we've seen in court," Helen breathed softly. "I think we could find this an interesting experience."

"Of course, we'll try to be decorous. We won't come over as too 'gay' if you see what I mean," Nikki added tactfully." You'd better clue us into what we're letting ourselves in for."

John smiled gently. He collected his thoughts and began to speak. From what George had told him, this would tip the balance for Alice. He realised that Helen had got it right. This did promise to be a very out of the ordinary experience and not just for his female friends.

On the one hand, the ancient polished mahogany table was loaded with ready poured glasses of the finest Champagne or dry sherry and awaiting smartly suited, languid Old Etonians replicating the sort of social occasions that had taken place back through history. In this world, the idea that nothing would ever change had been an unquestioned fact of life- that is, until John Deed's influence had insinuated itself far and wide. On the other hand, Nikki fiddled with her smartest black shirt nervously and Helen adjusted her makeup yet again while they stood in the antechamber, complete with portraits of famous judges of yesteryear. They agreed to go to this occasion as an act of mild defiance, to possibly confront the likes of Sir Ian but the feeling was growing within them that this meeting was going to be oppressively stuffy and heterosexual. In their nervousness, they wanted to latch onto George and Alice and their friends amongst the barristers and judges. The rest were an unknown quality and it made them nervous. They could hear the anonymous murmuring sounds of many voices the other side of the half open mahogany door while the foyer was as quiet as the grave.

"Come on, babes, we have to crash through this barrier. It's now or never," Nikki said in a throaty voice.

"Then it's now. Big smile and make an entrance. We don't slink in anywhere," Helen answered, consciously buoying them both up.

Their heels clicked on the tiles and they were through the door. Instantly, they were aware of faces turning in their direction. This was the moment of decision.

"Helen, Nikki. We're glad you could make it," Monty exclaimed heartily, automatically shaking Helen by the hand, John's smile of welcome just behind him.

"We're glad we could come. We've seen quite a fair few of you, this time in a more informal setting," Helen replied heartily, smiling broadly. Nikki thought that all they had to do was to remember the mores of polite conversation that they were brought up in. Rather than being a drag on their evolution as free women, this was now their protective shield.

"You must be Brian Cantwell. I remember you from the Karen Betts trial," Helen said, a little more directly than she intended to this smartly dressed man.

"I have certainly not forgotten you. It's not every day that I'm given such a severe run for my money by you and your partner. It does me good to keep me on my toes and not get too complacent."

It took a second for Helen to realize that the man was actually being gracious towards her. Suddenly they felt the atmosphere start to lighten as they felt a measure of acceptance and, yes respect. They must have heard of us, Helen innocently thought as the man grinned before being collared by Neumann Mason-Alan.

"So, Ms Wade, you must be the man of the relationship?" Vera said in loud tones, her bright orange buttoned up suit and reddish hair providing an equal shock to the senses as her words. Too late, Monty saw out of the corner of his eye, Vera Everard make a dead set for Nikki as he broke away from a one sided conversation with Sir Ian and came bustling over from the opposite side of the room.

"Pardon?" Nikki said very politely, masking her feelings. Jesus, from which primeval swamp did this Neanderthal woman spring from. "You can call me Nikki if you like."

"Ms Stewart wears the dress and you wear the trousers. I would have thought it was obvious."

"I think you've got the wrong end of the stick, madam. I don't know of any female same sex couples that have that kind of relationships these days. I wear smart trousers or jeans because I have always felt more comfortable that way. For an event like this, Helen chooses to dress up but at home she might wear trousers or jeans if she feels like it. In our relationship, we work as equals."

"Nikki, I must apologize for my wife. John and I have the advantage of knowing you and Helen a little bit better. Certainly John often talks affectionately of you both,"Monty interjected, cringing with embarrassment.

"I was just satisfying my curiosity, Monty," Vera spoke sharply to her husband who visibly winced." Surely there's no harm in that?"

"Just treat Nikki and Helen like any human being should be treated. Come, Vera, Sir Ian wants our company."

"So frightfully glad you could make it, Nikki. No need to introduce you to Alice," drawled a familiar aristocratic tone of voice behind her. To Nikki's momentary surprise, George and Alice weren't holding hands till she realized where they were. For the first time ever, Alice looked nervous and unsure of herself. In the meantime, Helen led the way back to her, followed by John and Jo who had been chatting to her in an animated fashion.

"It's very brave of you to boldly step into the dragon's den, Nikki," smiled Jo warmly as Sir Ian cast sidelong disapproving signs as he talked shop with Sir Alan Peasemarsh.

"Nicola, what on earth are you doing here? Don't you know that this is an exclusive affair for judges, barristers, solicitors and partners," cut in a coldly shocked, disapproving tone of voice. Instantly Nikki's hackles rose and she wheeled round to glare at her brother who had just come into the room. He had turned up with Brian Cantwell, eager to impress all the prestigious barristers and judges, in what he regarded his holy of holies and was devastated to find that his loathsome smart sister had infiltrated even this place. Worse still, he was acutely embarrassed to hear Vera Everard loudly proclaim his sister's sexual deviance for the entire world to hear.

Looks were exchanged, each person silently wondering who was going to step in here until Helen cut in forcefully. Someone had to take charge of the situation and it might as well be her as much as anyone.

"I'd better do the introductions around here. This is John Wade, Nikki's brother who is distinguished by his unthinking disapproval of everything Nikki has ever stood for. Her parents have been perfect sweethearts in accepting us. John, you'll recognise Alice of course who's George's partner, the same as Nikki and I are."

"So, you gatecrashed your way in here, Nicola. I might have known," Nikki's brother retorted sulkily." You just had to embarrass the family name, even here." Oh help, Nikki thought, someone control my temper as her brother continued to push his luck. She didn't trust herself to speak at an occasion like this.

"You were asking how Helen and your sister have come to be here? The answer's simple. Monty invited them here with mine and Joseph's express approval," interjected John. He saw a niche open up for him to steam into as he spoke in a precise tone of voice, articulating very consonant with all the force of his personality." By the laws of civilized behaviour, they should be made welcome here. In any case, I count it an honour to call Nikki and Helen our very good friends and of course, George and Alice which goes without saying."

Nikki's brother winced at the withering power of the judge's words. Jo warmed to John for the tremor of emotion in his voice as he spoke up strongly for his friends. George and Alice felt the same and were especially bowled over by his courageous kindness in weaving them into the party ambiance. All of them sensed that John was nobly sticking up for good friends. Sensing the feeling was running coldly against him, John Wade sneaked off sulkily, turning red in the face. He would never understand, Nikki thought, shaking her head in despair at him, and drawing a long breath of relief at the way their friends closed ranks protectively round them.

.

"So we finally meet," Sir Ian suddenly spoke in his typical cold superior fashion with a hidden undertone of discomfiture. Sir Alan hovered over his shoulder, looking equally disapproving. They had been standing on the sidelines pretending that they weren't viewing Nikki and Helen as if they were specimens under a microscope. They had also noticed George and this mysterious dark-haired woman and even they picked up the feeling of closeness between them. Surely it didn't mean what they thought it meant, the two men thought as John's words of introduction had horrified them? This wasn't according to club rules surely?

"I suppose you're both feeling very pleased with yourselves."

"At getting justice where it's due for me and my friends. Yeah, you're right."

"Is this part of some conspiracy to bring down the government? One might think that all this hot air you spout about injustice might have an ulterior motive behind it?" came the spiteful retort.

"Why are you so cold, Ian?" Nikki asked in genuine bemusement, her words slow and reflective, without any anger. She felt as if she had turned over what she'd seen of the man and John's accurate word picture of him and suddenly a flow of words poured out. "You know, that's what I find so odd about you. All the women I've ever known have some warmth of personality about them, something that makes me like something about them at the very least- at best, fall in love with them, like Helen. It's not just women. I've got to know a number of male friends who have that very same quality about them. Something has made you only half a human being and it's not because you've been born with the silver spoon in your mouth. Was it something that happened in your family or something in your schools? Then again, Monty and John went to Eton and ended up full-blooded human beings who know just who they are. That's something you really don't know for all your elevated position. I guess that your friend here are just the same."

Nikki's almost gentle words momentarily got through that impervious defence. His eyes flitted backwards and forwards and the muscles in his face twitched. Then the suit of armour shut down again. Sir Alan Peasemarsh coloured at Nikki's gentle reproach.

"Highly philosophical, I am sure. You ought to go on a daytime talk show. You have some facility with words," he coldly answered. It was half a sneer, half a grudging compliment.

"You just don't get it, Ian. I'm not here to pick an argument and create a bad atmosphere at an event which Helen and I are highly honoured to attend. Either one of us or both should back off."

"Does everyone want a drink? Sherry? White wine?" George suggested, briefly slipping back into her conciliatory mode in the same way that she used to operate when Neil Haughton was in a bad mood. Thank God, this is a one off, George thought, and tomorrow night, she'll take Alice with her to Chix where they can be fully themselves despite John's best efforts. She was conscious of odd looks being cast in their direction but her mischievousness bade her not to explain Alice away or to justify her. Keep them guessing, she had advised Alice before they set foot in the place. That way, they both had the advantage.

"An excellent idea. I'm the host so I'll help you and Alice," Monty exclaimed, earning a grateful look from the tall, dark haired woman who wondered what a cold, artificial event this was, except for those real human beings who fanned the flickering flames of warmth and good feeling among the chill in the air. Meanwhile, Nikki marvelled as the way her mother's traditional gambit of 'let's have a cup of tea and forget all this unpleasantness' was taken up by all sides. What was ironic, she actually approved of it and joined in with it.

"Just stick at it, both of you," Monty quietly advised the two women as he opened each bottle of wine, which the two women took off him. "I can see some of the brethren gawping at the pair of you. Just remember that this is all brand new to them. It won't last, I assure you. There are enough here to make you welcome just as Nikki and Helen are making their mark. Just look over there."

"Thanks, Monty," Alice said, smiling warmly at the man's gruff but genuine encouragement, while deftly pouring out equal measures of wine. "George and I can rise to the occasion, I'm sure."

George got the measure of Alice's meaning sideways glance. Their view through the half open door confirmed the truth of Monty's shrewd observation. Of course the other two were both right. What the hell, she vowed to herself, they'll face everything out directly and enjoy themselves regardless.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to propose a toast," Monty exclaimed loudly when everyone was served. Nikki, Helen and Alice looked round uncertain of what they might be railroaded into while everyone held their glasses high.

"To justice," Monty exclaimed, grinning broadly. The three women's spirits rose up inside them in a joyful arc of emotion as they pleasurably intoned their responses. They drank from their glasses with pleasure, as did their friends. Only Sir Ian and Sir Alan Peasemarsh looked uncomfortable and out of place, an ironic contrast that remained throughout the surprisingly pleasurable evening, intriguingly different from their expanding range of experiences. Everyone was starting to get into the swing of the party and be damned to the killjoys.


	36. Chapter 36

**Scene Thirty-Six **

As the evening wore on, Sir Ian and Sir Alan Peasemarsh had the peculiar feeling of being more and more relegated to the sidelines. They felt that somehow, their accustomed milieu had been stolen away from them from under their very noses. They had that uncomfortable feeling that insidious forces had infiltrated and had taken over their domain and things weren't as they used to be. By contrast, a feeling like champagne coursing through the veins overtook the majority at the party where the conversation shifted between light hearted humour, serious observation and a feeling of shared intimacy amongst which the four women comfortably mingled.

In the old days, the Attorney General and Home Office minister were the natural centres of conversation in a social event, fuelled by bonhomie and expensive wine. This event was a natural celebration of their smooth working relationship where everyone knew their role in the great scheme of things. In their heart of hearts, both men felt that Neil Haughton had brought down a lot of troubles on them all from an excess of zeal and a shortage of that ability to smooth the way to the objectives they all shared. The really difficult problem was that it was hard to find the right words to phrase this uncomfortable truth to his face. If the point were made too discreetly, the man wouldn't understand the point being made. If, on the other hand, the approach were too direct, the man would take it personally. This partly explained why he was overlooked in arranging the invitations, the other point being that the aborted bill to restrict judge's powers still rankled with the brethren. They had to admit to themselves that Deed had grabbed the opportunity offered to him why those two lesbian troublemakers were invited when strictly speaking, they had no standing there. Worse than that, they handled the social occasion with an unexpected finesse, which they hadn't anticipated. The worst problem that faced them was the potential fallout of the public acceptance of George's new partner. This was something that was the natural food of gossip, which was bound to find its way back to Neil Haughton. It explained why Sir Ian was deputised to get in there first. After all, he was the smooth-talking civil servant who was ideally suited and trained for this purpose. 

Sir Ian ran his finger round his shirt collar as he prepared himself to break the bad news to Neil Haughton. After all, as he reasoned to himself, if he hadn't heard a whisper to date as to Ms Channing's newfound sexual orientation, it was quite certain that neither had Neil Haughton.

"But..but she can't possibly be a lesbian. I used to have sex with her, dammit. She never complained at what I had to offer. I mean we broke up over personal reasons. I'm sorry, Ian but you must be mistaken."

The man shook his head from side to side repeatedly, as Sir Ian's words sank home.

"Regrettably, people change, Neil. After all my relationship with Francesca soured over a period of years , which finally caused us to separate. After all, consider how conservative George used to be at one time. Her interests were in making money, wearing expensive dresses and aiding the wealth creators with her considerable legal skills. At one time, her sympathies were quite clear cut and her views were sound."

"You, you don't think she's trying to wind me up, to pretend to be a lesbian. She's a mother for God's sake. She used to be married to Deed."

"Surely, an over elaborate deception, Neil."

"I know why she's doing this, Ian. Why didn't I see this before? She's doing this to humiliate me, to get back at me for some supposed wrong she thinks I've done me. She thinks that this will get all the gossiping tongues going, that everyone will be saying that I can't be much of a man if she breaks it off with me and goes off with another woman, that somehow another woman will satisfy her more than I did. This is typical of her. Underneath, she's a totally calculating ice cold vindictive spiteful woman who knows how to stick the knife in psychologically," exclaimed Neil Haughton with a rush of words, neatly ignoring Sir Ian's careful choice of words.

"I see what you mean," intoned Sir Ian. As a top civil servant, he knew just when to stop trying to correct politicians ravings. Besides, his prim and proper nature was repelled by such extremities of emotion on public display.

"Why in hell did they let her in at the party? I should have been there and not that woman and especially, not those two troublemaking lesbians. Somebody's head's going to roll for this," Neil Haughton started to rant, red in the face.

After that, Sir Ian didn't even try to attempt to keep up with the conversation. He was chief whipping boy after all and he let the man rant on and on endlessly to a point way beyond he supposed that another man would have exhausted his word power and venom. But then again, the man was a politician. He made his discreet exit, Neil Haughton still holding forth. When he finally got back to his office, he reached for some strong headache tablets.

After George and Alice had got through their front door, both women reached out hungrily for each other. In a flash, George unbuttoned the taller woman's white silk shirt from top to bottom and kissed her hungrily and deeply. They caressed each other's faces and hair passionately and then George's lips and tongue tasted her lover's neck and her fingers stroked her lover's exquisitely shaped backside.

"The party went fine but there was something missing. I've been dying to hold your hand all evening," murmured Alice as she ran her hand down her lover's bare back that her low cut golden dress that left exposed.

"I think we can do better than that, darling," murmured George in tones dripping with sexual desire as she continued to kiss her lover's neck and shoulders." If what I desire most is dangling in front of me and I can't have it, I only want it all the more."

Feelings of lust and desire surged through Alice as she moaned wordlessly in sheer ecstasy. It was so like George to express what they both felt so much, she thought, as her delicate fingers started to stroke her lover's breasts. This was heaven. On unspoken agreement, the two women temporarily parted and quickly discarded their clothes. They both felt gloriously naked in the cosy dim low lights of the lounge.

"Race you to bed, babes," whispered Alice.

"Not if I get there first, darling," came the sultry reply.

They both landed on the bed, George on top of Alice, overjoyed that there was no constraint, physical or mental, that lay between them. The blond haired woman started sucking at her lover's hard nipples, one after the other, feeling those tender fingers caressing her in turn. Faster than she normally did, George's tongue and lips traced a path down her lover's flat stomach. Instead of slowly teasing her lover, George eagerly entered her lover, whose hips were already moving in rhythm to her. It was moments like these that reminded George how much she loved the texture and taste of Alice on her tongue and the feel of her delightful curves as her hands caressed her. Alice came to a climax hard and fast, crying out wordlessly as she felt George's physical neediness and also her own.

"I love you, Alice. I love you so very much," George whispered into Alice's ear, tenderly running her hand through her lover's long hair, something that gave her sensual feelings inside her.

"You're the best thing that's happened to me, darling. I feel so complete with you," the taller woman articulated in reply, placing soft emphasis on every syllable as she hugged her lover close and wound her leg round her.

.

Both women know beyond doubt as they held each other in their arms that they had a long, ecstatic night of lovemaking in store as they gloriously celebrated how normal they really felt.

.

Neil Haughton couldn't wait to spring his secret on John and finally ran into him at an informal social gathering, where the wine was normally as generously dispensed as much as there was a shortage of real emotional intimacy and meeting of minds. In recent times, even that had become suffused by a lurking tinge of humanity.

"Ah, John. We've not had an intimate talk with each other for such a long time," he said in his smarmiest tone of voice.

This worried John secretly as a cheerful Neil Haughton boded no good for anyone. He bit back his instinct to be provocative and opted to draw him out.

"I'm not ever so sure we were ever on intimate terms but you have the manner of someone bursting to tell me something. I'm all ears."

"A little bird has told me about George's new partner. I must admit I was rather surprised as George is so feminine but you never can tell these days," smirked Neil Haughton in a particularly gleeful tone of voice.

All at once, John was particularly struck by the petty childishness of the man. He was irresistibly drawn back to his schooldays when he confronted a particular sneak who rejoiced in spreading smears round the form room to his cluster of gossiping cronies. He was the one who labelled John 'Baker's boy' behind his back, spitefully sneering at his humble beginnings. That was the case till John caught up with him and a spot of fisticuffs in the boy's toilets sorted him out. John sighed with a strange sense on nostalgia as, on the one hand, this was typical of the persecution he faced, on the other hand solutions were simpler and more direct then. Nevertheless, these founding experiences had given him that toughness that he had needed all his life. His mind was drifting and he recalled Nikki talk of her difficult experiences of boarding school and he resolved to compare notes at some stage. All at once, John returned to the present and he understood that this worm was sneering at George's sexuality and trying to wind him up. He grinned broadly in a way that unsettled Neil Haughton who had been mystified by the faraway look in John's blue eyes.

"You mean that George is a lesbian and her partner, Alice is a very warm, sympathetic woman. She and George are ideally suited. We had an interesting conversation at the party," John said, the words rolling smoothly off his tongue and that most misleading look of innocence in his eyes.

"What? Aren't you offended and astounded by George's behaviour? You disappoint me, John especially for Charlie's sake," came the very sly response as the other man tried his inadequate best to conceal how his attempt to wind up John had failed.

No wonder the man made a fortune in advertising, John thought to himself. Part of him wanted to shrink away from the man's presence in case he might be contaminated by him, but the other combative side was dying to say something outrageous. Finally, he resolved that the simple truth would serve him as well as it had always had done.

"I have brought up Charlie to have an enquiring mind and not to be bound down by prejudices. In any case, Charlie has already met her last Christmas when she and George came round. Charlie has definitely taken to her and approves of their match."

Neil Haughton's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. For once in his life, this glib talking politician was speechless. He had so lost his faculties that it took him a long time to work out how to make a physical exit from the situation.

"Why thank you, John for sticking up for Alice and me," that well known aristocratic tone of voice broke into the conversation."You are a true and generous friend to both of us."

Neil Haughton swivelled round and his jaw dropped to see the familiar sight of George, dressed in that expensive yellow dress that he had bought her, hands linked with a tall, attractive, dark haired woman. His jaw hung open. He could not get his head round the thought of his George being in the same frame as another woman. They were both attractive yet their manner told him that he was redundant to their very existence. To add insult to injury, both women smiled approvingly at John. Even lesbians preferred Deed to him, his outraged mind reasoned.

"I won't say that it's a pleasure to meet you again, Neil, as that would be hypocritical. We'll be polite to you but that's all," that same voice carried on in glassy tones. Her eyes flicked briefly past him and back to John again.

"It's nice to see you both,"Monty intervened to Neil Haughton's horror. He was suddenly conscious of being sidelined. Everyone was smirking at him and the circle of conversation closed round the two women, leaving him out in the cold. His humiliation was public and, for that reason, unendurable.

"You really don't think that women together actually do anything together? After all, they're not exactly equipped to deal with it?" Neil Haughton said a few days later to Sir Ian when he sidled round to halfway apologise. Sir Ian was not to know that Neil Haughton's abrupt deflation in his sense of self-importance had punctured his anger only temporarily. Even he thought that his temper tantrum was excessive and he didn't want to alienate so useful a man as Sir Ian.

"It's all outside my experience, Neil. All my circle of acquaintances are perfectly conventional that way. Even Deed and Jo Mills are perfectly normal that way. In fact, Deed goes out of his way to proclaim his normality."

"Don't I know it," Neil Haughton shuddered at the memories." I always got the feeling that Deed was always after George. I always suspected that he was trying to take her away from me."

"I think perhaps he was trying to wind you up. You forget the very strong rumours concerning him and Jo Mills."

"You know, I wonder if I really understand women Ian," confided a very maudlin Neil Haughton to a slightly queasy Sir Ian." You wine them, you dine them, you let them have expensive dresses and, and everything. You give them the opportunity to be part of something extraordinary, to be part of the glamorous central stage of politics, you give them your time but there's always something missing. You know what I mean?"

"I'm not really sure what you do mean."

"I think of it this way. I sometimes got the feeling from Georgethat she was never really there. I remember her charming smile and that voice of hers but there was nothing really real about her. I could never get a direct answer from her. It was all masks and appearances."

"I suppose there's something in what you say."

Neil Haughton drummed his fingers on Sir Ian's table for a few minutes, deep in thought while Sir Ian thought of his work stacking up. He kept his gaze trained on the other man however.

"Well, must dash. I've got a lot to do. Thanks for listening to me," said Neil Houghton, the hearty workaholic man of affairs once again in charge of the situation.

"It was nothing, Neil," came the answer, for once telling the truth.


	37. Chapter 37

**Scene Thirty-Seven**

Karen was climbing the final dizzying heights of desire as Beth's hips thrust against hers and finally she loudly called out one last ecstatic shout of desire and love, as moisture streamed from her. She loved moments like this as she felt Beth's sleek body urgently pushing between her thighs and deep inside her as she called out her feelings of ecstasy to her lover. Although that part of Beth that was inside her wasn't made of flesh and blood, it felt as physically real and exciting as anything in her life. She wrapped her arms hungrily round her lover and her fingers ran down those sleek lines that she loved so much and went on to caress her shapely backside.

Beth looked down on her lover as they finally came to a shuddering climax together and felt her own hard nipples against her lover's body. She pressed her lips against Karen's and slipped her tongue deeply into her lover's mouth. Both women luxuriated in the feel of their tongues caressing and playing with each other's, their mouths wide open and hungry for each other. They had that blissful knowledge that each was desired as much as they desired. Karen had that wonderful feeling within her of the sheer perfection of Beth's lovemaking. In turn, the dark haired woman marvelled once again that a woman whose experience had been with men for so many years could have been transformed into an expert lover of women. They had been together for over six months and their emotional commitments had twined round each other as much as their legs were at this minute.

"My God, darling," said Karen in a hoarse breathy tone of voice as she struggled for air to fill her lungs after her lover had taken her up to the top of a frenzied climax." I never knew what sex was about is till I met you."

"Amazing though you might think it, you've taught me a thing or two, darling," smiled a blissfully dishevelled Beth, gently stroking her lover's cheek.

"The same goes for love. That's what makes you so special, Beth**,"** murmured Karen, gently shifting the conversation sideways as her fingers traced a trail down the exquisitely carved lines of her lover's back. It seemed to stretch a long way until she found the curves she was searching for.

"I get strength and sympathy from you, darling. That's not as common as you might think."

"This feels so good. I as happy as I've ever been since we found each other," murmured Karen as she stared upwards at the beauty of her lover. She could spend a lifetime looking at Beth's carved straight nose, her parted full lips and her incredible eyes of her lover as she propped herself up above her.

"You're totally gorgeous, babes. I wonder you've never been snapped up by another woman. I guess that makes me feel really lucky."

"Keep saying that to me, Beth. I really love to hear you say that to me."

The dark haired woman's sharp ears picked up Karen's shifting tone of voice in veering away from frankly exposing her true feelings. She sounded as if she was halfway attempting to be flip and casual. She guessed that, in the past, Karen had tended to play it cool with previous partners and she was the lucky woman for whom Karen was letting it all hang out. Karen really made her feel really special in letting down her natural barriers and this intimacy was all for her. She tenderly caressed her lover whose knowing smile was a sure sign of the stirrings of desires within her.

"I know what you really want to do with me, babes. Go on. You know you want to do it," Beth murmured seductively.

The two women separated their bodies from each other and shuffled around in the near darkness. When Karen had finally got ready, she felt so free and good about herself. This physical accessory for lesbian lovemaking felt perfectly natural as she stared down at her naked lover, sprawled out with that 'come hither' air about her. Beth tingled all over in the prospect that soon that very forward lover of hers would be uninhibitedly making love to her in turn. This was one of the many things she loved about Karen.

The fair-haired woman didn't disappoint. Soon Karen was stroking and kissing the other woman's breasts while Beth's legs were wrapped round her. Her hips were already moving rhythmically moving and all her senses were deliriously alive as she felt the strength and passion in her lover with all her senses.

"God, Karen, you are so good but you can't hold out on me like this," Beth moaned. She ached for her lover to enter her so she could soar to perfection.

"Don't worry darling. I'm all for you," that husky voice answered as its owner slithered up the length of Beth's body and she kissed her deeply. To Beth's intense joy, it felt as if Karen's tongue was halfway down her throat and even more so as she could feel her lover start to press gently at the centre of her desires. Karen had never felt so free in her life to be the woman she wanted to be, with no artificial restrictions as she started to physically excite her lover in the way that she knew best how it felt. Deep feelings of finally consummated longings caused both women to moan with pleasure as they became linked as one. This felt inexpressibly good to both women as they were similarly one heart and soul with nothing to divide them. Beth loved the feeling of hardness of Karen inside her as she felt the way she was loved. In turn, Karen was up high with those feelings of accomplishment as she drove her lover fiercely towards her climax with perfect assurance and trust.

Finally, both women poured out their intense feelings of love and desire for each other as Karen passionately laid kisses on her lover's neck. Their final climax took them to that perfect pitch of a long sustained gorgeous flow of sensations. When they slid down the other side, they lay against each other, gasping for breath and feeling incredible tenderness for each other. The night was so peaceful and nothing existed except for the feelings of their skin against each other as their breathing gradually returned to normal.

"It feels so good to get past the hard slog of a week's work. This is what it's all about," Beth said as she tried to regain her breath.

"I was brought up to give as well as to receive," answered Karen in that low, husky tone of voice that Beth loved to hear.

"Oh darling," murmured the dark haired woman with all the affection in the world as she slid her arms round her lover and lovingly caressed her.

"I love you, Beth," Karen said in sudden fierce passion, her strong arms clasping her lover." You make everything in my life feel so easy, so natural and so right."

"You really know how to let go emotionally and come out and say it," whispered Beth admiringly." I can feel it anyway whenever you're around me."

"Believe me darling, that's entirely down to you to bring that out of me. I talk easiest when I'm naked and next to you."

Beth's slim hands drew her lover's face down close to her so that her full lips brushed Beth's eyes in turn, the tip of her straight nose, her own lips and finally the fair haired woman smuggled down against her. Both women had that profound sense of peace with themselves and in that heightened sense of awareness and emotion that was not often enough experienced in life. Each knew that whatever happened to each of them, the other would be right by her side, whether physically or in her thoughts. That's what each of them had said in not so many words.

It was a little later after a living daydream that Beth felt Karen's lips and tongue softly caress her neck in a way that made delicious feelings insinuate their way into her consciousness. Almost automatically her hips started flexing ever so gently and she was sure that her fair-haired lover was sliding ever so gently inside her. She murmured something wordlessly and her fingers ran through the long fair tresses. There was no mistake that the night was certainly not over.

"Babes, you are such a demanding lover…"

"Darling, is that a problem?" that husky voice drawled, adding to her unmistakable desires welling up inside you.

"Only if I can't kiss your nipples," moaned Beth desperately. Obligingly, the other woman moved around and Beth almost swooned as the fullness of her lover's breasts brushed her cheeks and her lips and tongue captured that hardening shape and lovingly caressed it. Karen moaned in uninhibited pleasure as the dark haired woman's slim fingers and lips felt the curves that she loved so much.

It was the way that Beth moved around in bed so as to pleasure her as much as being pleasured, thought Karen dazedly as their desires were freely flowing. She found herself starting to kiss and caress her lover's shapely breasts and as her tongue and lip gently massaged the nipple that they had captured, she felt as delightfully as far away from her old self as it was possible to be and the more she wanted to be.

"You can't keep me out of you for ever babes," Karen said throatily, insatiable desires racing through her as she finally came lay on top of her lover. It was at moments like these that she had problems in deciding in what way she ached to pleasure Beth.

"I don't want you to, Karen darling," came that desirous command. "You know much I badly want you to penetrate me."

Everything felt sensual to Karen, the luscious feel of the night air on her back as the dark haired woman's legs brushed her own**. **Karen paused only briefly until she finally touched the centre of her desires. It didn't cross her mind that she had to figure out how that part of her would best excite her lover, not when those slim legs were wrapped round her and as her mouth finally pressed against Beth's soft lips.

It felt like hours later when the two women faced each other, sleepily exchanging gentle kisses when Beth finally murmured into her lover's ear.

"We'll have one last goodnight kiss, darling and then we must sleep."

"I suppose we have to, babes," came the mumbled reply.

Instead of the gentle pressure on her lips, Karen was pleasantly surprised to feel her lover gently ease her onto her back and slip her tongue into her mouth. This is what they both really wanted, Beth knew, as she straddled her lover Both women started kissing each other deeply, feeling the soft texture of each other's tongues and the delightful aftertaste of their earlier lovemaking. Both women loved the feel of being deep inside each other and sighed into each other's mouths. While Beth's fingertips softly caressed those much loved high cheekbones and long blond hair, Karen's hands reached out for those delicious womanly curves beyond that sleek back that she adored so much. The dark haired woman loved the feel of Karen's hands possessing her as much as her own legs rubbed up against her lover. Sleepily sensuous feelings pulsed lazily through both women.

"Sweetheart, I love the feel of you in my arms," sighed Karen when their mouths had disengaged at last. They may have temporarily dozed off at that point but neither of them were sure of this. It was utter bliss to Karen to run her fingers along her lover's skin. Long since abandoned was any sense that she needed to hold back and aim for futile security that way.

"Darling, I love it as much as you do but I also love the feel of you between my legs," came the loving and sultry reply. Karen gave Beth a questioning, doubtful look.

"I'm not letting you down by saying that the spirit is willing but the flesh is, well, totally shagged out."

"Relax.,darling," laughed the dark haired woman into her lover's ear which she quickly caressed with her tongue,"I feel the same. That passing sexual fantasy will wait till next time."

Beth tenderly ran her fingers through her lover's long fair hair, in blissful recognition of what she had been so lucky to find. She had to vocalize it. The moment demanded it.

"I guess you know by now that I've always been sexually, well adventurous and dominant no matter how much I'm a femme, clotheswise," she started to say and then stopped.

"Go on, babes," Karen said, looking up at the perfect features of her lover. The idea of an intimate conversation with her friend and lover seemed the perfect way of rounding off the evening. "I'm interested in what you're saying, what you're thinking."

This reassured Beth. This intelligent woman never ceased to amaze her.

"All my exes made the mistake of letting me dominate them and I see now that they all made that mistake of letting me do that. You're so different, babes. As soon as you found your feet so to speak, you've done the right thing by never letting me do that. That's what I mean when I said that I've learned from you."

"I love you Beth," Karen said simply without the slightest trace of artifice, something she would never have been capable before. Beth knew it, too.

"I love you too, sweetheart. More than I can put into words. It isn't just sex talking for me though you know how much I lust after you."

"It makes a woman feel really wanted- really," came the answer with a soft laugh with an undertone of seriousness. "When I'm not with you, you wouldn't believe the sexual fantasies I have of you."

"Tell me darling. I'm eager to know what's on your mind, impure or otherwise."

"Oh you know, of feeling you being up inside me, hearing and feeling your orgasm as I'm licking you."

"I know I'm a noisy lover. That's one of my habits," the dark haired woman wryly confessed.

"Nothing wrong with either of us. We're both enthusiastic….and I've never had such a loyal friend as you. I've never felt that before in a lover, not remotely."

"I love the strength in you," Beth said softly. She loved the feeling of emotional intimacy of talking with her lover, of hearing her husky tone of voice wrap itself round her.

"I remember our first night together, darling," Beth dreamily heard herself saying a little while later as she tenderly kissed Karen on her full lips.

"Mmm, how could we forget it," the blond haired woman murmured returning the kisses.

"I still can't get over how you knew how to kiss another woman from the word go."

Karen shrugged her shoulders as her lips brushed the other woman's soft cheek.

"I really don't know, babes. Desire and instinct? Live and learn as the saying goes."  
"Absolutely, babes," murmured the dark haired woman as her lips brushed her girlfriend's neck.

It was later than they planned that they finally curled up together in the blissful afterglow of their love. Truly these Friday nights were so magical in their lives as a sign that life had opened up so many possibilities..


	38. Chapter 38

**Scene Thirty-Eight**

Saturday morning had a similarly refreshing feel for Alice as she snatched that weekend's release to turn inwards on her own feelings of satisfaction with her own life, as opposed to her concern with the lives that she dealt with as a social worker. She told herself that she had a perfect right to be as selfish as such a warm-hearted woman would ever let herself be when she was off the job. George knew that very well and this, above all else was why she loved Alice. The other reason that came to mind was that somehow, Alice's presence freed George to be the woman she wanted to be.

Right now, Alice lay stretched out in their double bed and saw her beautiful girlfriend brush her hair in front of the mirror. She loved the elegance of the way her arm arced up to run the silver brush through the shoulder length blond hair and the lines of her shoulder blades. Her statuesque figure was barely concealed by her skimpy nightie. In the mirror, Alice could see the broad smile of self-satisfaction on George's face. In that second, Alice's mind was decided. She slipped out of bed, delicately took the brush out of George's hand and carried on the rhythmic motion between them.

"I thought you'd never come, darling," she murmured in her most seductive tones, tilting her head back. With infinite gentleness, Alice gently stroked the brush through that fine gold hair and the other woman luxuriated in the feel of being ministered to. Alice loved the feeling of being so up close to her partner that she couldn't help the fingers of her left hand from caressing George's shoulders. Eventually, it dawned on Alice that her partner's hair was brushed to perfection and she placed the brush on the table, moving alongside George.

"Is this how you like it, babes?" Alice asked in a husky tone of voice, the delicious feelings of desire rising up inside her.

"Why don't you finish off what you've been starting, darling?" came that exquisitely seductive invitation from her lover. That was enough for Alice as she drew George up to her level and kissed her deeply. This was what they both really wanted, their murmurous voices were saying as they gently caressed each other, Alice ruffling her lover's hair.

"It doesn't matter darling. I'd far sooner make love to you than worry that much what I look like. I'm not that narcissistic." George laughed softly as she ran her fingers around the contours of her lover's breasts.

They disrobed what little they were wearing and soon, Alice lay at angles across her lover while her fingers trailed down her lover's stomach, gently working downwards. Already George's hips were starting to move as Alice's skilful fingers teased her with the prospect of what was to come. The fair haired woman ran her hands through her lover's long tresses with joyful feelings of desire and tasted her lover's soft skin. Heightened feelings rippled through George as she felt her lover's fingers slide into her and expertly coax her to her first orgasm of the day. This was one of life's delightful starters to the day. The rest of the weekend promised whatever they wanted it to.

"So how do you think your 'coming out' event worked out, darling, because the brethren's event was partly about us, wasn't it," Alice whispered into George's ear as they lay curled up in bed together in a moment of blissful relaxation.

"You chose your timing well, sweetheart," George said tenderly, divining that Alice knew that George needed to mull over the whole experience for a few days before before being certain of her perceptions." As it happens, I think that at least those who are our friends, accepted me as who I am, who we are together. Those who looked at us as a freak show don't matter. We did the right thing."

"And some of your lawyer friends are actually pretty accepting of us. If you're up for it, I'd certainly enjoy being flaunted as your partner next time."

"That's the ultimate object of the exercise," drawled George as she slid on top of Alice. She stared down at her lover and figured out that they really couldn't leave their bed without making love one more time. From the look in Alice's eyes, she knew that the dark-haired woman felt the same.

"I can't believe I've earned enough money to splash out on some clothes and makeup after all this time," said Karen breathlessly later on that day. What was surprised her was she didn't feel at death's door after last night's strenuous and lengthy love making but then again, Beth looked pretty perky. She shrugged her shoulders in acceptance of life as she lived it right now." I've felt better in my mind in working at the hospital and getting back to what I'm good at."

"It's about time you treated yourself, darling. You've every right to," Beth said softly as she got into Karen's green MG sports car. She knew that giving a little control to Karen in this way would do her good. Certainly, she had a satisfied grin on her face as her shoulder length hair flicked back in the wind as she turned the wheel to get their car on the road. It felt like fun to Beth as it seemed to lie snug on the road so Karen powered it all the way into the town and manoeuvred it smartly into a parking space. It took them no time at all to enter the precinct, which displayed a bewildering array of shops of all kinds and shapes. The blond haired woman blinked in bedazzlement. She was only half sure that she really belonged here and had only really determined to buy some makeup. Splashing out frivolously on a range of clothes seemed strange to her. At that moment, Beth slid her hand into her lover's. Beth felt her nervousness for her.

"We'll take it slowly, babes. No need to rush it."

Karen squeezed her lover's hand back, feeling a rush of relief and tenderness. She had the feeling that she'd been through this movie before except then, she had been less nervous for some strange reason.

"Could we check out the makeup department first? That's my best way of dipping my toe into the water. I definitely need a few things."

"Whatever feels right for you, darling," came the soothing reply. It hit the mark. A rush of memories came back to Karen, how her financial world had fallen in on her after she lost her job at Larkhall and how she had had to leave her comfortable flat behind. She had gone through months of grinding poverty when she'd been out of work when the only spare money left over went on cheap spirits and cigarettes. She'd avoided shopping malls like the plague and only trudged to the little neighbourhood superstore at the end of her terraced street for whatever she needed. When she was unemployed and waiting for the trial, she had strongly felt that she didn't belong to the human race, on top of being swallowed up by feelings of total horror and despair as to her future. She now saw that Beth had kindly prefaced her rightful reemergence into the human race by initiating their phenomenal lovemaking the night before. All her horrible experiences were consigned to the past now that new horizons were opening up, and she was back where she in her eyes formed for everything that her darling Beth had been steadily working for them both over the past months. She wasn't just the sexiest babe imaginable but also an incredibly kind-hearted friend as well.

"You lead the way, sweetheart. I'm ready for it now,"Karen breathed.

Immediately, she was thrown into a world of luxury and excess which threw her for a second until she strode purposefully towards the counter that she wanted and she made her purchases deliberately while Beth followed suit. At the checkout, she clutched her purchases proudly. This represented the fruits of her labours from her struggles from the past nine months since she'd left Larkhall and well before then, when she came to think of it. When they entered the next shop, she felt more ready to deal with it and came to enjoy browsing round the store with Beth and casually discussing what they both saw.

"Hey, you two," called out the familiar warm tones from behind them both." We're really glad to find you."

"Why Alice and George, so lovely to see you," Karen answered, her eyes lighting up at such welcome company as she hugged and kissed each woman.

"We're here to help Karen spend some of her money. A bit of retail therapy would do her good," contributed Beth, good humouredly

"In which case, I've just seen the ideal outfit for you. You're sure to love it," sparked back George, a persuasive gleam in her eye.

The other three women let George lead the way and relied on her good choice. Karen was secretly worried that, knowing George's expensive taste, it would cost the earth. They threaded through the crowds of women of various ages until George zoomed in on her find.

"Here you are. What did I tell you?" the blond haired woman said triumphantly.

Karen gazed at it in awe. To describe it as a pair of black trousers and matching top was to make it sound like a power dressing outfit. It was nothing of the kind. It emphasized Karen's height and curves in a very feminine and alluring fashion.

"You're fantastic, George. I must try it on," Karen breathed with that desire to possess.

"You must of course help Karen see whether it is right for her," murmured Alice with that little twinkle. Of course, the dark-haired woman was right, thought Karen gleefully. She went into the conveniently large sized changing room and put on the outfit. When she appeared again, Beth's eyes almost popped out of her head.

"Do you like me in this outfit?" Karen said with a small smile on her face, looking to Beth for approval.

"You look gorgeous, babes," she said breathlessly as Karen did a little twirl, placing her weight on one foot with the heel off the ground." I would never have spotted it."

"It's a shame to change out of it in a way. Still, we've got all our lives together."

Beth had to remember that the average shop wasn't that open to overt displays of affection. She couldn't keep her hands off Karen but reminded herself that this is the first visual taster of the main feast to come whenever they are on their own at nights. Karen changed back into her normal clothes and passed the security counter back to the assistant

"I've chosen this outfit," Karen said unnecessarily to the assistant "I think it suits me."

"I'm sure your fella will like it," came the automatic answer. In her eyes, the dark haired woman was being very patient watching her friend doing her shopping.

"Er, yes," Karen said in uncertain tones." I know my partner will like it."

They rejoined George and Alice and Karen proudly paid for the outfit at the counter and they headed off to the next shop. It was with feelings of timeless joy that they meandered their way from shop to shop and the four women each helped the other to make their choice. It was a revelation to Karen that she could once be the centre of attention to what others saw in her and to consider carefully an outfit that would suit another woman. Like everything else in her life these days, this came to her easier than she might have once thought possible.


	39. Chapter 39

**Scene Thirty-Nine **

"OK, this is the theory,"Nikki joked nervously as they waited in the archetypal hospital waiting room. "I reckon I've done the really smart thing in being a lesbian all my life. It's meant that I've had great sex and not had to go on the pill and risked my ability to conceive. Here's hoping that it works."

"You know, I've not seen the inside of a hospital on my own account since I don't know how long. I once saw Zandra Plackett when she'd just had her baby,"said Helen, long ago memories floating before her took in the look of the clear surfaces, the antiseptic smells and the others in the waiting room on a row of black formica chairs, all waiting their turn.

"God, that goes back a long way," mused Nikki."I wondered at the time why Zandra had to live for the sake of her baby but I never had any idea of what it meant in personal terms. It was all very abstract …I've always stayed pretty fit and healthy except, of course, I accidentally stabbed my hand after a stupid argument with you in the garden- that is, I was being stupidly jealous of Dominic, I blush to admit it….Jesus, why do they have such junky magazines like Heat magazine? Even in the roughest times in prison, I steered clear of reading crap like that."

Helen laid her hand gently on Nikki's as she could tell that the dark haired woman's volubility in all directions was simply her nerves talking.

"Hey, don't worry, Nikki. Just for once in our lives, we have to place our destiny in the hands of the professionals. You've heard Karen talking about her nursing experiences. We have to trust that they know what they're doing. We have to imagine that they're like her."

Helen's soft lilting accent and the warmth of her personality did the trick. Nikki grinned somewhat uncertainly and leaned her head affectionately on the other woman's shoulder. Perhaps it was all this biology jargon that was throwing her. She hated the thought that anything in the written word couldn't be understood by her. After all, they had picked up the groundworks of how the legal system worked so why should medical matters throw them?.

"_Treatment cycles are typically started on the third day of menstruation and consist of a regimen of fertility medications to stimulate the development of multiple follicles of the ovaries. In most patients injectable gonodropins are used under close monitoring. Such monitoring frequently checks the estradiol level and, by means of gynacolic untrasonography, follicular growth. Typically approximately 10 days of injections will be necessary. Spontanenous ovulation during the cycle is prevented by the use of GnRH agonists or GnRH antagonists, which block the natural surge of luteinising hormone."_

Nikki was rereading the book on IVF and, for once in her life, every word she read went straight into her head and out the other side except the word 'injection.' That, she understood. The thought of it had made her queasy. The first month or so of her imprisonment had come back to haunt her when she remembered sharing a cell with a heroin addict who mainlined every night on her bunk. Her tactful attempts to look away hadn't really worked for her so that image had been burnt into her memory. Nevertheless, she submitted with grim determination to what she had to do. If it took her to push through this barrier of her aversion to needles to get Helen to finally carry their baby, then so be it. It meant that she wasn't watching from the sidelines and seeing someone else get maternal.

_When follicular maturation is judged to be adequate, human chorionic gonadotropin is given. This agent, which acts as an analogue of luteinising hormone, would cause ovulation about 36 hours after injection, but a retrieval procedure takes place just prior to that, in order to recover the egg cells from the ovary. The eggs are retrieved from the patient using a transvaginal technique involving an ultrasound-guided needle piercing the vaginal wall to reach the ovaries. Through this needle follicles can be aspirated, and the follicular fluid is handed to the IVF laboratory to identify ova. The retrieval procedure takes about 20 minutes and is usually done under conscious sedation or general anestenia._

As Nikki clawed her way through the medical jargon, she grabbed certain aspects of what it meant and this defined pretty closely what was to happen to her. She wasn't sure if it reassured her or not. Finally her mind cleared and it came down to this. She had to trust in the judgment of another professional. This gave her a familiar feeling and it crossed her mind that Helen had once been that professional with that similar mindset.

"Ms Wade, the doctor is ready for you now," the nurse intoned suddenly as she suddenly materialised out of nowhere. Nikki jumped inside her skin.

"Take it easy, sweetheart. Let's face it, if we get lucky, you'll be the concerned, caring parent-to-be for nine months while I go to pieces," Helen murmured, kissing Nikki gently on her cheek. Nikki suddenly smiled and relaxed a little. She was ready for what must happen.

Later on, Nikki found herself lying flat on her back, staring up at the intensely bright light that was shining down on her. At the corner of her vision, masked professionals clustered around, wearing the same green surgical gowns. What pleased her was that the one in charge talked to her directly as a human being and didn't treat her as a medical specimin. She explained very clearly in layman's language just what was going to happen, stage by stage and soothingly reassured her. Once that connection was made, Nikki smiled broadly in relief. This woman had gained her trust. Once that happened, Nikki was well away and she let everything flow around her. It was almost therapeutic lying back horizontally like this…..

"Trisha, Sally Anne, it's marvellous to see you," Helen exclaimed as familiar voices greeted her in the waiting room.

"Nikki has gone in, hasn't she?" Sally Anne asked in a breathless tone of voice."Trisha and I did our best to get here on time. I guess the hospital fooled us in wheeling her in on time."

"Yeah, she went in fine. You know Nikki. When push comes to shove, she always rises to the challenge. Mind you, I oughtn't to shoot my mouth off. If everything goes well with her, it will be my turn," laughed Helen shakily.

"I guess you must have always had a strong maternal streak in you. I certainly admire you. You must really want to have a baby and bring it up," Trisha said in easy tones.

"I talked about this with Nikki on the one occasion we had a chance to talk of our feelings, of our future going beyond busting Nikki out of prison," explained Helen.

"The women around Chix find it easy to steer clear of the whole family bit. I admit Sally and I are in that group,"Trisha admitted frankly."Still, we're happy to cheer you on from the sidelines."

Helen warmed to these two generous hearted women. She knew from her experience with Nikki of standing in for them last December that daytime was precious to them in terms of recharging their batteries. She also half suspected that they would become more actively involved over time.

"Nikki and I would love any help you care to give. My problem is that I haven't grown up in one of those large extended families where you get roped in to help older sisters and cousins. My feelings are entirely instinctual. At the end of the day, I can't analyse my feelings. I admit I've bullied and badgered Nikki into sharing my point of view."

"I know Nikki well enough to know that she never agrees with anything she fundamentally disagrees with. She also operates on instinct. Nikki's with you, trust me, or she wouldn't be on the operating table right now."

If it wasn't the warmth and sincerity in Trisha's voice that reassured Helen's own lurking fears, it was Trisha's acute observation of her lover. Somhow, she knew that if a situation were to arise that was beyond them, they need only reach out for help. This was a sign of the times.

Finally, Nikki appeared before them wearing a cautious smile with a 'thumbs up' gesture. Helen flung her arms round her and Nikki beamed as she spotted her two friends. She hadn't expected this and she embraced the two other women.

"Do you want to come with us for a coffee at the Starbucks round the corner?" Helen asked, hospitably enough. The two other women exchanged glances and concluded that they could place pleasure over duty for a little while yet.

Sure enough, they found themselves sitting around a table in a snug corner of the café. Helen ordered the drinks and, for herself, chose a chocolate drink with a dab of cream on top. Outside, sunlight alternated with sudden squalls of rain which beat on the windows. It gave them a cosy feeling of being out of the way of the elements which were beating down on those below. In their time, they had had their metaphorical share of gales and hostile elements.

"So how optimistic were the doctors, Nik?" Trisha enquired.

"You know doctors, Trish. They never committ themselves in public. As far as I could gather, they were 'as optimistic as far as they could judge at this moment.' You work that out."

"I suppose I might have to learn how to knit bootees and romper suits," Sally Anne said in slightly embarrassed tones."I'm good at moving furniture and running clubs. I used to be good at laying down the law but I was never that great at this sort of domestic stuff."

"I'm sure you'll do fine. I mean, we'll all have to learn as we go along. How else did we get to be where we are now? I mean there's never has been any A level course on how to be a lesbian," Trisha volunteered.

The four women cheered up considerably at the thought. In the wider sense, all of them battled with the thoughts of anxieties of whatever was new, that challenged their experiences, the fear of the unknown and their native thought that somehow, they could figure out a solution. It made Trisha and Sally Anne feel that, though they were total beginners, it didn't mean that they had nothing to offer.

"So let's drink a toast on this even if this is alcohol free," Nikki said cheerily, feeling a comfortable glow within her. "To the future.

"Cheers," the four women proclaimed.

Much later on, Helen and Nikki were curled up together on the sofa and shared the book they were reading. Rain was pattering down the window at the side of them, leaving small trails down the length of the window. Inside, everything was cosy and warm. Their eyes lighted on a particular passage which they were now ready to read. Take it a step at a time, they mouthed to themselves.

_If semen is being provided by a sperm donor, it will usually have been prepared for treatment before being frozen and quarantined, and it will be thawed ready for use. The sperm and the egg are incubated together (at a ratio of about 75,000:1) in the culture media for about 18 hours. By that time fertilisation should have taken place and the fertilised egg would show two pronuclei. In situations where the sperm count is low, a single sperm is injected directly into the egg using intracycoplasmicsperm injection (ICSI). The fertilised egg is passed to a special growth medium and left for about 48 hours until the egg has reached the 6-8 cell stage._

They were positive that this side of the operation would be carried out with scrupulous certainty. They had been promised this by someone in whose good word they had the utmost confidence in. They couldn't help smiling at the thought of him actually procuring the sperm in question but knew how resourceful the man was, having seen him in a diverse range of situations.

"So this is the start of it all, babes. A bit more deliberate than getting drunk in some nightclub over Christmas and a one night stand. We have to find our way, same as anything else we do," Nikki said dreamily, her gaze fixed on far horizons.

"It think that whatever you really have to work at in this world has its reward. Look how far we've come already," Helen pronounced with confidence and her lover squeezed her round her waist in confirmation.


	40. Chapter 40

**Scene Forty **

"Do we let your parents know what we're doing," asked Helen turning to Nikki as she was about to turn the ignition. It was Saturday June 6th 2002, a glorious sunny summer's day when the trees outside were in full bud. All the flowers in their back garden were thrusting forth their shoots after all Nikki's careful tendering of the flowers. The bitter winter chills of Helen's trial seemed a long way ago, gone but not forgotten as a new chapter in their lives seemed likely to open.

"Good question," Nikki said, her forehead furrowed with contemplation." To tell you the truth, I don't know the limits of my parents' understanding and tolerance. I know that it had changed out of all recognition since I was in my teens. They've both backed us to the hilt with anything we've thrown at them since we made contact. OK, sometimes I get a run for my money from Dad but I know that it's his way of making sure I know what we're letting ourselves in for. I really don't know how they'll react."

"What if we didn't tell them and they find out later?"

"Dad would go spare with us, probably me most of all. I know and he knows that we're duty bound to be honest with him. He doesn't want daily report backs of every detail on our lives but doesn't like being kept out of the loop in anything major and important. We've played ball up till now and nowadays I can put myself into his head so easily. Basically, they trust us and we can't, we daren't screw that up."

"Your dad sounds like you, sweetheart."

"Yeah. Strong personalities for a start," Nikki said with a wry smile as she turned the ideas over in her mind before reaching a decisive conclusion." Behind his sometimes crusty exterior, perhaps we are rather alike. The point is that neither of them will have the foggiest idea what IVF is about," and here Nikki grinned slightly." I guess that if my parents get the message that they're going to be grandparents again and we keep the details conveniently vague, they might just go for it. They like you very much and I think they can see you being maternal and they know that we're capable enough. That's it, we go for it and tell them."

"I agree, babes. We'll go through this one together."

There was a sudden pause as they both sat in the car and neither of them made a move. Everything was packed for the journey so why weren't they moving?

"I hope you don't mind but I'd sooner drive us down. It'd give me something to preoccupy my mind," Nikki said unusually diffidently. Unhesitatingly, Helen got out of the driver's seat and stepped round to the other side and let Nikki take the wheel. The taller woman drove off fast down the road while Helen grabbed the roadmap and the journey passed unusually silently for them. Normally, the rhythms of the sense of travelling sparked conversations.

Mr Wade was as pleased as always whenever his daughter and her charming partner came to visit them. He found their company intellectually stimulating and, by contrast, was severely bored by the everyday neighbour conversations, although he made his dutiful responses. He and his wife now floated in a comfortable state of normality where there was nothing lurking on their horizons to fear. They had only been concerned when Nicola and Helen had engaged in a serious of dangerously risky high profile trials. He couldn't fault their reasonings, which were well thought out and he had been highly indignant when Helen had been singled out for a particularly vicious campaign of persecution. Not for one minute did he believe any of the reports in the copies of the Times that he had bought. He had seen straightaway that Helen had a high dedication to duty, everything about her manner spelling that out to him. Indeed, he had written a letter to the Times in support of her, name and address withheld, in typical 'disgusted of Tunbridge Wells' style. He chuckled to himself when he read it. Just because he had lived a life in the Navy didn't mean that his old fashioned education stopped him putting pen and paper together.

According to their unspoken agreement to put the years of separation behind them all, he thought fondly of his beloved daughter Nicola. She was so vibrant, so challenging and intellectually she gave him a good run for his money. The way she had completed her degree while in prison and had landed her present prestigious research job with the Howard League of Penal Reform told him that she was making a success out of her life. What's more, the love that flowed between her and Helen was very real. In her way she had settled down into a quite conventional lifestyle though he would never say that to knew very well how she would react to that one.

"Hiya, dad," his daughter said to him, shaking his hand firmly. Instantly he could tell that this visit struck a subtly different note with him.

They did the usual preliminary chitchat and came into the smart, comfortable, highly polished front hall before Nicola finally spoke.

"Er. Dad, we've got a bit of an announcement to make," Nicola finally said to them, her eyes flitting back and forth between him, his wife, Helen and back to him. For the first time ever in his house, they held each others' hands. He knew immediately that his daughter and Helen were reaching out to support each other, especially as a silence fell upon the air. His eyesight zoomed in on his daughter who looked really nervous and strangely pleased at the same time.

"So what's this announcement you wanted to make to us? It must be very special."

"Er, I'm not sure how you're going to take to this idea, dad. It was Helen's idea originally but I must tell you that I've been totally convinced and you just have to be the first ones to know," his daughter rattled out at breakneck speed.

"Good news or bad, Nicola? You know I hate being kept in suspense."

He saw his daughter swallow nervously and then she cut to the chase. His wife looked bewildered, wondering what on earth was going on.

"You'll know that Helen and I have settled down after slaying the odd dragon here and there. We've thought that we ought to consolidate our family in a surprisingly conventional way and it's like this. Helen and I are trying for a baby. We thought you'd want to be the first to know."

"What?" he said. This was a total shock to his system. He couldn't get his head round this. His first instinct was to be dragged back to the moment that he had heard the truth about his daughter's sexuality and her being expelled from boarding school in one go. He had hoped so much from his clever daughter, which is why he paid up the hefty fees uncomplainingly.

"Obviously we can't conceive a child between us in the normal way, much though we would have liked to. There's a perfectly legitimate process called IVF which has been used also for straight couples where one or both are infertile," Helen slid in, her voice shaky, highly attuned as she was to disapproval from the next generation up.

"Do the pair of you know what you're doing?" he heard himself saying. The air had turned icy cold and, once again, his wilful headstrong daughter was scaring the hell out of him. Deep down, he had that frightening sense of helplessness, that the world that was normally within his control was slipping out of his hands.

"Did you and mum know what you were both letting yourselves in for when you first started a family? Just how familiar was the idea of babies to you when you were our age? Think about it, dad," his daughter Nicola said with a part pleading, part reasoning tone in her voice.

"It was expected of us," his wife said stiffly, when he tried to catch her eye. This time, he silently warned her, they would think before they spoke.

"Mum, dad, I can read on your faces what you're thinking. We've been through this one before. I remember coming home in disgrace from boarding school, my trunk sent on ahead, carrying nothing but a holdall. I felt that I'd done nothing wrong. You felt I'd done everything wrong and we both flew off the handle and blew it. We can be both too proud for our own good , that's our trouble. Do we really want to go through all that again?" Nikki called out, an edge of fear in her voice.

This time around, he spotted that subtlety in Nikki's manner, something which he'd missed all those years ago. He'd been too close to his military environment years ago, which hadn't provided for sensitivity. He breathed in and out and somehow the parental nightmare that had locked him in started to ease. He looked closer at his daughter and gradually felt her desire for their approval that she was trying to communicate. Finally, he carefully found the words in which he had some measure of confidence.

"You're right. We can – and must - both do better than before. Besides, we're forgetting Helen."

It was now that the atmosphere eased. Everyone wore cautious smiles on their faces wondering who would make the first move and what it would be.

"Let's all go through to the living room and sit somewhere more comfortable. We need to talk this over. You will excuse us, Nicola and Helen," he added in his inclusive manner," that we had been accustomed to think of you both as a couple with no plans beyond that. We make no effort to keep up with modern developments as you should know very well by now."

"We can't ask more of you than that," his daughter said earnestly with a trace of a smile on her lips." Take all the time you and mum need to get your heads round this. Don't forget, we've got the advantage over you as we've been thinking and talking about this one for some time now."

"Just what does this involve, Nicola? Having babies, well, I had you and John in the normal way but this development is something I've not come across before," his wife asked, feeling more on home territory.

"Right," Nikki said earnestly." First of all, we have arranged a sperm donor who we know and he understand and accepts exactly the limits of his involvement. All I can say is that we trust him implicitly. I have had a course of injections where, to put it as technically, an ultrasound-guided needle has been inserted into me under anaesthetic to extract eggs, which will be fertilised, and to be placed inside Helen who will carry our baby from then on in the normal way. We've got to the halfway stage so now it's all up to Helen to deliver the rest. I hope this makes sense."

"You must really both want a baby that badly," his wife said softly and tenderly as she started to assimilate the details. Everything was starting to fit together in her mind." Of course, my husband had his duties to keep him away from being with me when you and John were born. I can still remember lying in the hospital bed thinking how beautiful you looked with your big brown eyes."

"They didn't let expectant fathers go into the labour ward and hold their partner's hands in my day so I ducked out of all that stuff," he grinned.

"So where do we fit in?" his wife asked while Mr. Wade went to fetch glasses from the drinks cabinet.

"Strangely enough, I've never talked babies with you, nor has Helen," Nikki started in a hesitant fashion when Helen came to the rescue.

"As you know, I'm an only child and my mother died when I was young. We certainly don't know everything we're letting ourselves in for so I for one would be mighty grateful for any advice you can give us. Believe you me, we won't be stupidly proud not to ask for advice come the time," Helen said in a rush of words. What still seemed to be very nebulous and unclear was starting to take shape.

"What about John? If this comes off, this will put his nose out of joint. I get the feeling he really won't like it," Nikki queried.

"You leave this to me, Nicola," he said with swift decisiveness." I can't expect him in all fairness to understand what IVF is, but that's a minor detail. The most important thing is that should everything work out right and I pray that it does, he'll just have to live with it and graciously get used to being an uncle."

He was pleased to see that his daughter broke into a hearty laugh at his little joke. Helen joined in with her and both women's eyes were shining with delight and pure gratitude. This was a family event worth having.

"Between ourselves, I for one am beginning to look forward to this. If us old fogies can welcome a happy event, then so shouldn't he? Drinks everyone? I know what you all like."

"You are both stars. I don't know what to say," Nicola said, her eyes brimming over with emotion. Helen was obviously dumbstruck for the same reason.

"What about cheers for the future?" Mr. Wade said brightly and cheerfully.

They were the exact right words. Four glasses clinked together in celebration. It seemed to permit the future to unfold itself right.


	41. Chapter 41

**Scene Forty-One**

In some other world, this nightmarish row with George seemed to happen out of nowhere. John couldn't understand the situation but it felt real enough. The trouble was that the man that was speaking with his lips, his tongue felt utterly divorced from the way he now felt.

"As I've said before, you never liked Alice and I being together, John." George urged with controlled anger, her hands betraying her suppressed tension.

John had a sense of looking down on the scene and, even from his distance, felt vividly how George just barely restrained herself from exploding with anger. For some reason, John felt like a stranger to his own emotions. This bewildered him as his sense of narrative events was acutely developed from training to become a barrister and then a judge.

"It seems inappropriate. You aren't the real George that I know," John heard himself say. He cringed at how unfeeling he was but couldn't stop these words coming out of him.

"God knows why Jo and I bothered with you all these years, especially when you betrayed first me and then Jo without a second thought."

"It's different."

John saw that his mouth was set tight like a trap and was clearly nettled by George's last verbal thrust. Observing the scene, John saw what a ghastly mistake he had made. That wouldn't help George get them back to the friendship that they needed to for all their sakes.

"How?"

"I love you in my own way and I love Jo. You're both important to me," came his own smooth tones in his best style of reading romantic poetry.

"Meaning Alice really doesn't love me or I don't love her, John?"

"She's only known you for five minutes in comparison with the three of us. We all go back a long way," came his reply in his loftiest and most magisterial tones. John felt that George was on the right lines in reining in her anger and maintaining an appearance of calm. As he watched the scene, all his sympathies went out to George and he really didn't like himself one bit.

"You and I only knew each other for a short time before we fell in love. We were young then. You once fell head over heels in love with Jo and now you're back with her if you don't stupidly wreck the one thing that could be going for you in your life. So what are the difference between that and Alice and I?"

"You are taking the whole matter entirely out of its context of time. The love that has existed between the three of is much deeper, more profound, more spiritual, born of long knowledge of each other."

As soon as he said these words, John could tell that he had maddened George. It sounded to his waking ears that his words were a smokescreen of words of which this was the first cloud wafting over. John was acutely conscious that George stuck to short, terse sentences to get through that impenetrable suit of armour, which both protected and trapped him. It embarrassed John to see how inept, how unfeeling he could be for all his intelligence. It made John despair of himself.

"You feel threatened by Alice and I being together."

"You make me sound like a jealous adolescent." The words were hurled in a contemptuous and disdainful fashion.

He's given the game away, John's waking mind thought in a blinding flash of revelation as he could see the two of them as if on high. It was painfully obvious that his anger was directed at himself.

"The trouble with you, John, is that you suffer from intellectual pride." George began and stopped short. He saw a fleeting look in his eye that George had never noticed before." When you find yourself having done something wrong, you won't let yourself climb down."

John saw him turn abruptly away and agonised how, when push came to shove, he turned away rather than face himself. He was sure that he knew much better than that to acknowledge his humanity rather than just compartmentalise it in his pronouncements and judgments in court.

'No, John. You really don't see it. Just open yourself up for once in your life," he yelled in desperation.

John wanted so much to wake himself up, to grab himself by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. Surely, he couldn't have stupidly ignored what Nikki and Helen had patiently urging on him all these months. Was nothing in his life worth anything? He prayed so hard for that light of illumination to dawn on him. He was totally surprised that it actually came, his eyes blinked at that table lamp shining in his eyes. This was totally real thank goodness.

"You must be having a really bad dream. Don't worry, I'm here to protect you,' came that soft tone from the other side of the double bed. Thank God it was Jo. This illumination brought home how much he needed her.

At that moment, John became aware of his surroundings. He was lying flat on his back, a disturbed duvet crumpled around them and he was sweating. The bedside light was switched on and the soft glow angled sideways at them, casting huge shadows. On the other side, Jo ran her fingers down his arm to comfort him. She laid her hand on her head and gently stroked his hair. The bed contained them and the plain white high ceiling all did their best to reassure him.

"It's all right George, you can be with Alice whenever you want," John mumbled incoherently as if half in a dream.

"What on earth are you talking about, John? You're here in the present, John, in bed with me. What were you dreaming about anyway? Your tossing and turning sounded like a pretty bad nightmare."

John instantly collected his thoughts and unloaded his feelings without hesitation. He couldn't help thinking that Nikki and Helen would have been proud of him, not to say George.

"I was in this nightmarish situation of watching myself rowing with George for being with Alice and somehow wanting to own both you and George without giving anything back to either of you, except with my dangerous charm and facility with words. I was really trying to pretend to myself that I wasn't a frightened little boy and failing miserably. You know that I'm perfectly happy for George and she's a really good friend of mine. In that dream, George was urging me not to wreck a potentially brilliant relationship I could have with you with my stupidity. Worst of all, I saw myself as I used to behave in private life. I tried to wake myself up only I was powerless. It showed me how badly behaved I used to be. I'm really sorry for what I've ever done wrong, with you, to everyone who tried to get close to me. I mean it.""

"You aren't the man you used to be, using your intellect to keep your feelings at bay."

"You don't know what a blessed relief it is, not to be acting a part after all these years," John said slowly." Helen and Nikki did such a good job on me, knocking all that nonsense out of me. You don't know how it feels not to be afraid of losing someone and in doing that, that the reassurance that you need will come without the need for subterfuge."

"You've really changed," Jo breathed having trouble in believing that what she was hearing was really least for this night, she was able to just accept what John was saying when she knew that it came from a friend. It struck his mind that once, his close friends were male, but the arrival in his life of the Larkhall circle had shifted that balance to the was steering his life into some unknown orbit and, so far, it felt good.

"I've just realised how insufferable I must have been once."

"Just for once, you took the words right out of my mouth," grinned Jo.

"You weren't supposed to say that," John said with a lopsided smile.

"You should know by now that if you ask me an honest answer, you'll get an honest reply, no matter how much it might bruise your ego, as if that were possible," retorted Jo, teasingly "I've noticed the changes in you in the months we've been going out together. I've been surprised and delighted that there has been no sense of strain."

Jo wrapped herself around John and gently rocked him. John drew a deep breath of relief right through his system. He smiled at the affectionate way this remarkable woman teased him. He knew exactly where he was and it felt good. He put his arms round the woman that was most dear to him and drew her close to him.

He was safe after all.

In the morning, John quietly busied himself with making toast and coffee in Jo's house with a sense of unobtrusive naturalness, which made Jo look fondly at him. She had recalled that previous occasions had seen her angry with herself, angry with John and totally unnapproachable. Not all the past guilt lay on John's side, she concluded.

"You know that if we become an item, I won't be able to sit in front of you again?" Jo said in tones that were superficially playful.

"That would be a shame but something we could learn to live with. In these politically dangerous times, we dare not hand our enemies a stick to beat us with. There's more riding on our present positions in the judiciary than our own egos and own salaries. We have the chance to continue to do some good in the world. It doesn't stop you coming to me for advice if you want it. Mind you, you know your mind very well by now. You don't need me perpetually hovering over you as your teacher. Those days have passed."

Jo smiled at John's depth of emotional maturity.

"It doesn't stop George from sitting before you. I would find that comforting," Jo said in musing tones, as she nibbled at her triangle of toast in a meditative fashion.

"Do you know what feels so delightfully strange at this moment," Jo said as she smiled up into John's blue eyes as he looked away into faraway distant horizons.

"I couldn't possibly imagine. I'm the world's worst guesser. Give me facts ..and feelings..and, well, that's different."

"This is the first time I've slept with you and I haven't felt angry and guilty the next day and you know why?"

John gestured to her to let her continue. The floor was Jo's.

"We have spent months in an intimate friendship without you forcing the pace and now that we've slept together, the morning after feels better than ever. This was the way it was always supposed to feel. No guilt, no insecurity and we're feeling closer to each other."

"So where do we go from now on? This is unknown terrirory for both of us." John asked.

Jo remained silent as she did her best to clear her thoughts and seek inspiration so that they didn't make the same mistakes that they'd made previously, causing there to be bitter discord, especially knowing John's past told her to be cvareful getting close to John too quickly.

"I think we need to take things slowly," Jo said at last."We've been here before and things have gone wrong. I want us to be sure that everything will work out fine and that we communicate with each other in every way possible. it seems foolishly romantic but for the first time, I do believe that it's possible."

For once in his life, John could find no words to frame his feelings of intensity that at last he was coming home after all his strange Jo was mapping out for them felt tenuous but promised a future between them. He laid his head on Jo's breasts and let himself be held and gently caressed. This was where he had always wanted to be. He felt so good about both of them and the morning dreamily passed through sunlit streams of light, utterly divorced from time.

"I hope you don't mind but I've got a very curious request to make of you," John said in diffident tones as he finished off a cold cup of coffee, ages later in time..

"That sounds ominous," Jo said playfully yet she spotted the look of panic in his eyes." Go ahead and tell me. After all, we're old friends."

"I, er, I was thinking of phoning Nikki and Helen to tell them of our good fortune," John said at last in sheepish tones." I know they've always known that I haven't been as happy as I should have been while they've found each other as soulmates."

"Of course you can," Jo said, a warm smile spreading across her face as she kissed him." Sorry, excuse the breadcrumbs. I'm glad that you've been direct with me and come out and said it. You're learning, John."

Thus it was that on a sunny May morning, Helen's mobile rang just at the point when life carried on quite as normal.

"John here, I hope I'm not disturbing you?"

"That's brilliant news, John," Helen exclaimed loudly down the phone as John told her the good news. She relayed the news briefly to an instantly excited Nikki." Nikki and I are so happy for you. You'll both get the chance of some happiness in our lives. God knows, you've given so much to others."

"I have?" John asked questioningly. Images of the private hurt he'd inflicted on those dearest to him collided with the consciousness within him that, yes he had fought hard for justice and people had benefited from his mercy. It seemed unreal to him that he would get some of the mercy he handed out to others. .

"Of course you have. You're Superman and even us lesbians that hang out at Chix see you that way. Now John, you're not going to forget everything Nikki and I have ever told you?" Helen said in almost stern, nannyish tones with a lurking note of affection in it.

"No mum, I wouldn't dream of doing it. I think that I've just scraped through the extremely exacting Nikki and Helen course in human relationships."

Jo could hear the conversation perfectly clearly from where she was standing and she laughed out loud at the bantering exchange while sensing the depth of human warmth and affection emanating down the phone.

"You're going to be all right from now on. Trust me, John. I can't say how happy I am for you and Jo. You both deserve everything you've worked for."

"Which means that all your friends will hear the good news in double quick time. Don't get me wrong, Helen, I don't mind in the least," John retorted, his tone of voice veering between the playful and heartfelt.

"Of course, John. Did you expect anything else? They'll all be pleased as well."

Jo put her arms round John from behind and embraced him. At last after all these years, they could lay claim to have had finally found each other.


	42. Chapter 42

**Scene Forty-Two**

The next day, the ever-observant Coope saw John Deed come into his chambers with a spring in his step and phone the florists to order a special bunch of flowers for Mrs Mills. She saw the peace and contentment written all over his face and was glad for him. Unknown to him, his lack of fulfilment in his life had long worried her as she hovered protectively yet discreetly round him.

"Fenner's dead," Nikki said flatly out of nowhere as she put on her seat belt on and Helen's mouth opened with horror." I heard it this afternoon. Do you want to hear the details, Helen?"

"Yes, I definitely do," came the emphatic reply.

"Then switch off the engine," Nikki said in a controlled tone of voice. Helen had picked Nikki up from work and they were about to head on home. It was a blazing hot June day and the car was slightly shaded by the canopy of leaves from the tree.

"This hasn't hit the press yet as I've heard it on the grapevine from a mate of mine that deals with men's prisons. We divide up prisons that way, not because either Pete or I are sexist but we've figured out that men's prisons and women's prisons pose a completely different set of problems so we specialise. The word is that he hanged himself in his cell late last night. Pete reckons – and I'm sure he's right- that being an ex-screw, pardon my expression, was the top and bottom of it."

"My God," Helen exclaimed as she put her hand over her mouth. "There but for the grace of God and all that."

"And justice, babes," insisted Nikki, laying her hand comfortingly on her partner's shoulder."I know what you are thinking. You got picked on by the establishment partly out of vindictiveness and partly as they were too dumb to consider that an 'ex con' might be smart. Fenner got justly sent down after years when his abuses had been protected and covered up by the insular and corrupt prison service regime."

"You're right, Nikki," Helen said at last after a long silence during which she mulled things over. Part of the problem was in dealing with the feelings she was expected to have as opposed to her gut instinct of goodbye Fenner, good riddance and rot in hell.

"How do I feel about it? I'm as shocked as anyone that a life has got trashed like this but think about it. The bastard had always managed to use the system to protect himself. He trashed himself a long time ago and anyone who got caught up in his schemes. In prison, he was right out in the open with nowhere to go."

"I don't want to think too much about him," Helen said in determined tones. She couldn't help thinking that Nikki had been in the same boat once and held up better than this, only she was too modest to mention it. "He was the bane of my life, your life and Karen's. This is the end of a chapter. He'll stop haunting us now. We've got our moment of destiny now. Let's head on to the clinic for the moment of truth."

Those words drove away any lingering thought of the past as possibilities of the future started to beckon. The grim reality of death and the promise of burgeoning life coexisted side by side for no clear purpose. After months of thinking and hospital appointments, Helen was going to have a pregnancy test. Both women much preferred the wisdom of the medical profession to pronounce judgment rather than use a 'test yourself' kit. Very unusually, they didn't want that kind of responsibility and input into their lives. Finally, Helen swung their car into the small, enclosed car park. They fumbled around with locking up the car and taking their papers with them and clattered down the corridor to their destination. They held each other's hand nervously, their throats dry. Finally, they were both called into the consulting room by the white-gowned professional. They took their seats, their eyes fixed on her eyes.

"I have the best news possible. The pregnancy test is positive. You're about to be mothers. I give you my heartiest congratulations."

Both women's mouths dropped and their eyes shone like stars. They clutched each other's hands, shot up from their chairs and gave out a loud simultaneous squeal of pleasure. They couldn't believe their good fortune to have struck lucky first time.

"We're really, really grateful for all the hard work done by your hospital. This means the world to us," Helen said, her voice trembling with emotion.

"It's as if we've been going through these operations and never believed that Helen would conceive a child this way," breathed Nikki."It's something we've read about but never thought possible until it's happened."

"You'll need to spend a few days getting used to the idea but you can guess that there will be ante natal classes. I suppose that both of you will want to consider going to them."

"Yes, yes," both women said excitedly, very much touched by the kindness and consideration being given to them.

"I can see that you're really committed to having a baby together and it helps make my job worthwhile. Too often, I get to see young single woman who've come here after a Saturday night out getting drunk and encountering some random stranger."

The two women became suddenly aware of the human being behind the professional mask. She really was giving them all the encouragement they needed. They floated on cloud nine, with intense blue sunny skies above them and nothing to interfere. Time stood still for both women at this point.

A few miles away, Bodybag was gloomily looking forward to a day of public humiliation. That Atkins woman had finally served her sentence, astonishingly with no loss of remission. Right till the end, she had been apparently well behaved but with a twinkle in her eye as if to know that there was nothing she could do to stop her getting out. She heaved a long weary sigh. Jim had been the only one who could keep her in line and she bitterly regretted that he hadn't foolishly thrown away his career and his pension by going off the rails. They went back a long way and, even with everything that had happened, she still missed him. Di was all right, good company, but she hadn't got his common sense. She was too likely to go off on one. She was starting to go through the inventory of goods that had been stowed away when she first came to Larkhall and that was a job and a half. It was almost as if she was doing it to spite her.

"Now Julies, when I'm no longer here, you know what I've taught you to keep everyone in line. Now Denny's in an open prison, Babs has got out to marry her fella, there aren't too many of the original 'gang of six' still around, not counting Nikki of course."

"We won't forget, Vonne," Julie Saunders said firmly." You get out there and you enjoy yourself for us."

Yvonne's brash veneer showed signs of crumbling. She was all choked up at the thought of who she'd be leaving behind. Now she knew how Nikki felt, all that time ago, when she first got her release." Thanks, Julies," she finally said in hoarse tones.

"What about me?" Kris demanded with a touch of aggression. Yvonne and the Julies rolled their eyes but Yvonne patiently explained.

"You're coming on, Kris. You've learnt not to shoot your mouth off. You're tough enough, agreed, but you see how the Julies handle things and keep learning. Who knows what head case gets landed here, after all."

"We won't let you down," Julie Saunders said firmly though she and Julie Johnson thought for some daft reason that she was preparing for her funeral. She wasn't of course but was going to get reunited with her Lauren.

"Yvoone, Yvonne, Yvonne," the whole wing chanted, women looking down from the railings on the twos and the threes, beside the assembled crowd. Everyone's attention was grabbed by the medium sized woman, dressed in her habitual brightly patterned T shirt and black leathers and her smouldering eyes cast their gaze kindly on her friends and fiercely on her enemies. The Julies walked behind her, carrying her two plastic bags while Yvonne hugged her friends and acquaintances. Everyone knew her in Larkhall. Finally Frances Myers and Colin Hedges shook her hand and exchanged compliments.

At this moment, the gates swung wide open for her while the Julies stood there. This was as far as they would get. This was an emotional moment and they hugged their friend and held them for a long while. Bodybag glared and watched this all contemptuously. Suddenly, Yvonne had a bright idea.

"My Lauren's out there by the gates. Seeing as none of mates can give me a hand, might I have some help? These bags are bleeding heavy," Yvonne called out loudly

"Sylvia, you can help," Frances Myers said promptly.

"You mean me? What about my back?"

"You've had back trouble for years. It won't hurt you," came the snap reply while all the prisoners hooted and cheered. This was a real send off in style.

Going through the gates, a complaining Bodybag trailing after her, huffing and puffing. Yvonne sensed for the first time, the wide-open spaces and the sunshine. Lauren's wide-open arms and smiling face awaited her, together with her car that she'd almost forgotten about. God, there was so much waiting for her, she thought in the haze of sentimentality that had been denied to her for so long. She didn't know where to begin.

"So John," rumbled John Channing with a sharp look in his eye and a broad smile." You are going to settle down to respectability after all these years, are you?"

Both Monty and Jo Mills laughed loudly at this witticism and John smilingly rode with the joke at his own expense.

"I shall, of course, continue to be a thorn in the flesh in the establishment. Why should I give up such a pleasure after all these years? Both Jo and George will, in their separate ways, watch over me and try to ensure that I don't push things too far."

"At which they will fail of course," laughed Monty.

"I'll regret Jo not appearing before me in court but I have to recognise that after all these years, the pupil teacher relationship is dead and buried. She is quite capable of holding her own. Of course, I shall have a harmonious relationship in court with George."

"So she will be the blue eyes girl in future," laughed Monty.

"Both George and I have blue eyes," Jo cut in pertly." It's just that we've realised that we have more in common than we ever thought we had. We're both pretty relaxed around each other these days."

"I feel that for years, I've simply overlooked someone who's been under my eyes for years and, worse, I've been pretty insensitive in relationships close up. I must give Nikki and Helen a lot of credit for sitting me down and getting me to see things right. Somehow, they've both had the knack of pitching things just about right, of offering strength and sympathy. It's taken me a lot of listening to them to finally get things right so that I think I'm ready for Jo right now."

Jo leant against John, resting her head on his shoulder. It wasn't normal for her to publicly admit such feelings of anything that might smack of emotional dependency but she knew that the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with wasn't the man she had known for so long. All she could think of was that everything felt right.

"You'll do fine, Nikki," commented Paul Armstrong when she bashfully admitted to him the splendid news. "You and Helen will be great mothers. Anything you both turn your hands to, you'll succeed at." He was touched that Nikki came to him so quickly to give him the good news. Nikki had let drop odd hints of her and Helen's plans for a family and he had waited for Nikki to tell him in her own good time.

"Thanks, Paul. Thanks a lot," Nikki said with heartfelt emotion at the plain and simple way he expressed himself before proceeding more cautiously. "We're still both up high in the air. We've got nine months to figure out how it will change our lives. This is the biggest commitment we've ever made in our lives."

"Doesn't any prospective parent go through the same concerns? You think that every other parent is super confident and naturally maternal?" Paul asked in easy tones.

"You keep saying that to me from time to time in the next few months, Paul. I'd appreciate that," Nikki said in joky tones

"Your baby will give you and Helen that bit more to fight for, that he or she will emerge into a better world that we can create. You're certainly doing fine right now."

Nikki smiled more freely. She had settled down into her daily routine of research since the high drama of the last two trials.

"Come on, Nikki. Let's grab some fresh air outside," Paul said in kindly tones.

They walked out through the solid old wooden doors and faced the street, The area of cobblestones in the courtyard sloped down slightly to the pavement. Nikki leant against a large ash tree just outside their building which cast welcome shade in summer. The warm summer breeze blew around them. Everything around them was calm and tranquil.

"How long have you lived in London now, Nikki?"

How long indeed? She had come here when she was sixteen to seek her lifestyle and her fortune. Now, nearly twenty years on, she felt she had got what she wanted. Along with Helen, she was about to be a mother. She had a circle of friends of all descriptions, who would queue up to, help usher in a new life into this world. Over her head, the fresh green leaves seemed to encapsulate her mellow mood. They made a shifting vibrant pattern through which pierced shafts of illuminating sunlight. A golden glow of well being and a sunny summer afternoon bathed her in a sense of well-being and centred on where her life should go. Life felt good to her now and, not least, she mentally blessed that remarkable principled man who yet again gave Helen and her that chance of fresh life. She did think she, Helen and their child to be deserved some good breaks out of life. Surely it was not much for them to ask for.

THE END


End file.
